Author: Linh Pham

Luke: “All roads lead to something extremely horrible”

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Luke: “America, fuck yeah”

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Luke: “Aw, shit”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: Cute Chuckle

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Luke: Doing the airplane pilot spiel with an accent that sounds like Bill Clinton

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Luke: “First, though, we must say hello to this guy. He came here to Minnesota… to chew bubble gum… and raise money for public radio. And, he is all out of bubble gum.”

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Luke: “I know you were worried about the ‘Fart Locker’, but do not underestimate the power of the ‘Crock Locker’!”

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Luke: “I logged in as Dr. Burbank”

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Luke: “I’ve been feeling a little funny since yesterday, a little shortness of breath. Everybody relax.”

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Luke: Saying “Power bye!” in an Australian accent

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Luke: “Stop the show!!”

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Luke: “Take… the cannoli!!”

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Luke: “The Dingus Crown Affair”

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Luke: “This is stopping me in my tracks… my stinky, stinky tracks.”

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Luke: “Well, let’s start building it back up… with a Thursday afternoon edition of TBTL… the show that might just be Too Beautiful To Live (This is special! This is special!!)”

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Luke: “Who are you?”

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Luke: “You haven’t met my vinegar dogs”

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Luke: “You may have ACME Roller Skate Bomb Syndrome”

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Luke and Andrew: “Alright, thanks everybody for listening! Sorry… we’ll do better (For everything) tomorrow. Yeah. Maybe. Can we redo the show?”

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Luke and Andrew: “By the way, do you go with The Netherlands, do you go with Holland, (I say) the Dutch? I say The Ukraine. The Ukraine. Good spoof.”

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Luke and Andrew: “How dare you. Not without the harp!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m not sure what the Australian money looks like at this point. I assume it’s a picture of Paul Hogan… Oh my God. How do we have any Australian listeners left? After… after imitations of the Australian accent… Power bye!”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke stopped himself, and had a pained look on his face, when talking about the use of the Doctor honorific

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Luke and Andrew: “That became even more insulting than I thought it was going to. Well, I got a cruel streak in me, don’t I?”

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Luke and Andrew: “This would be the most downloaded episode of TBTL (It would be pretty big) if I expired (Gonna keep on scaring you now) during the recording. Wait… (Bah!) I, I don’t have a the hiccups… I dunno. I have allergies (Oh, shoot)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Well, I’m trying to think of the upside, I guess it’s just… I become, I become just king of TBTL. But, who becomes Nu-Andrew? If I die from Nu-monia, who becomes Nu-Andrew?”

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Andrew: “Burr-rurr Rey… [ph] I just did it so bad!”

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Andrew: “Can we pretend this is better?”

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Andrew: “Come on Luke, give it to us”

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Andrew: “Douche move, man”

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Andrew: “Her name was Nu-Prof”

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Andrew: “Hey, Facebook”

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Andrew: “I actually like… The Dingus”

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Andrew: “I don’t know if I look distracted to you or not. I need to be a hundred percent honest with you… I’m trying to follow these stories, and I’m not joking, seventy-eight percent of my brain, right now, is still trying to come up with a better title for this segment. I’m not kidding.”

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Andrew: “I guess I’m just being stupid”

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Andrew: “I know it’s not about slavery. Whatever”

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Andrew: “If you, if you donate during the TBTL-a-thon, Luke might live”

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Andrew: “Is there a chance that you’re allergic to work?”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Little Lukie”

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Andrew: “My first socks”

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Andrew: “Now you’re doing an imitation of me, and I resent that!”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “The Kings of Studio P-on?”

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Andrew: “The Nobel Yokels”

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Andrew: “The Royal Report!”

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Andrew: “Wait!”

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Andrew: “What have we done!?”

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Andrew: “Whatever”

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Andrew: “Why ya doing this?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Are you on some sort of medication that is making everything sound like a show title? Possibly”

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Andrew and Luke: “I said I was gonna stop doing that! I like it. Did you hear that laugh, Andrew? That was genuine. That was genuine.”

