Clips From TBTL #2102

Andrew: Andrew compares what his doctor told him to lyrics from a Dave Matthews song

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Andrew: “Hunh.”

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Andrew: “I didn’t know about the, the fecal blast aspect of this.”

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Andrew: “I don’t like the sound of this.”

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Andrew: “I’m really killing it today.”

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Andrew: Imitating Dave Matthew’s singing style

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Andrew: “It is, amazing!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Oh my God!”

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Oh my God!” #2

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Andrew: “Mother. Effer.”

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Andrew: “Oh my god, on an airplane?!? You get up!”

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Andrew: “Oh, God! I’m just ruining this show today, I’m sorry. Either, I can’t remember my words or I’m off-topic all the time.”

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Andrew: “Power out!”

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Andrew: “Power out!” (With Reverb)

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Andrew: “Prince, stop trying to put everybody’s sexuality in a box!”

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Andrew: “She’s a Long Bahomie.”

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Andrew: “They can’t just go rogue on something.”

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Andrew: “Twice? Really!?!”

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Andrew: “Well, this is a little blue; but, I’ve already dropped the F bomb, so I’m probably fired already.”

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Andrew: “Yeah, not without a court order!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Come on… that, that’s not enough. Then you wave your hand under it again and it’s like, ‘No, bro. I know you’re the same guy. I may be a machine, but I’m not dumb. Also… I’ve scanned your retina, (Yes!) and I’ve looked into your heart. And I’ve been talking to your remote control.'”

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Andrew and Luke: “I… Hold on. (Sorry) Hold on, hold on, hold on, Andrew.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Listen to this, here’s a little story for ya. Do we have a second for a story? Absolutely. Okay.”

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Andrew and Luke: Luke suspects Andrew of making out with his new Xfinity remote

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Andrew and Luke: “Maybe. (And so..) I doubt it.”

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Luke: “Alright, our Top Story from the ‘I Coulda Told You That’ desk”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: “Give me such a brark!”

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Luke: “He would rather get my booty in his face”

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Luke: “Here’s my power in.”

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Luke: “I’ve pulled all the comps!”

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Luke: “Long Bahomie-Tens”

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Luke: “Nice!”

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Luke: “Nope.”

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Luke: “Pod-dog doin’ what Pod-dog do, (Perro) shedding like a beast.”

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Luke: Reciting lyrics from “Nothing Compares 2 U”

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Luke: “Rudy is like that with fur. There is no end to the fur. I comb the fur off everyday, there is more fur. The fur falls out. There is, yet, more fur.”

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Luke: “Seriously?”

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Luke: “Through the device.”

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Luke: “Well… Umm…. No…”

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Luke: “What!?!”

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Luke: “What stinks is this story, Andrew.”

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Luke and Andrew: “A little splatter of feces. Show title?!? Maybe.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Back to whatever it was you were saying… I have no idea what, I have no idea where we were.”

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Luke and Andrew: Diarrhea Talk

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Luke and Andrew: “It unfolds, like a flower, over the course of the week. Like a stinky flower. Like a corpse flower.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Speaking of diarrhea, by the way. Oh, good. Yeah, let me… Drink!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Strong with his diarrhea game! (Yeah!)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Umm… Uh… Oh, sir! Just one more thing. I don’t get the reference. It’s a Christopher Walken impression. Ah, it’s pretty good.”

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Clips From TBTL #2101

Andrew: Andrew needs a show title

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Andrew: “Did you say one is called the ‘Flipper-Flopper’?”

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Andrew: “He’s in between meows right now.”

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Andrew: “Huge left turn here.”

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Andrew: “I apologize, everybody, for being a liar on this show.”

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Andrew: “I do feel like, I was in a, I said a lot of weird, weird-ass shit today; and, I apologize for that. I don’t think I’m fully here.”

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Andrew: “I don’t think you should write it down.”

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Andrew: “I don’t want to sound like a, a, a poopy pants.”

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Andrew: “I love being home, even when I’m home all the time. I’m not even kidding!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Perfect!”

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Andrew: “Mr. Gorbachev, buttress that pillar!”

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Andrew: “Not that you’re not interesting, Luke. You’re very interesting.”

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Andrew: “Oh my God.”

