Marsupial Gurgle

Andrew: “Although, I’m still exhausted and self-loathing”

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Andrew: “Despite the… anger in my voice, I am actually happy for you”

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Andrew: Funny “What?”

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Andrew: “Have a good life, buddy!”

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Andrew: “I don’t know how ticks and whales work”

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Andrew: “I don’t know who’s chopping up meatballs in the hot bar and then leaving half a meatball; but, that’s what I was confronted with”

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Andrew: “I got more questions than answers at this point”

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Andrew: “I gotta say… good on you… It just occurred to me, as I set you up for that, I was like, ‘God, if you did that to me, I would choke so fucking bad!'”

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Andrew: “I just wanted a little bit of space while I horf down too much food”

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Andrew: “I’m outta here, man!”

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Andrew: “I’m, I’m hobb–I’m wobbling down the street after eating too much and hating myself”

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Andrew: “Oh, no!”

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Andrew: “Oh, no!” #2

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Andrew: “Ohhh. I’m so full and tired. I don’t feel like doing the show”

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Andrew: “Ooh! He’s in the Haggen! Stay tuned to find out what happens next”

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Andrew: “Spoiler!”

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Andrew: “What the fuck!!?”

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Andrew and Luke: “All you’re doing is the repeating, ya dirtball! Yes”

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Luke: “Bro… dial that back, like, three clicks, please”

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Luke: “For some reason, I can’t quite put my finger on it… although, if I had to, this woman could probably talk me though… where I need to put my finger… and how much pressure to apply…”

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Luke: “I know this sounds kinda woo-woo”

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Luke: “I’m s–I’m, I feel sad… right now. Not, like a… overwhelming sadness, Andrew”

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Luke: “Ooh! Intimate”

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Luke: “Remote acupuncture for vegans”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m a man of many words, Andrew. And, those words don’t count… and, neither do my actions (No they don’t)”

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Andrew: “And now, whenever I hear ‘weed’, I hear it in his voice”

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Andrew: “Get outta here with that thermometer talk”

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Andrew: “I don’t know. I got some more weird stuff going on”

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Andrew: “I, I mean, honestly, I can, I can, I think I can take it… but, I just do not wanna hear you doing that in public”

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Oh, right”

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Andrew: “Luke, maybe you’re the someone”

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Andrew: “Luke’s been drinking again; and, he ruined Blursday!”

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Andrew: “Oh! I’m in!”

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Andrew: Saying “Stay off the weed!!” as Stephen A. Smith

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Andrew: Saying something at the very end of the audio file

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Andrew: Singing the theme from Peter Gunn

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Andrew: “That’s how we do it on this side of the tracks”

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Andrew and Luke: “Do you follow me on that; or, am I editing that all out? (Yeah)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Hey, man! See you’ve been watching ‘The Good Place’… Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man! Have I ever!”

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Luke: “And, I’ve got a lot of skeletons in my closets. I’ve got a lot of secrets. Little dark, terrible secrets”

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Luke: “Could Trader Joe’s create a… enchilada… that… God/Luke Burbank could heat up… so, that it was too hot from him to eat”

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Luke: “Eye-forking”

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Luke: “First of all, we better be mentioned in that mother-forking story”

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Luke: “For some reason, I decided to say… both less and more than I usually say”

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Luke: “Fuck you, Trader Joe’s”

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Luke: “Giant tit machine”

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Luke: “God bless… the… crooked road that led us to… being… America’s number one podcast for those two topics. How did we get here? I don’t really know”

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Luke: “I am… one hundred percent off my grind at this point”

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Luke: “I knew it!”

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Luke: “I trust you… impli-shit-ly”

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Luke: “I was LOLing”

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Luke: “It… felt like I… jumped out of an airplane without a fricking parachute… and lived”

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Luke: “It’s not the forking water”

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Luke: “Oh, God. I’m gonna mess this up now”

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Luke: “Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!”

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Luke: “Shut up, Tab!! We got D.C. over here!”

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Luke: “That could definitely jack my stuff up”

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Luke: “When, when we dialed up… I was horfing down an enchilada”

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Luke: “Why the frick can’t athletes… Why the fork… can’t athletes smoke weed?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Guess what! What? You still get paid!”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke perfectly timing the “Uh-oh” robot sound over Better Than Ezra’s “Good” and Andrew saying “Perfect!! You nailed it!!”

