Tag: David Burbank

Andrew: “Am I forgetting anything? I feel like it’s Friday. Did we do anything wrong? Are we just done now?”

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Andrew: “Andrew! What’s going on!? Where’s Luke? I thought you guys were gonna… all be together in Seattle today to reveal the big Song of the Summer winner… What is happening, Andrew?”

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Andrew: “But, didn’t seem super, kind of, rape-y to me”

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Andrew: “But, don’t, don’t… betray, don’t betray the answer with your eyes yet. Look away! Dav–David, look away from me”

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Andrew: “Did you get busy in that Burger King bathroom?”

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Andrew: “Every time I listen to lyrics, I get burnt!”

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Andrew: “Get thee away from me”

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Andrew: “He is known in my house… as my actual fake brother”

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Andrew: “I love hearing people just geek out about shit!”

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Andrew: “I’m an old and I don’t get it”

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Andrew: “I’m surprised you even let me in your house!”

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Andrew: “My brain can’t flip like that right now”

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Andrew: “Oh, crap!”

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Andrew: “Oh… it means ‘Hello’ and ‘Goodbye’. Power out means ‘Hello!’ and ‘Goodbye!'”

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Andrew: Saying “Double-whipped… latte… with soy?” in a drawn out, funny manner

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Andrew: “Sir, we know how phones work. I don’t think you do!!”

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Andrew: “Turn off your mic!”

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Andrew: “Well, this isn’t the way it was supposed to happen!”

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Andrew: “What is happening, Andrew?”

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Andrew: “You never forget your first time”

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Andrew: “Zoopty-Doo, Look How Drugged Out Our Muppets Are”

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Andrew and David Burbank: “At first, there were sixteen!! In the beginning!”

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Andrew and David Burbank: “Hey, it’s David from the Basement! How are you doing? Hey there, fake hermano”

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Andrew and David Burbank: “Obviously, I have a bit of a Jim Carrey… whatever… blockage myself. Ooh, God! Could I have all the words! If I’m gonna use a word… (A clot?) a word that doesn’t even make sense, did I have to go with ‘blockage’?”

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Andrew, David Burbank and Luke: Andrew tries to interpret lyrics to a song and gets burnt by it

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David Burbank: “I’m not very rootable, am I?”

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David Burbank: “No. See, I’m a, I’m a man of many words; and, none of those words count”

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David Burbank: “Oh, Andrew”

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David Burbank: “Oh, Leo? Classic Leo… Classic Leo… Oh, man. That dude is such a jabroni”

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Luke: “¡Ay, Chihuahua!”

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Luke: “All of my base… are belong… to… Sea-Tac Airport”

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Luke: “All you have to do is close your eyes and just reach out your hand… and touch me… Hold me close. Don’t… ev…er… let… me… go!”

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Luke: “I have to pee so bad! I’m doing a jig in the parking lot”

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Luke: “I’m a man of few words, Andrew; but, those words will be uttered… from a rented Nissan… and, it’s leaving the Avis parking lot at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport”

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Luke: “I’m good for at least a week!”

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Luke: Saying “Everybody stop reclining your airplane seat!” as Andy Rooney

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Luke: Saying “What’s going on with Twitch?” as Andy Rooney

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Luke: “That’s amazingly bad planning”

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Luke: “That’s some bullshit!”

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Luke: “Vindicated!!!”

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Luke: “You understand… there’s a podcast that needs me… right now!”

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Andrew: “Again, someone’s got the case of the used-tos!”

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Andrew: “And, that’s kinda what you’re doing over there, Jughead”

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Andrew: Drawn out “Grimli in space!”

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Andrew: “I’m a hook monster”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew and Luke: “Drum roll please… I’m trying to find it. In bed!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Your version of sparing… (Yeah) is just mind-boggling”

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Luke: “Go eat a Mariner. Go bagels”

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Luke: “I feel like if I can meet Andrew Bird… like, I wanna be friends with him. He seems like he’s an interesting, creative, artistic guy… He would hate me”

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Luke: “I just didn’t wanna get out of bed today!!”

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Luke: “It’s time for the set list!!”

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Luke: “Spiritually, I’m a wreck; but, physically, everything’s a-okay”

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Luke: “Trader Giardo’s”

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Luke: “Wait a second!”

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Luke: “Would you say the listeners were having Nunavut (none of it)?”

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Luke, Andrew and David Burbank: Luke’s secret of the day is that he is doing his end of the show in bed, fully clothed

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Luke, David Burbank and Andrew: The Bonecasting Center or the Magic Castle

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Andrew: “Come on!!”

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Andrew: “I do not think that is the proper nomenclature, dude”

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Andrew: “I mean, this sounds like I’m being glib”

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Andrew: “It’s not my job to police the world. It, it’s… just not”

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Andrew: “Like, I feel like I had been staring at this… bag of bones… which, is never something you wanna hear somebody say”

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Andrew: Making a marsupial burp-like sound

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Andrew: “Nice!”