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Andrew: “Think about it people… Think about it!”

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Andrew: “This is how I become a liar. This is we all become liars.”

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Andrew: “Well, what’ya think, ya dummies!”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew acted like he was pretty high

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Andrew and Luke: “How many times do you interrupt yourself just to say, ‘You’re listening to Luke Burbank, Seattle’s News, Seattle’s Half-Broken Patient’? All the time? Yes. (Okay) All the time.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I also apologize for what I’m about to say… Okay.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’ll jump to the point, let’s try something new. Ha!!!”

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Andrew and Luke: “That is your classic ‘Oh, Andrew’ moment right there. Ugh, so painful! (Oh, man)”

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Luke: “Clear your mind, everybody, and the rest will follow. Be color blind and don’t be so shallow. In the words of En Vogue.”

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Luke: Doing a Ronald Reagan impression, saying “Well, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall and make this open-concept kitchen.”

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Luke: Doing an impression of his wife doing an impression of Tarek El Moussa saying “When you see mold, your blood runs cold.”

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Luke: “Ha!!!”

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Luke: “I consider him, really, an innocent champion of honesty.”

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Luke: “I don’t know if the podcast can have interesting stuff”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Reading a haiku sent in by Dazzling Donor Matthew Lang with the wrong cadance

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Luke: “Sweet, sweet haiku.”

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Luke: “Thank God!”

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Luke: “This right here, what you’re listening to, this is the podcart that might just be Too Beautiful To Live.”

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Luke: “Yay!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Andrew, let’s not turn this into a busy-off, okay? Let’s not, yes… Let’s not turn this into a bizzing contest.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Because I only need therapy every other week, Andrew. I’m not that messed up… Yeah, you’re, you’re… You’re only half-broken.”

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Luke and Andrew: Swaddler

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Clips From TBTL #2100

Luke and Andrew played a TBTL Voicemail Line Jingle from the show’s Dazzling Donor, Dr. Jim Hsu, as part of his Dazzling Donor message:

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Andrew: “Blah, blah, blah.”

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Andrew: “I need more time!”

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Andrew: “I would like to apologize to the citizens of Tallanasty.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Oh, shit!”

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Andrew: Marsupial Gurgle Name Drop

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Andrew: “Oh, my.”

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Andrew: “Rutabaga, rutabaga, rutabaga.”

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Andrew: “That’s what turns my brown upside down… right there.”

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Andrew: “The Big Guava”

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Andrew: “Umm, I’ve been having dreams about, like, choking everybody I know. No, I’m just joking.”

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Andrew: “Why are you fucking downloading Law and Order!?!”

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Andrew: “You don’t have to go to Friday’s, but you can’t stay here.”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew needed a buffet of some kind

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Luke: “And it was sublime.”

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Luke: Attempting a Columbo impression by saying “I was listening to your program on my car radio.”

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Luke: Attempting to do a Christopher Walken impression

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Luke: “Don’t people get diarrhea from that?”

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Luke: “I mean, I would be a hard no on that.”

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Luke: “I was able to smuggle in all of the Head and Shoulders shampoo that I’ve stored in my rectum.”

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Luke: “I was knee-deep in the hoopla last night.”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Let me recombobulate that!”

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Luke: “Let me, let me further unpack that.”

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Luke: Saying “Rubber baby buggy bumpers. Rubber baby bubby…” in a Columbo-like voice

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Luke: “Sun Sauce!”

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Luke: TBTL Late Checkout Drinking Game

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Luke: “The diet’s going well, by the way.”

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Luke: “What an S-hole. Look at us, aren’t we, aren’t we ironic?”

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Luke: “What’s, what’s been turning your brown right side down?”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke apologizing to the listeners for everything

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Luke and Andrew: Luke continues to do his Columbo impression and Andrew wishes that room service could hear it from outside

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Luke and Andrew: Luke doing his Hank Hill impression

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Luke and Andrew: Sun Sauce

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Luke and Andrew: “Umm, we tried to go to a place called ‘The Jerk Hut’. Oh, my.”

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Clips from TBTL #2099

Andrew: “And, if you said this and I zoned out for a second, I know I’m often guilty of that.”

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Andrew: “Are you shitting me?”

