Andrew: “Also, I get the Lord of the Rings and the Bible confused”

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Andrew: “Have we reached our ten year friendiversary yet?”

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Andrew: “He really likes his… Bean time, in the same way I like my Andrew time”

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Andrew: “I can get so catty about those things, and snarky”

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Andrew: “It is just a huge sugar blast”

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Andrew: “M’kay. You outta here?”

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Andrew: “Nostalgia is a powerful drug”

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Andrew: “Not to turn this into a sad sack story”

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Andrew: “Turning Coors Light into Miller High Life”

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Andrew and Luke: “By the way, Luke, this is not me… at all judging you… This is me judging you judging others (Better not be)”

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Andrew and Luke: “It’s best to use more words (Mmm-hmm!)”

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Luke: “Carey… God bless her… What a… what a… sweet… (That’s my woife!) kind person”

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Luke: “Dinner for schmucks… starring me”

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Luke: “Equivalent… past… participle of the paradigmatic profane word in our culture!!”

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Luke: “I don’t know… Metaphor much?”

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Luke: “Nah. I think… our princess is in another castle”

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Andrew: “1040-EZ Peasy”

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Andrew: “Cuz, you’re, you know, gigging all over the place”

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Andrew: “Don’t Jeff Lynne me!”

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Andrew: “Everything’s great with my mouth”

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Andrew: “I guess that’s it!!”

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Andrew: “I know you like me to ‘Yes, and’ you”

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Andrew: “I love Jesus; but, I drink a little”

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Andrew: “I, I thunder-shirt him, you know”

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Andrew: “I’ve… said it once… say it again… Mothers Against Drunk Driving… has a… iron grip on this culture of ours… and they’re ruining America”

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Andrew: “I’ve… said it once… say it again… Mothers Against Drunk Driving… has a… iron grip on this culture of ours… and they’re ruining America… Get that in the clear, Linh? I see what you’re doing over there, Luke… I see what you’re doing over there. I do not wanna hear that ever re-surface. Linh… I will… I will unfriend you”

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Andrew: “Linh Pham… the Phamdemort… Phamily… Man”

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Andrew: Mimicking the sound of creaky floorboards

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Andrew: Mimicking Theodore’s loud yelling sound

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Andrew: “Oh, no! Why is he fighting with his penis?”

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Andrew: Requesting someone to register the domain PlantOrAnimal.com

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Andrew: “They is trying to say I was drunk… I had eight beers. That’s it”

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Andrew: “This is the shit that happens to me all the time!”

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Andrew: “Ugh! She’s got a snake”

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Andrew: “When I saw myself poop, and I was like, ‘You gotta be kidding me'”

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Andrew: “Where’s my doohickie?”

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Andrew: “You’re gonna love the living tweedle out of this”

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Andrew and Luke: “AmIHotOrNot… dot-meow… and… also. Hey, Linh. You should buy that one. (Oddly, that URL is taken) Yeah”

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Andrew and Luke: “Yeah, I… I can’t talk about that… Okay”

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Luke: “Cool. Your new name is Taargüs”

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Luke: “I’m just glad my wife is in charge of this and not me”

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Luke: “I’m very dependent on myself. I’m extremely dependent on myself!”

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Luke: “It… mutilated this other turtle’s dong!”

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Luke: “It’s my money and I want it now!”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Ooh! Explicit”

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Luke: “Thank you for looking that up; because, honestly, it wasn’t until I said it out loud… into a microphone… on to a recording, that will be heard by thousands and thousand of people, that I realized… I don’t actually know what the name of that snake is!”

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Luke: “That’s dirty, right?”

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Luke: “Their entire console would not fire… because, the power was out. Because, the thing wasn’t plugged in! Because, nobody was monitoring the situation!! Because, the union guys were having a tuna sandwich!!!”

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Luke: “Who loves ya baby!!?”

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Luke: “Yeah, the shit–the trip is shaping up… I almost said, ‘The shit is traping up'”

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Luke: “Yeah! Nailed it!”

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Luke and Andrew: “It’s a wet, wild… wooly world here in Whatcom County… It’s a wot of Ws, Woot”

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Luke and Andrew: “Wow! That’s cool! (Yeah) That’s fun!”

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Andrew: “Akron, Ohio!”

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Andrew: “Aw, damnit!”

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Andrew: “But, he’s gonna be unlikable!”

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Andrew: “But, I was… overcome with the… like, desire to do that, and I don’t know why!”

