Day: July 17, 2018

Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #2685

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Luke: “Alright, that’s gonna be it… for the show today. Again, thank you, everyone. I know it was a little weird, I know it was overly confessional… it was rambly… it was… Well, you know… when I, when I describe it that way, it just sounds like it’s a, basically, a normal episode of the show. So, maybe it was”

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Luke: “And, I laughed… my… ass off”

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Luke: “And, I told you all this. This is gonna be a weird show. This is me… sitting in the offices of Burbank Springs… just talking… for however long I have words in me”

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Luke: “And, it’s amazing!!”

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Luke: “But, I’ve also just been in a weird… funk… all day. I can’t really explain it”

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Luke: “Emo Tuesday”

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Luke: “Forty-two year old man sitting here… shirtless… trying to tell you that… I love you”

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Luke: “I got the other half of the box of crackers out… we were out of normal cheese… I ate it with Kraft Singles… That… I just want you to understand, that is the state of my life right now, everybody”

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Luke: “I just said it, I’m going there… So, buckle up, everybody. It’s happening”

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Luke: “I’m a… forty-two year old man… sitting here shirtless… By the way… you’re welcome for that visual. I told you, it’s a million degrees here”

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Luke: “Oh my God, this is taking so long!!”

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Luke: Quietly saying “Oh, no”

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Luke: Saying “More? Sir, could we have more?” as Oliver Twist

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Luke: “So, so much… for the paleo diet”

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Luke: “Something’s going on with me. I mean, I dunno if… it’s changing of season. Do, do we have… do we have man-o-pause?”

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Luke: “That’s good!”

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Luke: “When… I’m in the bathroom here at Burbank Springs… I… we are a… well, I can’t speak for, can’t speak for my wife… As far as I know, she’s never gone number two… our entire marriage”

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Luke: “Where are you going with that, dude?”

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Luke: “You shoulda gotten your S together… at this point… if you meant to listen to S-Town”

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #2684: Part Two

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Luke: “Are you my new dad?”

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Luke: “Are you shitting me?”

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Luke: “Because… I’m an idiot”

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Luke: “Buckle up, America”

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Luke: “But… this is… honestly… this is the tow of shame”

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Luke: Describing how he ended up hanging from a dock

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Luke: “Don’t… frick with someone who has nothing to lose!!!”

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Luke: “Everything in… go out, crash it… run out of gas, drag it back, everything out”

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Luke: “Fuck it”

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Luke: “I am hanging from the fucking dock!”

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Luke: “I don’t know what the frick I’m doing. Now, why I decided to say ‘frick’ there… is… is… is confusing”

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Luke: “I got a thing!”

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Luke: “I just wanted to Judy Garland it so hard this whole time… just click my heels together and just be not… not… captain… of the… SS… Disaster Voyage”

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Luke: “I’d rather be in jail right now than on this boat trying to manage this situation”

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Luke: “I’m having fun!”

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Luke: “It was one of the most humiliating afternoons of my entire life; so much so, that when it was happening… I made a promise to myself… which was… do not talk about this on TBTL… And, here we are… twenty-four hours later, I’m about to talk about it on TBTL”

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Luke: “It was the Shackleton Expedition… meets… Tom… Hanks in Cast Away… meets… Gilligan’s Island”

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Luke: “It’s just… bananas”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Mr. Officer, are you my new dad?”

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Luke: “Never use them!! They burned down my house!!”

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Luke: “Not now, Toby. Not now”

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Luke: “Oh, shit. I’ve mostly forgotten how to do this”

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Luke: Saying “Look at that! The Arctic Explorer!” in a funny manner

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Luke: “So, she just, like, got all of her boating ya-yas out”

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Luke: “The boat had been dead the entire movie!”

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Luke: “We toss them, they’re awesome?”

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Luke: “We’ve got podcast to… to broadcast to you”

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Luke: “Well… this is how this ends”

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Luke: “What even is my life?”

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Luke: “What the hell, dude!?”

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Luke: “What’s going on here?”

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Luke: “Whatever happened out there in the water, I couldn’t handle that shit either!”

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Luke: “Who’s in charge of this? And, then, I realized… I am!”

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Luke: “Whoa!”

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Luke: “Whoomp, there it remains”

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Luke: “Yeah, it’d be a real shame if there were bad reviews of your pizza restaurant”

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #2684: Part One

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Andrew: “Anyway. So, if you wanna start bumping in with Kidz Bop or bopping in with Kidz Bump… whatever… I think I’m the man for it”

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Andrew: “Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys!!”

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Andrew: “But, I’m also… lazy and a home body”

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Andrew: “But, they just lie… They all just lie”

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Andrew: “Cuz, I gotta go back in. They gotta cut more… chunks of my tongue out”

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Andrew: “Even though it would be so much more of a pain in my butt”

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Andrew: “Fuck!”

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Andrew: “Hippie-dippie Wallingford signs”

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Andrew: “I don’t know what my rules are”

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Andrew: “I hate myself the most when I get… into a stompy, whiny… baby… And, I did get into a stompy, whiny baby”

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Andrew: “I love going to the dump!”

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Andrew: “I… I do think you’re wrong”

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Andrew: “In all seriousness, if you ever play the… me saying, ‘Wassup!’ thing again… I will… That, that’s… that is honestly the closest I’ve ever to come, just like, walking out of a show… is you playing that… Don’t. I hear you looking for it. Don’t”

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Andrew: “Is it listenable?”

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Andrew: “Now, what?”

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Andrew: “Oh my God!”

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Andrew: “Oh, God!”

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Andrew: “Oh, so… for the next TBTL-a-thon, do you wanna boat our way to Mississippi?”

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Andrew: “Oh, this plane is chock full of empty seats!”

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Andrew: “Oh… God!”

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Andrew: “Surrender monkeys!”

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Andrew: “Thanks for making me check my bag… even though there’s tons of room on here, Alaska Airlines!”

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Andrew: “What do you think ‘Flat’ means, idiot?!”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew reacting to Luke being told he was an idiot by a boat repairman

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew snorting and Luke saying “Here’s, here’s, here’s what’s happening”

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Andrew and Luke: “Whoomp… Whoomp… There it remains”

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Andrew and Luke: “Wow, you’re really sweeping the quarter hour! I think I’m… I’m knee-capping the quarter hour. That’s the problem”

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Luke and Andrew: “Or the place where, I think, Dominique Strauss-Kahn might still has his job!!! Washing boats!!! Exac…That explains a lot. (That’s how you…) This guy was swearing at me in French”

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Luke and Andrew: “So, I have… already now… gone on–careened on to the wrong side of the narrow alley and I’ve hit… the back… of a boat; like, louder and harder than I’ve hit anything so far (Oh, no)”

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Luke and Andrew: “This is the hill I’m gonna die on? (Yeah)”

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