Luke: “Coming to you today from the Hilton Caribe in San Juan, Puerto Rico, looking out on the beautiful… Is it the Atlantic Ocean? I didn’t do a ton of research before I came down here, people.”
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Luke: “Everybody on this island pretty much has to speak some amount of English; because, that’s the fucking way of the world. And, I can just go to the Starbucks and order a, you know, coffee like I normally have it, and everything’s fine in my world.”
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Luke: “Hola. ¿Qué tal?”
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Luke: “¡Hola, Daddy Yankee! Tu Inglés es major de mi Español.”
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Luke: “I guess I figured that m–because, I’m an idiot.”
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Luke: “I should just speak English and own it”
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Luke: “I, somehow, chose the third rail of podcasting”
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Luke: “I’m Andre Agassi-balding”
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Luke: “I’m sure I can go get some special cards made up that, that just say, ‘Hola,’ and then, in English, ‘I’m sorry, but that’s all the Spanish that I speak'”
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Luke: “I’m trying from the Bartman of my heart to make this Trump segment work, Andrew.”
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Luke: Laughing
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Luke: “My name is Luke Burbank, by the way. I’m allegedly your host.”
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Luke: “No, no wig-shaming here”
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Luke: Singing “Boricua, moreno, boricua, moreno”
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Luke: Singing “Morena, boricua, morena, boricua”
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Luke: “This is fine. This is–everything’s okay. This is fine.”
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Luke: “Tu Inglés es major de mi Español”
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Luke: “Where do you guys, where do you keep the Starbucks around here?”
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Luke and Andrew: “Hair on, glasses off. Right.”
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Luke and Andrew: “I do have some complicated feelings about certain elements of being down here. Is, is it the lack of white people, Luke? Because, that’s straight up racist.”
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Luke and Andrew: “Just to wrap this whole dumb thing up; I think what it is, is I have this low-level underlying feeling of guilt that someone else had to learn English. Hmm.”
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Luke and Andrew: Luke is describing someone that is like Andrew
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Luke and Andrew: Painting Bald Spot and Boiling Toupée
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Luke and Andrew: “This hotel that I’m in, it’s sort of shabby-sheik, hold the sheik. Mmm-kay.”
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Luke and Andrew: “You just keep digging. Wait, hold on, keep digging. I’m gonna get to China soon; where, I’m gonna greet everybody by saying ‘Hola’ and then having to slowly reveal that I don’t speak Cantonese.”
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