Clips From TBTL #1936

Luke: “And we’re going to bring you all the news that’s fit to podcast”

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Luke: “Anyone who I believe to be an actual human being, with hopes and dreams. The hopes, apparently, and dreams being to be Facebook friends with me.”

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Luke: “But it’s definitely zigging when everything else is zigging.”

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Luke: “Ernest Borgnine is somewhere, pleasuring himself”

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Luke: “I made like a small curtain of hair that was hanging below a bobby pin. And then, I had my girlfriend at that time and my daughter carefully bobby pin it into the base of my head, and it was flawless.”

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Luke: “I’m like a kid who’s not cool, but who’s trying to pretend they’re cool. Like, I go like, ‘Oh no man, swear all you want. We use F word all the time, it’s pretty much the only thing we say.'”

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Luke: “If I wasn’t using up so much money on my cocaine habit, it would’ve been money for him to keep being the Infinite Guest blogger.”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Luke recalling how his boss, back when he was a teen, said good bye on a good day

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Luke: “Stu-bot. Hey man!”

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Luke: “That was my adult film name when I dabbled in my early 20s. They called me Chestnut Thunder…”

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Luke: “That’s one more hour. Why don’t you make five louder? Umm, this one goes to six.”

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Luke and Steve Neuman: Hip to be Square

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Luke and Steve Neuman: “It was the same summer that I had gotten somebody pregnant but nobody knew about it. Except the other person who was the person that was pregnant. She was fairly up to speed on the situation, it turned out (Yes)”

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Luke and Steve Neuman: “Like shave an American flag into the nape of my neck hair. Oh my God.”

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Luke and Steve Neuman: Singing the “Segram’s Golden Wine Cooler” song from the ad with Bruce Willis

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Luke and Steve Neuman: “You know, I always think Andrew is being a baby when he says he can’t write stuff down. But now, I’m trying to write something down and talk, and it’s harder than I thought. It’s really hard to do!”

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Steve Neuman: “Might make some tacos later”

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Steve Neuman: “Oh my God”

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Steve Neuman: “Ooh, Charlie Sheen is in it!”

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Steve Neuman: “Well you know, when you’re unemployed, Luke, every day is your weekend.”

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Steve Neuman and Luke: “Did it have a funky name? Oh, I’m sure. Like Chestnut Thunder. Right, right.”

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Steve Neuman and Luke: “I’m just going to start reading off the list of all of the actors and actresses in it… Oh, I see, I see you’ve heard this show before. Yes… Ooh, Charlie Sheen is in it!”

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Steve Neuman and Luke: Possible show title: Timescape

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Steve Neuman and Luke: “Twins.com, which is owned by these two Barney Rubble looking motherfuckers. Oh my God!”

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Clips From TBTL #1935

With Andrew making his trek to Ohio, Luke brought Jesse Case of the Jesse vs Cancer podcast to be a guest on the show.

Jesse Case: And kind of danger makes people horny

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Jesse Case: “I want it to be legitimate. I don’t want any pity hand jobs, I don’t want any pity laughter.”

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Jesse Case: Philosophically, everything about cancer is fucking awesome

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Jesse Case: “Pity laughter scares the show out of me”

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Jesse Case and Luke: Pro-tip about bringing lube to a prostate exam

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Jesse Case and Luke: “What they do, the way they get rid of colon tumors is they actually tie a string around it and the other end to a door knob. And then… Just like how my granddad used to pull my mom’s teeth out when they were loose.”

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Luke: “And his name is… I have it right here, wait for it… don’t go anywhere. His name is…”

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Luke: “And then she writes, ‘Soli Deo Gloria’, which, I think, means ‘I still love the show, even though a lot of what you say is offensive to me’… in Latin.”

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Luke: “Andrew is out today and tomorrow. He is traveling to the Walsh ancestral estate in the Frisbee belt of Cleveland, Ohio.”

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Luke: “Gassing up in Bismarck, North Dakota, a surprising hip town filled with surprisingly attractive people. No offense to Bismarck, I just didn’t know going in that you were going to have such attractive men and women working at your local Starbucks.”

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Luke: “I wish I could have told my, my pores on my face during high school to relax about the small amount of bacteria that’s building up in my sebum glands. I mean, that was, pretty much ruled my life, my terrible skin.”

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Luke: Luke describes using egg whites as a home remedy for curing bad acne

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