World’s Worst Answering Machine Messages From TBTL #2048

In honor of Luke likening Marsupial Gurgle to the “world’s worst answering machine message” on TBTL #2048, the term “clips” have been re-christened as “world’s worst answering machine message” for this post.

Luke and Andrew: Marsupial Gurgle is like the world’s worst answering machine message

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Andrew: “And you know my brain doesn’t work that great when it’s caffeinated. I mean, good Lord, when there’s no caffeine in there, it’s, it’s really bad. I can’t think of words, I can’t think of my own name!”

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Andrew: Funny Laugh

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Andrew: “God dang it!”

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Andrew: “I need another teabag!”

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Andrew: “I’m sorry, Luke! ‘That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.’ Please clap!”

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Andrew: “President Obama, let him go! Set him free!”

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Andrew: Singing “That girl is hoisin!”

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Andrew: “Whad da ya, whad’ya, whad’ya think of Luke?”

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Andrew: “What is this show we’re doing?”

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Andrew: “You still got it Burbank!”

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Andrew and Luke: “He’s the archivist with the markivist. Indeed! Put that on your business cards, Pham! Archivist with the markivist.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Luke, we’re stuck in an infinite loop here! Oh, my God!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Oh, God! I know, talk about… That’s a news hug right there!”

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Chris Hayes: “Mission accomplished!”

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Chris Hayes and Luke: “His ex-wife is Jeri Ryan of, one of the nine million Star Trek franchises, um, sorry nerds. Seven of Nine, I believe, was her character name.”

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Luke: “Here’s the problem… I didn’t think they would catch me, Andrew!!!”

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Luke: “It was a moment of just pure, unalloyed, patheticness in a human being. And I know something about pure, unalloyed, patheticness!”

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Luke: “Oh, I wouldn’t dare. I think that could possibly rip the fabric of time wide open.”

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Luke: “Ohhhh! God, would you quit blowhardin’!”

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Luke: “Please, for the love of God, would somebody clap?”

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Luke: “Shut up, Luke. Doesn’t matter.”

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Luke: “The problem, I mean, the saddest day is when you are laid off from being in Huey Lewis and The News, and you officially become old news.”

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Luke: “Well, that’s craziness then!”

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Luke: “What!?!?”

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Luke: “You know what they say, ‘God doesn’t close a Gewürztraminer without opening a Shmerlot.’ That’s a, original joke that I just wrote.”

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Luke: “You’re not gonna like this”

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Luke and Andrew: “Hey, I found something more boring than talking about cable management. Holy cow! I did it! I did it! I’m giving you more rope. Tell me more!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I know that guy! I like that voice.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I mean, if you want to know about Iowan’s optimism, they have no problem with a chain of gas stations called ‘Kum & Go’. Spelled ‘K-U-M’. What?!?”

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Luke and Andrew: It’s MarsupialGurgle.com, not .biz or .xxx

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Luke and Andrew: Nadir vs Nader

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Luke and Andrew: The name “Huey Lewis” is naw redic [ph] and “The News” is the illest

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Luke, Chris Hayes and Andrew: Andrew laughs while Luke and Chris talk about the Santorum electorate

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Clips From TBTL #2047

Andrew: “Before it starts shaking like a dog shitting peach pits.”

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Andrew: “Ha-ha!!!”

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Andrew: “I had all that stuff bundled tightly with zip cords, and Zip drives and Nintendo Power Gloves.”

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Andrew: “I’m looking at you, Fillmore!”

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Andrew: Scuber: Uber-like service with scooters

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Andrew: “See, that’s the thing! I can’t not say what’s on my mind. Like, it’s, it’s a problem.”

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Andrew: “To the Blursdend!”

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Andrew: “You also know that I love cables, I love talking about cables. Cables are my, my, like my little pets.”

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Andrew: “You’re still shooting for the coat hooks, but like here you have your studio hooks. It’s all about the hooks.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Are you high? I’m-a, I’m not high.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Hello. Happy Blursday. Is today Blursday? No!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Luke, Charlotte is a charlatan! Huh-ho… What?!? Just came up with that… right!?!”

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Luke: “But, come on!”

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Luke: “Get your shit hooks off that ironing board!”

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Luke: “Huh-ho… What?!?”

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Luke: “I don’t even know what it means, but I love it!”

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Luke: “It’s not a Scuber!”

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Luke: “It’s time for cable massage!”

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Luke: “Just like off the top of my head, just rappin’ when I’m rappin’ and rappin’.”

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Luke: “Let’s, let’s get into this rotten stuff.”

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Luke: Luke will continue to not hit kids in a school zone going 26 MPH

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Luke: “Pod-dog rolled around in something and… ‘It stinks!’ I mean, she is, pungent today.”

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Luke: “That grandhog Charlotte is a charlatan!”

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Luke: “You know what? Fuck it.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Be like Newman! In some ways! In certain ways!”

