Clips From TBTL #2531

Andrew: “American Public Media. God bless them… for employing me”

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Andrew: “And, you’re holding this giant, inflatable gavel!”

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Andrew: “And… and, you don’t have access to that, Luke Burbank; because; we try to keep you at arm’s length”

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Andrew: “Anyway, I’m glad that I could make this about me”

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Andrew: Drawn out “Me too”

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Andrew: “I say this with love”

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Andrew: “I’m actually trying to think now if I’m a hypocrite”

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Andrew: “I’m uncomfortable”

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Andrew: “It is just systems on systems on systems over there”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Maybe I have to put the periods–Oh, you have to put the periods in there! Okay”

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Andrew: “Not all heroes have Itasca”

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Andrew: “You know me… I’m such a grumpster”

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Andrew and Luke: “I gotta not read my company e-mail… (What!?) during the intro of the show”

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Andrew and Luke: “I have a doctor’s appointment coming up; and, they just want to remind me of it. Is it in a sanctuary city?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Okay, Luke, are you ready for this? Ya. I need to make sure you’re ready for this”

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Andrew and Luke: Reacting to a fear-mongering political robocall Luke received while taping the show

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Luke: “Dang it!”

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Luke: Getting a little too Scientological while thanking the Donors of the Day

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Luke: “Grandpa B doesn’t know how to do this anymore”

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Luke: “He was… kind of… Johnny-not-on-the-spot”

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Luke: “Is this annoying?”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Saying “And, we’ve got our show title that nobody will get, but I will love” in a staccato manner

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Luke: Saying “Croissant” in an overly-done French Accent

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Luke: Saying “My Jenny” as Forrest Gump

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Luke: Saying “Restaurant” in an overly-done French Accent

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Luke: “Show bro to co-bro”

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Luke: “So… Doctor Hammer-Judge”

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Luke: “That’s where I’m playing my Doog music from!”

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Luke: “The co-bro who po the show”

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Luke: “You ready, Rudy? Dang it! You know, you put the buffalo… chicken-flavored deli meat back in the refrigerator… be surprised at how quick your Pod-dog abandons you!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I said, ‘Waltham’ right too, right? It’s pronounced, ‘Worcester’. Thank you for setting me up for that joke”

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Luke and Andrew: “You down with ICC? You down with ICC?”

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Luke and Andrew: “You know what that was, Andrew? Huh. That was, that was filtering! (That was filtering) Wow! That’s a first (That was discretion)”

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Clips From TBTL #2530: No Point Conversion Edition

Andrew: “All y’all”

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Andrew: “And, I know I’m gonna get the details wrong on this”

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Andrew: Andrew wanted to take things out and watch the world burn after the Browns lost against the Packers

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Andrew: “Are you kidding me?”

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Andrew: “Aww… where’s my cookie?”

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Andrew: “I just didn’t need that”

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Andrew: “I was really angry at the Browns yesterday”

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Andrew: “I’d… I’d know how to take a fucking Browns loss in stride”

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Andrew: “I’ve never rooted so hard for another team in my life”

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Andrew: “Nasty!”

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Andrew: “Oh my God… what a bonehead”

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Andrew: “Only time I run is when I run to get another pizza!”

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Andrew: Saying “Bye” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Snorting Quietly

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Andrew: “Talk about getting nasty”

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Andrew: Thinking Sound

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Andrew: “This is the best moment in No Point Conversion history… Do tell. What’s happening over there?”

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Andrew and Carey Burbank: Andrew trying to weasel his way out of the discussion about Luke’s butt, citing HR

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Andrew and Carey Burbank: “Happy birthday, Carey. Oh, thanks, Andrew! Yeah”

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Andrew and Luke: “Okay, look at me. I got all the details right… You did! Aww… where’s my cookie?”

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Andrew, Luke and Carey Burbank: “Is that Carey from the basement? It’s Carey from the side room. Don’t get it twisted, Andrew. (Hey Carey from the side room) That’s David.”

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Carey Burbank: “Having a hard time taking you seriously with… your legs crossed, with those pants on… right now”

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Carey Burbank: “My brain is bad”

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Carey Burbank: Saying “Just so you know, like, I–I don’t… I’m not gonna make this whole day… about… football watching or, you know, the Seahawks” as Luke

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Carey Burbank: Snorting

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Carey Burbank and Luke: Laughing

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Carey Burbank and Luke: “Looking is free. Touching will cost ya. That’s right”

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Carey Burbank, Andrew and Luke: “You’re still way more intense than… anyone else I’ve ever watched sports with. Can I jump in (Maybe, I’m just better at it) here for a second? You’re such an asshole”

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Carey Burbank, Luke and Andrew: “Just so you know, like, I–I don’t… I’m not gonna make this whole day… about… football watching or, you know, the Seahawks. That’s how I sound like? Yes. Dead on. Wait, who’s talking right now?”

