Clips From TBTL #2671

Andrew: “An angel is just a boy that poops in a box”

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Andrew: “And, also, didn’t… didn’t… isn’t there a remix I’m supposed to play of that… I’m not supposed to say his name on the show anymore; but, our, our friend who sends us a lot of audio… didn’t he send us a remix of that; or, I promised to make a remix with you saying ‘Ooh’? Something. I don’t know. What the hell am I talking about? Go on. Tell your story, Luke”

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Andrew: “I don’t have any show titles, Lucas”

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Andrew: “I don’t know what happened”

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Andrew: “I know that I’m taking this… conversation into a place that… you and I can’t explain… So, maybe, I shouldn’t”

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Andrew: “I was #blessed”

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Andrew: “‘I was Walsh-level thrilled'”

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Andrew: Imitating the sound of Luke typing with his mouth full

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Andrew: “Just… before the show, I was rolling in hot dog related music. And, again… think about what my job is, I just spent like an hour listening to songs about hot dogs”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Obviously… that is the platonic ideal of a hot dog cannon. Ain’t nobody on Earth gonna argue with that”

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Andrew: “Somehow, seeing this makes me happy; although, I would never touch them myself”

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Andrew: “We did it!”

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Andrew: “Were you… a guy who ate Planters cheese balls growing up? They came in kind of a… kind of a can, like a tubular can with a, a yellow lid and the, the… the cheese balls inside were, like, perfect spheres, about a size of a marble?”

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Andrew: “What could possibly go wrong?”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew unhelpfully said that Blursday shout-outs happen on Blursday

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Andrew and Luke: French ticking boxes

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Andrew and Luke: “Nobody was cocky about it; but, they were… thorough… Good… and (and)… thorough (thorough)”

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Luke: “But, can we start calling… all messages, ‘Dazzling D-mails’?”

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Luke: “By the way, this is not even having anything to do with the story I meant to tell”

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Luke: Drawn out “What?”

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Luke: “I am just, I am feeling so good, you guys. I am so happy to be back here… for a total of… one day”

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Luke: “I mean, I went into a fugue eating state”

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Luke: “I mean… listen… you do you. YOLO, YODO”

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Luke: “It’s okay if it looks like it’s from the 1500s… Stop trying to paint its bald spot… Just leave it alone”

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Luke: Singing “We’re gonna put on some ketchup… then some mustard… because, we only have one kind of song”

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Luke: “So, anyway, we’ll… tell you about… the latest… example of art restoration… gone amoke”

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Luke: “That’s as much as my feeble brain… four red wines in, could really grasp”

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Luke: “Two bros… baching it up”

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Luke: “What the motherfucking… fuck… is the system here!?”

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Luke: “You know, my fecalist was out of town; so, I could eat anything I wanted”

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Luke: “You poor fool”

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Luke: “You were straight… grubbin’!”

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Luke and Andrew: Fist City and Headbutt Town

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Clips From TBTL #2670

Andrew: “Andrew doesn’t have time for this kind of foolishness right now”

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Andrew: “Damn! That is some… high octane bullshit”

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Andrew: “‘Damn! Why can’t that be me?’ and ‘Damn! Good for you’ and ‘Damn! That is some… high octane bullshit'”

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Andrew: “Hey, man! This feels so weird… Feels weird to just be sitting in a cozy, little studio… looking at birds out my window while I talk to you… I almost forgot, I’ve lost all of my muscle memory of how to do the show from here. I feel like… if today’s gonna be successful, I… have no choice but to walk out on to Roosevelt… put thumb out… and see what happens”

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Andrew: “Hunh!”

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Andrew: “I don’t know why I keep on saying this today”

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Andrew: “I, I… I just wrote the F word… because, I didn’t have any other feelings”

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Andrew: “I, I’m not even gonna lie to you, Luke… I’m, I swear to God, this is… little bit of real talk”

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Andrew: “Oh, no!”

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Andrew: “Sounds good”

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Andrew: “That’s really effed up!”

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Andrew: “This is gonna sound really lame after what you were talking about”

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Andrew: “This is just… too beautiful to eat”

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Andrew: “Uhhh! I don’t wanna talk about this. I just wanna drive the truck!”

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Andrew: “We have some gas behind us”

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Andrew: “What the hell is going down there in Monee, Illinois?”

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Andrew: “You have five fingers. You don’t wanna… cut any of them off”

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Andrew and Luke: “Does he go by ‘Daddy’? (… ‘Papa’) Ahh! No he doesn’t, Andrew!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Ouch!!! (It’s like, ‘Aw, shit!’)”

