Clips From TBTL #2570

Andrew: “Because, you’re not a cheap man”

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Andrew: “Hard hat, lunch pail, hard hat, lunch pailing it”

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Andrew: “I do talk to the cats”

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Andrew: “I don’t think I knew that”

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Andrew: “I must next level shit with my cat”

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Andrew: “MEH-mo”

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Andrew: Saying “Because, she’s always looking up at you with the big eyes” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Saying “The last time I saw him, he was at the Red Lodge” and some backwards-talking gibberish

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Andrew: Saying “The last time I saw him, he was at the Red Lodge” and some backwards-talking gibberish (Backmasked)

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Andrew: “Shit, you call it Live Wire sometimes”

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Andrew: “Somebody flashed me”

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Andrew: “We just mix things live, man. I love it!”

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Andrew: “When you have a K, R and Z in a row, I do think you gotta love one of them; but, I can’t remember which one you lose”

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Andrew: “Who was the Mariner who had… a last name?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Actually, no. I can make it work! Dude, I can make it work! (Okay)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Can I take this to a dangerous place? Absolutely! (I’m gonna ask you a question…) This is one that… we might want to edit out, if I’m asking you (Ha!) a question that this gonna open up some… is gonna force you to have a conversation that shouldn’t be public”

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Andrew and Luke: “I don’t make the mistake I made with stuffed animals… as a young man. That’s a mistake you only make once. Yeah”

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Andrew and Luke: “Is ‘Kid Rock’ one word or two? N–… Well played. No”

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Andrew and Luke: “It’s the new Nermal. This is not Nermal”

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Andrew and Luke: “Well, welcome to the show, Luke. It’s always (Thank you!) a pleasure to have you here. (It’s really fun to be here) You’re… one of my favorite guests… How many… how many shows have you been on now?”

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Luke: “And, so, now… news… that has me in a real pickle”

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Luke: “But, let’s do some jive talkin'”

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Luke: “Feel the Byrne; but, don’t question the Byrne”

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Luke: “How… cool would it be if I won; and, then, we just did the show from my house?”

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Luke: “I know we jive talked, and rambled on, and made nothing from nothing, talk-talked, and ended up on a road to nowhere”

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Luke: “I walked into the TV room… where the dog is… just… chilling on the couch. By the way, yeah, we’ve become that family… where the dog is now allowed on… the couch”

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Luke: “I’m a… I’m a two computer man, Andrew; like, my father and his father before him”

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Luke: “I’m basically a youth!”

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Luke: “I’m earning, I’m earning my pod-bucks today”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Live Wire, sposher, [ph] sponsored by Bishop Transportation”

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Luke: “Sick!”

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Luke: “That’s Professor Bananas”

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Luke: “Without realizing that she doesn’t know what the fuck I’m talking about”

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Luke: “You up?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Don’t… tempt… the listeners. Wait, are they gonna sneak in here and tattoo me in my sleep?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Hey, I can Facebook Like things, even though I’m not Facebook. Is that, how, that’s weird. I dunno where the Likes are going. That’s weird. I dunno! I hit the bones!”

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Clips From TBTL #2569: Luke Burbank (Plus One) Edition

A listener write a song about TBTL and American Pie and sung it on the TBTL voicemail line. It was played as the first clip in the intro of TBTL #2569.

Listener: Singing a song about TBTL and American Pie

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Luke: “And now, I know exactly the delay”

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Luke: “And, I feel like our flarps… both my flarps jokes and your flarps jokes, they… they flarped of deaf ears”

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Luke: “Carey, God bless her”

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Luke: “Eff you, Goodell. You are just like… you’re a terrible human”

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Luke: “Holding the door… Hodoring it”

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Luke: “I don’t know why I have to be… such a… ‘No thank you’ instead of a ‘Yes, and'”

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Luke: “I mean, it’s not, like, full crack”

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Luke: “I regret nothing”

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Luke: “I’m a little bit proud of a lot of things today, Andrew”

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Luke: “I’m not a corndog head”

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Luke: “Ive been there”

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Luke: “It was more butt crack than I would like to have on national television”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Laughing #2

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Luke: “Like, don’t eat bad shit that’s not the bad shit you want”

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Luke: “Oh my God, Rudy! You know what time it is? It’s time for one of these… a Monday afternoon edition of TBTL”

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Luke: “Oh, man. See? That’s, that’s what people come to this show for, Andrew. We haven’t lost a step!”