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Carey Burbank, Luke and Andrew: “Well, first of all, we were celebrating my birthday… That is a good point. (early.) Happy birthday. And, you had said… Thanks… it’s not actually ’til Sunday, but thanks. I probably won’t remember on Sunday; so, can we… accept this one? Yes. Thank you.”

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Luke: “Actually, honestly, my legs and my butt are the only parts of my body that I don’t actively loathe”

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Luke: “And, Michael Bennett, who I, kind of, think is a dingus”

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Luke: “Can we… can, can… can… like, we have a picture… of my firm, firm apple… in these beautiful ballet running pants… as the show pic today, I think is the real question”

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Luke: Cute Chuckle

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Luke: “Holy shit! This is happening!”

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Luke: “I think I have a cute butt!”

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Luke: “Rank my butt”

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Luke: “Well, here’s the thing”

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Luke and Andrew: “Like… what David said this morning… David… DTFB… Mmm-hmm. David from the basement”

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Luke and Carey Burbank: Chuckling

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Luke and Carey Burbank: Luke has a cute butt and wants Carey to rate his butt

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Luke, Carey Burbank and Andrew: Luke is wearing stretchy pants and has his legs crossed; and, Carey thinks he looks ridiculous

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Clips From TBTL #2530

Andrew: “And, I promise you, I’m not butthurt about this”

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Andrew: “And, listen, nobody likes seeing roadkill… well, I guess some people do… Dahmer!”

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Andrew: “But, wow! Am I glad Genevieve doesn’t ask me to do this. Well, she probably would; if, she knew I wasn’t such a pain in the ass”

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Andrew: Cute Laugh

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Andrew: “Did I say wife? I meant sister”

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Andrew: “Everybody look at me and my crazy retro pants I’m walking in here”

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Andrew: “Hey… I was acquitted!”

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Andrew: “How ya doing!?”

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Andrew: “Hunh… that surprises me”

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Andrew: “I cracked myself up with that one”

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Andrew: “I don’t care what you do”

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Andrew: “I don’t know why you gotta bring robots into this; but, whatever”

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Andrew: “Is there a word for somebody who is a vegetarian when they’re sober?”

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Andrew: Saying the TBTL voicemail line number while simulating cutting in and out

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Andrew: “Thank you for such a kind, kind introduction, Luke”

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Andrew: “That sounds like my… worst… nightmare. That combines so many things that makes me, that make me uncomfortable. It is… it is upsetting to even hear about”

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Andrew: “Well, whatever”

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Andrew: “Well, who are we?”

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Andrew: “Yeah, I don’t know. When I say you should, I don’t mean that in a finger-waggy way”

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Andrew: “You’re Burbank and Walsh!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Yeah, I still this have this [sic] vague (No) feeling that what I said was shitty”

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Andrew and Luke: “You know who got me to like purple, Luke? Hmm. The Joker”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: Cute Laugh

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Luke: “God help me”

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Luke: “Harness the power of my dislike for prosciutto”

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Luke: “Here’s the thing with purple”

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Luke: “I am… the biggest hypocrite of all time”

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Luke: “I was the one who said it”

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Luke: “I’m in a kind of a… I’m in a little bit of a… a confused state right now”

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Luke: “I’ve been called worse!!!”

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Luke: “Look out, hot dog! There’s a new food product that we like to talk about endlessly.”

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Luke: “Peace and love”

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Luke: Saying “Ha-ha-ha… Because, ha-ha… Oh hi, Donny” as Tommy Wiseau

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Luke: “That’s… insane!”

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Luke: “This is so bad, by the way”

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Luke: “You ready, Rudy? Wait! She’s down the hall… Well, she’ll make it in here at some point”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke saying “Yeah, now I need to take that break. Alright… quick break. When we come back, I’ll wrap up this… fascinating, fascinating ham story. Look out, hot dog! There’s a new food product that we like to talk about endlessly.” and Andrew laughing

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Luke and Andrew: Making a callback, and a jab, at my request to play “In The Year 2525” on last week’s show

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Luke and Andrew: “We’ve got a No Point Conversion coming up… in just a moment… all of you, other than Linh Pham… Noted enemy of the TBTL No Point Conversion (Just lighten up, Linh!) God! That’s a good show title (‘Lighten up, Linh’)”

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Clips From TBTL #2529

Andrew: “And, apparently… he knows about TBTL!”

