Author: Linh Pham

Andrew: “Oh… Ha-ha!!”

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Andrew: “Okay… couple of things here”

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Andrew: “One of the most famous… I hate myself for even starting this sentence; cuz, I don’t know how to end it.”

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Andrew: “Outside the cereal box, right?”

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Andrew: Pained Sound

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Andrew: “Quick aside here… while I’m tap dancin'”

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Andrew: Quietly Saying “Oh, no”

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Andrew: Quietly Saying “Told you that”

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Andrew: Sneezing plus Fanfare

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Andrew: “So, that’s how you ended up in the Paddy wagon”

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Andrew: “Sorry, Luke. If this was your Twitter feed, I would say, ‘Clean it up'”

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Andrew: “Still sounds bad. Still sounds awful. Shit, I gotta stop watching sports! What are we doing?”

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Andrew: “That’s gross”

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Andrew: “This is not typical Andrew behavior”

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Andrew: “This reindeer juice has got me jacked up!”

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Andrew: “Wow!!”

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Andrew: “Yeah, like really poppy, like, kind of p-punk poppy. Like, post-punk pop. Am I popping my Ps when I say, ‘post-punk pop’?”

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Andrew: “Yeah, you know, my brain just crinkled there for a sec”

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Andrew: “You bastard!”

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Andrew: “You jerk! You son of a… When did this show become us torturing each other?”

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Andrew: “You’re in my head too much, by the way”

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Andrew and Luke: “And also, Luke, on just a quick side note, stop eating Jell-O with your hands. That’s weird and gross. What?!?”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew wanted to hand the show back to Luke, just as Luke took a bite of a cheese stick

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Andrew and Luke: “Here, I’ll tell you the whole story. Buckle up (Please do)”

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Andrew and Luke: “I look forward to finding our forever song together, Luke. Did you… God, I hate it when people say that on those HGTV shows.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’m not using ‘buzz’ there as a joke; so, just let that go. Can’t. Sorry.”

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Andrew and Luke: Laughing

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Andrew and Luke: Luke has hot takes that contradict each other

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Andrew and Luke: “OMG. Okay. WTF. Well… and now on to e-mails. I asked you to explain and you did. Why the face.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Yeah, no, I will be forever indebted to you for pulling… (Oh, good…) …I plan to…”

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Andrew: “A cat suddenly comes tearing out of the cat shit closet”

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Andrew: “Alright, we’ll we lost, Chris. See ya at 30 Rock.”

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Andrew: “Aww, Theo, you’re getting to be old”

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Andrew: “Because, every time we say this, our buddy Linh Pham ends up buying it; and, I don’t want him to go broke.”

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Andrew: “But, goddamn it! I hate those words!”

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Andrew: “But, it’s damn near me!”

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Andrew: “Bye”

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Andrew: “Coin-kee-dinkily [ph]“

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Andrew: “Come on!”

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Andrew: Cute Laugh

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Andrew: Flat “Oh. Wow. Really”

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Andrew: Flat “What?”

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Andrew: “God…damn!!”

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Andrew: “Hey, have we already done this one?”

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Andrew: “I don’t know how to end it”

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Andrew: “I mean, that might be our last show. They might just fire us.”

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Andrew: “I think that’s it!!!”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna say this with all due respect, Luke… But, I hate your story. It’s an ugly story.”

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Andrew: “I’m sorry, my brain is wondering a little. I agree with everything you just said.”

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Andrew: “Las Vegas Card Sharks?”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Oh, God!”

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Sorry”

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “You jerk!”

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Andrew: Laughing, saying “It feels good to la…” and fake gasping for air

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Andrew: “Luke, say something now! I’m out! I started, I started… on a, on a sentence that I can’t finish”

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Andrew: “Nope”

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Andrew: “Oh, no”

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Andrew: “Oh, no” #2

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Andrew: “And then, the last thing you do is get down on your damn hands and knees and you scrub the floor”

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Andrew: “God, let me get it out!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: Laughing #3

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Andrew: “No, make them play, so that I can line my pockets!”

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Andrew: “Okay, on a scale of one butt to ten butts, how butt-hurt are you that you didn’t get the call? How much is this about that?”

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Andrew: Saying “And it is amazing!” in a sing-songy manner

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Andrew: “That would have been funnier if I didn’t laugh my ass off throughout the whole thing”

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Andrew: “The early bird… I guess got the worm; but, the late bird also got the worm in this case”

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Andrew: “We sent them to each other via e-mails, like… two ships passing in the digital night”

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Andrew: “You’re already giggling. What are you giggling about?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Today’s like Tuesday, right? (I) think.”