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Luke: “And… it… friggin’… hurt!”

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Luke: “As soon as you hit that gas, as soon as you go… you take that brake foot, you put it in the glove box”

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Luke: “Commit… commit, commit”

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Luke: Cute laugh

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Luke: “Full of gas… homies”

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Luke: “I am scared of more things at forty-two than I was when I was at nine or ten”

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Luke: “I am still living life on the highway. I am… on my way home, finally… Although, I just found out that my flight is delayed… so, I may not make my connection… So, home… may be… the food court at Sea-Tac Airport in Seattle”

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Luke: “I did do that one… bitchin’ jump where I rolled over; so, like, my cred is still pretty good”

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Luke: “I did the jump… I rolled, we have good footage… I’m done”

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Luke: “I had a sort of a critical moment in my life yesterday… where, I had to decide between being afraid of something… and, just… doing it… and, I chose… to be sort of afraid of something… and, that something was… jumping off of a huge ramp in a monster truck”

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Luke: “I might just start traveling… with a gigantic-ass backpack”

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Luke: “I was weirdly geeked out”

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Luke: “Oh… shit! We just killed this guy from CBS”

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Luke: “Okay. Mission accomplished”

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Luke: “Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! Oh no, oh no!”

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Luke: “Really!?”

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Luke: Singing “TBTE!”

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Luke: “Sorry if this story is boring and taking too long”

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Luke: “Stu, are you at the river yet?”

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Luke: “They’ve never heard of TBTL… Who told you that… Get outta here… Please do not associate… that program with our program”

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Luke: “This has been… Top Stories”

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Luke: “This thing is loose… but, I think you can get one more jump out if it. And… then…”

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Luke: “Time to lean? Time to clean”

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Luke: “We will be right back here tomorrow. I will be coming to you from Burbank Springs. Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise”

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Luke: “Womp, womp”

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Luke: “You’re easy-breezy about Tunisi [sic]

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Luke and Andrew: Luke needs to go use a bathroom and is asking Andrew if he should walking into a Super 8 in which there is police activity going on and ask to use the bathroom

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Luke and Andrew: Luke saying “It’s like that time I was driving the monster truck, Andrew” and both having a good laugh

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Luke and Andrew: “That whole twenty-four hour show was kind of a blur… Yeah, everything I’ve said on this show… since I started in 2012 is a blur”

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Clips From TBTL #2669

Andrew: “Catholic guilt”

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Andrew: “Cleanliness is next to podliness. Nice!”

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Andrew: “Everybody, close your eyes and close your ears. This is just me and Luke here”

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Andrew: “God…damnit! This guy won’t leave the hotel! He keeps going back for one more thing!”

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Andrew: “Here I am. A guy that can’t call a stoner cab, can’t call a Lyft, can’t rent a car”

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Andrew: “Hey, man! I want y’all to know… Thank you, all… I do want you to know, that I am exactly, like literally, exactly, right now, two-and-a-half hours into a 5-Hour Energy drink… So, we got about two-and-a-half hours… then it’s over. So, let’s get going”

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Andrew: “I dunno. People keep telling me to do it!”

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Andrew: “I like the way you didn’t believe how you felt”

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Andrew: “I literally could not”

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Andrew: “I mean, it’s no Fighting Okra shirt; but, shit!”

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Andrew: “It’s… highly erotic!”

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Andrew: “Not to derail this too much; but… there were a couple of times that I looked at you; and, I realized, you are experiencing what Genevieve experiences a lot, and does not love… Which is… getting me to leave… the house or a room”

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Andrew: “Oh my God. I’ll wash your sheets”

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Andrew: “‘Oh, Luke. So glad to see you back with your antics'”

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Andrew: “Oh-ho!!! This is bad-ass. I’m not gonna lie to you”

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Andrew: “Ohhh! It’s my apron! It’s my cleaning apron”

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Andrew: Saying “Unlimited!” along with everyone at the live show

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Andrew: Singing “Is he rich like me?”

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Andrew: “This guy answers the phone and he’s on a cell phone… and, he is stoned. I mean, he is stoned as shit”

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Andrew: “This is a thing: The Fighting Okra!?”

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Andrew: “This smells nice!”

