Andrew: “Andrew was a sad sack as a kid”

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Andrew: “I didn’t have my first kiss until college!!”

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Andrew: “I was a late bloomer… I assume I’m going to bloom one of these days”

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Andrew: “If the universe delivers all of that to you, and you don’t act upon it… the universe is gonna be done with you”

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Andrew: “That is why I am clinging to my relationship like a life raft after the Titanic”

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Andrew and Luke: “I have such a similar story, also from college. I have kissed a girl by this point. (Okay) So, congratulations to me. If you’re scoring at home… Andy the Love Bug as made contact”

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Andrew and Luke: “I said… and, I used the wrong word. This isn’t what I meant. I meant to say ‘customary’… (Mmm-hmm) but… Smooth Andy over here said… ‘I guess it’s time for the obligatory kiss good night’ (Oh, boy!)”

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Luke: “And, I will be talking to my good friend and the longest running co-host of this program; known around here as Andy the Love Bug”

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Luke: “Heaven forbid… you found yourself… single and trying to mingle”

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Andrew: “All of that is to say, the first message that I have here is from Phamdemort… from that… Slack page”

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Andrew: “And then, I said something… even stupider”

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Andrew: “And, I love you, Luke”

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Andrew: “Can we just do my… pants drops?”

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Andrew: “Father… mother… bother… brother, lather, leather, weather, tether, feather, heather, heathen, brethren… Pathogen? That’s not right”

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Andrew: “I am an idiot, though!”

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Andrew: “I don’t know if I wanna learn how to do Slack”

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Andrew: “I know I’m Mr. Snowflake”

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Andrew: “I know! What am I doing?”

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Andrew: “I’m not really going anywhere… great with this”

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Andrew: “I’m wrong!”

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Andrew: “It’s a one man meat tent, by the way. Just so you know. It’s just a one man meat tent”

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Andrew: “It’s always… seventy degrees… with a twenty percent chance of rain in my living room”

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Andrew: “Little assholes!”

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Andrew: “Oh my God! What are we doing?”

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Andrew: “Oh, Phamdemort. Please, if it be your will, take this crown from my head”

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Andrew: “Pathogen? That’s not right”

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Andrew: “See, you get me”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “So, ‘guadal anal’ is the name of the show?”

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Andrew: “That ain’t the Midwest”

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Andrew: “The writing on that show is sharp AF”

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Andrew: “Wow. This, this show is un…raveling”

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Andrew and Luke: “God! If I could have just (You know what?) told that joke without stumbling. Son of a gun”

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Andrew and Luke: “I know we gotta wrap up; but, let–can we just do my… pants drops? Ooh! Yeah! Easy with Walsh… (Ooh!) words have meanings. Get at it! Get at me on Slack, Phamdemort! ‘Andrew, can we do my pants drops'”

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Andrew and Luke: “Oh… what is our, what is your nickname? Vold–not Voldemort, but… Linhdemort? Oh, Phamedemort? Oh, Phamdemort. Please, if it be your will, take this crown from my head. Yeah”

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Luke: “A Luke Burbank with a few, kind of, dazzling details is a dangerous thing, my friend… and, you armed me with those dazzling details with that Reader’s Digest segment we did”

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Luke: “And, because I’m a fancy boy”

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Luke: “Boys… have a tendency. I know; cuz, I was a boy… and, now I’m a man”

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Luke: “Can I say one thing that I’m sure I’ll regret later?”

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Luke: “Can you get through the day not saying the ‘N’ word?”

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Luke: “Guadal anal”

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Luke: “I’m seriously don’t know what you’re gonna say”

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Luke: “No. I meant, ‘Guadal anal'”

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Luke: “These snow drifts are so high! How high are they, Luke?”

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Luke: “Wait, Virginia… there is a Blursday clause… It will be on Friday”

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Luke and Andrew: “Every… last name on this list… is some–something phallic. Goddamnit. How am I gonna do this? How am I gonna do this? Mike… Bonerton… of Kalamazoo”

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Luke and Andrew: “Is it a… like a murder of crows a meat tent of one? Yes (Is that… how the numbering works?) Mmm-hmm”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke was about to ask the Internet about the Ohio-Pennsylvania “borfer”

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Andrew: “A lot of flute… a lot of flute”

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Andrew: “Fuzzy eyed and fuzzy headed”

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Andrew: “I realized when I broke while saying it, that that’s probably the one”

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Andrew: “I… I know that dance. I know that dance well. The thing is, I just… you know, eat the, the garbage though”

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Andrew: “I’d wanna knock some skulls together”

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Andrew: “It’s Hollyweird, baby!”

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Andrew: “Maybe I’ll keep my powder dry on this… interesting anecdote about my… predilections on snow days”

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Andrew: “Oh!! If you like this, you don’t get it, man!!”

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Andrew: “Olly shit! So good!”