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Andrew: “But, this is how weird my mind was working at the time”

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Andrew: “By the way, kids, don’t run away… Gus! Don’t run away”

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Andrew: “Guys, you’re doing great!”

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Andrew: “I don’t know why I’m being difficult on this”

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Andrew: “I grew a beard… I built a cabin… and I lived there forever; and, then, I met Luke… about thirty years later, and we started doing TBTL. And, that’s how that happened”

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Andrew: “M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I”

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Andrew: “My grandma gave us tons of old Reader’s Digest from the 60s and 70s; and, we kept them in the bathroom… for some reason”

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Andrew: “No to the name tags!”

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Andrew: “No! I don’t get in the car with strangers!”

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Andrew: “Oh, yeah! Her eyes are so squinty!”

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Andrew: “Take the shower and come upstairs. We have a lot to talk about”

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Andrew: “That’s why… if you were to find those exact Reader’s Digest today, they would be pretty… pretty puffed up… with water damage”

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Andrew: “This isn’t the life for me anymore, living in Valley City, Ohio”

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Andrew and Luke: “Did you ever look at Rudy and she appeared to be a giant ham… or, what would a vegetarian version of that be? Did she look like a giant rutabaga? (I looked at Rudy and she became a giant pile of horse poop!) Eugh!!”

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Andrew and Luke: “You know what? Those people upstairs will wait; but, the, the humor will not… I have a whole stack of these (No) things”

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Luke: “And, by the way, the real world is really real this morning for me”

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Luke: “Bashing your way through… trees”

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Luke: “Cha-cha-chaaa!”

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Luke: “Cockamamie schedule”

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Luke: “Dragons be dragging”

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Luke: “I can have a dream sometimes where I, I’m… higher up on something that I meant to be”

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Luke: “I gotta wait until nine to watch this; which is very late for Old Man Burbank”

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Luke: Imitating the sound of a white-throated sparrow

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Luke: “It’s all downhill and three-sixty slam dunks from here”

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Luke: “Podcast movement? More like bowel movement!”

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Luke: Saying “I just have a pet ferret… because, it’s enjoyable” as John Lennon

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Luke: Singing “I am a tree… I am a Bran”

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Luke: “That’s… gotta… that’s gotta leave a skidmark!”

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Luke: “This was more like ‘Dingus in Real Life'”

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Luke: “Uh, well, actually”

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Luke: “You know, you go into podcasting with the bird sounds you have, people, not the bird sounds you need; and, that was the one I had in my sound effects file”

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Luke: “You’re more horse poop than dog… to me now”

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Luke and Andrew: Reading a list of nuts, er, birds

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Luke and Andrew: “Well… the good news is, your parents… were… were really on the case, and were… were pretty protective. My parents were not protective. And, we’re both screwed up in different ways… (Yeah! Right) So, the good news is, no matter what you do as a parent, your kid… (Yeah) will be… kinda screwed up”

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Andrew: “Are you kidding me! Can we please listen to some… McDonald’s golden oldies?”

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Andrew: “Can we get through one show without you talking about somebody’s cans”

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Andrew: “Cuz, that used to be so normal; and, now, it sounds so odd”

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Andrew: “Don’t make this too dark, Walsh”

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Andrew: “Enhance! Enhance! Ouch!”

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Andrew: “From Adelaide to our deaths”

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Andrew: “I feel like I just need to give up on this; because, I’m just more and more sounding like an old man”

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Andrew: “I honestly don’t know if I’m gonna lose my shit out there, Luke. Like, I’m scared of things”

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Andrew: “I like sleeping in basements”

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Andrew: “I like, I like everything that you just said. It was very sweet and I agree with it all”

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Andrew: “In case we want to TP somebody’s house”

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Andrew: Singing “Garfield-1… 23-23”

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Andrew: Singing “When you drop kick your lumber… as you walk through the door… no one cares”

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Andrew: Singing the first few notes of either the Doogie Howser, M.D. theme or the Super Mario Bros. underground theme

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Andrew: “They don’t have hands, man. I’m telling you. I was zooming in. They’re hooves… They’re little hooves. They’re gonna punch you right in the face… Don’t get too close”

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Andrew: “Things are going on in St. Paul that I… didn’t realize”

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Andrew: “Titular heads”

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Andrew: “What’s in the water at Dunn Lumber?”

