Author: Linh Pham

Andrew: “And, I don’t want people going back there and being like, ‘Hey look, it’s a, it’s a sandbox where animals shit'”

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Andrew: “But, but, there’s a chance that somebody peed in the litter box.”

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Andrew: “De Tore!”

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Andrew: “He’s a sweet guy. I don’t want to run him down.”

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Andrew: “Hello, Luke Burbank.”

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Andrew: “I don’t know what happened!!! It doesn’t make sense and it’s driving me crazy!”

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Andrew: “I love bookstore cats.”

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Andrew: “If you don’t like the answers, that’s not my fault.”

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Andrew: “Oh, it’s a pool sample.”

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Andrew: “Quick question: who, who kicked the cat out?”

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Andrew: “Right!?!?”

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Andrew: Singing “Luke left the dog in!”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew is continuing with his pool sample joke

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Andrew and Luke: “Are you saying, you, you can’t let the dog out? Can’t? Can’t? You son-of-a…”

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Andrew and Luke: Going back to White Settlement

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Andrew and Luke: “Have a serious question for you right off the bat here, right at the top, serious question. I’m ready. Are you saying, you, you can’t let the dog out? Can’t? Can’t? You son-of-a… Just asking! I just ask the questions. If you don’t like the answers, that’s not my fault.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Hey, can I ask you a really dumb question right now? Yeah. Can you hear me? Yeah. So, if we’re having… clearly we’re talking!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’m gonna have the dookers pay for it. That’s right. That’s my plan.”

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Andrew and Luke: Luke laughing at President George H. W. Bush’s tweet from July 2015 while Andrew is speaking

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Andrew and Luke: “Um, I… I don’t… think… this happened? But, but, there’s a chance that somebody peed in the litter box. I don’t know what happened!!! It doesn’t make sense and it’s driving me crazy!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Well, I, I’m just taking a much more Burbankian stance on this because… Ooh, I like that.”

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Luke: “At Club Tropicana, drinks are free, fun and sunshine, there’s enough for everyone.”

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Luke: “Boy oh boy. Boy oh boy oh boy!”

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Luke: Gasping

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Luke: “He’s a Cuyahoga Clam”

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Luke: “I don’t know the secret handshake.”

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Luke: “I, uh, yes, I, I, I, I, I let the dog in; or, I kept the dog in.”

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Luke: “I’m not anti-cat.”

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Luke: “Luke trapped the dog in, blocked the dog in.”

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Luke: Mangled pronunciation of “Worcestershire”

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Luke: “Oh God, speaking of blocks and blocking out the haters”

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Luke: Singing: “Everyday I hear a different story, people sayin’ that you’re no good for me”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke let or kept the dog in

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Luke and Andrew: “Sorry, I’m just gonna unload for–Just go!”

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Andrew: “Ama said knock you out.”

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Andrew: “And, of course, there’s a famous saying, ‘Get off my Ski-Doo and Tyler too’. Good Lord! Just continuing my record of being almost funny!”

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Andrew: “Aw, damn it.”

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Andrew: “Good Lord!”

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Andrew: “Grande is my favorite number.”

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Andrew: “Hey, Ticketbud.”

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Andrew: “I didn’t want to be a ‘No, but…'”

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Andrew: “I feel like you and I are just right on the edge of being funny today.”

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Andrew: “I said (s)thern side!”

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Andrew: “I wonder if it’s of somebody who just realizes this is a company that has a lot of money, and I want some of that money; because, I like money and my family likes money.”

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Andrew: “It was a good board!”

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Andrew: “It was a good board! Which was… I, you know what, was that in the…? Aw, damn it.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Let’s get on to what you are doing in, umm, Branada, up there.”

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Andrew: “Limp handshakes all around!”

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Andrew: Luke’s “Weak-ass handshake” made Andrew completely crack up

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Andrew: Making a shuddering sound

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Andrew: “No!!!”

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Andrew: “Oh, shit!”

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Andrew: “Oh, shit!” #2

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Andrew: “Wait, hold on. Am I on drugs?!? No, I’m sober. I don’t know. I don’t know why that hit me so hard.”

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Andrew: “Why do I have to be so negative?”

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Andrew: “You Ski-don’t go into the lake with the Ski-Doo you have? Oh, shit!”

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Andrew and Luke: “And everybody (Wait!) just threw… What’s that? I was gonna say, everybody just threw their glow sticks up in the air, right there, in the end. But, then you said, ‘Wait,’ and I got scared. I thought they were gonna really drop a beat.”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew and Luke are right on the edge of being funny

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Andrew and Luke: “I get handshakes. Yes you do.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I said (s)thern side! That was, that was (decent) not great, but I’m trying. I’m trying to get out there again, Luke.”

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Andrew and Luke: “There’s your put up. But I, but I could, there we… Thank you. That means I got a free put down now. No!!!”

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Andrew and Luke: “You should just say, ‘Could I get a Big Gulp latte, please?’ That’ll get you kicked out. I’m, I’m… Could I get a Big Gulp letté, please?”

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Andrew and Luke: “You, I take it, managed to get through the whole conversation without saying ‘Ama said knock you out’? I did say, ‘Ama-se, ama-sa, ama, coo-sa’.”

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Luke: “Ama-se, ama-sa, ama, coo-sa”

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Luke: “And, I want to be about coming together, I want to make sort of like a Brentrance.”

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Luke: “Boom! Did it.”