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Andrew: “Too many details”

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Andrew: “Wow! This crowd does not trust us, man”

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Andrew and Luke: “Ah, shit! (Oh, shit!) You done did it… Y’all are crazy”

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Andrew and Luke: Luke offered to be Andrew’s assistant but then disappeared the moment Andrew needed help posting the show

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Andrew and Luke: “Sometimes I don’t even have chest pockets and I just pat my chest. It’s, it’s… highly erotic! (Yeah) I think, you might even say, ‘Oh, ‘Explicit’!'”

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Andrew and Luke: “The dispatcher (Stoner Cab) was in the car!”

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Andrew and Luke: “There is definitely a moment… that I took my deodorant and rubbed it all over my face outside of an Office Depot… (True story) in Kansas City… I mean, we’ve all been there”

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Andrew and Luke: “You were getting mad… at us? Irritated? Describe your feelings. Leave no adjective out. And, describe them honestly. It’s okay. We can take it (Yeah)”

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Andrew, Jami Nettles and Luke: “You paint your yard spot? If it took it. Sick! (Sick!) Sick!”

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Jami Nettles: “No, baby. No”

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Jen: Recorded message for the TBTL Tens

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Luke: “All y’all really went all out”

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Luke: “By the way, game-changer”

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Luke: “He was like, ‘A TBT-What?'”

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Luke: “If you wanna just take… ten minutes of the show… and, just, kind of, make it your own; we’re gonna call it, ‘Jami’s Fun Times'”

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Luke: “Luke… Luke… Luke”

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Luke: “Meme Police… Luke Burbank… Compliance Officer”

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Luke: “No, I’ve been shitting like a maniac… but, I just didn’t wanna talk about it; cuz, we’re a very classy show”

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Luke: “Oh, fucking cops”

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Luke: “There is… a lot going on”

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Luke: “This feels fucking great”

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Luke: “We are gonna do, kind of, a… I guess, it’s sort of like: E-mails and V-mails, Live!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Are you sad to hear me say that? Should I… No, I’m not sad; and, I’m not surprised (Okay)”

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Luke and Andrew: Laughing

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Luke and Andrew: “McAlister’s number two. McAlister’s the Second”

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Luke and Andrew: One of Andrew’s low points during the trip was when he mistakenly rubs deodorant all over his face

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Luke and Andrew: “The idea of you sitting… on one of the listener’s beds… Is that a line too far?”

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Luke and Andrew: “You know… I started that as a joke; but, then, I just never stopped joking about it. And, I guess, now that the ‘thon is over, that’s the name of the ‘thon, Andrew… I love it, Luke!”

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Luke and Jami Nettles: “Did this thing cost you five thousand dollars to win? My family just… learned that I’m a Dazzling Donor; so, let’s just don’t go there. Okay. Alright. Fair… That’s fair”

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Sean, Luke and Andrew: Sean teaching how to use the contraction “Y’all”

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Clips From TBTL #2668: Part Two

Kai Ryssdal: “So, I heard you guys want me to talk about fecal matter, for some reason? Well, that’s just shitty… Congratulations on the TBTL-a-Thon, you guys. Good luck… keep up the good work”

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Luke: “Easy, Tennessee Williams”

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Luke: “I didn’t land on club sandwich. Club sandwich landed on me”

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Luke: “I got Wooster [sic] on the brain”

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Luke: “I’m not trying to victim blame here”

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Luke: “I’m not… quite… there yet”

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Luke: “No donation too small; and, good luck to all”

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Luke: “Nope. Too scary for me”

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Luke: “Pander Express”

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Luke: Saying “Yeah!” as Adam Duritz

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Luke: Saying “Yeah!” as Adam Duritz #2

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Luke: Singing “Sloppy Joe, slop, Sloppy Joe”

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Luke: “That’s scary! I would be freaked out”

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Luke: “Well… maybe this backpack will save my life”

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Luke: “Yeah! To blathe”

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Luke: “You’re right. It’s weird”

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Luke: “You’ve heard of a pregnant pause… this was like a Jon and Kate Plus 8… pause”

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Luke and Andrew: “I ate way too much food. I feel really uncomfortable. Hey, that’s my line”

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Luke and Andrew: “I feel like I just heard my teacher swear! I know”

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Luke and Andrew: “Power out!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Power out! Why did that sound like Schwarzenegger? I don’t know. That’s your impression of Australian!?”