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Andrew: “So, I’m growing”

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Andrew: “That is a mind eff!”

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Andrew: “That’s what you do!”

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Andrew: “This is just digging us deeper”

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Andrew: “Thunk, thunk sounds”

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Andrew and Luke: “I was really mad at some young punks… yesterday across the street… (Oh, now we’re hitting some content) Let’s get in… Here we go”

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Andrew and Luke: “Just gotta give me a little time to warm up. I’ll get to old man… (Yeah) yells at… children… mode”

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Andrew and Luke: “One of these days, a soft snow is gonna come… and wipe the… (Clean the streets of these snowball throwers?) That’s right”

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Andrew and Luke: “That’s just the, that’s just the tip of the… potato iceberg! (The tip of the potato?)”

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Luke: “And now, I’m bummed!”

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Luke: “‘Are you watching Ballers?’ I’m like, ‘No!!'”

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Luke: “Are you… daft!?”

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Luke: “From whence that comes, I will not know”

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Luke: “If you’d like… a beeped… version of this, you can go to our website”

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Luke: “It’s… crazy!”

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Luke: “Like, it was just a big fucking scam!”

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Luke: “Oh my God! You’re back!”

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Luke: “Rudy, come on. Get… Geez… Get down here, please. Rudy, stop!”

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Luke: “These are the most whimsical vandals!!”

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Luke: “We’re running out of food… and, I’m running out of television to watch”

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Luke: “You’re not gonna get any crap from me”

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Luke and Andrew: “I… just keep you on your toes. I know you do… I know you do”

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Andrew: “Andrew Walsh. Nice guy! Professional nice guy”

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Andrew: “Don’t bring that into the jacuzzi”

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Andrew: “Don’t worry, Andrew. If the Seahawks don’t do it today… next year’s looking really good. You got this, buddy”

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Andrew: “Garbage anxiety at peak levels here… in the Roosevelt neighborhood”

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Andrew: “Hey, turkey!”

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Andrew: “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing”

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Andrew: “I got my toy!”

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Andrew: “I have to be responsible about it; and, I don’t have patience for that shit”

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Andrew: “I kind of am a turkey… I like to think that I’m a turkey”

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Andrew: “I like to borrow trouble”

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Andrew: “I’d prank a horse”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Making a proto Marsupial Gurgle-like sound

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Andrew: Making funny mouth sounds

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Andrew: “No, it sounds terrifying!”

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Andrew: “Please, please, please, please, please!”

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Andrew: Saying “I don’t wanna get up! I feels like a snow day” in a funny voice

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Andrew: Saying “Luke! Luke! I’m gonna do the show like this from now on. This is my new voice!” in a funny voice

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Andrew: “That didn’t work. That didn’t work at all!”

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Andrew: “That sounds fun!”

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Andrew: “Welcome to our ‘ool”

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Andrew and Luke: “Welcome to our ‘ool… Notice there’s no mayo in here… Please keep it that way… (My…) That didn’t work. That didn’t work at all!”

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Luke: “Also… when this whole podcasting thing… crashes and burns; as, it eventually will”

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Luke: “And, this is the part where I’m gonna put my, I’m gonna put my knowledge inside of all the listeners; and, I apologize for doing this”

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Luke: “I eat… my weight in cheese… every day”

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Luke: “I’m laughing cuz I did the weirdest thing”

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Luke: “It’s just not a big thing in my brain”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Quiet “Goddamnit”

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Luke: “Retail arbitrage, bruh!”

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Luke: Saying “Oh, yeah! Youz go to the Post Malone concert?” in a Philly accent

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Luke: “This is not a multi-level marketing pitch, by the way”

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Luke: “What was my point with that?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Don’t mind me. I’ll just be in your jacuzzi with an O’Doul’s… and some mayo Or, don’t… Oh, God”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m assuming the listeners… would rather Daddy and Mommy don’t fight… (Mmm-hmm) But… It’s Daddy and Turkey. Why are Daddy and Turkey fighting?”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m sure I’ll throw back a few… fake hot dogs with my fake beer… while listening to my fake baseball team… Perfect year for it, bro!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Lord willing and the snow drifts don’t cut off our Internet contact (Ooh, yeah)”

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Luke and Andrew: “They don’t know what’s going on; because, they’re literally just, like, got their, like… pressed up against another fish’s bunghole… (Hmm) In, like… the murk”

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Andrew: “Did I just say that word?”

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Andrew: “Funky little radio shack!”

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Andrew: “I have some unprotected cuffing in my future”

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Andrew: “I have the technology!”

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Andrew: “I’m literally a little bit… brain blown right now”

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Andrew: “It’s a little floppy up there. I love it”

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Andrew: “It’s four-twenty, dude”

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Andrew: Making thinking mouth sounds

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Andrew: “No; but, I just want it now!”

