Author: Linh Pham

One of the listeners sent in a voicemail containing a portion of a discussion from a previous show that has been chopped and screwed.

Chopped and Screwed Clip of TBTL

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Andrew: “Congratulations on being super cool”

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Andrew: “Deus ex Bergamont? [sic]“

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Andrew: Drawn out “Okay”

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Andrew: “I’m sorry; but, you know it, baby!”

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Andrew: “Oh, no! Luke burned himself!”

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Andrew: “She’s an… English Breakfast kinda gal. And, I’m an Earl Grey kinda guy”

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Andrew: “So many e-mails. So many v-mails.”

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Andrew: “The Chuckle and The Hen”

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Andrew: “This is our sandbox. This is where we get to try out all kinds of bad show ideas”

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Andrew: “Well, you brought it up!”

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Andrew: “Who are the lucky winners, Luke? Who are the lucky sons of guns?”

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Andrew: “Would you say that you’re a, you’re a Poochie in a world of Flanders?”

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Andrew: “You know it, baby!”

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Andrew and Luke: Getting a shout out re taking a photo of Luke’s skateboard at Live Wire

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Luke: “And, I, I think I got a little confused… this is gonna sound like I’m trying to be funny: there is no bread involved, right?”

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Luke: “Aw, shit, man”

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Luke: “Deus ex bad idea”

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Luke: “God! This… tea is amazing!”

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Luke: “Goofy-footed stale-fish”

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Luke: “Homie don’t play that”

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Luke: “I burned the living shit out of my hands”

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Luke: “I don’t even know what that means!”

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Luke: “I know that’s a lot of ‘T’s, dude”

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Luke: “I wasn’t even supposed to be here today!”

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Luke: “I’m… Marty McFly… right now!”

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Luke: “It got real planes-y, trains-y and… automobiles-y?”

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Luke: “Lookin’s free. Touching will cost ya”

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Luke: “Peace and love”

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Luke: “Scandahoovian”

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Luke: “Skateboard to Vodka Town”

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Luke: “That part went pretty well, I thought”

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Luke: “Welcome, Luke Burbank”

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Luke: “Where we’re going… we don’t need… firm reservations”

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Luke: “You know it, baby!”

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Luke: “You… are a… show title… machine today!”

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Luke and Andrew: “And, Happy Trucktober to you. Thank you. And you and yours.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Are you saying God wanted me to burn my hands on that… teapot? I think God, along with all of the listeners, want me to stop talking about fighting over tea with Genevieve”

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Luke and Andrew: “Hey, can we do an e-mail frenzy? I am dying to!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I can’t go into the sandbox anymore. That’s where I saw the leprechaun. (Tastes like burnding [sic]) He told me to burn things.”

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Luke and Andrew: Linkin Bizkit

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Luke and Andrew: “Oh, shit! (Um) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow… Uh-oh. Ow!!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Speaking of… something that’s not coffee. Okay… so… how’s that for a… segue (Wow, man!)”

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Luke and Andrew: Tat Talk

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Andrew: “And, I’m not trying to do TMI here”

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Andrew: “But, let me tell you this!”

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Andrew: “Classic bit. Classic bit.”

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Andrew: “Hey, man… how are you doing?”

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Andrew: “I got… I got them… mid-Trucktober blues again, Mama”

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Andrew: “I need a copy editor on this. Who wrote these lines for me… today, by the way?”

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Andrew: “I wish I could’ve said that without… cracking my own damn self up”

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Andrew: “I, I welcome our Susie overlords”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “My blood is up right now. I am… I am livid!”

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Andrew: “Oh, man. We’re vain”

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Andrew: “Pugnacious”

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Andrew: Singing “All your money… on the back of a white… horse”

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Andrew: “Woohoo!”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew is a bit down because Trucktober is halfway through

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Luke: “But, you know what? I probably think this podcast is about me; because, it technically is at least fifty percent about me”

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Luke: “Dave’s not here; he’s pooping on Chong.”

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Luke: “Hello, my dude”

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Luke: “Keep doing what you’re not doing”

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Luke: “That is a wild celebration of life”

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Luke: “Undercover Chong-head”

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Luke: “We are the… we’re the region’s only married podcasting team”

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Luke: “You went to college!? TMI, dude. TMI.”

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Luke and Andrew: “He’s got a beard that looks like what my beard would look like if I grew it; which, is why I don’t grow a beard. Did you say that to him?”

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Luke and Andrew: “I mean, you’re a fan of live theatre and you always have been. (I am) Like, I’m a fan of movies in unexpected places. Have you seen any movies in unexpected places… lately… by the way?”

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Andrew: “Feel free to, you know, shake this off”

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Andrew: “Get off the bridge! Get off the bridge!”

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Andrew: “God, it’s a horrible prank!! I’d be dead!!”

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Andrew: “I almost died watching this!”

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Andrew: “I feel like you’re real close to making a Cards Against Zumanity joke”

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Andrew: “I think I’m trying so hard… to not let my brain turn off, that I’m working too hard and saying weird things”

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Andrew: “I was in the gift store… probably looking at the teddy bears”

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Andrew: “I’m not any of those things”

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Andrew: “I’m not okay with this… at all!”