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Luke and Andrew: Singing “You wanna raft… violently. Uh-huh… Side-to-side”

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Luke and Andrew: “The Philadelphia Phanatic is the most sued… mascot in sports. Which is beautiful! He should be, right? Yes”

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Luke and Andrew: “Well… he’s said some racist stuff; but, it’s im…ma…terial”

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Luke and Kristina Lopez: “If I remember right, Mississippi was on the right side of the Civil War, right? You know what? That’s between you and your god… Damn, Daniel. That’s a diplomatic answer”

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Luke and Kristina Lopez: Luke wonders how many people tried fried green tomatoes after watching the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes” and Kristina then mentioned the novel the movie was based on

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Luke, Kristina Lopez and Andrew: “The Slip N Dip? Yeah, the Slip N Dip… More like… I’m gonna slip a disc! Oh, God! Why am I talking today!?”

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Clips From TBTL #2668: Part One

Andrew: “Again, kind of out of my snoopiness”

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Andrew: “Ah, I don’t, I don’t follow those bozos. I don’t follow politics. It’s all a bunch of bullshit”

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Andrew: “Ahh… America’s too litigious! That’s bullshit!”

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Andrew: “Big, honking sandwich”

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Andrew: “Damnit. Why did I order that?”

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Andrew: “For some reason… I always just feel like I’ve been caught doing something when somebody at American Public Media acknowledges that we exist. That’s not healthy”

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Andrew: “Go screw yourself”

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Andrew: “Hey, Lurnk and Yandy”

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Andrew: “How dare you put that song back in my head?”

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Andrew: “I didn’t wanna go out there, under the baking sun, feeling just bloated and gross… but, nonetheless… I persisted”

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Andrew: “I have Bluetoothed my way into the Sonata’s stereo”

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Andrew: “I’m sitting here like a… fat, happy hog right now in the passenger seat of a Sonata”

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Andrew: “I’ve got this huge plate now of a sandwich… french fries; cuz, they didn’t confiscate my french fries… out of my cold, dead hand, Hop Cat!”

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Andrew: “Is it even a hot dog anymore?”

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Andrew: “It’s a little bit of a, just a, snoopy thing”

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Andrew: “It’s a weird thing that makes no sense at all!”

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Andrew: “Nobody answered the question about duct taped hot dogs; which is bullshit reporting… It’s bunk journalism, man”

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Andrew: “Of course, I would eat that damn hot dog!”

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Andrew: “Oh, God. I ate too much”

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Andrew: “Oh, no!”

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Andrew: Singing “TBTL”

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Andrew: “So, you know what the implications of that is… are… What the implications of that are… Implications are plural”

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Andrew: “Unlike me, I actually did leave a little bit of the sandwich behind too… Sorry, sandwich”

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Andrew: “What does this mean for the future of the hot dog cannon?”

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Andrew: “What is the point of a hot dog cannon… if you’re just shooting… bullets of essentially duct tape. Makes no sense”

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Andrew: “Whoa!”

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Andrew: “Yeah, it’s like Fifty-two Pickup… Go screw yourself”

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Andrew: “You know, her life could be… could not be less like mine… Huh? I probably said that wrong. You follow… It’s bene a long week, man. My brain is not, my brain is not working well. We were also up very late last night; so… I apologize for not making tons of sense”

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Andrew: “You know, some people are just bullshitters, right?”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew is relieved to be in a rental car and hopes the listeners aren’t mad

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew singing “TBTL” and Luke laughing

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Andrew and Luke: “Hey, there. It’s a Hyundai Sonata, I believe. Oh, Kia… Kia, Hyundai… tomayto, tomahto [ph]

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Andrew and Luke: “I am gonna hold my microphone to the speaker of the car and play these off of my phone; and… I’m sure it will just go fabulously… Oh, yeah. I can’t see how this will ever go wrong”

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Andrew and Luke: “Just be cool man. This is gonna be a long drive, dude”

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Andrew and Luke: Saying “Yeah! Yeah” as Adam Duritz

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Andrew and Luke: “Should we make a pact that, if we pass a hitchhiker between here and our destination of Columbus, Mississippi… to be true to the spirit of this, we have to pick up the hitchhiker? No, flipping way! Are you out of your mind? No!”

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Andrew and Luke: “They was trying to say that I was drunk. I only had eight beers! Try was trying to say I activated this lady’s asymptomatic… arthritis… I only had two knee surgeries!”

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Andrew and Luke: “You know, we were saying we were gonna get there by hook or by crook; and, it turned out, it was more like… by Hertz… or by crook… That was terrible. I can’t believe… He just made that joke”

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Clips From TBTL #2667

Andrew: “He’s at a stop light with his mom looking at him, who… looking at us… then, as she slowly drives by, he throws two damn pennies at my damn face… and laughs at my face!”