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Andrew: “But, this is not a dive bar.”

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Andrew: Clicking his tongue

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Andrew: “I wouldn’t kick that jukebox out of bed for eating crackers.”

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Andrew: “It’s actually pronounced, ‘Wally-wok-ay’.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Millions of fourteen year olds were about to lose their religion.”

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Andrew: “Ooh, cuz you’re like a, like a Crazzling Creeper.”

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Andrew: “Shit!”

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Andrew: Singing “That’s Kelly in a Corolla!”

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Andrew: “Tell me everything.”

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Andrew: “They’re my digital night shorts.”

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Andrew: “You could be playing some Slaughter a cappella shit.”

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Luke: “Because of my very sexy snoring.”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: “Come get me, motherfuckers!”

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Luke: “Did somebody, at some point, eat crackers in bed and get kicked out? That is one of the weirdest idioms… Is that an idiom?”

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Luke: “Forking A!”

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Luke: “Ha-ha!”

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Luke: “I don’t understand technology, Andrew. I assume it’s mostly witchcraft.”

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Luke: “I mean, it must be directly from Satan’s bowels.”

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Luke: “I wonder what’s gonna happen when the, the army from the north tries to take Crazzling’s Creep.”

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Luke: “I’m like the Jeff Foxworthy of dive bars. You may be…  in a… That’s more like Larry the Cable Guy, probably.”

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Luke: “I’m, I’m not getting near that part of my dog’s situation.”

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Luke: “It’s dolphinately for sharks”

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Luke: “Many, many monies.”

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Luke: “Not… hardly. Oh, yeah!!!”

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Luke: Saying “Who are the travel wizards” in a Columbo-like voice

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Luke: Scatting

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Luke: “Thank you for the feedback, from everybody, about her butt problems.”

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Luke: “That poor, poor woman. What she would have seen if she were to open that door.”

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Luke: “That’s how that works!”

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Luke: “That’s Kelly in the corner. That’s Kelly in the spotlight, elevating his ankle.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Also, Andrew, I am, I’ve done the whole show in a towel. Really? Yeah. Oof.”

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Luke and Andrew: “But it would be a real eyeful for that poor housekeeping staff, so… Well, it’s an earful for us. Eyefuls and earfuls on this Friday.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Guess what? Oh, there it is!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I like the brown note, Andrew. I know. I make no apologies about it; but, here’s the thing… It’s the brown frown. So… Turn that brown upside down.”

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Luke and Andrew: “That’s a weird, little footnote of history, right? Really is. Yeah.”

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Clips From TBTL #2098

Andrew: “Boy… she should piss me off more often, because…”

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Andrew: “Ding, ding, ding on that.”

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Andrew: “Everybody, language alert. Grow up.”

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Andrew: “For a change, it’s not just two bros bro-ing it up in here.”

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Andrew: “Hello, Internet!”

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Andrew: “Hey, uh, TBTL Episode Calculator, what episode is this? This is episode 2098 in a collector’s series.”

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Andrew: “I am not, no, oh, that makes me feel so bad!”

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Andrew: “I don’t have any books in this room, because I can’t read.”

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Andrew: “I still don’t know what the fuck!”

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Andrew: “I, I own up to my Donovan love, to the extent that I have Donovan love.”

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Andrew: “I’ve gotten some letters from listeners saying, ‘Please, just stop saying those words in that order. Please? Please!’ They said, ‘Stop doing that.'”

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Andrew: “Let’s face it, I don’t think I deserve it anymore.”

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Andrew: “Meredith! I don’t like Browns! Not the team, the people! Tweet it!”

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Andrew: “My way indeed. Hello, Internet!”

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Andrew: “Number one, I’m not a runner; and, number two, I’m not a woman.”

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Andrew: “Oh, really?!?”

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Andrew: “She’s a chaos muppet and I’m an order muppet.”

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Andrew: “That don’t work for me.”

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Andrew: “That whole night was a blur for me.”

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Andrew: “That’s bullshit.”

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Andrew: “The calculator, is a woman. Women can be anything these days.”

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Andrew: “The woman who puts the ‘Ph’ in Phlursday, Phyllis ‘Fletch’ Fletcher.”

