Author: Linh Pham

Andrew: “I just don’t fall down that much”

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Andrew: “I just stumbled on something”

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Andrew: “It just hangs out there like a fart”

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Andrew: “It’s not a good story, but it’s long”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: Laughing #3

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Andrew: Laughing #4

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Andrew: “Like, that’s the most Burns-y thing to ever Burns”

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Andrew: “My brain is not working a hundred percent. That might lead to some real, ridiculous, funny conversation today; or, it might just mean, I need to turn off my microphone at some point, Luke.”

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Andrew: No Egg Talk

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Andrew: “Nope”

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Andrew: “Oh, my goodness!”

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Andrew: “Oh! Yeah.”

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Andrew: Reading a listener’s fart-take on lyrics to The Bangles’s “Eternal Flame”

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Andrew: “So, there was no winning”

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Andrew: “That’s a tired old joke. God, I’m mad!”

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Andrew: “The poop songwriter was a girl!”

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Andrew: “These questions I’m gonna ask you should not matter, but I need to ask them”

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Andrew: “We don’t!”

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Andrew: “Were you chanting in the hot tub?”

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Andrew: “Why are, why are these people so fancy?”

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Andrew: “Wow! Wow!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I regret playing this. I don’t.”

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Andrew and Luke: “You’re a zoodler, (Yeah) not a toodler. Sorry. (Exactly, right) I’m sorry.”

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Luke: “Believe you, me”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: “I don’t know if I’m the dog… or the dirty dog”

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Luke: “I think the most fun part of zoodling”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Nude”

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Luke: “Oh, this isn’t your first egg talk this week! You disgust me.”

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Luke: Saying “G’day, mate. You gonna head over to Los Angeles and put a shrimp on the barbie?” mostly in an Australian accent

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Luke: Saying “The stories are so long for being so boring”

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Luke: “We can breeze into a room… like a fart”

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Luke: “We have a new segment today that we want to bring you, it’s called: Luke Responds to Twitter”

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Luke and Andrew: “Andrew, speaking of which, ask me what I am wearing? Nope. Not falling for that again.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Good times, man. Really good times. Sounds like it’s sexy-fun times for you.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I think we have to thank our Kenny Loggins, Playing with the Boys level (Oh, okay) donors of the day”

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Luke and Andrew: “I was going to do the show in the buff; but, then, Carey threatened to take a picture of me with her iPhone and send it to you. And, that, that had me putting on clothes real fast. Wow! Wow!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Picture me getting into a hot tub, naked, spinning a volleyball on my finger, (No!) playing with the boyz. I’m not doing that!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Question asked. Question answered. Yeah. Maybe one follow-up comment. New question posed, new question answered.”

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Luke and Andrew: Singing “Night job. Hero of the… day job.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Welcome to TBTL Drunk History, except no one’s drunk. (Hoooo!) I know! What’s going on?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Yeah, but it’s not Frankenstein, it’s Frankenstein’s Zucchini. Oh, right. Don’t, please don’t continue to make that mistake on this program, as per usual.”

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Andrew: “Boop”

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Andrew: “Easy, cowboy”

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Andrew: “I don’t really know how to have a good nightlife, boogie time”

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Andrew: “I’m going with the stock answer on that one!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “Take a left on Sepple-vay-dah [ph]“

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Andrew: “The huge vape pen thing that you can really dragon out on, to use your terminology”

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Andrew: “What!!?”

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Andrew: “Why are we ever worried that we don’t know what to talk about at the top of the show?”

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Andrew: “You’re wrong”

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Andrew and Luke: Whispering “They’re learning! I know, it’s scary.”

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Luke: “And the details dazzled me”

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Luke: “For the first time in my life, I think, because of all of this Binaca-blasting I was doing last night… And, that sounds really disgusting.”

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Luke: “My brain is bad”

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Luke: “That’s a bizarre, bizarre way to get the show started”

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Luke: Top Story comes from two years ago

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Luke: “Who… knew!”

