Andrew: “Andrew! Go to Home Depot… Buy a new pair of gloves”

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Andrew: “Creep finds a way”

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Andrew: “I’m just all over the place”

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Andrew: “I’m not gonna say this stupid thing that I was able to say”

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Andrew: “I’ve been watching you from my window right there”

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Andrew: “It doesn’t feel like this is a professional way to start a professional podcast”

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Andrew: “Listeners, if you have any children I can borrow… I have a small, little project I’m working on”

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Andrew: “No-no-no! We love the bunnies”

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Andrew: “No, he’s getting banned”

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Andrew: “Oh, I should stop doing this”

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Andrew: “Okay… Still be here tomorrow… Mr. House”

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Andrew: “Sorry. There’s no room at this table”

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Andrew: “There’s no need for me to start the show… today, like this”

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Andrew: “This is why people have children… I get it now”

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Andrew: “This is why people have children… I get it now. You can send the little ones in there with some poison”

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Andrew: “Tinges of paranoia”

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Andrew: “You almost can’t get on all fours”

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Andrew and Luke: “Okay… Still be here tomorrow… Mr. House. I call it Mr. House. I, I came up with that myself. That name again is Mr. House”

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Luke: “And, there’s a hashtag?”

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Luke: “As I’m Wantz to do”

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Luke: “Blah-blah-blah”

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Luke: “Don’t mess this up, Burbs!”

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Luke: “Holy shit. Bob’s coming for me”

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Luke: “I was agreeing to this! Because… I’m… nuts, and, also… I’m desparate”

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Luke: “Oh, sir… just one more thing related to the cat”

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Luke: “Pray for him!!”

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Luke: Singing “That name again is Mr. House”

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Luke: “So, I cannot send Randy home from my phone”

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Luke: “That’s a real Burbs move”

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Luke and Andrew: “Have you read any of your Yelp! reviews!? (Yeah)”

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Andrew: “(I eat stickers all the time…!) Whoa, that scared me!”

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Andrew: “I have some regrets about that intro… that we played at the beginning of the show”

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Andrew: “I have some regrets about that intro… that we played at the beginning of the show… Not huge regrets; but, small regrets”

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Andrew: “I thought the BoJack Horseman joke was good; except, it went on too long”

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Andrew: “It looks like I went… to… war”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: Making slowly stepping backwards sounds

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Andrew: “Maybe even, kind of, heavier and… and, and, and lumpier”

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Andrew: “Oh, I can get these things!”

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Andrew: “One time”

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Andrew: “That’s mostly the space I play in”

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Andrew: “Wash your cornhole”

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Andrew: “What am I doing wrong?”

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Andrew: “Women cannot take a burn the way a man can”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’ll walk that back. Can I walk that back? Yes, you can. Okay. Walking that one back… Doot-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot-doot (Backing slowly) Slowly into the hedge!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Our hedges… our, what are they? Laurel… hedges… (Yanni hedges) Our… our, our Yanni hedges”

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Luke: “A game of horseshoes!? Boy, I’ve really been stressed; down and out”

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Luke: “But, then after… enough alcohol, I forget that I’m shirtless”

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Luke: “God! They’ve gotten to me too”

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Luke: “That’s the move!”

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Luke: “‘Wantz’ like ‘pants'”

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Luke: “You always gotta wash your cornhole, Andrew. I mean, honestly”

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Andrew: “And, I just am, just… draped in shame afterwards”

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Andrew: “Andy don’t play that”

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Andrew: “Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-basketball”

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Andrew: “Do you know who I am?”

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Andrew: “Eew. He just sleazes in and outta places”

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Andrew: “Hey, you really screwed my podcast today, Walsh”

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Andrew: “I am aloof though”

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Andrew: “I can take that key card out of my wallet and, and… loosen my belt a little bit; because, it won’t be dragging my pants down”

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Andrew: “I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do for the newsletter today. Can I just send out a blank newsletter today?”

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Andrew: “I hope you’re right. I do. I’m, I’m trying to get there. I would like to be more hopeful. I’m, I’m just pessimistic”

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Andrew: “I tighten up so goddamn tight!”

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Andrew: “I, I love slipping into Maudlin Town”

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Andrew: “I, I love slipping into Maudlin Town. Like, that’s, that’s… that’s… that’s my version of Flavor Country… Maudlin Town”

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Andrew: “Indeedly doo, my friend!”