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Luke: “And, I’ll probably quietly burp off microphone”

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Luke: “Apparently” (edited to remove audio glitch)

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Luke: “I shit you not”

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Luke: “It’s gonna be an action-packed hour, my friendos”

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Luke: “It’s just a hot mess”

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Luke: “Oh, man. We got a new segment… called ‘360 Spins and Slam Dunk Pointers'”

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Luke: “Oui, Oui”

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Luke: “They call it, ‘TBTL Story Town'”

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Andrew: “And, also, I’m not hugging you anymore.”

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Andrew: “Because, you don’t wanna be opening your mouth in poop air”

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Andrew: Bleeping Luke

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Andrew: “But, that’s part of the process, man”

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Andrew: “Holy… criminy! Have they frickin’… Sorry, what other fake swear words…?”

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Andrew: “I don’t even wanna know”

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Andrew: “I got it in an e-mail from Linh Pham over at Marsupial Gurgle. He wants to host it on his site”

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Andrew: “I was trying to Burbank a joke with her”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Nah, I’m making that part up. That’s fake news.”

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Andrew: “Oh, God, no!!”

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Andrew: “Oh, yeah! Getting my health grind on!”

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Andrew: “Ooh, my!”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: Snorting #2

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Andrew: “That, that, that doesn’t work for me, Luke.”

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Andrew: “That’s pretty good”

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Andrew: “That’s where I store a lot of my data, by the way… in the poop cloud.”

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Andrew: “You just broke my brain”

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Andrew: “You just broke my brain; and now, I’ll only see you as a biome.”

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Andrew and Luke: “‘Give us the jersey, Brady!’ That was the worst! I knew it was gonna be bad. Do you even know what I was trying? I think that was your attempt to do an impression of a Nihilist. It was!”

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Andrew and Luke: “It might be a two foot day. It might (Right) be a ten foot day… my friends. It might (Yeah) be a fifteen foot day. You don’t know what’s happening, and you’re in a park. You’re in a park!”

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Luke: “But, there’s nothing micro about my biome, bud. Gotta tell ya.”

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Luke: “Can I be the hashtag?”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: “Hey, by the way, listener, what you don’t know is that was a fucking funny joke I told, that Andrew just bleeped out. Because, he didn’t want you to realize how funny I actually am.”

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Luke: “I’m pausing and I’m talking even more awkwardly than normal here at the top of the show; because… I have a case of the hiccups”

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Luke: Laughing and saying “I thought you were trying to sing the Friday TBTL jingle”

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Luke: “Maybe the, the fear, the terror of trying to host this imaginary radio show with the hiccups actually… did the trick. I appear to be… healed.”

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Luke: Snorting

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Luke: “This guy doesn’t wash his hands!!”

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Luke: Tip of the Cap, T-Rex or Hashtag

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Luke: “We coo'”

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Luke: “When you’re doing improv… at the old folks’ home, the answer is always [bleeped]“

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Luke: “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke doesn’t want Andrew to break his heart with dazzling deets that are fake deets

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Luke and Andrew: Luke saying “Wait for it” and Andrew laughing once music picks back up

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Luke and Andrew: “You gonna bleep that out too? Bleep, just… This’s all been one big bleep.”

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Andrew: “And, I need you to explain the joke to me now”

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Andrew: “I should’ve pulled the damn audio”

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Andrew: “I was telling Vieves, like I used to fuck with cicadas; but, now cicadas keep me up. So, I keep all the bugs outta there.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Let’s just do a segment called, ‘Andrew didn’t get the joke'”

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Andrew: “Really?”

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Andrew: “Really!?”

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Andrew: Singing “I wanna Shauf!”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew and Luke: “I usually have, like, a light rain and, sometimes, a medium rain going on at the same time. But, never a hard rain, ironically. Ironically, never a hard rain, never a real rain.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Oh, no!! That’s not TBTL appropriate! You asked, I answered!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Wait, do you want to switch it? Do you want me to be you? No.”

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Luke: “Back at it again with the white snow”

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Luke: “Cray complex”

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Luke: “E-mails and e-mails”

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Luke: “Friday… Friday. Gotta get down for Friday”

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Luke: “Gettin’ loose!”

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Luke: “He’s a young!”

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Luke: “I love your story… Missoula. It’s a beautiful story”

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Luke: “Makes me want to Shauf”

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Luke: “Senior Bidet Producer Chris Hayes”

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Luke: “The scales have fallen from my eyes, people”

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Luke: Trying to laugh like Muttley

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Luke: “Well, it’s, it’s raining rain here in Portland”

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Luke: “You paint your balding helmet?”

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Luke and Andrew: ASMR Talking

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Luke and Andrew: “But, this time… you gotta really enjoy this joke …Okay”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m glad that we got a dazzling detail instead of a deadening detail (Yes) in today (Yeah)”

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Luke and Andrew: New Podcast: Joke Exploder

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Luke and Andrew: “So tempted to just (No, just don’t) Groundhog Day the shit out of this”

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