Tag: Luke Burbank

Andrew: “Almost any place you’ve lived, Luke, must’ve had a little, like, ring or hook next to the sink where you supposed to… have, you know, a, a hand towel. You just let that ring sit there naked?”

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Andrew: “Am I just having fantasies again?”

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Andrew: “Floor!”

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Andrew: “I am never faking it when I sound surprised… when you play that. Everyday, I forget that that exists.”

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Andrew: “I mean, you just befuddle me”

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Andrew: “I, I can’t, I can’t keep up this facade, Luke. Can I just tell folks that we are recording this on Thursday evening? Is that okay with you?”

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Andrew: “It Haas to be said”

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Andrew: “It’s just the worst!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Mmm-hmm!”

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Andrew: “Nobody can hear it but you”

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Andrew: “Not in my book!!”

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Andrew: “She’s the longest running co-host of my life… you might say”

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Andrew: Singing “Beep, beep, beep. I… don’t like doo-wop! Beep, beep” (Edited)

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Andrew: Singing “Beep, beep, beep. I… don’t like doo-wop! Beep, beep” (Original)

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Andrew: “The devolution’s in the details”

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Andrew: “Touché”

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Andrew: Wake ’em ups

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Andrew: “Ya killing me, Ron!!”

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Andrew: “Yoh, God, that’s good!!”

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Andrew: “You just let that ring sit there naked?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Like, let’s just say that… the band… The Who… actually came out today (Who?) Who?”

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Luke: “Again, not, not to… not to… paint my wife as ‘Becky Home-Eccy'”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: “I don’t understand cell phones”

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Luke: “I have these ding–these dingus AirPods on the way”

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Luke: “I wanted to have new shiny”

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Luke: “I would say partly because of my schedule travel, scheduled travel… Partly because of my schadule [ph]“

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Luke: “I, I just want to thank you, Andrew, for… creating my dreams, and then crushing them”

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Luke: “I’m just… hatching my plan for a Who cover band called, ‘Her?'”

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Luke: “I’m not gonna look like one of those… dinguses, I’m gonna look like a different kind of dingus”

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Luke: “Just say it, Andrew!”

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Luke: “New, new, new, new Luke”

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Luke: “New, new, new, new, new Luke”

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Luke: Singing “They call me El Seeker”

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Luke: “We need to throw this… in the Haas bins!”

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Luke: “What!!?”

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Luke and Andrew: “And… also, they have, there’s a… booth set up that’s handing out Micheladas. Oh, man! What are doing in your hotel room!? Get down there! My job, Andrew! Look into it.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Are you not on the Slack account that she and I have? Oh… I’m only laughing cuz I’m trying to picture you using Slack. Is that an Internet thing? I don’t… that’s an Internet thing.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Just say it!! I sit with it!”

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Luke and Andrew: “What is hurting your brain right now…? That thing that’s hurting my brain is… by the time this posts, it’ll be over”

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The show featured a voicemail of a Ten’s husband telling his side of the poop story that a Ten had left a voicemail about recently. Since the husband’s name was not mentioned on the show, I do not have a name associated to the following clips.

“Do I invite this girl into my… fog of shame?”

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“I was… defecating with a capital ‘D'”

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“These were all bad choices”

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Andrew: “Absolutely! He’s a man of few words. But, those words count. And, so do his actions.”

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Andrew: “Clap me and I’ll clap ya back”

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Andrew: “Does the joke ma… I mean, you… I mean, it kind of makes sense. I think there’s a… never mind. I’m gonna put myself in a position to defending [sic] that joke”

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Andrew: “Hey, don’t be fishing for show titles! This is your first time on TBTL, buddy.”

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Andrew: “I was an idiot on Facebook again. I’m sorry, everybody. I’m just an idiot sometimes.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: Snorting Quietly

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Andrew: “They know of you and you’ve done, like, you’ve been a quote/unquote, celebrity… fill-in-the-blank for them on various things”

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Andrew: “We would just have to tell the boss, ‘You don’t understand, they have popcorn in Anchorage. We have to do a show from there.'”