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Andrew: “Just really blowing through nap time, aren’t we?”

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Andrew: “Oh my God!!!”

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Andrew: “…Or the baseball that I just dropped on the ground… that probably made a big racket”

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Andrew: “PC culture… run amoke”

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Andrew: Quietly saying “Oh my God”

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Andrew: “Rough and rowdy comedians of yesteryear”

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Andrew: “That is criminal”

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Andrew: “This sounds dumb”

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Andrew: “Why!!? God, why!!?”

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Andrew and Luke: “This doesn’t seem okay to me. This doesn’t seem okay… Wow! Really? Yeah.”

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Luke: Andrew is the longest nicknamed co-host of TBTL

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: “Don’t get me talking about beans”

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Luke: “Easy, snowflake”

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Luke: “Everything’s coming up Rouse!”

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Luke: “Homeboy is ninety-five, by the way”

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Luke: “I don’t know if I broke her brain… or what”

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Luke: “I just need a remote control to… stir in the Splenda”

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Luke: “In classic… TBTL form, let’s just get right into the Top Stories… forty-five minutes into the program”

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Luke: “Kumail! It’s Luke!”

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Luke: Saying “Let us pray” in a priestly, sing-songy manner

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Luke: “That’s insane!”

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Luke: “This is so specific… and so loud. In fact, too loud and too specific”

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Luke: “Yee-haw”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m trying to send you a GIF, and I don’t know if it’s gonna GIF when it gets to you; or, if it’s just gonna yiff… [ph] or if it’s gonna spiff (Yeah)”

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Luke and Andrew: “This is gonna sound like I’m about to cyberbully you… Oh, no! Within an inch of my life? (To within an inch of your life)”

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???: Saying “Hold up” in a funny manner

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Andrew: “‘Cuz, I’m not getting any younger over here”

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Andrew: “Ding, ding, ding!”

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Andrew: “Hey… I need a nickname. How come everybody’s got a nickname, except for me?”

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Andrew: “I wanna do something with you that you’re gonna hate; but, I need to j-jam it in here before you… before you”

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Andrew: “I’m all for it. I mean, the listeners will probably gonna be mad at you”

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Andrew: “I’m gagging almost thinking about it”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Oh… sorry, yeah. I’m sorry, I didn’t go with… that wasn’t very ‘Yes, and’ of me. It was just ‘And’. I forgot the ‘Yes’ part! Sorry.”

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Andrew: “Okay… my dad made me upload it. Don’t ask.”

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Andrew: Saying “Crest White Strips” over some trap music

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Andrew: Saying “Dentist. Clean teeth.” over some trap music

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Andrew: Singing “What is love!”

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Andrew: “Sorry, I thought you were a boy, Morgaine”

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Andrew: “The Morgaine… was a woman!”

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Andrew: “Well, ding, ding, ding”

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Andrew: “What are the chances that you can… kinda, keep both dentists and play them off of each other?”

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Andrew: “Whatever, Seven for Ten!”

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Andrew: “Yeah!!!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I wanna do something with you that you’re gonna hate; but, I need to j-jam it (Okay) in here before you… before you… God, you could just take everything you just said in such a weird… sense, if you had a dirty mind. I wanna do (Luckily, you don’t) something you’ll hate, but if we just jam it in there… it’ll be fine.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’m like the heel of TBTL. Not true at all. Not true at all. You’re the… is it the… babyface?”

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Andrew and Luke: Luke lobs a Seven of Nine, Jeri Ryan, Star Trek reference at Andrew

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Andrew and Luke: “Very Portland, you know? You know, they always paint on the street of Portland? Yeah. Hippies.”

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Luke: “Durrrrrr!!!”

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Luke: “Henry the… Whatever!”

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Luke: “Jeopardy’s got a new bad boy”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Making a whistling sound for a correct response

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Luke: Mimicking the Amazon Echo acknowledgement sound

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Luke: “Oh, what!!?”

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Luke: Saying “Powerball!” in same manner as “Fireball!”

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Luke: Singing “Baby, don’t hurt me”

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Luke: “You just got the D, and you got the M, and you got the B”

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Luke: “You’ve been replaced”

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Luke and Andrew: “I got another tight five on Morgana. So… We don’t have a tight five on anything!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I guess it’s good that… that this new person also practices safe sex… (Yeah!) even though, they’re now… porking the love of your life. I don’t know why this got… (I don’t know!) so weird, so fast.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I know the difference, Andrew! (Alright)”

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Luke and Andrew: “No, you’re the babyface. I’m the heel. Okay, (I don’t think that’s even) I’ll take that. I don’t think that’s even up for debate.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Nobody invited you to the trap party. I invited myself to the trap party. You we’re like, ‘I was Genevieve’s plus one… to the trap party! You don’t get to tell me not to come to the trap party'”

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Luke and Andrew: Post-George Washington and Pre-Barack Obama are the Flyover Presidents

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Luke and Andrew: “Wait, are crows and ravens are different? I think so! See, this is why I would lose!!”