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Andrew: “You know what thought? Honestly… I mean, that sounds boring; but, boredom is the least of my problems”

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Luke: “Andrew, I can’t overstate this. I am gonna lose… my… shit when I see a kangaroo… in the wild”

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Luke: “Could be… the Lord trying to tell me something”

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Luke: “I think we need to get… aggressively finite”

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Luke: “I’m gonna do something that I already regret”

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Luke: “I’m not gonna freak the frack out”

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Luke: “It’s just a big expanse of nothingness”

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Luke: “Make it so, Uluru”

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Luke: “May have to kill you and eat you”

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Luke: “Oh my… God!”

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Luke: Saying “Don’t be such a Coober Pedy” in an Australian accent

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Luke: Saying “Elev-Sev… in Straya?” in an Australian accent

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Luke: Saying “Eleven-Seven” in an Australian accent

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Luke: Saying “See… that’s… why… I’m the titular host” while dinging his bell

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Luke: Saying “You call that an e-mail?” in an Australian accent

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Luke: “Show us your titular heads”

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Luke: “That Yaris is… is never Yar-ing back down to Adelaide”

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Luke: “Uh-hunh”

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Luke: Whistling and singing “It pays to pay cash… at Dunn”

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Luke: “Ye–Y’all freaked out a little bit”

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Luke: “Yeah… Show us your titular heads… Wait, what? No! Sorry. That was…”

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Luke and Andrew: “Boy, I said… ‘Dolly Parton’s cans’ and I said (Alright) ‘titular’. I feel like the show’s getting a little bit… I know you go in for anything pornographic; but, I’m trying to keep it clean (Mmm-hmm)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Can I try something? (Mmm-hmm) This is… our friend, the Phamdemort”

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Luke and Andrew: “Can we go with… a little Waterloo? That’s great. I think Australia is gonna be our Waterloo anyway. So…”

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Andrew: “Also… why go places?”

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Andrew: “Drippy… rainy, gray a lot”

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Andrew: “I like having a little mystery in life”

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Andrew: “I’m blanking on it”

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Andrew: “Like, I forget that, like, how… how buzzy the city can be in certain neighborhoods”

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Andrew: “Should I hit!? Should I hit?”

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Andrew: “So, Phyllis, please… take this personally”

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Andrew: “Stanky Blursday bass riff”

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Andrew: “Well, you know what this means… screw the limit”

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Andrew: “When you think of me, you think of rule breaking, right?”

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Andrew: “Who’s your TBTL sponsor?”

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Andrew: “You don’t touch my bell!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I looked at the picture… (Okay) I asked myself… ‘Are they just spoofing us? Is this just a blurry candle?'”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’m gonna derail us. Please”

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Andrew and Luke: “Is it disorienting cuz you don’t know how far into the show we are; (Yes) or, because, you don’t know what time it is in the real world? I don’t care about the real… Andrew, the real world melts away when you and I are in this room. Okay?”

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Andrew and Luke: “What do you call somebody who loves Schitt’s Creek? I got Schitt Heads, right? For all the other Schitt Heads out there… Schitt’s Heads”

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Andrew and Luke: “You just got Urban Dictionary’d. I know!”

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Andrew and Luke: “You’ve been lock curious for a while now… I consider… I identify as lock curious (Uh-huh)”

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Luke: “I’m such an old man”

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Luke: “It’s a cool story that I am sure we will absolutely… just… annihilate the details on. I’m sure… it’s just a sharp… shot… waiting… to blow”

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Luke: Saying “Leave David alone! You’re lucky he even made coffee for you! Bastards!” in a funny manner

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Luke: Saying “My husband plays the radio too loud in the car” in a funny manner

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Luke: “Whatchu talkin’ about Willis?”

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Luke: “Yes. By the way, welcome to Parking Talk… This is the part of the show where we just discuss… various zoning regulations”

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Luke: “You want your brain to hurt… bro?”

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Luke: “Ziggle-zaddy, let’s get addy?”

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Luke and Andrew: “I feel like a virgin in a sex shop… (Mmm-hmm) What end is up… sir, on this particular… item?”

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Luke and Andrew: “I have a hundred percent pooped during conversations with you. (Oh, no!) I mean, regularly. Like, in front of me! Like, not even on the phone! Welcome to Australia”

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Luke and Andrew: “Which is why I should not be allowed to read science stories. It’s a real threat to my sobriety. Who would’ve known that that’s what triggered you… Wow! Never in a million years. I thought it was, maybe, the vodka drop from yesterday. (No) Nope, it’s the article about a black hole”

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