Clips From TBTL #2237: Andrew Walsh Edition

Andrew: “And, I’ll say ninety-seven per–I mean, they are making zillions of Flo commercials; and, I, I adore ninety-five percent of them and love two percent of them.”

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Andrew: “And, this is where I’m BS-ing here a little bit”

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Andrew: “Get a picture of me with it anyway. What the hell is that thing!?”

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Andrew: “God, I can’t, I can’t win. I’m just gonna shut up. Tell me what’s going on.”

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Andrew: “Guys, we’re, uhhhhh, outta tape”

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Andrew: “I don’t even watch TV. I don’t, I don’t have a television. Notice I don’t call it TV, cuz TV’s a nickname.”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna look for it after the show, like a responsible microcras–microcaster…”

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Andrew: “I’m killing it today. Can we get out of this show before I say anything else I regret?”

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Andrew: “I’m not worldly, Luke.”

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Andrew: “I’m not worldly, Luke. I get it. I just like my, I just like my, my Donovan and hot dogs.”

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Andrew: “Knowing or using several languages. I love it!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “No offense, millennials”

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Andrew: “Obviously, the whole point of this is that he’s being a douche nozzle”

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Andrew: “Oh my God. Like, my eyes rolled so far up into my head”

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Andrew: “Oh, awful”

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Andrew: “Somehow, I just think the whole thing is bullshit”

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Andrew: “Sss–I don’t know if ironic is the word, or if apt is the word; but, it’s something that your CBS shoot is now being ruined by low flying aircraft.”

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Andrew and Luke: “But, now you’re more frustrated that I can’t remember the details of the story. No, not at all. I am, I’m used to it, man…”

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Andrew and Luke: “I think the first one on the list is, is way more, it has way more… Would you so it’s the most interesting story in the world? I would say it’s the most interesting story on the show sheet.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’m not trying to sub-podcast your, your producers over there… But, you’re trying to be a, a responsible microcaster.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Is it kind of like a joke, are kind of like in a, like, are you well-dressed, like in, you’re kind of like standing there in the water? That’s funny. No, it’s not that; and, so, it’s not funny. God, I can’t, I can’t win. I’m just gonna shut up. Tell me what’s going on.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Luke, why do I ever doubt you? Actually, (I have some) there’s a lot of… I, I, I can think of a lot of reasons, my friend.”

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Andrew and Luke: Snorting and Laughing

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Andrew and Luke: “The voice, Guy Nelson, says something about elections being the mother milk of democracy. It was a, (Whoa) it was a musical pun of some sort. No, no, no, I think he said, ‘voting is the blood sugar sex magic… of a republic'”

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Andrew and Luke: “We should get her to, like, put us on her podcast of the week list, or something like that. Oh, yeah. You’re getting a listener! You’re getting a listener! You’re getting a listener! Not so fast, After These Messages.”

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Clips From TBTL #2236

Andrew: “And, that’s how Luke became a Jethro Tull fan”

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Andrew: Andrew sounding like Donald Trump

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Andrew: “Bad news bears”

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Andrew: “For some reason, they think that CBS news is more important than TBTL”

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Andrew: “I mean, I was listening to your intro, it was good. You still don’t know what ocean you’re in.”

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Andrew: “I sounded like fucking Donald Trump”

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Andrew: “It’s the crack of 10 AM!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Oh damn, though, you’re an iPhone guy.”

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Andrew: “Other people are doing a podcast right now about stock options. We’re doing a show about sock options.”

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Andrew: “Part of the public radio puberty”

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Andrew: “Remember my great Edmonds adventure?”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “Super loosey-goosey”

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Andrew: “That’ll be the name of the show, ‘Insert Your Planet Money Joke Here'”

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Andrew: “There you go. I call these Donovan deets.”

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Andrew: “Things have gotten hard on the Argyle sock front, Luke”

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Andrew: “We’re off to a pretty hot start today!”

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Andrew: “Whad’ya need, bro!!?”

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Andrew: “You can tell I’m sharp today”

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Andrew: “You know me, I’m super anal the way I, kind of, organize things”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew likes to hide behind his lame humor when faced with serious things

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Andrew and Luke: “Are you wearing your pith hat? Professor Stanley, I presume?”

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Luke: “A little part of me dies when I realize like, this morning, that the only thing I can pull on are novelty socks.”

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Luke: “And, I made a note to myself. I said, ‘Self, you’ve got twenty-four hours before you do this again. Take five goddamn seconds and Google this!’ And, would you believe, I didn’t remember to do it until this very moment, when we’re all hanging out on the imaginary radio together.”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: “I’d like to thank our Bembe Bakra level donors today”

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Luke: “I’m a terrible human.”