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Luke: “Will dazzle you with its deuts”

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Luke and Andrew: Half a dazzle

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Luke and Andrew: “‘Hi Andrew, I listened to yesterday’s candle story with growing excitement…’ Those words have never, have never occurred in that order. I know, it’s amazing. It’s like Yahoo serious film festival.”

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Luke and Andrew: Two drops were played instead of the intended drop

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Andrew: “He’s doing the dance, guys. He’s doing the dance!”

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Andrew: “I didn’t do anything. I’m just special!”

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Andrew: “I’m an E of EGOT! I’m on my way!”

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Andrew: “I’m doing the work. I’m doing the work!”

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Andrew: “In Soviet Andrew, flight attendant gives chocolate to you!”

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Andrew: Singing Game of Cats

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Andrew: “The Haunting of Owl Bridge”

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Andrew: “There’s no big power out here”

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Andrew: “This show would be listenable if I just could stay sober… just once!”

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Andrew: “Yeah, you’re taking this chocolate, I really like you!”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew laughing and Luke saying “This is a weird dream”

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Andrew and Luke: “Come up with a sentence sadder than, ‘He was fired from a psychic phone line service.’ He called a psychic phone line service? Probably, dude.”

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Andrew and Luke: “That’s why I don’t like you doing the show from here, you know? (Yeah) Because, I don’t want you knowing how drunk I am (Right)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Uhh, God. Why am I doing this? The… Cuz, you’re drunk”

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Luke: “Get Luke!”

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Luke: “If you ever raise a finger, I will imme…”

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Luke and Andrew: Burbank, Washington

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Luke and Andrew: “How do I get got? I think… Get got!”

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Andrew: “A-ha moments are ideas”

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Andrew: “And so, I started shoving those as far down the hole as I could and lighting them”

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Andrew: “He who dealt it, melted it?”

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Andrew: “Hola, Mr. Cola”

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Andrew: “I don’t work for Bravo, Luke! I don’t work for Bravo.”

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Andrew: “I’m a seventy-four doll-ounaire, dollarnaire”

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Sorry, I realized how ridiculous this is”

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Andrew: “Long story long”

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Andrew: “Now, that might mean that I have a bunch of friends who are like, ‘Aw, shit, Andrew’s giving me another stupid candle for Christmas'”

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Andrew: “Of all the crazy things that you do or don’t do to your body, Luke; and, I’m not even talking about the diets here”

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Andrew: “Oh, God, here comes that word ‘spend-thrifty’ again”

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Andrew: Stretched out “No!”

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Andrew: “We just spent all the calories on everything! It’s all out the window!”

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Andrew: “Yes!!”

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Luke: “Alright, the Top Story that I want to talk about, it’s not on our actual list of Top Stories; which, never bodes well for the actual Top Stories of the day”

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Luke: “Bangles ‘Eternal Flame’ level donors of the day”

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Luke: “Ho, boy”

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Luke: “See how long it takes somebody to ask you, ‘What the fuck are you talking about?'”

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Luke: “Smells like a winner”

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Luke: “That brings all the Pod-dogs to the yard”

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Luke: “We want to thank our coastal elitist level donors of the day”

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Luke and Andrew: “Also, I just farted; so, it’s good that we lit a match. Maybe it should be our thank you gifts next year: candles.”

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Luke and Andrew: Andrew having a good laugh at Luke’s “World Star” story

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Luke and Andrew: “That’s surprising to me. You’d think that they would be all up in that candle game. That’s what I would think too!”

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Luke and Andrew: “This is exa–This is where I really wanted to go with this conversation was… Oh, good, only fifteen minutes later”

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Luke and Andrew: Wondering if people are still listening after playing Smash Mouth’s ‘All Star’ song in all C to close out the show

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Luke and Andrew: “You’re making candles now, this is your new hobby?!? Yeah! Well, you know I’m famous for my drawings of candles”

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