Marsupial Gurgle

Andrew: “Come here, honey stomach. Who’s my honey stomach?”

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Andrew: “Cuz, I don’t wanna just like, kinda… poop on this ghost story”

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Andrew: “Doctor Burbank is in the house”

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Andrew: “Downward facing podcast”

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Andrew: “God, this is boring!”

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Andrew: “Got my mind on my honey and got my honey on my mind”

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Andrew: “Hard drives, and hard drives, and hard drives of minutiae”

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Andrew: “Humpback of Norte-Podcasting. Ugh. Ughh, it’s getting worse!”

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Andrew: “I did miscalculate a little bit this time”

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Andrew: “I have an app that just generates… the word ‘hot dog’ over and over again”

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Andrew: “I’ll be damned if I’m gonna have a kid look up at me with, like, blood pouring out of his mouth and crying”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna have to hide me some secret sausages”

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Andrew: Imitating chatter among guys hovering around a lit grill

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Andrew: “It’s getting… it’s getting steamy with this word… image you’re painting”

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Andrew: “Like some sort of… humpback… of podcastery”

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Andrew: “Luke, sometime, sometimes you make statements about me; and, I think, ‘Boy… am I really giving that off? That’s not how I feel.’ But, sometimes, my friend, you nail it!! And, you just nailed it.”

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Andrew: “Take that body! Telling me what I can swallow, what I can’t.”

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Andrew: “This shit’s getting to me, man!”

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Andrew: “We have a lot of stuff”

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Andrew: “Yeah. What’s up with that?”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew describing how he preps for a party

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew was oddly mellow at the beginning of the show

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Andrew and Luke: “Congratulations us. Yay! Yay us!”

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Luke: “Be wise-all, and medicate with alcohol”

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Luke: Even though today’s Luke knows how bad toy crossbows that shoot toothpicks are, nine-year old Luke wants one real bad

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Luke: “Give me the motherfucking steak! I’m throwing it back on”

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Luke: “God, you’re so right”

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Luke: “I consider myself as the cherry Gusher of… husbands”

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Luke: “I know it’s the worst idea ever!”

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Luke: “Okay, everyone… flap your arms”

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Luke and Andrew: Coming up with rhymes with the word “Xyz”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke thinks beeswax is bee dookie

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Luke and Andrew: MC Hammer Air

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Luke and Andrew: “Mommy, could we go to the bank and can I have some sausages? Daddy, would you like a bank sausage?”

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Luke and Andrew: Shirtless Luke on the floor eating a floor hotdog

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Andrew: Cute Laugh

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Andrew: “Ding, ding, ding”

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Andrew: “I know! I know!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Luke… I’m a little insulted… that you, for even one moment, thought I was putting the listener first”

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Andrew: “Oh, man!”

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Andrew: “Oh, man! Tangent alert! Tangent alert!”

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Andrew: “That thing… that thing we don’t do”

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Andrew: “This isn’t the sangria you’re looking for”

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Andrew: “Yeah, I got it open in front of me here. The good news is… you just cured my alcoholism; cuz, I don’t think I’m ever touching a drop again. This is awful! This is awful!”

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Andrew: “You are a more fun person than I am”

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Andrew and Luke: “But, the good news is, he does have the Asthma Center website open; and, he’s gonna read to you the pollen count. Kids, let me tell you about Cottonwoods… and the danger they pose to your respiratory system. Grandpa… Ahhh fun, Grandpa.”

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Luke: “And we…!! Are you kidding me?”

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Luke: “Friday. Friday. Gotta get down… on Friday.”

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Luke: “Grandpa ‘No Fun’ Andy”

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Luke: “I don’t think that me doing this… is a kink for anyone”

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Luke: “I’m turning into Ziggy!”

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Luke: Inhaling through his stuffed up nose

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Luke: “Kids… gather ’round! Grandpa has a story about the time he didn’t do this one gross thing”

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Luke: “No, I do none of that; because, I’m a moron”

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Luke: “Thing about it… I’ll tell you a mummified toe… it loses fifty percent of its value as soon as you drive it off the lot”

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Luke: Whispering “I don’t know Abe’s middle name”

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Luke: “You’re too good to me”

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Luke and Andrew: “Please… (Mmm-hmm) start doing my Internet searches for me (Mmm-hmm!)”

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Andrew: “And, I just don’t believe that for a second. I just don’t believe it for a second!”

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Andrew: “Do you wanna… have an opportunity to laugh at me a little bit here?”

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Andrew: “Don’t! Don’t! Don’t!”

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Andrew: “Every time I open my mouth on this show… part of my brain is saying, ‘Is this inappropriate to say’?”

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Andrew: Funny Laugh

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Andrew: “I always feel so damn pathetic when I write one of my negative reviews”

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Andrew: “I was… so… mad!”