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Clips from the No Point Conversion portion of the show will be posted at a later date.

Andrew: “Aren’t you an on-air personality on the network that Charlie Rose is on… you big baby?”

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Andrew: “Happy Trucktober!”

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Andrew: “Holy crap!”

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Andrew: “I didn’t cry once today… I cried multiple times today. That’s not true!”

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Andrew: “I’m all confused”

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Andrew: “Let’s… run this by the Burbank-o-Meter”

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Andrew: “Never! Nurver!”

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Andrew: “Oh, that was episode eight. We’re out. We done.”

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Andrew: “TBTL: The podcast… where we ruin things for you”

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Andrew: “Wait, you grabbed the same thing I grabbed!?”

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Andrew: “Who is right?”

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Andrew and Luke: “I didn’t do a podcast… is what I did. I just (That was it?) refrained, I refrained from talking into a microphone for two whole days”

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Luke: “Aren’t I great?”

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Luke: Cute Laugh

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Luke: “It’s the gift that keeps on not giving”

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Luke: Laughing to something Andre was saying

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Luke: “Now, the evil’s inside them”

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Luke: “Oh, and by the way, you know… I didn’t have to pick up that stuff at the store! But, I… I knew that you were really having a busy day; and, so…! Aren’t I great?”

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Luke: Saying “G’day, mate” in an Australian accent

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Luke: Saying “You call that a chocolate shop?” in an Australian accent

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Luke: “That’s what I’m saying!!”

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Luke: “This is… dumb”

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Luke: “You’re… getting a five apple room… for three-and-a-half apples”

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Luke and Andrew: “I don’t know where you are… but, I have a specific set of skills. I will find you and I will tell you the name of the band Riley is in. Now, do it in an Australian accent and I’ll be happy.”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke saying “You call that a donation?” in an Australian accent and Andrew responding with “Don’t. Don’t.”

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Luke and Andrew: “What, what!? (What!?)”

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Luke and Andrew: “You can’t get the inside of a straw clean! Gross! (No, you cannot)”

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Tongue Clicking

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Andrew: “And then, it’s all over. The dream is over.”

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Andrew: “And to you, I say, ‘Achtung!'”

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Andrew: “Dance card’s a little full this weekend, because… everybody’s gotta get a piece of the Andy”

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Andrew: Drawn out “What?”

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Andrew: “Everybody’s got a goddamn podcast”

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Andrew: Frustrated Andrew is Frustrated

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Andrew: “Honestly, look at the last two months of your life”

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Andrew: “I don’t wanna be your… dancing, knife-fight monkey”

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Andrew: “I mean, the video is ridiculous. I’m gonna close my eyes”

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Andrew: “I really put you on the spot. I can, I can bleep this all out. I can’t cut it out… but, I can just bleep it all out”

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Andrew: “I secretly Shazam’d it”

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Andrew: “I was sliding down rainbows into my book”

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Andrew: “I’m paying attention mostly, too”

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Andrew: “If that came on in the car… I would turn it up… and roll up my windows so nobody heard me”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “No. No. No.”

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Andrew: “Oh, God! Keep it coming, folks. Keep it coming.”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “So, you’re feeling a little gurgly, though”

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Andrew: “The Reading and The Rainbow?”

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Andrew: “We got a hammy down!”

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Andrew: “What if somebody drops the ham? We got a hammy down!”

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Andrew: “Why am I doing that!? You’re promoting your show; and, I’m just pooping on it?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Where’s Burbank? I dunno… he’s probably watching a movie in some unexpected location. You know him. Classic Burbank.”

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Luke: “Boy, oh boy”

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Luke: “Bruh… I’ve been divorced. You’re gonna spend four thousand over that bed pan”

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Luke: “For sharks”

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Luke: “Looking… at one side, looking at the other side… looking at the other side, looking at the other side”

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Luke: “No, no, no, no, no, no”

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Luke: “Oui, oui!”

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Luke: “Our lawnmower was a hammy down”

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Luke: “Ripped from the headlines of my actual life”

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Luke: Singing along to “Rock On”

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Luke: “Thanks a lot, Bourdain!”

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Luke: “That’s the most… coherent part of the story”

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Luke: “The Geordie and The LaForge”

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Luke: “Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber”

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Luke: “While I was drunk as balls… here”

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Luke and Andrew: “And, we… are so… incredibly, incredibly… appreciative. So appreciative, Andrew… That you don’t have the list in front of you. That’s exactly right.”

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Luke and Andrew: Andrew inadvertently chuckled when Luke said Top Story was related to his Twitter world

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Luke and Andrew: “I am… I’m, I’ve, I’m going, I’m going hard on my Andy times (Yeah)”

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Luke and Andrew: “I don’t know why on Earth I’m launching into this story; (Here we go) because, it doesn’t go anywhere, Andrew… (Oh, good! Then, I know why)”

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Luke and Andrew: Laughing

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Luke and Andrew: “Wait, brethren, that’s… is that… that’s not gender-specific, right? I don’t know. It sounds like, if anything, you’d be trying to get rid of the ‘brethr’ and not the ‘en'”

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