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Andrew: “Ooh, ooh, ooh!”

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Andrew: “You do, you do have a dirty knob”

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Andrew: “You know what I got in the freezer here… big bag full of bones… and celery butts”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew staring at a bag of bones and Luke thinks that a recording of Andrew saying that may be used as evidence

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Andrew and Luke: “God, listen to the bass on that. I think that that’s your dirty knob again, unfortunately… it’s distorting everything… Oh, there it is. It’s clean… Will you leave my dirty knob out of this, for once?”

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Andrew and Luke: “This is somebody that you guys do not know… and, you will never know! Umm… Was it Toomgis?”

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Andrew and Luke: “This is, this is a weird episode. This is just where I, where I talk about my weird interactions with dogs… I like it!”

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Andrew, David Burbank and Luke: “He also says… ‘No, I didn’t, I didn’t… (Hey, Andrew) I didn’t exercise… I just went for a long jog’… You asshole. (Exactly) Get off my podcast!”

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David Burbank and Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “And, by popular… demand… by which I mean one person on Twitter… we will have… a TBTL: No Point Conversion (I mean, I figured he had to be in sport; but, he wasn’t in sport!)”

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Luke: “Byeee!”

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Luke: “DFTB”

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Luke: “Exciting, exciting times for me”

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Luke: “Fuck that… by the way”

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Luke: “Here’s three minutes and forty seconds of our lives we’ll never get back”

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Luke: “I suffer from male-pattern laser… baldness”

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Luke: “I’ll polish that knob up later”

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Luke: “I’ll see you on the road to Oyster Dome”

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Luke: “I’ll tell you about a… a ‘travel yeah!!!'”

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Luke: “It is… episode two-thousand, six-hundred… Excuse me… Two-thousand, six-hundred and seventy-three… that’s what I meant to say… (Ooooh!) in a collector’s series” [ed: No, it’s not. It’s episode #2674]

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Luke: “It’s not enough”

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Luke: “Okay… Who’s going first?”

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Luke: Singing “Young body”

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Luke: “The American bald eagle has never been more popular… then (?)… landing on James Packton’s–Paxton’s shoulder!”

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Luke: “This lady seemed… a little extra”

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Luke: “Two oysters enter! One oyster leaves!”

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Luke: “What!?!”

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Luke: “When I’m getting down to the lower parts of the… trying to turn the Enya down, I can hear that kinda crunchy sound… in the knob. I do not like that”

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Luke and Andrew: “Good… Monday to you, my friend. Good morning… my lord”

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Luke and Andrew: “I better not meet this Toomgis… because, I will pull some of his Red Vines out… I will throw him down by his Red Vines… because, and, the ci–and, the cinnamon… and, the cinnamon bun hands… I believe that what his hands are made of. You’re right”

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Luke and Andrew: “Yes. So, don’t get cocky. You’re not my only friend from Cleveland. Alright… Fine… I’m sure he exists”

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As requested by Dazzling Donor Steve Goering, Andrew and Luke recorded an answering machine/voicemail greeting message for Steve.

Andrew and Luke: Voicemail greeting for Dazzling Donor Steve Goering

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew is tap dancing really close to a field full of land mines by bringing up joke stealing again

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Andrew and Luke: “Boop, boop, (Okay) boop”

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Andrew and Luke: “I have so many things I want to talk to you about right now. Can I (Good; cuz, I got nothing) just go in order? Really? So, I need you to… hoist me on your back, like a papoose, and carry me through the next hour or so of imaginary radio”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’ll tell you what, he can probably grab it himself; if not, I am happy to help… I do not want… Linh… Pham… our… unofficial archivist… (Yeah, Linh, you’ve done, you’ve done enough, my friend) he has to do it… My guess is he would probably up, up and offer to; but… he doesn’t have to. I am happy to clip it out and… and… send it to Steve too. So, Steve, get at me if you need me to send it to you”

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Andrew and Luke: “Is there any chance I can call the show, ‘Grayson Under Fire’… for today’s… Yeah! There’s a pretty good chance. I’m writing that down”

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Andrew and Luke: “It is true that if you drink expired suntan lotion… or sunblock (Yes), you will get sick”

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Andrew and Luke: “People are loving… Haven’t you heard from enough people, including Steve ‘River Boy’ Neuman… that you’re never to say… ‘TBTL Daddy’ again?”

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Andrew and Luke: “What do you call a room on a ship? From your… Your cabin? Your cabin”

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Andrew and Luke: “Where’s my Moby? I need my Moby! (Right?)”

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David Burbank: “They’re… so… fucking delicious”

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Luke: “And, then, they fall into my trap, Andrew!”