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Luke and Andrew: “But doesn’t that seem not sporting to you? I don’t wanna talk about it, cuz you’re not gonna agree with me; but, you’re angry about the ticket, so I don’t think it’s gonna be good for our friendship.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Do you, do you, do you get down on that kind of stuff? Oh! Luke. Who ya talking to?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Grandhog. Is that what you call them? I guess so. It was the grandchild, the grand… You can’t even do it! You can’t even do it!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Oh God, I’m so jealous! One day closer to the freakin’ weekend! (I know!)”

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Clips From TBTL #2046

Andrew: “Cat massage!”

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Andrew: “For those who are new to the show, we talk about my ears a lot.”

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Andrew: “I knew you were gonna say that!”

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Andrew: “I know! It’s fun to watch!”

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Andrew: Laughing to a clip of a lady saying “Relax, you have the best teacher available: Your cat.”

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Andrew: “Oh! Uh, was I supposed to be recording this? Okay. Now, we’re recording.”

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Andrew: “Ohh!”

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Andrew: “Ohhhh, right! Cat massage!”

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Andrew: “Shaboo, Shubenacadie Sam who’s saying early spring, and that’s in Nova Scotia. And, I’m not gonna try to say that word again.”

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Andrew: “Shut it down, America!”

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Andrew: “Sorry, I’m a little distracted by… everything.”

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Andrew: “Still churning its way through the Internet tubes.”

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Andrew: “That was BMI TMI, by the way.”

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Andrew: “Uh-oh!”

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Andrew: “Whaaaargh!”

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Andrew: “What the hell was I saying?”

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Andrew: “Yeah, I don’t know. It was fleshy and gross and let’s move on.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I don’t think it’s science-based. Yeah, really!?!”

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Andrew and Luke: The Super Bowl story was so amazing that Andrew read through the whole thing

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Andrew and Luke: “There’s only one thing that can stop a toddler with a gun. That’s, uh, a four year old with a gun? Yeah, I guess so.”

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Andrew and Luke: “They’re an organization that, unless like this concussion thing really goes, really gets into people’s heads and… So to speak. Oh, God. I wish I hadn’t said that. I wish I hadn’t said that.”

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Luke: Cackling

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: “Holy crap! There’s an airplane landing on the lake!”

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Luke: “Holy shit!”

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Luke: Singing and saying “Nightshading, deserves a quiet night! Doesn’t even make sense.”

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Luke: “Well, this is a bunch of crap!”

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Luke: “Well, you should probably stop building your beef castle.”

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Luke: “What do you think it’s gonna be a picture of, a My Little Pony sliding down a rainbow?”

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Luke and Andrew: A whole Poynter or Romenesko of worms

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Luke and Andrew: “And I would like them to drive the convertible into the business end… (Yes!) The southbound end of a northbound horse.”

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Luke and Andrew: “But I can’t turn the voices off inside my head. Oh, that’s something completely different. You, you’re getting the voices now too?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Good, Lord! I should pre-read these e-mails, this is troubling! You, you haven’t read them yet? I’m not… really.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Hey! You know, the vibes will be illest, and the weather will be naw-redic [ph]. (Right!)”

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Luke and Andrew: “It’s like, it’s like Schrödinger’s tape! Yeah, you’re right!”

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Luke and Andrew: “The NFL eats a ton of those chips that have Olestra in them. (Right!) And often when the NFL sneezes, a million dollars comes out of its keister. Eww.”

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Clips From TBTL #2045

Back on TBTL #2043, Luke and Andrew were reading the three TBTL supporters of the show and the state abbreviations for the three supports ended up being “WaWaMa”. They then started trying to figure out what other funny words or phrases can be created by just using state abbreviations and asked the listeners to send in their words and phrases. I submitted mine in over the weekend and it was read on TBTL #2045.

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Andrew: “Again, talk about hypocrisy, like how much, how much copyright stuff do we steal and put on the show? Wait, I’ll edit that out.”

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Andrew: “And if not, ha-ha!”

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Andrew: “And then, I come in like ‘Blah, blah, flahhhhh!'”

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Andrew: “And they should be made by prisoners!”

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Andrew: “Anyway, I’ve taken this conversation in a, in a dead end position. Can you pull the nose up on this?”

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Andrew: “Boy, Andrew really, really doesn’t know how to use words today.”

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Andrew: “I might just replace your entire G-D intro with me singing ‘Who Let The Dogs Out?’.”

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Andrew: “I think Genevieve can hear us. We’re gonna have to skip that part of the show where we talk shit about Genevieve.”

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Andrew: “It’s like… I mean, exactly. I mean, ah, you know, ah, mmm, ah, yea. All I’m trying to say is, I like vanilla.”

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Andrew: Laughing and Saying “Yeah. Oh, no!”

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Andrew: “Luke’s on fleek.”

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Andrew: “Modern license plates are for shit!”

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Andrew: “Oh, yeah!”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “They don’t make femurs like they used to.”