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Luke: “Oh, of course, the hipster bar has, like, got Christmas decorations up in June”

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Luke: “Ooo-kay”

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Luke: Singing “Luke a bird… on a window”

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Luke: “Sixty-nine!!!”

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Luke: “So, that’s my scorched take on that”

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Luke: “That is… dirty!”

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Luke: “That’s how good I am”

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Luke: “This is special… this is special”

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Luke: “Well, we couldn’t do it without you; and, I render a verdict of… four flarps up”

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Luke: “Yes!!!”

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Luke and Andrew: “But, (Oh…) they’re all part of that chest hair mafia, (Sure. Yeah) in my mind”

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Luke and Andrew: “He didn’t get into the waterbed game because he wanted to sex all the ladies (Hmm)”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m not saying you’re a gold-digger; but, you ain’t messing with no broke Vieves. Right!”

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Luke and Andrew: Mole in mouth talk makes Andrew all grossed out

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Clips From TBTL #2569: Andrew Walsh Edition

Andrew: “‘But, where will we store all the footage?’ …says the police union”

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Andrew: “Can I tell you, before we take a break here, I gotta tell you something that’s gonna blow your mind; and, I hope it’s not gonna bum you out”

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Andrew: “Dilly-dilly”

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Andrew: “Dilly-dilly and fuck you”

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Andrew: “Dilly-dilly and up yours”

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Andrew: “How… how you doing, dude?”

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Andrew: “I am fine, fine, fine”

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Andrew: “I am great!”

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Andrew: “I am such a… I don’t wanna go down that road; but, I’m not… I’m not proud of me”

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Andrew: “I blow a lotta smoke”

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Andrew: “I don’t know if I’m ready for this jelly”

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Andrew: “I got a few moles”

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Andrew: “I think my brain said… corn dog… That’s all I remember”

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Andrew: “I think we ask a lot of our listeners. We ask… a lot of our listeners”

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Andrew: “I think you think that’s funnier than it is”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna be the Browns”

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Andrew: “It was just all over the place! And, it was bullshit”

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Andrew: “It was… umm… not the best”

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Andrew: “It’s gonna be really weird, man”

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Andrew: “Just blew through nap time, didn’t we? Hooo!”

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Andrew: “Just, kind of kick it… Andrew-style”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Mistimed saying “Super Bowl Edition” over the “Top Story” drop

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Andrew: “Not to break my arm to pat myself on the back, or us on the back”

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Andrew: “Oops… a little behind-the-scenes talk here”

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Andrew: Saying “God, I hate myself for loving this so much” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Saying “How’s it going?” in a funny manner over the “Top Story” drop

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Andrew: Saying “Oh my God!” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Saying “Waterbeds!” in a funny manner over the “Top Story” drop

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Andrew: Saying “What’s up… dude?” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Singing “I can’t remember… what they”

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Andrew: Singing “Like a rock!”

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Andrew: Stank of Drank

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Andrew: “Tell me everything”

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Andrew: “That was an embarrassing moment for me”

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Andrew: “That was easy”

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Andrew: “The jägers and the flarps were on the other side of that glass, man”

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Andrew: “The NFL is brought to you by so-and-so, and so-and-so… and Tide… and Tide… and Tide”

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Andrew: “This is a real turd in the punchbowl situation”

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Andrew: “Vaniversary 2: Back in the Van, Fuckers!”

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Andrew: “Wasn’t trying to be a nofunik snowflake”

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Andrew: “Waterbed Coverage Twenty-Eighteen!”

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Andrew: “What is going on? What are they gonna say when they come back? What’s is happening? Is this an ad!?”

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Andrew: “Why am I even bringing this up if I don’t know the details”

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Andrew: “You know, I’ve… I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more disgusted look on somebody’s face than Jen before we walked out on stage”

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Andrew and Luke: “I just don’t wanna choke. I will say this, I was looking back… just a moment ago… (You don’t wanna miss your chance to blow?) I don’t wanna miss my chance to… Oh, man… I think anybody who listens to this show knows that I blow most days. That was coarse”

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Andrew and Luke: “My drink of choice is usually a whisky and a beer; and, I can’t remember a time… Wait, is that a song? I can’t remember… what they… Everything starts to sound like ‘American Pie’ at some point (That’s it)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Should we even do this? Should we even do this? Should I… Yes… absolutely. We can’t–Alright, this will, this is the last, last, last time… last time”

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Clips From TBTL #2568: Sean and Jen Edition

At the TBTL 10th Vaniversary live show at the Re-bar in Seattle, the TBTL Players did their version of the Golden Girls and Jen also led the audience in singing the theme song from the show.

