Andrew and Luke: “And, of course, I’m having beers; so, the… the memory thing isn’t… it’s not sharping, it’s not sharpening the brain. Sure… So… Beer: the great sharpener! Right”
Andrew and Luke: “This whole album has a really, like, intentional… dark sound to it; which, I know sometimes they’re weird… (Don’t stay in my house, by the way) Yes”
Luke: “If you’re on your way down, I’ve been told it’s Pier 44… believe we were saying Pier 45… or, or Dock 45. Just look for that. Look for Pier 44. That’s what the e-mail said to me from the boat people” [ed: Nope.]
Andrew: “I was loading this e-mail on to my computer… which… I know that’s not how computers work. Just… let that sentence… just let it go, okay? I’m gonna cut it out anyway”
Andrew and John Hodgman: “You’re just undermining me this whole show, John? And, I… No, it’s me! It’s me; cuz, (It’s not you) I’m not doing a good job! (No, no, no. No, no, no, no. Everybody’s loving it) Andrew, I love you. Stop it (I love you too!)”
John Hodgman: “I can’t talk here because… my car is bleeding to death! Weird liquids are coming out of car holes; and, I don’t know what to do! Don’t know about cars! I’m not embarrassed… cuz, I was… speaking sharply to my wife; who, I love very much”
John Hodgman and Luke: “What… is… happening!? Why… did you ask me to stick around for this segment? Where, I obviously would just be confused… This is just for all of you! Yes. I have nothing to offer!”
About a week before the 3000th show was taped, Luke asked for a series of dazzling or funny deets about the show over the years. He also said that some of the details did not have to be true or accurate, considering that the TBTL: By the Numbers for the 2000th Epithode were not actual true stats. The following is the clip of Luke reading the ones that I sent over:
Andrew: “Hold on, hold on, hold on. Everybody… actually be quiet for one second. Everybody just listen to me. Really, really. Everybody listening? Yeah. Alright… (Power out) There it is”
Andrew: “If you guys love something, listen to it a lot; and, then, just sneak into the person’s studio and, eventually, you will be able to be a co-bro”
Andrew: “This is exactly where I should be. We are doing this from the commercial sink… the place where they wash the dishes… This is–We should move all of this equipment out of the way and I could start… cleaning everybody’s dishes. This is great!”
Andre and Luke: “Is Bonnie here? Bonnie? Hi, Bonnie! I got your e-mail… I’m gonna read it… (What?!) Are you cool with this? I am… really interested to see what happens next”
Andrew, Luke and Nick Armes: “No, no, no… nope! Not on my playground! Alright. Okay. Finish your quiz. What is this, After These Messages? Geez! What is After These Messages? (Ohh…) It’s a cleaning podcast”
Andrew, Nick Armes and Luke: “You’re gonna go with ‘Bomb Threat’? Sure… You’re gonna go with ‘Bomb Threat’!? I am. You’re gonna go with ‘Bomb Threat’!!? Umm… Yes! I’m afraid it’s ‘Fatt Kamp’, my friend. Yeah. Whoo! Drama!”
Chris O’Leary, Luke and Andrew: Chris giving out a dazzling deet about the number of Waffle Houses and what the show number would be if they visited different one for each episode going forward
Luke and Andrew: “Combining all of the times ‘American Pie’ was played during the twenty-four hour Vaniversary live show… (Ohh) you could’ve watched the original ‘American Pie’ movie… at least once; but, why would you? That’s our stats person getting into (That is solid!) the joke writing. It’s a decent spoof from our stat person”
Luke and Andrew: “I had a dream… Hey, you know what? Just do it… dream talk. (Oh! Change those stats, right here) I had a dream… (Who would’ve thought that would’ve been your dream that would change the stats?)”
Luke and Andrew: “Okay, I’ve got good news for you, Andrew. You’ve finished your food… Oh, yeah… I was… I was going slow… (I can shut up now) Thank you, so much”
Luke and Andrew: “Should I have not have been sitting on the hash browns earlier? (Right) Was that a… (Oh, I guess they were smothered and covered!) Hey-oh! Wow, that’s a pretty good spoof. Okay”
Luke, Andrew and Nick Armes: “Have there been points where you wanted to stop listening to the shows, but you felt like, ‘I got the tattoo; I gotta stick with it’… (Yeah) Like, at what point are you just trapped in this life? Weekly? Oh, wow. I’m kidding. I’m kidding. What do you think this is, Little Red Bandwagon? Ooh! Ooh!”
Andrew: “But, I’m not finding any goddamn follow-ups! Journalists: do your job! Get a follow-up interview! Start with… ‘What the hell, Terrance!? What’s going on? Explain this again'”