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Luke: Cute Laugh

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Luke: “Grande is the loneliest number that you’ll ever drink.”

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Luke: “I am the one who handshakes!”

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Luke: “I know there’s a lot of overlap between the British Empire and Canadia.”

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Luke: “I, I actually don’t want my coffee filled to the rim with the richness of brim.”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “My parents are not foodies, at all. They’re more woohoos.”

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Luke: “Ski-don’t”

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Luke: “Starblucks”

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Luke: “That sounds like the rantings of an insane person. Like, ‘I got the documents! This goes all the way to the top!’ I mean, not really, it stops just short.”

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Luke: “There’s one rule for the race; which is, do not talk about the race. I probably made that exact joke last year. So, I hope nobody listened to that episode.”

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Luke: “Umm, can I make a graveyard letté; where, I just put every kind of Italian soda…”

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Luke and Andrew: “Ba-ah-dy. Every ba-ah-dy.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Do not go north of the wrists! No, never go north of the wrist!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I don’t even know with this guy, he’s just such a… I don’t even know with this guy!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’ve never seen a Whit Stillman movie, but I know what their called and I’ve probably lied about seeing one. Oh, did you see Metropolis? Is that one? Metropolitan.”

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Luke and Andrew: Ski-summer, Ski-Doo, Ski-Don’t and Ski-daddle

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Luke: “A hard rain is gonna fall, my friend.”

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Luke: Cement Mixer Operator Driver Man

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Luke: Cute Laugh

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Luke: “Get ready for that!”

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Luke: “Go make my burrito, bitch.”

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Luke: “God, I’m on freaking fire right now! Dude, my guesses are fire!”

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Luke: “I climb on the back of a dinosaur like Fred Fucking Flintstone and slide down it, and I’m outtie.”

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Luke: “I don’t know what the rules of this dumb thing I made up are.”

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Luke: “I have a weird life sometimes.”

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Luke: “I’ll just be over here rending my shorts… over the rendering.”

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Luke: “Let’s go to the tote board, everybody!”

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Luke: Marsupial Gurgle name drop

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Luke: “Mon friend”

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Luke: “No cops!!!”

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Luke: “Oh, Christian teenagers”

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Luke: “Oh, God bless you.”

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Luke: “There are a lot of things that I donk money off on.”

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Luke: “This seems to be one of those things where Darby’s inside the Barney yelling, ‘No cops!!!’ Like, she doesn’t want, she’s a teenager, everything makes her embarrassed.”

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Luke and Andrew: “And please remember, no mountain too tall. And, I want you to listen to the whole (I’m outta here!) thing, Luke! Oh, damn it! Good luck to all. I gotcha!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Excuse me, I just shotgunned two LaCroix orange seltzer waters, not to brag. So, those are coming back on me. That’s fun.”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke describing what he does when he’s done with his part of doing a recording of TBTL

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Luke and Andrew: Luke re-enacting the process of finding keys to the cars to move them

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Luke and Andrew: Luke spoofing on a deconstructed jalapeño popper

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Luke and Andrew: Sex Phone Line at a Daycare

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Luke and Andrew: Touch the honesties

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Luke and Andrew: “What if they launched a new, new show by Glynn Washington called Snapchat Judgment? Invisibooyah. You’re really not buying what I’m selling today.”

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Andrew: “Also trying to work out a ‘Who allowed her to leave the office? Who? Who?’ joke.”

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Andrew: “And, every time you look at the show page, I want you to think about what you did.”

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Andrew: “But, she looks happy as shit.”

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Andrew: “By the way, we never talked about the fact that you used my voi–that yesterday was a big day for me. It was the first time in TBTL history that you used my own voice as one of your drops at the beginning of a show. It gave me, it gave me weird feelings, good weird feelings!”

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Andrew: “Clear the Walshes off the street.”

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Andrew: “Good Lord!”

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Andrew: “Hmm, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

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Andrew: “I just literally don’t have words.”

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Andrew: “I’m just trying to make you mad now. It sounds like I’m just baiting you.”

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Andrew: “Invisibooyah”

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Andrew: “It bothers me!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing after playing a clip

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Andrew: “Oh, shit!”

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Andrew: “Okay, let’s just keep on talking about Drop Talk.”

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Andrew: “One thing’s botherin’ me!”

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Andrew: Peter Griffin-like laugh

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Andrew: “So, I like that.”

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Andrew: “Somebody needs one, I ain’t got one.”

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Andrew: “That one’s on you! I didn’t send you down that path!”

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Andrew: Yawning and saying “Hey, Luke.”

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Andrew: “Yeah… I, you know, I’m scared of disappointing people.”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew laughing while Luke is saying “I don’t know which one I don’t work in. That’s the problem.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Bringing the music back. Good, good stuff there. It felt weird there for a second. Yeah, it was–things were getting too real.”

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Andrew and Luke: “How do you lose a Barney suit? I don’t know.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I thought I, I thought I made things weird, sorry. Did I make things weird? No. Okay.”

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Andrew and Luke: Luke muted his microphone and it almost made things weird

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Andrew and Luke: “Oh my God!!! Ah!!!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Oh, I get it! It’s like Ancestry, but only Blandcestry. Yeah. Sorry. Next time, you tell me a joke you’re happy with. Oh, shit! A hard rain is gonna fall, my friend. Clear the Walshes off the street.”

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Andrew and Luke: “This is real, right? Yes, it’s real!”

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