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Andrew: “Is there anything I could say that would, somehow, ease pain, as opposed to make it worse? No… I don’t… I don’t know what it is. I’m still looking for it”

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Andrew: “It’s just like… Well… you’re having a party and you didn’t invite me? ‘Well, Andy, you don’t come to parties.’ I know… but, I like to be invited!”

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Andrew: “It’s just… hundreds of years of, of… being… rights for some people and not all people, and it’s infuriating. And, it’s just the, the… the myth of freedom in this country is just… overwhelming right now” [ed: 💯]

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Oh, damn. I won’t be able to fill in during the holidays when there’s no news”

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Andrew: Singing “Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-basketball. Gimme the ball. I wanna dunk it”

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Andrew: “Well… I think I can now say that I’ve been fired… Not from American Public Media, not from TBTL. That day will come”

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Luke: “I don’t know why that’s where my brain went today”

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Luke: “There are more of us than there are of them”

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Luke: “This is not what the… what the Founders intended for Music for Your Weekend!”

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Luke: “This is not what the… what the Founders intended for Music for Your Weekend!” [Trimmed]

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Luke: “This is why I, I’ll never understand music, Andrew”

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Luke: “We’re just gonna give you a… a cardiac infarction!”

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Luke: “Well, sometimes you headbutt the bar and sometimes the bar headbutts you”

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Luke and Andrew: “Everyone will all realize, at the same time, that I’m boring and that I have 4 stories… That’s how I feel… (Wait, what’s the 4th?) Sorry… It feels good to laugh”Andrew: “We voted… for you, asshole”

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Luke and Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “A srirortage? [ph]“

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Andrew: “Again, I’m not trying to be argumentative… I’m, I’m fine with you believing that and I won’t argue against it. I’m just telling you that I can’t go along with that reasoning”

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Andrew: “Because, there’s nothing I hate more. Well… fascism sucks”

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Andrew: “But, I feel like I’m losing my goddamn marbles over here”

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Andrew: “Coming up, bear vs bar… argument”

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Andrew: “Do you know what I’m leading up to here? What am I leading up to, Burbs!?”

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Andrew: “Get it all out”

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Andrew: “Good boy”

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Andrew: “I don’t wanna talk about it”

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Andrew: “I have a whistle… for some reason”

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Andrew: “I love my can crusher!”

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Andrew: “I love you, man”

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Andrew: “I think it’s Pho Fighters”

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Andrew: “I was trying to do it. Didn’t, didn’t succeed”

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Andrew: Making can crusher sounds

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Andrew: “Oh, man! Don’t get me started on my can crusher”

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Andrew: “Oh… God, do I ever!”

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Andrew: “Oh… Tennessee… Yeah. We just answered our own question”

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Andrew: Saying “Dip-dip-dip” in a deep voice

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Andrew: Saying “Dip-dip-dip” in a deep voice #2

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Andrew: Singing “Sha-na-na-na-na”

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Andrew: “So, I hope you had a wonderful birthday. Aw, shit! I messed it up”

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Andrew: “There’s a funny Kids in the Hall skit that I already regret describing here”

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Andrew: “We know that I do not mess… with that stuff”

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Andrew: “Woof”

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Andrew: “Would you agree that this conversation is un-bar-able?”

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Andrew: “Would you agree that this conversation is un-bar-able?” [Trimmed]

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Andrew: Whispering “I’m scared to say anything”

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Andrew and Luke: “Sha-na-na-na-na. Sit, Ubu, sit. (Yes) Good dog. Woof”

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Luke: “By the way, I miss those days… where, the people… in the thing also sang the song for the thing”

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Luke: “Floated to the bottom of the pool”

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Luke: “Hey, bar! Hey, bar! [ph]“

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Luke: “It’s kinda slaps!”

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Luke: “M-A-I… T-A-I!”

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Luke: Singing “And he killed a bar [ph]“

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Luke: Sneezing

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Luke: “You just messed up, listeners”

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Luke and Andrew: “Coming up… stockpiling sriracha and… swimmers fainting… hear on TBTL… Hear on… Oh, I’m So Sorry, I Interrupted You… I love you, man”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke sneezing and Andrew saying “There you go… Get it all out… Good boy”

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Andrew: Disgusted groan

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Andrew: “Eh, what’s the point?”

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Andrew: “Helmed by… TBD!”

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Andrew: “I am Mr. Limited”

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Andrew: “I’m scared of everything”

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Andrew: “If you ever wanted to do a taste test of a pepperoni muffin, that actually sounds, kind of, good to me; if, that’s a thing”

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Andrew: “Mr. Limited… on that score!”

