Day: June 30, 2017

Andrew: “Come here, honey stomach. Who’s my honey stomach?”

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Andrew: “Cuz, I don’t wanna just like, kinda… poop on this ghost story”

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Andrew: “Doctor Burbank is in the house”

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Andrew: “Downward facing podcast”

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Andrew: “God, this is boring!”

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Andrew: “Got my mind on my honey and got my honey on my mind”

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Andrew: “Hard drives, and hard drives, and hard drives of minutiae”

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Andrew: “Humpback of Norte-Podcasting. Ugh. Ughh, it’s getting worse!”

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Andrew: “I did miscalculate a little bit this time”

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Andrew: “I have an app that just generates… the word ‘hot dog’ over and over again”

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Andrew: “I’ll be damned if I’m gonna have a kid look up at me with, like, blood pouring out of his mouth and crying”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna have to hide me some secret sausages”

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Andrew: Imitating chatter among guys hovering around a lit grill

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Andrew: “It’s getting… it’s getting steamy with this word… image you’re painting”

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Andrew: “Like some sort of… humpback… of podcastery”

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Andrew: “Luke, sometime, sometimes you make statements about me; and, I think, ‘Boy… am I really giving that off? That’s not how I feel.’ But, sometimes, my friend, you nail it!! And, you just nailed it.”

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Andrew: “Take that body! Telling me what I can swallow, what I can’t.”

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Andrew: “This shit’s getting to me, man!”

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Andrew: “We have a lot of stuff”

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Andrew: “Yeah. What’s up with that?”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew describing how he preps for a party

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew was oddly mellow at the beginning of the show

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Andrew and Luke: “Congratulations us. Yay! Yay us!”

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Luke: “Be wise-all, and medicate with alcohol”

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Luke: Even though today’s Luke knows how bad toy crossbows that shoot toothpicks are, nine-year old Luke wants one real bad

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Luke: “Give me the motherfucking steak! I’m throwing it back on”

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Luke: “God, you’re so right”

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Luke: “I consider myself as the cherry Gusher of… husbands”

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Luke: “I know it’s the worst idea ever!”

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Luke: “Okay, everyone… flap your arms”

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Luke and Andrew: Coming up with rhymes with the word “Xyz”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke thinks beeswax is bee dookie

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Luke and Andrew: MC Hammer Air

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Luke and Andrew: “Mommy, could we go to the bank and can I have some sausages? Daddy, would you like a bank sausage?”

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Luke and Andrew: Shirtless Luke on the floor eating a floor hotdog

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Andrew: Cute Laugh

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Andrew: “Ding, ding, ding”

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Andrew: “I know! I know!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Luke… I’m a little insulted… that you, for even one moment, thought I was putting the listener first”

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Andrew: “Oh, man!”

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Andrew: “Oh, man! Tangent alert! Tangent alert!”

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Andrew: “That thing… that thing we don’t do”

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Andrew: “This isn’t the sangria you’re looking for”

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Andrew: “Yeah, I got it open in front of me here. The good news is… you just cured my alcoholism; cuz, I don’t think I’m ever touching a drop again. This is awful! This is awful!”

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Andrew: “You are a more fun person than I am”

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Andrew and Luke: “But, the good news is, he does have the Asthma Center website open; and, he’s gonna read to you the pollen count. Kids, let me tell you about Cottonwoods… and the danger they pose to your respiratory system. Grandpa… Ahhh fun, Grandpa.”

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Luke: “And we…!! Are you kidding me?”

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Luke: “Friday. Friday. Gotta get down… on Friday.”

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Luke: “Grandpa ‘No Fun’ Andy”

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Luke: “I don’t think that me doing this… is a kink for anyone”

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Luke: “I’m turning into Ziggy!”

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Luke: Inhaling through his stuffed up nose

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Luke: “Kids… gather ’round! Grandpa has a story about the time he didn’t do this one gross thing”

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Luke: “No, I do none of that; because, I’m a moron”

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Luke: “Thing about it… I’ll tell you a mummified toe… it loses fifty percent of its value as soon as you drive it off the lot”

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Luke: Whispering “I don’t know Abe’s middle name”

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Luke: “You’re too good to me”

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Luke and Andrew: “Please… (Mmm-hmm) start doing my Internet searches for me (Mmm-hmm!)”

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Andrew: “And, I just don’t believe that for a second. I just don’t believe it for a second!”

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Andrew: “Do you wanna… have an opportunity to laugh at me a little bit here?”

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Andrew: “Don’t! Don’t! Don’t!”

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Andrew: “Every time I open my mouth on this show… part of my brain is saying, ‘Is this inappropriate to say’?”

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Andrew: Funny Laugh

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Andrew: “I always feel so damn pathetic when I write one of my negative reviews”

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Andrew: “I was… so… mad!”

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Andrew: “I would not dig through shit for that”

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Andrew: “I’m never proud about these goddamn things”

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Andrew: “I’m, I’m just gonna do it. I’m just gonna do it. I need to do this.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “My brain is already scarred from this”

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Andrew: Pseudo-dejected “Okay”

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Andrew: Saying “I’m a human!” as Alex Jones

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Andrew: Singing what Andrew would sing when he would plug his ears

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Andrew: “They got this sign out there that’s just attracting… attracting… fat guys like flies, apparently. Like me!”

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Andrew: “Well, first of all, I’m officially not part of this conversation”

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Andrew: “Yeah, that’s BS”

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Andrew: “You can just call me ‘Tain’. I’m here to entertain you.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Hurtin’ my shoulder pattin’ myself on the back… (Y’all)”

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Andrew and Luke: “I, I would do anything for a lawsuit; but, I won’t do that. Meatloaf.”

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Andrew and Luke: “If anybody wants to get rich. Here’s my advice to you… (M’kay) Invite me to your Tupperware party”

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Luke: A string of “Owie”s

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Luke: “And, I apologize, I’ll use a, a sort of a coarse term here, they’re just trying to cockblock each other at every turn; because, they don’t like each other”

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Luke: “And, I may have… cooked my brain… a little bit”

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Luke: “Come at… Come at’cha? Coming at’choo? Come at’choo? Coming at’choo [ph] right now”

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Luke: “Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera”

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Luke: “I’ll have two of your finest meat sandwiches! Gro–What kind of freak are you? Hey, give me a couple of burgers. Why, absolutely.”

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Luke: “If MC Skat Kat goes to the bathroom, is it MC Skat Kat scat?”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “‘Luke won’t stop trying a fart transplant drop, I don’t like it!'”

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Luke: “Nailed it. God, that timing was… Every once in a while, I get the timing just perfect on one of these things; and, I think you all will agree… that was one of those times.”

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Luke: “Sangria can’t melt this steel”

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Luke: Singing “Let me heat your grill”

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Luke: Singing “O say can you see”

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Luke: Singing a portion of “Stars and Stripes Forever”

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Luke: Singing a portion of “Stars and Stripes Forever” #2

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Luke: “They heard me D-ing… when I had… agreed… N to DA.”

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Luke: “What a dumb reason to lose your job as one of the deans of Yelp”

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Luke and Andrew: “Honey Boo Boo!? I was trying so hard not to do that. Alright. Y’all kids… y’all kids get ready; cuz, we goin’ down to… Benihana!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Well, that’s what they say, ‘We’re more calloused in the gross parts.’ We’re… Yes, that is what they say.”

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