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Andrew: “And, I look like I am in a some sort of… cosplay for blue-collar America”

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Andrew: “Apologies for making… farty noises with my lips into the microphone there”

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Andrew: “Cuz, I’m pretty schlubby when I leave the house anyway”

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Andrew: “Get me inside my public radio bubble… stat!”

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Andrew: “Hand-clappy, but not boot-stompy”

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Andrew: “Here’s a story that won’t pay off”

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Andrew: “Hey, Luke. Is it too early, I’m not gonna say, ‘for a fish sandwich'”

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Andrew: “I don’t know if this is super interesting; but, I just wanted to tell you. So, I figured I’d might as well tell you on mic; because, it’s interesting to me, dammit”

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Andrew: “I’m so sorry for what I’m about to do”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Or… whatever”

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Andrew: Quiet “Ding!”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “Yeah, that’s hand-clappy and boot-stompy”

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Andrew: “Yeah!! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Alright, I won’t read the whole thing. Please, don’t. I’ll be mortified”

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Andrew and Luke: “Can I ask you a question? Yes. Why don’t you just write it on the back of your hands, like I do”

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Andrew and Luke: “Dude, there’s a Trans Am that’s cyberbullying me right now. To within an inch of your life! You know those Trans Ams grew up to be cyberbullies. Of course!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Everybody’s got some sort of… dumbass web-azine, like… You know we’re a borderline dumbass web-azine. I know, but we don’t prank people!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I have an update… do you want me to hold it? Hold the update”

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Andrew and Luke: “You could’ve borrowed the human blanket… you’re in town… You know how we have the cat blanket and the human blanket? Oh, God! I thought your new nickname for yourself was ‘The Human Blanket'”

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Listeners: Listeners leaving voicemail messages

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Luke: “And… I know this is, like, the height of laziness”

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Luke: “Any vaguely white blob”

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Luke: “Happy to report: I didn’t cry”

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Luke: “I gotta dance with what brung me… and, and, rampant insecurity is what brung me”

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Luke: “I think you’re meowing up the wrong cat condo”

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Luke: “My chin is like an isosceles triangle”

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Luke: “My tootsies were freezin’. My nose was freezin’; and, also, my hands was freezin'”

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Luke: “One bro… bro-ing it up”

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Luke: Singing the McDonald’s jingle and saying “You’re likin’ it”

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Luke: “The greatest hits… from the 20s, 30s… 40s, 50s, and 70s… and Genesis!”

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Luke: “This is gonna be one of those shows that’s either going to be magical or tragical… as far as my contribution goes”

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Luke: “We are going to record… just a… a bushelful… of TBTL… holiday spesh… An entire week of holiday spesh”

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Luke: “Well, I’m doing two things that are kinda cheaty”

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Luke and Andrew: “My theory is that Jerky Boys sold one cassette tape… And, everybody taped it? And then, everybody else in America was working off of a dub of a dub of a dub of a dub”

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Luke and Andrew: “What would Andrew Walsh’s… finishing move; would it be called, ‘The Apology’? Yes, it would! I’m so sorry for what I’m about to do”

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Clips From TBTL #2528

Andrew: “Are you feeling more… more present today… or whatever?”

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Andrew: Beeping along with the Doogie Howser, M.D. theme

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Andrew: “Boy… boy am I a dork”

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Andrew: “Can you give us a briefy?”

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Andrew: Chuckling

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Andrew: “Don’t force that joke, Luke”

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Andrew: “Fork, I’m home!”

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Andrew: Funny, drawn out “What?”

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Andrew: “‘Hey, I listen to your show!’ …Thanks”

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Andrew: “I haven’t effed anything up yet”

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Andrew: “I think… now that I’m saying it out loud… that my dad might have been involved… with some Russian spies”

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Andrew: “I took a sip of orange juice today… Yes, right from the… the bottle. Don’t tell Genevieve”

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Andrew: “I’m getting broken again, Luke. I’m getting broken again!”

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Andrew: “Inapropes”

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Andrew: “Let’s keep it Christian”

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Andrew: “Lucy, I’m home, baby!”

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Andrew: “Lucy, I’m home!!”

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Andrew: “Lucy… I’m home”

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Andrew: “Luke, I am your father”

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Andrew: “Oh, no. No, no, no. No!”

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Andrew: Singing “Hello, Burbank. I said hello”

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Andrew: “That was my imitation of Seinfeld. See, I do imitations too, by the way”

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Andrew: “Wow, you never know… I… literally never know what’s gonna come out of my face… when I start the show with you”

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Andrew: “You don’t even know all of the lyrics to ‘The Soft Parade’. You don’t even know if the monk bought lunch!! Are you kidding me!?”