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Andrew: “I would not dig through shit for that”

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Andrew: “I’m never proud about these goddamn things”

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Andrew: “I’m, I’m just gonna do it. I’m just gonna do it. I need to do this.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “My brain is already scarred from this”

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Andrew: Pseudo-dejected “Okay”

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Andrew: Saying “I’m a human!” as Alex Jones

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Andrew: Singing what Andrew would sing when he would plug his ears

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Andrew: “They got this sign out there that’s just attracting… attracting… fat guys like flies, apparently. Like me!”

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Andrew: “Well, first of all, I’m officially not part of this conversation”

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Andrew: “Yeah, that’s BS”

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Andrew: “You can just call me ‘Tain’. I’m here to entertain you.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Hurtin’ my shoulder pattin’ myself on the back… (Y’all)”

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Andrew and Luke: “I, I would do anything for a lawsuit; but, I won’t do that. Meatloaf.”

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Andrew and Luke: “If anybody wants to get rich. Here’s my advice to you… (M’kay) Invite me to your Tupperware party”

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Luke: A string of “Owie”s

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Luke: “And, I apologize, I’ll use a, a sort of a coarse term here, they’re just trying to cockblock each other at every turn; because, they don’t like each other”

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Luke: “And, I may have… cooked my brain… a little bit”

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Luke: “Come at… Come at’cha? Coming at’choo? Come at’choo? Coming at’choo [ph] right now”

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Luke: “Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera”

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Luke: “I’ll have two of your finest meat sandwiches! Gro–What kind of freak are you? Hey, give me a couple of burgers. Why, absolutely.”

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Luke: “If MC Skat Kat goes to the bathroom, is it MC Skat Kat scat?”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “‘Luke won’t stop trying a fart transplant drop, I don’t like it!'”

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Luke: “Nailed it. God, that timing was… Every once in a while, I get the timing just perfect on one of these things; and, I think you all will agree… that was one of those times.”

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Luke: “Sangria can’t melt this steel”

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Luke: Singing “Let me heat your grill”

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Luke: Singing “O say can you see”

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Luke: Singing a portion of “Stars and Stripes Forever”

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Luke: Singing a portion of “Stars and Stripes Forever” #2

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Luke: “They heard me D-ing… when I had… agreed… N to DA.”

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Luke: “What a dumb reason to lose your job as one of the deans of Yelp”

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Luke and Andrew: “Honey Boo Boo!? I was trying so hard not to do that. Alright. Y’all kids… y’all kids get ready; cuz, we goin’ down to… Benihana!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Well, that’s what they say, ‘We’re more calloused in the gross parts.’ We’re… Yes, that is what they say.”

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Andrew: “And also, just to go back to the regular… regular swearing!”

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Andrew: “But, I really enjoyed yelling at everybody!”

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Andrew: Chuckling

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Andrew: “Everybody, quiet down!”

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Andrew: “I didn’t swear there”

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Andrew: “I thought a Lone Star Tick is when you find yourself saying ‘Y’all’ all the time in Austin”

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Andrew: “I’m just gonna give an ad here”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “There’s pretty good”

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Andrew: Saying “Still sucks” in a funny manner

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Andrew: “Side question”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “Ya got rats, man!! Ya got rats!”

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Andrew and Luke: “And then, you took a big hit off your vape pen. Yup.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Hey, y’all! My buddy’s sleeping! Hey, y’all! I’m (Yeah, exactly) out for a walk!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I just hacked my way into the backend of… Okay, I was (Alright) gonna say… Let’s see how he gets out of this one.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Luke? Yeah. Let’s just do a little quiet time… Let’s finally respect the listener’s wishes and shut up. Everybody… Everybody, quiet down!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Sounds like mafia shit. There, I just swore. I hope everybody’s (Ooooh) happy. I hope they are too.”

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Andrew and Luke: “You wanna play a voicemail? Yeah, I do.”

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Luke: “Back at it again… with a Tuesday afternoon edition of TBTL”

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Luke: “Dad, why do we live in a time warp?”

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Luke: High-pitched “What!!?”

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Luke: “I know this; cuz, I’m constantly doing shit like this, you know?”

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Luke: “I’ll, I’ll say, ‘Doggam Futhermucker’… one show”

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Luke: “Just y’all-ing it up”

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Luke: “Sometimes, I’ll fight tomorrow’s battles yesterday; and, that will really fuck them up.”

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Luke: “That’s the kind of thing… that you don’t think about; but, it’s life-changing if you spend as much time… on the toilet as I do”

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Luke: “There’s a reason why there’s a version of the song where they say, ‘She ain’t messing with no broke, broke’. Is it, does it rhyme? No. Does it scan as well? No. Is that the version that I’m gonna sing? Yes.”

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Luke: Whispering “If we start whispering, the listeners will whispering back for no good reason”

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Luke and Andrew: “I will dig through shit to find that piece of tooth. And she did, right?”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke and Andrew’s improv skills aren’t great, even if Andrew writes his stuff down

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