Sean, Luke, Andrew and Jen: Golden Girls, TBTL Style

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Jen, Sean, Andrew, Luke and the Audience: Singing the Golden Girls theme song

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Jen: “Here’s the thing. For a lot of us in this room, we’ve spent a lot of time praying to that god… It’s the best one!”

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Jen: “Hiiiii-yah!”

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Jen: “How do you not love that song!!?”

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Jen: “I dunno what any of that means”

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Jen: “I love these pants so much, I’m gonna wear them out the store!”

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Jen: “Let’s turn this around, you do like one!”

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Jen: “Okay… moving on”

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Jen: Singing “It’s a long way to the top, if you’re gonna rock ‘n’ roll”

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Jen: Singing “Pray to the god of sex and drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll!”

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Jen: Singing “Versace on the floor”

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Jen: “There’s gonna be a class action lawsuit; and, I’m gonna win ninety-three dollars, and I’m gonna be so happy!!!”

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Jen: “What!?!”

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Jen and Andrew: “Andrew? Yeah. You said on Twitter… Oh, God… that there is no good song (Oh, God. I knew it) that mentions, ‘Rock and Roll’… In the lyrics”

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Jen and Andrew: “What is wrong that you can’t just admit you did that…!? I didn’t eat a Landjäger!!”

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Jen and Sean: “I mean, we smelled weakness, and it was you! (We did!)”

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Jen and the Audience: Singing “I know, it’s only rock ‘n’ roll (and I like it)”

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Jen, Andrew and Luke: Jen is shocked that “It’s Only Rock ‘N’ Roll” isn’t Andrew’s favorite Rolling Stone song

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Jen, Andrew and Sean: “Well… So, I bought a Bitcoin… You did?!? Wow”

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Jen, Luke and Sean: “I feel a little bit sad; cuz, I think they all know it’s us… I did not even think about the live audience aspect (Wow)”

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Sean: “I finally showed up!”

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Sean: “I’ll pay this some day!”

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Sean: “Looking back at it now, we considered you a diaper sniper”

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Sean: Saying “Picture it, 1945!” as Sophia from Golden Girls

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Sean: Saying “Sicily, 1945. What?” as Sophia from Golden Girls

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Sean: Singing “People change”

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Sean: “Thanks, Darlin'”

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Sean: “Well, now you can see where the lover fits in: Light a candle, have a love”

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Sean: “What does ‘Avanti’ mean? I don’t know”

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Sean and Luke: “Call me, ‘Little Darlin’,’ like the strip club, that might be something… different. And, that’s the Sean DeTore we’re looking for!”

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Sean, Andrew and Jen: Sean couldn’t be at the show if it weren’t for Andrew and Genevieve’s… candle making

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Clips From TBTL #2568: Andrew and Luke Edition

Andrew: Bags of jerky are like bags of farts

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Andrew: “Don’t encourage me”

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Andrew: “Genevieve… are you Blair?”

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Andrew: “I love Boomers! I love Boomers! I love you”

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Andrew: “I vaped one Landjäger, that’s all I had”

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Andrew: “I, I will be here; and, I am here”

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Andrew: “It was more like three flarps”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Let’s just go out there and try to make each other laugh”

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Andrew: “Move!?”

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Andrew: “Oh my God! I forgot this is the first time we’ve ever met… That’s on me”

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Andrew: “Oh, no! That sounds great!”

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Andrew: “So, I think we’ve solved Blair’s problem. Sean, did you want a bite of this apple?”

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Andrew: “That scared me”

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Andrew: “The high point will be in ab… No, it would be rude to say that. Never mind. Sorry, I’m really tired”

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Andrew: “Who wants to shotgun a Black Ice Monster energy drink in the back of a van?”