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Andrew: “You’re gonna get the Yelp! review of a lifetime!!!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Like, in what universe did Papa Bear meet Mama Bear? (Like, in a…) Law enforcement conference?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Okay, I got… let’s do two more quickies, okay? Are you okay on time? Yeah”

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Luke: “Actually, I think I’m wrong about that”

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Luke: “Because, the actual… receipt was trapped inside the Avis… web underneath… upside-down… underworld… underdog, whatever you call it”

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Luke: “Everything in moderation, including moderation”

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Luke: “Everything is right… these days at Burbank Springs”

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Luke: “Fuck, this was a hill!?”

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Luke: “He is the longest running co-bro of the pro”

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Luke: “How is it gramamas always got money; they ain’t got no job”

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Luke: “I’m just gonna say it, okay? This is so mean to… to beautiful people in the world”

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Luke: “Interesante”

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Luke: “Like, I just say this whole dribble-drabble about you”

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Luke: “Lucy, you go’ some ‘splainin’ a-do”

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Luke: “No… I am your father!”

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Luke: “One of those regrettable breakfast decisions”

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Luke: “Please don’t let this lead to a porno site when I search, ‘Berenstain Bears fingertips'”

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Luke: Saying “He told me enough! He told me you killed him!” as Luke Skywalker

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Luke: Saying “Hey, everybody, this is Luke Skywalker speaking… He told me enough… He told me you killed him” as a pilot over a PA system

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Luke: Saying “I dunno why I said that” in a gruff manner

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Luke: Saying “Live Wire” in a funny manner

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Luke: Saying “Oh hi, Tommy” as Tommy Wiseau

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Luke: Singing “Skipping on those nightshades”

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Luke: “This is making our Star Wars aficionados insane”

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Luke and Andrew: “By the way… they’ll confiscate my Rudy guns from my cold, dead hands. It’s in the Constitution!”

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Luke and Andrew: “New York Jersey!? New York Jersey?”

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Clips From TBTL #2527

Andrew: “And, people… use those bathrooms, man!”

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Andrew: “Ha!!!”

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Andrew: “Hello, Luke! This meat tent… is just for one, I’m afraid”

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Andrew: “Hey, no sound effect? No e-mail”

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Andrew: “I am gonna answer this question… because, I’m gonna be, ‘Yes, and'”

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Andrew: “I didn’t know what a virgin was”

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Andrew: “I will do anything… for a middle seat… but, I won’t do that”

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Andrew: “It could have been years and years and years ago; but, everybody wants to avoid the shit pit”

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Andrew: “It’s my tonight meat tent”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Maybe I’m just scared of the word, ‘massage'”

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Andrew: “Oh, crap”

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Andrew: “Okay, that’s all boring”

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Andrew: “Really?”

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Andrew: Sighing and saying “I don’t know, man” in a dejected manner

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Andrew: Singing “Chrome River” and saying “Sorry, go ahead. Sorry”

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Andrew: Singing “I can’t dance. I can’t walk”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: Snorting #2

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Andrew: “That came out like I was busting your balls”

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Andrew: “There’s a special way of handling Lukes and Andrews”

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Andrew: “They just want to make sure everything’s cool with the cool cat”

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Andrew: “Yeah, I dunno”

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Andrew: “Yeah!!!”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew saying “You are an entertainer” and Luke Laughing

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew singing “Chrome River” and Luke saying “I shit you not”

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Luke: “And, the spell… is broken”

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Luke: “Hey, look, it’s me from ten years ago!”

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Luke: “I wanna quit while I’m ahead”

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Luke: “I… borrowed-slash-probably stole… in that I borrowed, but didn’t ask”

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Luke: “I’ll be honest with you”

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Luke: “I’m asking myself, ‘Do they hate me? Are they annoyed with me?'”

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Luke: “I’m such a dingus!”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Let’s… three-sink–three-sixty slam… dunk… the boringness on this show”

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Luke: “North of a Chrome River, south of a firmware”

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Luke: Saying “Delta Airlines, Boeing 757-200… Registration N727TW… Performing flight DL453, New York JFK, New York to Seattle, Washington, USA” as a pilot over a PA system

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Luke: “Wait. What!?!”

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Luke: “We’re really sorry. We’re having… some problems with the… firmware… in the john”

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Luke: “Yeah, right”

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Luke: “You ready, doggins? Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry I’m intruding on your sleep”

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Luke and Andrew: “By the way… sorry, this is… this is… Awful?”

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