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Andrew: “Well, I’m glad I went on that journey”

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Andrew: “What’s the… what’s the symbology there?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Again… stop it! (Yeah) That’s our job (Now, you’re just showing off)”

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Andrew and Luke: “If, Kevin Durant is doing this under a nom de plume… By the way, I was the first one to use that word… during the story; which, gives me, I think, three fancy points? Are we still on the (Uh-huh) fancy points system? We are, and you just pulled into the lead, my friend. Congratulations. (Thank you. Three fancy points)”

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Luke: “Helsinki, Finland. Hel-yeah-sinki!”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Singing “Clap me and I’ll clap you back. Clap me and I’ll clap you back”

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Luke: Singing “If you kiss me then I’ll kiss you back. Kiss me and I’ll kiss you back”

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Luke: “The third leg of the Stool of Incompetence… that we sit upon”

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Luke: “Well, coo coo cachoo. He may be the Eggman”

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Luke and Andrew: “What do I do with these feelings!!? (I know)”

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Andrew: “And, if you don’t mind me saying, you know… I don’t really have a backup plan. So… thank you for letting us do this as our job. It’s important to me just personally.”

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Andrew: Andrew was able to reproduce his LA salad with pre-boiled eggs, even though that’s not his preferred means of having pre-boiled eggs

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Andrew: “Because, I… just felt shame buying pre-boiled eggs”

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Andrew: “Don’t ask me anything”

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Andrew: “I didn’t wanna stand there and be like… ‘Yeah, no. More ham. Nope. Nope. More, more ham. What don’t you, what do you hear when I say more ham?'”

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Andrew: “Just lay down in the bossa nova and let me do my stuff”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Please… Mr. Hot Dogger was my father”

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Andrew: “Really?”

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Andrew: Singing “LA salad…”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “So, here’s all I know… If, if he says ‘Yip!’… then you go ‘Strouch!!’ [ph]“

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Andrew: “Thanks, rando! Thanks, Rando Calrissian!”

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Andrew: “Which is not how you… do that”

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Andrew: “Why do I even ask these questions?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Did you ask Tom… about the time Jimmy Buffett… allegedly did cocaine off of a cheeseburger’s butt? Off of a cheeseburgers butt!? I thought that was a dumb joke. It was just a dumb joke!”

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Andrew and Luke: “See, I ask questions and you have answers. Doesn’t work the other way. (Absolutely) Don’t ask me anything.”

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Luke: “Come up to the Bay City, man. It’s just all salad bars and 360 slam dunks”

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Luke: “Fire away, Mr. Hot Dogger”

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Luke: “How’s that for a… dazzling doot?”

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Luke: “I am an Avis… Wizard!”

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Luke: “I didn’t choose the poop life… the poop life chose me today”

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Luke: “It’s because I’m three hours ahead of you, not two hours ahead”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Listening to Coast to Coast at 1 AM, pounding Monsters. Everybody knows I ate seven Monsters”

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Luke: “Paint me yellow and take me to the Circle City!”

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Luke: Saying “Cherry Red Dodge Charger” in a sing-songy manner

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Luke: “That music can only mean… one thing! I’m late for my bossa nova lesson!”

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Luke: “The MVV: The Most Valuable Vegetable”

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Luke: “Was she just shedding floating, air biscuits?”

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Luke: “Why did I have to… bring you this number two story? Look… I didn’t choose the poop life… the poop life chose me today, everyone; and, we have to answer the call”

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Luke: “You’re gonna chap yourself out there, bro”

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Luke and Andrew: “And, I’ve been known to polish off seven to ten Monster Tacos (Wow) in a sitting. Yeah, I have (Wow) problems, Andrew. It’s fine.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Chipotle’s recovery hopes… melt… with gritty queso. That sounds like a smear campaign. Oh, now you’re allowed to do it!? Give me a brark”

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Luke and Andrew: “How about the ‘Runny Runner’? Let’s move on! There’s gotta be another Top Story in your basket”

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Luke and Andrew: “Like I said… I’ve really done a 180 on it, on, on the Circle City. I’ve really done a 360 on the Circle City. Wait… yeah, I was just gonna say… Wait, you’re back where you started! Yeah, I know. I just thought it’d be funnier if I did…”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke singing “It’s the final breakfast” and Andrew doot-dooing along

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Andrew: “Believe this!”

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Andrew: “Boy, my house would stink if I lived with a little boy. Sorry, everybody. I’m not trying to be mean.”

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Andrew: “Do that!”