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Andrew: “Yeah, sometimes you’re drunk and you send really stupid tweets”

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Andrew: “You guys are just bullying me now”

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Andrew and Jen: “You spent five minutes on a tweet of mine!? I did. Thank you so much!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Are you unplugged? I think you’re unplugged now. Hold on”

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Andrew and Luke: “I have a guess… but, I don’t know for sure (Don’t guess. It’s a trap!)”

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Andrew and Luke: “That is so messy! Also… Who’s cleaning up all the milk!?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Well, what is the official time? I don’t have any clocks up here that work”

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Andrew, Luke, Jen and Sean: Andrew denies eating a Landjäger and no one believes him

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Andrew, Sean and Luke: “The low point was the announcement of how many clocks you have. He said clocks, clocks… Clocks (By the way… freakin’ surrounded by them…) Surrounded by clocks (Yep)”

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Luke: “By the way, welcome to my world. It’s not pretty”

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Luke: Clearing his throat multiple times

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Luke: Doot-dooing “Jock Jams”

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Luke: “DTFB… really, really surprised me, and, and, maybe you, Andrew. Because, I thought he was gonna ride along for, like… two or three segments of this twenty-four hour marathon… And… he just… he, we couldn’t get him out of the van! That’s the true story”

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Luke: “Enjoy the goth DJ!”

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Luke: “How did it go to Lover Town?”

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Luke: “I am… sober as a Mormon who canceled TBTL”

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Luke: “I smelt it; and, I knew you dealt it”

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Luke: “I want you to know that handshake was… consensual and agreed upon… before the show”

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Luke: “I’m just trying to get you two fighting again… Mission accomplished!”

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Luke: “If you say one more word about MeUndies”

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Luke: “Leave!!”

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Luke: “Let’s work out something else on stage. Let’s do a little round of Defend Yourself… Alright. Yeah, defend yourself from the… volume of that sound effect”

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Luke: “My empire is crumbling!”

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Luke: Saying “But then, Bill Clinton said, ‘You speak up. You’re very beautiful'” as Bill Clinton

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Luke: “So far, I give this night three flarps up… which… means something to the four people who heard us… on that part of the twenty-four hour marathon”

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Luke: “That’s plenty. That’s, that’s… let’s not get carried away, everybody”

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Luke: “Wait a second… this is bad”

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Luke: “Well, alright everybody! It’s now or never! Welcome… to the… TBTL 10th… Vaniversary… special show, from the Re-bar in Seattle”

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Luke: “What!!?”

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Luke: “What!? Who’s fired now? Us still? Okay, cool. Sorry, we’ll move!”

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Luke: “Who’s the Milhouse in this story?”

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Luke and Andrew: “I guess what I won’t do is listen to that song by Meatloaf (I know)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Some of that was because Andrew had started eating a Landjäger… and, it was… as advertised… very, very pungent. Yeah”

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Luke and Andrew: “What a Burb wants, what a Burbs needs. (Yeah. Yeah) Whatever keeps a Burb podcasting for twenty-four hours”

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Luke, Jen and Andrew: “And, also, with me doing the Running Man in my underwear, through the… I was gonna say, so much underwear… Yet, somehow, not enough”

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Clips From TBTL #2567

Andrew: “I could play some of that for you now. If you guys feel like you’d rather just keep talking, I can send it to you privately in an e-mail. We can all just cry at our computers later”

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Andrew: “I don’t like quoting people… at least, when they’re right in front of me, so they can correct me”

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Andrew: “I don’t think you said, ‘I fake it ’til I make it’; cuz, I can’t imagine those words coming out of your mouth”

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Andrew: “I don’t want to create any bad blood; so… answer however you… want. But, like, what was the vibe in the rest of the station once you guys were established for a little bit”

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Andrew: “No, I wanna see tears. I don’t wanna see sleep!”

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Andrew: “Oh, this is kinda weird and cool”

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Andrew: Saying “What does it sound like when I do this?” while futzing with the audio

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Andrew: “Stop the show!!”

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Andrew: “They’re lying”

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Andrew: “Usually this show is funny. Now, I’m just fucking drilling down on 3-D movie… But, what kind… Is it 800X or 400X? I need to know!”