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Andrew: “Wow! Wow. You’re, you’re, you’re, you’re blowin’ people’s brains.”

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Andrew: “You’re kind of scratching that itch with your Live Wire stuff.”

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Andrew and Luke: “And I am going to Kevin and Bean the hell out of the show. Great, that’ll fix everything. Yeah. Oh, no! Wait. Hold on, Luke. I’m reading something in your voice. You would prefer I not do that.”

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Andrew and Luke: “God. May God have mercy on your soul. I mean, yeah, I mean… seriously.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Hey, Luke. Hello, Andrew!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I have a lot of notes that say ‘-ish’ after it. (Mmm-hmm)”

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Andrew and Luke: Luke was beeping with Andrew

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Luke: “Delusions of Poundstone”

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Luke: “God love ya.”

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Luke: “I don’t know if I’d do that, Ms. Code!”

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Luke: “It’s, it’s so nonsensical the way that my jealousy and insecurity works.”

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Luke: “Mine and your, our embarrassment is trumped by our not wanting to go back in and mess with the show.”

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Luke: Saying that he may need to let Rudy out with Andrew’s microphone turned down

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Luke: “You know what? I took a shot, and I lost.”

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Luke: “You know what really just kicked my heart in its ball sack last night?”

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Luke and Andrew: “A Parliament of Pauls. It’s called, it’s actually a Giamatti of Pauls. I dunno, that’s show title.”

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Luke and Andrew: “And, I was like ‘Nooooooooooooo!’ (Yeah)”

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Luke and Andrew: Describing what public radio funny is

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Luke and Andrew: “Noticed them! Today was a good one, did you notice? It’s WaWaNy.”

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Luke and Andrew: “They should be three dimensional, they should be stamped! And they should be made by prisoners! Everything should be the way the way it used to be, Andrew. Can we agree on that much? Yes.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Twice as janky, half the price. Yes!”

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Luke and Andrew: Whom’s Lives, Whose Lives, and Whose Wives

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Clips From TBTL #2044

Andrew: “Holy shit!!!”

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Andrew: “Let’s fill this theatre!”

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Andrew: “Oh my God. What did I assume that?”

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Andrew: “Oh, I just want this weekend to be over!”

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Andrew: “Please stop saying ‘The Lotion Hose’.”

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Andrew: “Think about everything you know about me. Think about every boring God damn story I’ve told on this show. Do I sound like a type of guy whose gonna be engaging with a ninety year old neighbor to play Uno. Probably not! It’s a pure fantasy.”

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Andrew: “Uno is the loneliest number”

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Andrew: “Yes! Cuz, this is such an Andrew thing to do!”

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Andrew and Luke: Drunk Uncle Mashed Up Proverbs

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Andrew and Luke: The Lotion Hose

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Luke: “Pod-dog, you here? That’s right, checking in.”

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Luke: “‘Stop Saying Words’ is a possible show title.”

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Luke: “The stats are coming from inside the house!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I was in da club, or something. Sure you were, kiddo. Sure you were!”

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Luke and Andrew: More Mixed Proverbs

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Luke and Andrew: Not All Assistants Have to be Women

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Luke and Andrew: “Think about the irony of that. That you, you have to play Uno solo. Uno is the loneliest number, I’ve said a million times.”

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Clips From TBTL #2043: Andrew Walsh Edition

Andrew: “Every now and then, does your brain just stop and go ‘Holy shit! We’re doing this?’ Oh wait, hold on…”

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Andrew: “Free the WaWaMa Three!”

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Andrew: “Ha-ha.”

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Andrew: “Hey wait, this went from a, this went from a joke of a bad idea to a… Waah! We’re doin’ it!”

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Andrew: “Holly Hunter is like running around, she’s like ‘We got permission! We got permission!’. She’s like screaming into your ear set or whatever.”

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Andrew: “I do that all the time, shit! I do that all the time!”

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Andrew: “I, I, I, I understand that.”

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Andrew: “I’m not one of those college types that’s gonna talk your ear off, Luke.”

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Andrew: “I’m probably gonna be, I’m probably just gonna be a little bit giggly all throughout the show today.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Love it already!”

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Andrew: “Oh, God! For the love of God, please get it right!”

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Andrew: Reading a #WCW tweet

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Andrew: “There are no virgins in foxholes”

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Andrew: “There are no virgins in foxholes, that’s what they taught me.”

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Andrew: “To me, it’s like very, that idea is so romantic, you know; like, I love that fucking idea.”

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Andrew: “Waah!”

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Andrew: “What!?!?”

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Andrew: “Whenever I even think about it, I get the giggles.”

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Andrew: “You know, I think you were able to do was, I think you were able to make some lemmings out of lemonade.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Could you give me (Oh, man!) the country of origin please.”

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Andrew and Luke: Glue Dew

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Andrew and Luke: Romantic REM Music

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Andrew and Luka: WaWaMa

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