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Andrew: “I am furious at that little shit right now”

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Andrew: “I don’t have a disco bone in my body”

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Andrew: “I don’t know what’s going on with me”

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Andrew: “It’s Blursday! It’s Blursday wherever you are”

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Andrew: “Nah!”

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Andrew: “No, but you nailed it though. I’m a total Disco Duck!”

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Andrew: “Oh, yeah!!!”

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Andrew: “Please?”

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Andrew: Saying “I’m a wizard!” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Saying “Mark” in a drawn-out, goat-like manner

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Andrew: Singing “TBTL!”

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Andrew: “Vaping good in the neighborhood”

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Andrew: “Wow! I wanna be the Duck Master… You be the Gatekeeper”

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Andrew: “Yeah, I know. We’re a little disappointed in you. I gotta be honest. How did you not anticipate this?”

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Andrew: “Yes! It is so weird!”

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Andrew: “You’re in the Baptist Bible Belt, baby”

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Andrew and Luke: “And, so… you, you, you bend over, you talk to him through his window… I dunno why I need to mention you bent over… It was a highlight… You talk to, you… I want you to stare into the Gideons Bible and apologize… ‘kay? I don’t know what’s going on with me”

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Andrew and Luke: “It’s kind of a stunt. Like, we’re fun. Look at us! We’re fun, flirty… (Yeah) let us ride… We’ll dance for pennies (Right)”

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Andrew and Luke: “She was kinda going after me a little bit more… She smelled fear. Yeah”

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Andrew and Luke: “We can’t (Yes) let your social awkwardness put us (Right) in a dangerous situation; that is the stupidest thing we could do… Uh, no… this whole trip is the stupidest thing we could do”

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Kristina Lopez and Andrew: “By the way, I’m totally creeping in, like, being a little lurker on that… sTens Fan Page; and, I’m enjoying the conversations that are happening there. Don’t lurk! Be a… be… loud and proud on that page”

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Luke: “Create in me a clean heart… O, Munger Moss Motel”

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Luke: “Fuck this”

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Luke: “Gosh darn it. We really put our foot in our mouth; and, I apologize”

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Luke: “Hey, you know… a wave and twenty-five cents will get you a stick of gum… How about a ride!!!?”

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Luke: “I already know what your brain’s trying to do… Fight it”

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Luke: “I apologize. That was so much… dirtier than I meant it to be”

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Luke: “I mean, unfortunately, we’d have to discover some kind of… crime down here and report on it. Oh, wait. In the Dark is doing that… Our version would be called, ‘In the Snark'”

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Luke: Imitating dial tone sound

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Luke: “Live from the Starlight Room at the Munger Moss Motel… this is TBTL… Champagne dreams and…”

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Luke: “Lurnk… don’t lurk!”

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Luke: “Not saying they suck. I’m just saying they’re not us; so, obviously, they suck kind of hard… Wish I wouldn’t have used ‘hard’ at the end of that sentence”

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Luke: Saying “Nope!” in a funny manner

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Luke: Saying “Not… gonna do it” as Dana Carvey doing an impression of George H. W. Bush

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Luke: Singing “Space between”

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Luke: “That is… open jealousy and insecurity for me”

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Luke: “We’re starting to really, kind of… become… goofy and loopy”

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Luke: “Where’s the Bible Belt? Wherever Andrew is, baby!”

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Luke: “Where’s the party at? (Party!!!) It’s wherever he’s at… baby!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Here’s the part where you sing, ‘TBTL’… TBTL!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m… openly… butt-hurt that it isn’t us… even though… How much of that is an act? None of it, sadly (Really?)”

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Luke and Andrew: If Luke and Andrew were robbed while hitchhiking or after being picked up, TBTL is over

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Luke and Andrew: “Is that why… Kai Ryssdal said… yesterday that the markets were ‘Poop diddy whoop scoop… poop’? (I think so) I, I assume”

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Luke and Andrew: Laughing

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Luke and Andrew: “Let’s be honest, though… McSweeney’s… screams white. It’s like the whitest sounding website in the history of websites (Yeah)”

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Luke and Andrew: Saying “Not… should’nt’ve… should’nt have do it… Shouldn’t have done it… Not gonna do it” as Dana Carvey doing an impression of George H. W. Bush

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Luke and Andrew: The vibe of McSweeney’s are almost ridic

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