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Andrew: “Well, I would say, based on my… in-fucking-depth interview on 3-D movies with… Camaro Kev today. I’ll tell you, it’s not the same thing as when you have to drive a conversation when daddy’s gone”

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Andrew and Luke: “I think she says ‘TBTL used to calm me down when I was three’. Yeah, but now that she’s four, it’s a different world! Girl, dun-dun-dun-dun, you’ll be a woman, soon”

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Andrew and Luke: “What’s the symbology there? Great question”

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Andrew and Luke: “You’re gonna think I’m crazy for saying this. Okay… I think we can go another twenty-four… I, I think… there will be a point where we will de-materialize and re-materialize into good radio hosts. And, it’s just, you have to push your body to it’s absolute breaking point; and, I think we’re getting kind of close”

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Jen: “Friends don’t ask friends to do math”

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Jen: “I appreciate you… putting me in that… company, by the way. Blessings”

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Jen: “I have a playlist… for sexy times”

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Jen: “Nope! Nope, nope, nope”

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Jen: Rapping “Trouble… comes at the worst time. It poked and fails, is that by design?”

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Jen: “We’re gettin’… really hot now. Oh, yeah”

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Jen: “You know what, Jason? You’re ruining this sexy song!”

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Jen and Andrew: “Don’t you listen to the show? I’m outraged! (Yeah)”

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Jen, Luke and Andrew: “Because, a little spooning actually does help you sleep better, and smarter, and… be more refreshed in the morning. Uh… I… Stop the show!!”

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Jen, Luke and Andrew: “But, that’s why you have a light! Turn the light out! I can’t see it. I have no idea that it’s going on. And, if, if he, for some, if the lights came on… That is generally how Carey describes sex with me, by the way… (Everybody get a CPAP in the dark) She’s like, ‘I can’t see it. I don’t know what’s going on… but, it’s working. So, that’s good'”

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Jen, Sean and Andrew: “This is not sustainable as one person; and, it’s not what this show’s about. This show is about… family, and love, and friendship, and all that. And, you can’t… you know, sustain that for long, just with… a microphone. Unless you’re a schizophrenic, then you can probably do that for at least a week. Good power out. Great way to end this, Seanie… with a jab at the mentally ill”

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Luke: “A theater… of the mind, right now; and, a battle of wills”

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Luke: “And… across the street from… where there was once a shabby Mexican restaurant; that, we tried, single-handedly, as a show, to keep in business… Never… one hookup, by the way… Not… one Don Fernando!”

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Luke: “David from the Backseat”

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Luke: “‘Don’t bore us, let’s get to the chorus’… as Jon Bon Jovi once said”

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Luke: “God! The analogies become more grandiose!”

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Luke: “I also think I’ve been married for… between three and nine years… So, not a real numbers guy”

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Luke: “Look who got the last laugh… I’m in this van, about to collapse from exhaustion; and, you’re probably somewhere on a beach, enjoying your retirement”

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Luke: “Now, forty-one year old boring me might be, ‘Well, programmatically… maybe we should be more consistent'”

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Luke: “Ours was called ‘Hidden Talents’… talent was very hidden… it remains so”

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Luke: “Remember something… she sells CPAPs down by the sea shore… and, she be relied upon”

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Luke: Singing “Girl, dun-dun-dun-dun, you’ll be a woman, soon”

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Luke: Singing “You’ve got small face… Sea galley!”

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Luke: “So, get… it… while… it’s… hot!”

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Luke: “This is why I get paid the big bucks”

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Luke: “Well, la-ti-da!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Hey, look. Everything’s coming up Milhouse. I had the volume down, Andrew. You didn’t hear your little ting you don’t like (Oh, yeah) at the top of that sound effect”

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Luke and Jen: “Again, sorry… HIPAA… HIPAA warning! Uh-huh”

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Luke and Jen: “That was like water in the (Yes) desert (Yes)”

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Luke, Andrew and Sean: “Your computer is, is so large. I mean, (It is. I’m sorry) it really… No, no, that’s okay; but… I didn’t even realize, like… (Shocking) where my computer stopped and where yours started”

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Sean: “But, yeah, that’s still part, that’s, that’s… talent is still in my quiver”

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Sean: “I don’t know much about CPAPs. I don’t know if you know this about me; but, I know very little about CPAPs”

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Sean: “That’s, that’s inappropriate”

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Sean, Luke and Andrew: “Make sure to not cross the streams. Yeah, no. (No, don’t cross the streams) Good. Oh, you found something better than the schizophrenic joke… Very good stuff”

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