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Andrew: “He says, ‘spreadshee’! This is a real example of spreadshee-ing in the wild!”

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Andrew: “Hey, I’m not out of bubblegum. We’re good for a while.”

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Andrew: “I have a book I need to return to the library; cuz, I’m… just… a nerd”

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Andrew: “I’m not trying to be creepy here”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Mwah!”

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Andrew: “No fathers left behind. That’s what I say.”

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Andrew: “Now, I’m freaking out; because, my favorite little place, that doesn’t usually have enough space as it is… it’s now gonna be overrun by any goddamn tourist in town. Let alone, the other people who just love here and didn’t know about this place. It’s gonna be filled with Bourdain-heads… really irritates me.”

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Andrew: “Oh my God, the Sausage Fest is happening right now!”

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Andrew: Random sounds playing on Andrew’s end

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Andrew: “Sorry to be typical Andrew here”

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Andrew: “That would kill me as a kid”

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Andrew: Trying to make the Top Story drop sound

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Andrew: “What are you trying to pull, Burbank?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce, who? Lettuce pray. That doesn’t even make sense. No it doesn’t.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Speaking of friends, Luke Burbank. Yeah?”

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Andrew and Luke: “There are dozens of us (That’s amazing!) Dozens! Dozens!”

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Luke: “He came here to chew bubblegum and be part of a Sausage Fest; and, he’s all out of bubblegum (Don’t miss the Sausage Fest!)”

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Luke: “How… dare you… come… here and say that?”

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Luke: “I wanted to be Goofus”

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Luke: “So, I’m definitely… I’m pulling some online dating bullshit”

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Luke: “Sorry, Rudy. You’re coming with me, bud.”

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Luke: “You have no idea how fun… and sexy… this time is for me”

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Luke and Andrew: “But, I don’t look that part. And, also, I’m just kind of like… kind of a schlub, and I’m also often, like, I have tattoos and I’m wearing like… You’re not a schlub! I’m not a schlub; but, what I mean is, I just don’t, when I walk into a room, I don’t think people go like, ‘Oh, that guy’s probably a TV correspondent'”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke singing the McDonald’s jingle and Andrew singing “We’re communists!”

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Luke and Andrew: “They just upper-decked you just to let you know they could. Right!”

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Andrew: “Although, I’d rather have it be, like, blood on my face, then, like, an accident in my pants, or something”

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Andrew: “Blow that horn”

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Andrew: “Burbank… when ya nailed it… [sic] ya nail it, man!”

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Andrew: “God! Remember when I went to the gym!”

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Andrew: “Hey, did you see what I tweeted today?”

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Andrew: “How was that for coming out of the, coming out of the box hot today?”

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Andrew: “I’m done”

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Andrew: “I’m killing it though on e-mails today”

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Andrew: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Are you, are you Luke Bur–Luke Burbank? Is that a soul patch of blood or a goatee of deodorant? Just to settle a bet.”

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Andrew: “I’m… doing this all live; cuz, I’m a multi-talented podcaster”

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Andrew: “It sounds like it was the most dignified failure… in the history of live performances”

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Andrew: “It’s some cat, daddy-o, is at my door!”

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Andrew: Mimicking how GPS systems incorrectly pronounce “Sepulveda”

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Andrew: “Not everybody… has a ciotka. And, not everybody has a babcia.”

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Andrew: Saying “It’s not a tuber!” as Arnold Schwarzenegger

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Andrew: Saying “There’s a… mouse… in my beer” in a sing-songy manner

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Andrew: Saying “Thirty-seven pitches in the first inning” in a sing-songy manner

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “That would be deflating”

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Andrew: “That’s swass”

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Andrew and Luke: “And also, (Yeah) now… shoe’s on the other foot. Let me see you do this, Michelle! Yeah. Oh, you can probably do this.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I want you to buy the styptic stick with the money that you got for doing the event Saturday night. And, I want you to use the TBTL money… to buy me better jokes that (Okay) I can use on the show”

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Luke: “Andrew said this; and, then I said this!”

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Luke: “At some point… I am putting deodorant on my face”

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Luke: “But, I spray it on there, and it… not only did it burn like a mother… but… it also like… it like, liquified everything; so, then, I went right back to… basically having a soul patch of blood. Which, would be a decent… name for a Spin Doctor’s cover band.”