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Luke and Andrew: Singing “Sky whale, ooooh”

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Luke and Andrew: “That, my friend, is how you hit… the mother… forking… (Settle down) post!”

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Luke and Andrew: Whispering “By the way, speaking of conspiracies… Yeah… I… I knew this was the case; but… Yeah! Yeah!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Would you call me, essentially, your Coke Zero daddy? (Who is your daddy; and, what does he do?) I would call, I’m sorry to say this, I would call Genevieve my Coke Zero daddy… (Yeah, that’s fair) And, I do… Often”

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Luke and Andrew: “You stole my thunder from Down Under (Oh my God)”

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Luke: “All the best to you, Luke! Exclamation point”

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Luke: “And, Addie would sit there and she would go, ‘Why is it so hot in this car?’ And, I would say, ‘Because… I had you too young… Sorry, bud'”

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Luke: “Bama-lama-ding-dong or something”

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Luke: “Boy, I’m really, I’m… I’m leaning heavily into the air quotes today”

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Luke: “He kept mashing”

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Luke: “Here we go, here we do, everybody!”

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Luke: “Hey, world!!!”

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Luke: “Hollyweird!”

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Luke: “Holy shit! You can buy a coconut on… like, off the highway?”

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Luke: “I… drink your white brine!!”

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Luke: “I’m a man of few words, Andrew; but, most of them are about hating on Cheech and Chong”

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Luke: “I’m cured!”

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Luke: “I’m gonna swipe left on you”

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Luke: “Light on the crippling depression, please!”

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Luke: “Our lives… are so similar to the show; in that, we just talk… and, sometimes we’re recording and sometimes we’re not… that I can never remember… when… when things happen on-air, as it were, and off-air”

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Luke: Singing “We’ve got bread… and beef jerky!”

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Luke: Singing some doo-wop style vocals

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Luke: “That is really news you can use”

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Luke: “These people are doing God’s work, dude”

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Luke: “We’ve seen your brand of crazy; and, we’re gonna find somebody who specializes in that”

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Luke: “What did we all… look at with our eyeballs for that hour? I don’t even know”

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Luke: “Yeah, you’re trying to find something that doesn’t exist there”

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Luke and Andrew: “And, then… he did more of the Monster Mash. Right!”

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Luke and Andrew: “C&C Convenience Factory? Yes”

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Luke and Andrew: Having a conversation in the manner that The Trashmen sing “Surfing Bird”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m the Count… but, I was never just like… Please… Mr. Von Count is my father. I knew you were gonna say that. Call me The Count”

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Andrew: “Boy! That was a boring story!”

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Andrew: “Eff you!”

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Andrew: “I am Yoda”

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Andrew: “I argue with your goldfish!”

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Andrew: “I had every piece of technology go down on me”

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Andrew: “I had every piece of technology go down on me… Oh my God. Phrasing”

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Andrew: “I hate my performance”

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Andrew: “I, and, also gonna… promote something weird; because, it’s a… a weird thing to promote”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna make you… popsicle? I don’t know. Shit! I should’ve just kept my mouth shut”

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Andrew: “Is he my favorite? Is Oscar the Gout–Grouch my favorite… Oscar the Gout is not my favorite… Oscar the Grouch… might be my favorite muppet, I think”

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Andrew: “Is this what we’re doing here? Are we jumping right into that?”

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Oh my God! Hit Top Stories! Hit Top Stories!!”

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Andrew: “Oh my God. Phrasing”

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Andrew: “Oh, no, dude. I’m not gay!”

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Andrew: Saying “I’ll take a burger and some fries on the side” as The Trashmen

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Andrew: “She’s my… pardner [ph]“

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Andrew: Singing “Weeee-eeee-eeee”

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Andrew: “Son of a… gun!”

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Andrew: “The bird is the word. The bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word”

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Andrew: “We’re both whinging at the same time over, ‘My Hindu friend’, and we’re both wondering if should just bump in with something else?”