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Andrew and Luke: Pneumonia vs Nu-monia

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Luke had a little bit of fun emulating the Rainier Beer and BSB adverts where the names are said in a manner that replicates the sound of a car’s engine going through it’s rev range, letting off for a gear shift and revving back up again.

Luke: Saying “Living Colour” in a manner of a car engine revving and shifting

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Luke: Saying “Mike McGann” in a manner of a car engine revving and shifting

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Luke: Saying “Rainier Beer” in a manner of a car engine revving and shifting, and then saying “God, that’s a long thirty seconds”

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Andrew: “Also, I’d like to thank After These Messages for sponsoring today’s TBTL”

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Andrew: “And, God, did I get in my head over that, man!”

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Andrew: “But, Lord, Luke, look at this world we live in”

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Andrew: Drawn out “B-S-B”

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Andrew: Funny Sound

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Andrew: Having a good laugh

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Andrew: “¡Hola, el Presidente!”

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Andrew: “I am the face… of your victims”

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Andrew: “I don’t know”

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Andrew: “I mean, I guess I’m a snowflake and all of that anyway”

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Andrew: “I was writing down, ‘Cult de Sac of Personality'”

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Andrew: “It was the blurst of times!”

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Andrew: “Oh, God dang it!”

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Andrew: Snorting and laughing

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Andrew: “Well, I will say special thanks to Vinegar Dogs for supporting today’s episode of TBTL”

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Andrew: “Yeah, donate to TBTL, submit a message, and we’ll just… lightly link you… to all kinds of war crimes and atrocities”

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Andrew and Luke: “Here, I want to thank Steve Bony 2012. It was a Kony 2012 joke. I just spit coffee back in my cup. Now I can’t drink it. I hope you’re happy.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’d like to thank Alaska for sponsoring this episode of TBTL (Absolutely)”

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Andrew and Luke: “We’d like to thank Lenovo and Apple for sponsoring the show (Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm)”

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Andrew and Luke: “You went by ‘Even Strite’ [ph] right? Oh… Wait, whoa, now we’ve… Never mind. Nope. Nope. Don’t. Okay.”

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Luke: “And I had just, for some bananas reason”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: Having a good laugh

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Luke: “I looked over at my wife’s computer yesterday and… (That’s my woife!) saw something very troubling. I’ll explain what it was; and, how you can avoid such a thing”

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Luke: “I’m so sorry I was talking to you like a normal”

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Luke: “It was once referred to as my ‘vinegar dogs'”

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Luke: “No relation to the infamous German war criminal… as far as we know”

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Luke: “No way!”

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Luke: “Oh, man”

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Luke: “We may get into a triple dukes situation”

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Luke: “What!?!”

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Luke: “Yadda, yadda, yadda, fish sandwich”

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Luke and Andrew: “By the way, I’m about to buy these Crocs. This is how it happens, Andrew… Right now, you’re with me in the moment of buying something… I want no, I want no part of this. Can we get to e-mails?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Go UM-Dub. It’s Mary Wash!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I wanna play a little guessing game (Mmm-kay)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Kind of a… you know, a shell on the beach that we can hermit crab into with totally unrelated topics. That’s a good analogy! Thanks, I finally got one in (It’s cozy)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Let me just… float this little, tiny Charlotte Web’s… baby off in the distance of this show. We have a way with words”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke singing the word “Crocs” to the Doogie Howser theme and Andrew saying “Love it”

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Luke and Andrew: “This is legal cover for, for what you did to me last… What I did to you”

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Luke and Andrew: “What is happening dude? Hey, a moment on the lips”

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Andrew: “But, I mean, there is something… about… the soul… of the guitar… in Stranglehold”

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Andrew: “But, you’re screwed”

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Andrew: “I am exactly like other guys”

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Andrew: “I know you… and, I know me. I would do the same thing”

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Andrew: “I-If-If it had a spoiler… like that would be a party in the back… of that ugly, stupid Chevy”

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Andrew: “Is the technical word: scam?”

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Andrew: “It sounds dirty”

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Andrew: “It was a hard year for me”

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Andrew: “Jesus!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: Laughing #3

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Yeah, right”

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Andrew: Party in the Front, Useful in the Back

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Andrew: “Ping!”