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Luke: “But, it’s… sorry to be gross… it’s bleeding profusely. And, there’s nothing I can do… to stop the bleeding.”

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Luke: “He was just like… just… his… his bunghole must have be [sic] clenched, must have been clenched so tight”

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Luke: “I had walked into the event… still with my soul patch of blood”

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Luke: “I, I woke up this morning. The rain was just… pounding down on the house. And, I was, like, running around the house in… me undies like a madman… worried about the basement. Everything’s okay.”

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Luke: “If I get body swapped, if I end up, if I Freaky Friday into someone’s body… right as they’re about doing something… really hard”

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Luke: “It’s not the water!!”

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Luke: Saying “He did not!” as Tommy Wiseau

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Luke: Saying “Look at me. Call me Mr. Butterfingers.” as the Joe Earley character in UHF

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Luke: Singing “And a beer”

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Luke: “So, I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about”

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Luke and Andrew: “Their donations are what will eventually allow me to finally get a styptic stick… That’s now where you’re money is going, people. In a roundabout way”

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Andrew: “Alright, I’m moving in.”

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Andrew: “And, now!”

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Andrew: “Are you still there?”

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Andrew: “Are you sure?”

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Andrew: “I don’t want to be rude or cruel here… but, I did get something from our dear friend Linh Pham via the way of Twitter this week”

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Andrew: “I’m done with Shkrelli”

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Andrew: “I’m the what of podcasting?”

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Andrew: “It really makes the RZA kinda look… like a shit”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Oh, wonderful!”

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Andrew: Reacting to Luke playing a mashup of the “Top Story” drop and saying “I forgot I said that to you! I totally forgot I said that to you! Oh, wonderful!”

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Andrew: “Silver Rings got nothing on us! Are you shitting me!?”

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Andrew: Singing “Cleveland!”

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Andrew: Singing “KLF!”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “Somebody is responsible for this show… and, it’s not you and and it’s not me”

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Andrew: “Straight up Quincy Jones produced that shit, Luke”

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Andrew and Luke: “Can you play that again? I’m obsessed with myself (Sure, absolutely)”

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Andrew and Luke: “For… for the RZA to do… just to his own, to his own… I don’t wanna say clan members… because… No. It just doesn’t sound good when I put it that way.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Sounds like I’m saying… ‘We’ve met’… Are you still there? I am, I’m just listening. Oh. I’m just trying to understand what’s going on.”

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Andrew and Luke: Things were even weirder before the show started taping

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Andrew and Luke: “You’re gonna like it! You’re gonna like it. That’s so cool… You’re gonna love the way you look. I’m Kurt Vile. I guarantee it.”

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Luke: “And, you know what’s in a Kraft Single? Magic.”

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Luke: “Bruh… bruh… do not get your hopes up”

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Luke: “By the way, I need to sharpshoot myself really quick. I know, I know it’s Sharpshoot Monday; and then… Have an Opinion Dummy Tuesday. And then, What Are You Thinking? Wednesday. And then… Too Soon? Thursday; and then… it’s Fucking Friday”

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Luke: “Dinner’s served!”

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Luke: “Essence… is our picture word”

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Luke: “He’s the Shy Ronnie of podcasting”

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Luke: “I’m full of regret today. I’m full of regret.”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Now, the problem is I talked over it; so, now there’s three… it’s a three-layer burrito”

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Luke: Singing “Roaring engines… headed somewhere in sight”

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Luke: Singing “Silver rings. Shining in the sunlight”

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Luke: Singing “Silver rings”

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Luke: Singing “Uh-huh, uh-huh”

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Luke: “This is, I, I, I… I meant to say at the top of the show, this is gonna be a weird one. I feel like I’m giving everyone that update… about fifteen minutes too late… into their life”

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Luke: “Too loud and too specific”

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Luke: “Will people please just have some faith in me and my comedy chops!?”

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Luke: “You’re much more immersed in the… in the world of the Wu”

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Luke and Andrew: “Essence is our picture word. Huh? Hmm. Erd?”

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Luke and Andrew: “I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t either!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Robyn? I know from comedy. Okay? (Oh, no)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Yeah, whatever. It’s Friday. Okay.”

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Luke and Andrew: “You’re gonna get some hop-ons. You’re gonna get some Wu-Tang hop-ons.”

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