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Luke: “At some point, you have to just… assume everyone else is seeing something you’re not seeing; even though… you hold that truth to be self-evident that the sky is red”

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Luke: “Fartin’ through silk”

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Luke: “He described an airplane as a long tube… full of demons, and it’s deadly”

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Luke: “In what universe has ‘Boop’ ever been a lyric… to a song?”

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Luke: “Is this the hill I wanna die on?”

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Luke: Purposely mispronouncing “Worcestershire”

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Luke: “Sadly… for everybody involved… it’s more door number… two”

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Luke: Singing “Hey… woman!”

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Luke: Singing the “On The Media” theme and saying “On my media”

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Luke: “So, there he is… DFTS: David from the Starbucks”

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Luke: “Where are the animals? God, they just, they grow up so fast, you know… One day, they’re helping out with the podcast; the next, they’re just off on their own… just living their lives… I didn’t wanna get this emotional this early in the program; but, I guess it is what it is”

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Luke: Whispering “I’m whispering; cuz, I’m legit afraid of her overhearing this”

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Luke: “You have your 30s and 40s to be dysmorphic, bro!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Have I told you my weird Moby story? No”

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Luke and Andrew: “I can’t let Andrew get comfortable… even in his discomfort, knowing when this is gonna happen. Goddamn, that’s diabolical. This is a thought that I had today, Andrew! It’s really messed up!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Is there any way, can we get the toothpaste back into this tube? (Yeah)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Luke Burbank… still clocking in at… zero requests… (Zero requests) Zero requests”

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Andrew: “And, I remember it, Luke; cuz, I’m a… good podcasting boy”

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Andrew: “I… didn’t realize that today/yesterday… is/was your birthday”

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Andrew: “It’s so scary, man!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Mmm-hmm”

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Andrew: “Rip-dip-da-lip-dip-dip-dip”

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Andrew: “You know what? Do me a favor… go grab a normal person… and put them right here; and… I’m gonna stand a little further back, and I’m gonna beat that normal person… at their own game”

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Andrew and Luke: “Could you… use your wizard powers to turn this podcast into a… listenable podcast? Hold on, let me see here… Yes! I just did it… (Great) with magic”

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Andrew and Luke: “Happy dang birthday, ya bonehead! Hey, thanks, man! I appreciate it”

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Andrew, David Burbank and Luke: “What were you playing this on and how were you able to incorporate the drops? Well, actually, that’s super interesting; so… Well, maybe, probably not for most people; (Wow! There are two of us!!) but, it is interesting to, to explain it to you, Andrew. Two of us!!!”

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David Burbank: “Because, airports are supremely fucked up”

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David Burbank: “Yaris, Yaris”

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David Burbank and Andrew: “And so, driving on the left side of the road, while, when you’re driving up the cliff… you’re driving on the edge of the cliff face… Noooo! (and… there was)”

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David Burbank and Andrew: David goes into Ent and Treebeard talk and Andrew makes a Dr. Frankenstein spoof

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Luke: Explaining that Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s shows were recorded on Tuesday afternoon and the Thursday and Friday shows will be recorded on Wednesday

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Luke: Funny “Huh?”

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Luke: “God, please tell me she didn’t eat the dog poop”

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Luke: “It’s time for a Wednesday afternoon edition of TBTL, the show that just… might be Too Beautiful to Live… (Carol, hold my calls) Yeah! That’s how you play a sound effect at the top of the show”

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Luke: “My expired license doesn’t have a hole punched in it, bro!”

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Luke: Saying “Because, I could” in a sing-songy manner

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Luke: “That joke get funnier the more I do it?”

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Luke: “Yeah… It’s almost like an insult… hold the almost”

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Luke and Andrew: “God, how did I get so much better at podcasting since yesterday’s show; which, was also recorded today? Good… good stuff. I don’t know”

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Luke and Andrew: “So, from sit–right here, in the Burbank Springs Broadcast Center… went on the website… filled out a few things, hit print… and, I am now the proud owner of a renewed driver’s license! Wow! Congratulations! Lotta questions (Right?)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Strangers are just neighbors… you haven’t thrown your shit at yet. Yeah”

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Luke and Andrew: “There’s some quality Keitel nudity in The Piano, by the way… Oh, yeah! Is that the one–well, there’s so–I mean… listen, in the 90s, it was hard to not to see his penis, I think”

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Luke and Andrew: “You got a quick e-mail or two before we… get on outta here? Now, I gotta do it quickly, huh? Gotta do it quickly, huh?”

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Luke, Andrew and David Burbank: “Please remember: No mountain too tall; and… good luck to all… Sorry, David. Maybe you should’ve said that… He’s gotten enough airtime for one… Power out!”

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Luke, David Burbank and Andrew: Bitcoin and Bilbcoin

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