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Luke: “I’m a terrible human. I think I just straight-up stole the Wilco A.M. CD from the radio station.”

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Luke: “I’m stifling the urge to call it Old ‘San Juan’, because I don’t want to be that guy.”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “The stages of listening to TBTL: bargaining, denial, and then, finally, sweet, sweet acceptance”

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Luke: “There’s a guy on flute. I’ve never heard someone jam so hard on the flute.”

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Luke: “Where’re all the farm girls?”

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Luke and Andrew: Crystal meth and false teeth are the official 15th and 16th anniversary gifts

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Luke and Andrew: “It’s like underwear or socks. Yes!”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke bought a dancing Mickey Mouse toy when he was 28 years old

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Luke and Andrew: Nana Jug

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Luke and Andrew: “No, the, um… Oh, dang it. People are throwing phones at things all over America, right now. Are they charged; and, how do they charge them?”

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Clips From TBTL #2235: Luke Burbank Edition

Luke: “Coming to you today from the Hilton Caribe in San Juan, Puerto Rico, looking out on the beautiful… Is it the Atlantic Ocean? I didn’t do a ton of research before I came down here, people.”

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Luke: “Everybody on this island pretty much has to speak some amount of English; because, that’s the fucking way of the world. And, I can just go to the Starbucks and order a, you know, coffee like I normally have it, and everything’s fine in my world.”

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Luke: “Hola. ¿Qué tal?”

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Luke: “¡Hola, Daddy Yankee! Tu Inglés es major de mi Español.”

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Luke: “I guess I figured that m–because, I’m an idiot.”

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Luke: “I should just speak English and own it”

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Luke: “I, somehow, chose the third rail of podcasting”

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Luke: “I’m Andre Agassi-balding”

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Luke: “I’m sure I can go get some special cards made up that, that just say, ‘Hola,’ and then, in English, ‘I’m sorry, but that’s all the Spanish that I speak'”

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Luke: “I’m trying from the Bartman of my heart to make this Trump segment work, Andrew.”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “My name is Luke Burbank, by the way. I’m allegedly your host.”

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Luke: “No, no wig-shaming here”

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Luke: Singing “Boricua, moreno, boricua, moreno”

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Luke: Singing “Morena, boricua, morena, boricua”

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Luke: “This is fine. This is–everything’s okay. This is fine.”

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Luke: “Tu Inglés es major de mi Español”

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Luke: “Where do you guys, where do you keep the Starbucks around here?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Hair on, glasses off. Right.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I do have some complicated feelings about certain elements of being down here. Is, is it the lack of white people, Luke? Because, that’s straight up racist.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Just to wrap this whole dumb thing up; I think what it is, is I have this low-level underlying feeling of guilt that someone else had to learn English. Hmm.”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke is describing someone that is like Andrew

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Luke and Andrew: Painting Bald Spot and Boiling Toupée

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Luke and Andrew: “This hotel that I’m in, it’s sort of shabby-sheik, hold the sheik. Mmm-kay.”

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Luke and Andrew: “You just keep digging. Wait, hold on, keep digging. I’m gonna get to China soon; where, I’m gonna greet everybody by saying ‘Hola’ and then having to slowly reveal that I don’t speak Cantonese.”

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Clips From TBTL #2235: Andrew Walsh Edition

Andrew: “And, when they missed that kick, I was on my knees like a soccer player skidding across the floor, like screaming and yelling”

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Andrew: “Hey, did ya guys all watch the football game!?”

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Andrew: “Hey! You know what it’s like to be me!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Making mouth sounds

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Andrew: “No, I didn’t.”

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Andrew: “Or, say from the Bart–from the Bartman of our hearts again; cuz, I can’t get enough of that shit.”

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Andrew: “Paint your bald spot?”

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Andrew: “People are gonna like it. It’s very lion-esque”

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Andrew: Saying “Do you like football?” slowly and loudly

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Andrew: Saying “Verbiage” in a funny manner

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Andrew: “Shine hard wig-shaming”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: Snorting #2

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Andrew: “Thank you from the Bartman of our hearts!”

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Andrew: “That was me doing me”

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Andrew: “What I was about to say, it sounds awful”

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Andrew and Luke: “Uh, we’re gonna win the ring in tw–Don’t do that. Do not, please, do not do that to the listeners. Super Bowl Twenty-Four… Teen. So, yeah. Two years old.”

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Andrew and Luke: “You truly are our Bartmen. I was gonna say, thanks from the Bart-tom of our hearts. I’m sorry, I stepped on your joke!”

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Clips From TBTL #2234: Aaron Mason Edition

Aaron Mason: “Cynicism is like poison. It’s, it’s the worst thing.”