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Andrew: Saying “Put on this, like, finger-wagging thing!” in a funny manner

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Andrew: “So many things to be afraid of”

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Andrew: “That’s so damn perfect”

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Andrew: “There are fifteen Burbanks circling the beach party! We recommend you move the party somewhere else!”

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Andrew: “This is so irresponsible”

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Andrew: “We need a brain doctor!”

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Andrew: “We’re really missing the ball here. Phyllis, could you edit those shows for us?”

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Andrew: “Wow! Because… Oh, wow! Wow!! All I can say is, ‘Wow!'”

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Andrew: “Yes! Yes!! Damnit! Write that on a piece of paper and hold it up to the microphone”

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Andrew: “Yes! Yes!! Of cour–Why did you let go on that whole ‘License to Drive’ thing!?”

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Andrew and Luke: “How about this. I’m gonna draw it on a piece of paper and hold it up to the microphone. Perfect. Okay. Oh my God, that is genius! Thank you!!”

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Andrew and Luke: Luke reacts to a “Surprise Jock Inspection” clip

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Luke: Describing the brain process and result of using the “Doctor” honorific in a hotel reservation form

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Luke: “Do we… do we celebrate… Nugent-level tools?”

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Luke: “Ha!”

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Luke: “It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is some ice”

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Luke: Laughing and clapping his hands

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Luke: “Put on a pair of shoes!!”

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Luke: Snorting

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Luke: “So much… so much to unpack!”

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Luke: “So, here’s the thing”

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Luke: “There’s a press release!!?”

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Luke: “When… will Spring ever come to the Pacific Northwest, I am not sure”

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Luke: “You know what? We’ll leave that to the lawyers.”

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Luke: “Zero brarks given… I think is a promise I can make”

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Luke and Andrew: “I just walked on a… ton of broken glass. Why do you keep doing that, Luke? Well, they had, you know, Annie Lennox told me to”

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Luke and Andrew: “If you think this is one of my more embarrassing things, listener? You have no idea what my real life looks like. Have you seen the laser helmet, my friend?”

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Luke and Andrew: “There is something about the soul of a Cat Scratch Fever. That’s so damn perfect”

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Andrew: “And everybody was, like ‘Heh-heh-heh’ …-ing it up all the time”

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Andrew: “But, I’m really looking forward”

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Andrew: “I think I forgot them. I had ’em and then there was all this pen business; and, now, I can’t remember them anymore.”

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Andrew: “If that happens, nothing, nothing makes sense at all… anywhere… anymore”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Please laugh”

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Andrew: Saying “Guten Tag, Luke” in a sing-songy manner

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Andrew: Tentative “Sure”

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Andrew: “This is not me, like, pranking you in a ‘Spreadshee’ kinda way”

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Andrew and Luke: Saying “‘You know what I mean’ That’s so good!” in high-pitched voices

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Andrew and Luke: “‘Why wouldn’t I!?!’ Which was my imitation of… (Gilbert Gottfried) of Gilbert Gottfried, doing Beavis, doing Butthead… (Perfect) is what that was.”

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Luke: “Buckle up, cuz this is not an interesting story”

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Luke: “Dang it! Well, that was story number one, my divorce”

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Luke: “Don’t quote me on that”

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Luke: “Don’t you understand that I have a very important podcart to record?”

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Luke: “How… dare… you”

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Luke: “I have binders of Tobolowsky that I’d like to share with you”

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Luke: “I’m gonna need you to work Saturday”

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Luke: “It’s actually USB in the front, USB in the back”

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Luke: “Just two bros… bro-ing it up”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Laughing #2

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Luke: “My theory is that there’s some kind of ghost in the machine”

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Luke: Saying “Yeah… I’m gonna need you to work Saturday. That’d be great.” as an uninspired Bill Lumbergh

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Luke: Snorting

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Luke: “Ten Simple Rules for Talking to My Harvey”

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Luke: “You look like a staff e-mail come to life!”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke pranks Andrew with a truncated “Technogeeks with Spreadsheets” drop

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Luke and Andrew: Singing “Yo, yo, yo!”

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Luke and Andrew: “What should we call, what should we call this episode? Presuming a Number Two Situation.”

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