Andrew: “Although, I’d rather have it be, like, blood on my face, then, like, an accident in my pants, or something”
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Andrew: “Blow that horn”
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Andrew: “Burbank… when ya nailed it… [sic] ya nail it, man!”
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Andrew: “God! Remember when I went to the gym!”
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Andrew: “Hey, did you see what I tweeted today?”
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Andrew: “How was that for coming out of the, coming out of the box hot today?”
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Andrew: “I’m done”
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Andrew: “I’m killing it though on e-mails today”
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Andrew: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Are you, are you Luke Bur–Luke Burbank? Is that a soul patch of blood or a goatee of deodorant? Just to settle a bet.”
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Andrew: “I’m… doing this all live; cuz, I’m a multi-talented podcaster”
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Andrew: “It sounds like it was the most dignified failure… in the history of live performances”
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Andrew: “It’s some cat, daddy-o, is at my door!”
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Andrew: Mimicking how GPS systems incorrectly pronounce “Sepulveda”
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Andrew: “Not everybody… has a ciotka. And, not everybody has a babcia.”
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Andrew: Saying “It’s not a tuber!” as Arnold Schwarzenegger
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Andrew: Saying “There’s a… mouse… in my beer” in a sing-songy manner
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Andrew: Saying “Thirty-seven pitches in the first inning” in a sing-songy manner
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Andrew: Snorting
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Andrew: “That would be deflating”
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Andrew: “That’s swass”
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Andrew and Luke: “And also, (Yeah) now… shoe’s on the other foot. Let me see you do this, Michelle! Yeah. Oh, you can probably do this.”
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Andrew and Luke: “I want you to buy the styptic stick with the money that you got for doing the event Saturday night. And, I want you to use the TBTL money… to buy me better jokes that (Okay) I can use on the show”
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Luke: “Andrew said this; and, then I said this!”
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Luke: “At some point… I am putting deodorant on my face”
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Luke: “But, I spray it on there, and it… not only did it burn like a mother… but… it also like… it like, liquified everything; so, then, I went right back to… basically having a soul patch of blood. Which, would be a decent… name for a Spin Doctor’s cover band.”
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Luke: “But, it’s… sorry to be gross… it’s bleeding profusely. And, there’s nothing I can do… to stop the bleeding.”
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Luke: “He was just like… just… his… his bunghole must have be [sic] clenched, must have been clenched so tight”
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Luke: “I had walked into the event… still with my soul patch of blood”
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Luke: “I, I woke up this morning. The rain was just… pounding down on the house. And, I was, like, running around the house in… me undies like a madman… worried about the basement. Everything’s okay.”
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Luke: “If I get body swapped, if I end up, if I Freaky Friday into someone’s body… right as they’re about doing something… really hard”
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Luke: “It’s not the water!!”
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Luke: Saying “He did not!” as Tommy Wiseau
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Luke: Saying “Look at me. Call me Mr. Butterfingers.” as the Joe Earley character in UHF
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Luke: Singing “And a beer”
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Luke: “So, I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about”
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Luke and Andrew: “Their donations are what will eventually allow me to finally get a styptic stick… That’s now where you’re money is going, people. In a roundabout way”
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