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Aaron Mason: “I’m back!”

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Aaron Mason: “Keep talking about boob cake? Brother, can’t I stop”

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Aaron Mason: “Luke’s right. Future trippin’ is bad news, alright?”

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Aaron Mason: “Maybe, I’ll go on one of my beloved dump runs”

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Aaron Mason: “Meow”

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Aaron Mason: “Oh my God!”

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Aaron Mason: “Then you get to be Filth Santa”

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Aaron Mason: “This is Andy’s pee”

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Aaron Mason: “Twang!”

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Aaron Mason: “Whatever, bro! Too hot for TBTL!”

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Aaron Mason: “Yo, bro!”

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: “Also, it’s a cake! This is a cake… (It’s a cake!)”

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: Andrew pulled dump rank on Aaron

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: “Bro, it’s Ace. It is!!! Yeah.”

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: “Future plannin’. I’d like the coin that, please. No.”

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: “Hype Williams Presents! DJ Screwed!”

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: “I’ve decided I am (Ohh!) going to be calm today.”

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: “Should (I don’t know, do we want to get into this?) is the problem. Should is the problem. (No) You’re such a should guy. (No, here’s the problem. Here’s the problem…) That’s the worst word!”

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: “This one’s from Stu-bot! (I was actually…) Stu-bot says…Did you read me my mind? (Maybe)”

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: Variations on Katy or Catie

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Clips From TBTL #2234: Andrew Walsh Edition

Andrew: “And I realize… I didn’t do it”

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Andrew: “Boom.”

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Andrew: Explaining Stu-bot’s message and Andrew stepping on his jokes

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Andrew: “God, I’m really, I’m just going to the beginning on this one”

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Andrew: “He is… so goddamn talented!”

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Andrew: “Hi, TBTL listener. I had to cut something out of the show at this point. Trust me, it was worth it; and, trust me, I’ll explain it later on in the show. For now, let’s pick it up here.”

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Andrew: “I have a… empty life”

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Andrew: “I stepped on these jokes like Godzilla stepping on a dog’s tail”

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Andrew: “I’m sorry, Stu. And also, I’m sorry Future Andrew; cuz, I don’t know how I’m gonna cut that out!”

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Andrew: “It is!!!”

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Andrew: “It was the 90s”

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Andrew: “It was… horrible”

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Andrew: “It’s not called ‘Grapes of Ads'”

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Andrew: “It’s time to thank our Bartman level donors of the day”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Luke Burbank is on another tough assignment for CBS News, by the way. He’s down in Puerto Rico, sipping on piña coladas and getting lost in the rain.”

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Andrew: “My name is not Andy. Like, I grew up as an Andy. My dad still calls me ‘Andy Boy’ or ‘A-Boy'”

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Andrew: “Oh, no”

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Andrew: “Oh yeah, this is sad”

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Andrew: “Oh… yeah.”

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Andrew: Quietly saying “That’s fine. It’s all gonna be fine.”

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Andrew: Saying “Bring it!” in a gruff voice

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Andrew: Saying “Profiterole” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: Snorting #2

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Andrew: “Thank you, anonymous listener!”

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Andrew: “That was Ron ‘The Ace of Ron’ Upshaw”

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Andrew: “That’s pretty solid”

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Andrew: “That’s why people should keep listening: To see if I can get it up for a story that, I admit at the top of the show, I just don’t care about”

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Andrew: “The listeners know what’s happening here. They don’t like it… but, they know it’s happening.”

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Andrew: “There goes our dump dates”

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Andrew: “Things got a little bit weird there at the end”

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Andrew: “This is gross”

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Andrew: “This is… off… the… tracks!”

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Andrew: “Well… whatever”

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Andrew: “Within the first, like, two minutes of, of my eighth grade was awful”

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Andrew and Aaron Mason: Aaron making sounds while Andrew is trying to say something in the clear

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Andrew and Aaron Mason: “And remember, no mountain too tall, and profiter-all!”

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Andrew and Aaron Mason: “How good is that movie!? Awesome!”

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Andrew and Aaron Mason: “I am on a learning site… Oh, no. Cyber.com, (Oh no, this is…) backslash learn”

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Andrew and Aaron Mason: “Public radio. (Uh-huh) I, I smarten this shit up a little bit”

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Andrew and Aaron Mason: “Really?!? Yes! He only has one tweet?!?”

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Andrew and Aaron Mason: “So I’m like, kind of out there like an… such an old cranky man (I know!) Love that you jump right to raccoons!”

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Andrew and Aaron Mason: “So, anyway, you taught these kids about cyber. Yeah, that’s right, all about the cybers”

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