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Andrew: “Oh, these people are my people!”

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Andrew: “Really!?”

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Andrew: Saying “Yes, Barbara. Aren’t I pithy when I talk about the reasons I got rid of Facebook” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Singing “Why did I buy this junky little Zoom?”

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Andrew: “Tin roof! Balanced!”

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Andrew: “Well, goddamnit!”

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Andrew: “What is with these people?”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew comparing his relationship with his landlord with Andrew and Luke’s relationship with American Public Media

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Andrew and Luke: Making clicking sounds

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Andrew and Luke: “Oh, that’s right. This is story [sic] about you being tired. Yeah”

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Andrew and Luke: “Would you like to play a game? (Yeah!)”

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Luke: “Did my daughter send me this link? Maybe. Shut up! You don’t know my life! Get outta my business!”

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Luke: “Drink it in with your ears. This is the show today”

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Luke: “I can get a little eyerolly about some of that stuff”

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Luke: “It’s cuffing season!”

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Luke: “Like, that’s all I have to offer to the wider world”

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Luke: “Oh, God!!”

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Luke: “Shut up! You don’t know my life! Get outta my business!”

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Luke: “Something is amiss!”

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Luke: “This poor son of a bitch”

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Luke: “Those people don’t even know they’re already dead!”

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Luke: “Yes!!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Junk…y little Zoom!! Why did I buy this junky little Zoom?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Let us burrow further into the Favela of… Esoterica Town (Mmm-hmm!)”

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Luke and Andrew: Singing “1-800-MR-PLOW. That name again is Mr. Plow”

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Luke and Andrew: Singing “It’s a sick… house!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Until then, stay warm, stay cuffed… keep your lagniappes close… (God) and your senior citizens closer (Closer)”

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Luke and Andrew: “You can, you can… dink around with your boop-boops (Exactly)”

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Luke and Andrew: “You know what? The Bible says, ‘As a dog returns to its vomit… (Ooh!) So, we return…’ The Bible’s nasty sometimes. It is… nasty in there!”

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Andrew: “And, I think I was feeling mostly booty”

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Andrew: “And, I think I was feeling mostly booty… and, because I was so booty this morning”

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Andrew: “Booty slide”

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Andrew: “But, XBOX is kinda bullshit. It’s a Microsoft product”

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Andrew: “Can we, maybe, start every show by saying, like, what was our best booty moment of the day before?”

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Andrew: “Cash only, twenty bucks… Cash only… Cash only!”

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Andrew: “Dinking around… on his boop-boop”

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Andrew: “Hey now… leave my mom’s booty out of this”

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Andrew: “‘I had the booty and the body down for years’, she says. ‘But, once I discovered ‘breath’… it came full circle. Now, I feel empowered and completed fulfilled: mind, body… and soul'”

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Andrew: “I had the booty and the body down for years”

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Andrew: “I just wrote down nothing. I wrote down nothing!”

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Andrew: “I still left in some of the fascinating facts”

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Andrew: “It’s a dirty joke”

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Andrew: “It’s not… good”

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Andrew: “Just occurred to me, this might be one of those songs that gives you the bad feeling”

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Andrew: Mimicking the “Uh-oh” drop

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Andrew: “Now, where are the cookies?”

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Andrew: “Oh my God! You guys get him too!”

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Andrew: “The Postest with the Mostest”

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Andrew: “Well, not to get all… Seinfeld-y here”

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Andrew and Luke: “Laurel. Did you say, ‘Yanni’? I might have (All I could hear was ‘Yanni’)”

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Luke: “If you forget your child’s age, you might be… an old guy”

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Luke: “Laters!”

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Luke: “Maybe we could start pulling in some of that sweet, sweet… Fortnite cheddar”

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Luke: “Not to be confused with… booty!”

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Luke: “The River of Booties”

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Luke: “This is not inappropriate, I don’t think”

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Luke: “You put pork chop on a, on the end of a fishing line and then you cast it over the barrier into a lion’s cage… of my mind”

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Luke and Andrew: “But, just once a week, I like to check in, I like to do some breath work, (Mmm-hmm) some booty work, and some body work… (Mmm-hmm) and, just listen to the soulful sounds of Tim Heidecker on the bass; and, it really centers me”

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Luke and Andrew: “Do you know this song by Tim Wilson? No; but, it’s wonderful! What the hell is this?”

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Luke and Andrew: Top Stories went by really quickly and could be called “The River of Booties”

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Luke and Andrew: “You know what, Andrew? It really comes down to a couple of things for me… breath… (Mmm-hmm) and booty (Mmm-hmm)”

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Luke and Andrew: “You’ve fallen right into my elegant trap; which is… (Uh-huh) all of the things you just said will make… beautiful intro tape for you at some point… I hate you… By my trap, I mean, our friend Linh’s trap (I… hate both of you)”

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