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Andrew: “Okay… Bad example”

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Andrew: Saying “PayPal” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Saying “Read my lips” in a funny manner

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Andrew: “That’s fine. We can talk about that for a half hour what a loser I am. I’m, I’m totally comfortable in that space”

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Andrew: “There must be something about… my Midwestern accent that rounds that shit out”

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Andrew: “Turns out I could contain myself”

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Andrew: “You know what? If we’re meant to be… we’ll be together again”

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Andrew: “You’re not ready to rock”

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Andrew and Luke: “I am Mr. Limited. I am the complete (Right) opposite. I… I limit myself… everyday and I love it (Right)”

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Luke: “And, this is where, Andrew… I really kinda screwed up”

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Luke: “First of all… they see Becca and I walk up… and, they’re like, ‘Oh, you’re gonna take the picture together?’ I’m, like, ‘No… We’re separate'”

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Luke: “Look out! There’s a bar over thar! [ph]“

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Luke: Singing “I’ve got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart… Down in my heart. Down in my heart. I’ve got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart… Down in my heart to stay”

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Luke: “You made some of my favorite sports memories”

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Luke and Andrew: “It’s Rocking the Wahlk… [ph] Night. Rocking the Wahlk [ph] Night”

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Luke and Andrew: “So, is it spelled, ‘W-O-K’? Uh, no. I have an accent. Walk. W-A-L-K. Wahlk. [ph] (Oh, okay) Wahlk! [ph] Wahlk! [ph]“

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Luke and Andrew: “The Portland Pickles are certainly going to play well, we know that much… (Yes! Yes!) I’m going to a Pickles game… with Becca (When!? When!?)”

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Luke and Andrew: “You’re Mr. Some Limited… I’m Mr. Very… Very Limited”

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Andrew: “Do listen to the commercial, but skip this story”

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Andrew: “First of all, I don’t mutter. I proclaim things”

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Andrew: “First of all, I don’t mutter. I proclaim things… I’m a broadcast professional”

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Andrew: “Good morning, Luke. I think you would’ve been proud of me”

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Andrew: “Happy day!”

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Andrew: “Hey, I killed a spider, Luke”

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Andrew: “Hey! You! Stop stealing that person! I can’t! I’m a Stihl person! Okay”

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Andrew: “Human-related stains”

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Andrew: “I don’t mutter-mutter… I proclaim”

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Andrew: “It was a thicc boi”

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Andrew: “Luke Burbank just said, ‘I’m tired of buying things for my home'”

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Andrew: “No, I’m not gonna normalize this”

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Andrew: “Oh, God! I had a… I had the most badass folding shovel when I was a kid, man; a little green guy”

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Andrew: “The spider’s life was not in danger from anybody but, I guess me… and a whim”

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Andrew: “They don’t invoke anything terrible happening there”

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Andrew: “They’re probably so glad a liberal cuck lives there now”

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Andrew: “Well, I’m the man. I, I know what’s going on here”

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Andrew: “Where did the ‘diarrhea’ come from?”

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Andrew: “Why am I in a yurt?”

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Andrew: “You know, put the cat away”

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Andrew: “You need men sitting on those showers”

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Andrew: “Your stories are… about as good as they ever are”

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Andrew and Luke: Getting mentioned in regards to Andrew playing the Kanye West and Russell Wilson “Unlimited diarrhea. Unlimited” mashup and discussing the source video

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Andrew and Luke: “No, I’m not gonna normalize this. Like, I’m… just gonna (Right) keep this as shitty as possible”

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Luke: “And, then, I go over the carpet… with a fine-tooth shovel”

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Luke: “How much should I be entertaining this cat?”

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Luke: “I need to make this rage house into a rage home”

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Luke: “My sebaceous glands are unlimited, Andrew… Unlimited”

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Luke: “Oh. A spider”

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Luke: “Strong Rick Steves energy”

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Luke: “Would you say they jiggle-jiggle?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Everything comes back to… jiggle-jiggle and folding, now, on this show (Yes)”

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Luke and Andrew: “I was trying to send these videos to Genevieve last night… and… because, I was like… Well, then, you keep your clothes on! What are you doing!?”

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Luke and Andrew: “So, the shower is… it’s angled back in the corner in a way so that it… I, I forget the term for it… You know, put the cat away”

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Luke and Andrew: “Would you say they jiggle-jiggle? Oh my God! They… they practically fold!”

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