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Andrew: “Then they just started to mine the hell out of my teeth.”

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Andrew: “Welcome to TBTL, the podcast that you stopped trying to explain to your friends, a long, long time ago.”

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Andrew: “Well, look at you, Mr. Rich Fancypants!”

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Andrew: “Yeah?”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “And you’re like, ‘That don’t work for me.’ Yeah.”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: Andrew was the rightest

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: Andrew yelling “Shut up! Shut up! You’re not a detective!” and Phyllis saying “Right” in response to a “Murder, She Wrote” clip

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “Are we still in our e-mail segment? Yes. Okay.”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “I would like to say once again, I hope you’re enjoying that burrito. (Yeah)”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: Laughing

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “That is how much I don’t want to talk about period pants. Let’s talk about something else. (Sorry!) Just kidding.”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “You wanna have a non-runoff sometime? Yeah, that would be awesome! Let’s have a, let’s have a race to nowhere. I win.”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “Badness is happening under there”

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Phyllis Fletcher: Disgusted Sound

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Phyllis Fletcher: “I win.”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “I’m not a tax attorney. This is not legal advice, but…”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “No, no. I had a sweet apartment in Belltown, man! Sweet.”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “What?!?”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: “Do you remember that feeling from when you were a kid when you pee your pants, and then… Yeah, from when I was a kid.”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: “Dr. Tucker, you smoke? I thought that was bad for your teeth? And then, he went, ‘Pffff, it’s not. It’s bad for your gums.’ I love that man! Yeah.”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: Forgetting About Dre

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: Phyllis singing the “Murder, She Wrote” theme song while Andrew is talking

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: “This is a very, very Andrew-ish story, I think. Oh, you mean that it’s short, to the point, and very funny?”

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TBTL Episode Calculator: “This is episode 2098 in a collector’s series.”

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Clips From TBTL #2097

Andrew: “And just like, tchooo!”

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Andrew: “Cuz, I’m a glutton for punishment.”

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Andrew: “I do!”

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Andrew: “I know we have a few minutes, don’t worry.”

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Andrew: “I never, ever, ever thought I would say this to you; but, do you have, like, any thoughts on the future of podcasting or something else we can talk about?”

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Andrew: “My Scion rims!”

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Andrew: “Okay then, forget I said anything; cuz, I’m not gonna try to describe it.”

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Andrew: “People don’t really talk like people!”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “Sounds like Brain Candy.”

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Andrew: “What’s going on in there?”

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Andrew and Luke: “And I listen to the Mariners ff–shit the bed… again! Yes! Good stuff. Good stuff. Really good stuff.”

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Andrew and Luke: TBTL is like a crappy car

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Luke: “Ahh, good, good stuff.”

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Luke: “As long as they don’t talk about dog bungholes the whole show, I, I assume I’ll enjoy the show for a long time.”

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Luke: “As per ush.”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: Cute Laugh

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Luke: “I also like turtles.”

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Luke: “I just… don’t… give… a…. crap.”

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Luke: “I’m sorry, Pod-dog is harassing the S out of me right now, Walsh.”

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Luke: “It’s a real, it’s a real shit show over here sometimes, Walsh.”

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Luke: “Oh my God, that’s the guy from Super Password!”

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Luke: “Pod-dog! (Perro) Pod-dog is nowhere to be found.”

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Luke: Saying “This is the body I got” and then singing the McDonald’s “I’m Lovin’ It” jingle

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Luke: “She, then, decided to, how would I describe this… drag her dog anus across the entire carpet, here, in the Broadcast Center at Burbank Springs.”

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Luke: “Shit got kinda real.”

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Luke: “This cannot be happening to me right now!”

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Luke: “Wow! Three minutes into the show, huh? That’s, uh, when you decide to roll in, huh Pod-dog?”

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Luke and Andrew: “And by us, I mean me, not Andrew; because, he’s zero help in that department. (Gahhh!)”

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Luke and Andrew: Burbank Hall, Burbonk Hall, and Burbonkal

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Luke and Andrew: Columbo Role Playing

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Luke and Andrew: “Don’t blame Dale. (Right!) It’s not Dale’s fault.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Normals like it. (Mmm-hmm)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Yes we can. Okay, good.”

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