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Andrew: “Well, if you just wanted the ‘Uh-oh’ part, Linh Pham has ya… has ya got you covered on… on that. He digitized all these sounds; but, somebody… I thought they wanted the version with the kid”

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Andrew: “What I’ve done is, I’ve stopped caring about other people’s feelings. And, I find it to be really freeing”

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Andrew: “You know what I just learned?”

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Andrew: “You wanna know what true love is; and, and, and proof that I love my girlfriend?”

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Andrew and Luke: Laughing

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Andrew: “But, I don’t know. That idea of just, kind of, like, ‘We’re in New York and we really know what bagels are! And… you’re disrespecting the bagel… Apple company! So, now you gotta change it! And… thank God the world was right. And… oh, look, you don’t put ketchup on a hot dog!’ Yeah, I’m gonna bring that up. Like, it just all seems so stupid to me”

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Andrew: “Can I set your… brain at ease, and your heart at ease, and your soul at ease”

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Andrew: “Damnit! Well… then, I ruined the beginning of this show”

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Andrew: “Dave’s not here, man”

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Andrew: “For a second, I thought I was going to Crazy Town”

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Andrew: Goofy laugh

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Andrew: “I always add a syllable”

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Andrew: “I don’t know! My brain is… bad now. I can’t think of anything”

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Andrew: “I wanna go outside. I wanna go outside. I wanna go outside!”

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Andrew: “I… I kinda hate this”

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Andrew: “I’m not big on rodents”

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Andrew: “Just one more time, for the record”

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Andrew: “Like, it just all seems so stupid to me”

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Andrew: “Oh. Yeah. No”

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Andrew: “Say my name, again. Please”

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Andrew: Saying “I just hate the story” in a sing-songy manner

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Andrew: “Small change got rained on with his own thirty-eight”

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Andrew: “That’s how you comedy”

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Andrew: “This is gonna be really boring”

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Andrew: “Turns out, I’m just… I’m just… I’m not special at all. I’m not unique… I’m just like everybody else”

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Andrew: “We’re in New York and we really know what bagels are! And… you’re disrespecting the bagel… Apple company! So, now you gotta change it! And… thank God the world was right. And… oh, look, you don’t put ketchup on a hot dog!”

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Andrew: “Were you high, man?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Dave’s not here” but with emojis, bagel emojis and clownface with cowboy hat emoji

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Andrew and Luke: “Man, am I stoned? And, their friend will be like, ‘Dave’s not here, man!’ No comment, officer!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Wait… did you just say you don’t think we’re funny? That would include me… Hold on… Let me ask Dave… Dave… is Andrew funny? Fuck. He just left… That’s how you do a ‘Dave’s not here’ joke!!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Welcome, new listeners… And, goodbye”

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Luke: “At Brau-pub… at Brow-beat Brew-pub”

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Luke: “Awww! Thanks, boss!”

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Luke: “Brau-haus brew…prub [ph]“

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Luke: “Go eat a… beg-gul! [ph] Fine, make fun of me. Whatever… People… sick! Sick!”

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Luke: “How fucking tired of joking about weed are these eighty year old fucking men!?”

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Luke: “I don’t know the whole story… cuz, I’m a journalist… so, let me just fire from the hip”

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Luke: “I refuse to be show sheet-shamed anymore”

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Luke: “I’m a man of a certain age. I’m a man of few movies… but, one of those movies will be ‘Pulp Fiction’… and, they will count”

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Luke: “Let’s get into the stoner car and drive down Stoner Street… on our way to Stonerville”

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Luke: “Oof”

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Luke: “Refresh! Refresh, news feed!”

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Luke: Singing “Brad was there” to the “El Ropo” song

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Luke: “Sorry if I sound distracted”

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Luke: “Steve Nelson!? El Ropo!?”

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Luke: What the hell!?”

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Luke and Andrew: Bagel pronunciation talk

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Luke and Andrew: “Don’t get cocky, Brew-pub Bow-Wow… Lil… I believe it’s Lil Bow-Wow Brew-pub… Lil Brow… Lil Brau-lau?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Wait… just a cotton-pickin’… darn-tootin’… Is that… like… our… (That’s gotta be) our actual direct supervisor?”

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