Author: Linh Pham

Andrew: “Beforehand, though, if folks are looking to have a few drinks before the show… (It makes the show better) Just kidding, Luke.”

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Andrew: “But, I’m screwed”

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Andrew: Chuckling

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Andrew: “Hey, dummy!”

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Andrew: “Hey! Hey, put that down in the Hall of Quotes: If the Indians win this, then they, then they won.”

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Andrew: “Houston is where you hang your hat”

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Andrew: “I don’t think I want a hotness in there”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna try Bing. You go ahead.”

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Andrew: “I’ve been thinking about that sandwich all day”

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Andrew: “If that’s true, that’s pretty, pretty effed up”

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Andrew: “If the Indians win this, then, then, then they won”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: Laughing #3

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “I love it!”

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Andrew: “Luke, it was so racist!”

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Andrew: “Man!”

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Andrew: “Oh, no! You, you can’t, you can’t write to listeners that way!”

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Andrew: “Okay. So, that, that was a good pay off. I’m glad I broke your rhythm. Go ahead.”

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Andrew: Pronouncing Manhattan’s “Houston” incorrectly

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Andrew: Singing “Back in the New York groove”

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Andrew: “Sorry, didn’t mean to put you on blast”

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Andrew: “They had nice, cubed salamis”

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Andrew: “This is our Hous-ton!”

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Andrew: “Try finding a Walkman, dude!”

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Andrew: “Ugh! No thank you, nerd!”

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Andrew: “Wait, let me do a quick Google”

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Andrew: “We have, we’ve salads in Bellingham. Just go to the Haggen’s!”

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Andrew: “Well, it gets complicated”

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Andrew: “Will you write a children’s book, at some point, called ‘This Is My Face, This Is My Bo-ody’?”

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Andrew: “Ya made it work! Ya made it work!”

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Andrew: “Yeah, I, I just told you this isn’t a good TBTL topic; but, here I go, telling you what I read on it.”

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Andrew: “Yes! It’s so bad. It’s so bad!”

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Andrew: “You just always look like Luke to me”

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Andrew: “You know what you do when you make assumptions, my friends”

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Andrew and Luke: “Ass-umptions (…you and me) Yes!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Hey, dummy! Whoa! No.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Now, I only insult the listeners. Ha!”

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Andrew and Luke: “You should put a box… over your bald spot. What bald spot? I don’t, I don’t have a bald spot. It’s already working!”

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Luke: “And, I also promise to give you five stars on your Uber rating; since, I’m turning you into my personal Uber driver.”

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Luke: “As per ushe”

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Luke: “B-T-Dubs”

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Luke: “Because, that’s part of the problem with this handmade, artisanal bull crap!”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: “Do you sleep with your baseball?”

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Luke: “Do you sleep with your pastrami?”

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Luke: “I want you to pull that e-brake, and I want you to Dukes the Hazzard out of that shit. I wanna hit that, I wanna hit that turn. I want you to Tokyo Drift into that turn, okay?”

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Luke: “I’m sex negative”

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Luke: “If you are up for this, I promise to buy you a pastrami sandwich”

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Luke: “If you do not think this is a good idea, I understand. If you need me, I’ll be in the Alaska Lounge, getting drunk on free red wine.”

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Luke: “If, if you don’t know who’s wearing the fedora within fifteen minutes, you’re wearing the fedora.”

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Luke: “Jam it into this space”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Look at this! If you guys could just see the, the cajones on this Andrew Walsh”

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Luke: “Of course, they’re not selling hats today”

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Luke: “One thing is, on a Tuesday at 11:30, they’re gonna be open and selling fucking hats.”

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Luke: Saying “Uh, actually, it was the LA Angels. They were a Minor League team there in nineteen whatever” in a pedantic manner

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Luke: “So, the one block I walk, a dude recognizes me, and I’m deeply ashamed.”

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Luke: “So, we’re on our way to Ebbets Flannels. I want to get this Bellingham Mariners hat because it has a bee on it. Is that a little… self, self obsessed? It looks like ‘B’ for Burbank.”

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Luke: “Swerve on Carbs”

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Luke: “Well, I got Rosco and Boss Hog trailing me”

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Luke: “Where are our East Linn-homies?”

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Luke: “You can’t go home again”

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Luke and Andrew: “And I just fire up a shot and it is the biggest airball in history. Of course, it was.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I still think it’s kind of a cute hat, and… By the way, remind me to never say, ‘It’s kind of a cute hat’. Well, no, say that a lot when you go in there.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I would’ve never been allowed to watch because of Daisy’s dukes (I hear you)”

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Luke and Andrew: “If I’m gonna have a cheat day, I’m gonna go to Tats with you (Right) and get my pastrami on.”

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Luke and Andrew: Licensing Talk and Internet Hat Talk

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Luke and Andrew: “That is the office of the couple’s counselor that Carey and I used to go to; just in case, you’re ever in the neighborhood, Andrew, and you need counseling. Things with me and Carey are fine. Oh, well, stop throwing it in my face.”

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Andrew: “And just a dash of racism”

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Andrew: “Are you ready to pastrami!!?”

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Andrew: Engaging the parking brake

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Andrew: “Hello! My name is Andrew Walsh, I live on Burke! Everything is fine!”

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Andrew: “Here’s the biggest disappointment in that whole thing: future tripping sounds so cool; yet, in reality, it’s such a shitty thing.”

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Andrew: “Hey, Burbank”

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Andrew: “Hold on. There’s a joke about priming the pump. I’m just… I’m, I can’t access it right now.”

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Andrew: “I don’t do Dido, dude!”

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Andrew: “I dunno. I almost killed us.”

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Andrew: “I mean, I guess the fact your b-brain is going there is the problem.”

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Andrew: “I sit with it”

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Andrew: “I thought it involves Molly!”

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Andrew: “I’m always kind of like, ‘Well, is there gonna be a wait? Is there gonna be a line? Uhh, can we just go to Applebee’s… or Lids?'”

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Andrew: “Is your flying moustache the same as your massage chair moustache?”

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Andrew: “Oh yeah, no problem. Let’s get our pastrami on.”

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Andrew: “Oh, that’s totally apropos!”

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Andrew: “Oh… ha-ha!”

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Andrew: “Or, we could do this. You could be our John Clayton Show listeners of the day.”

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Andrew: “Power out!”

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Andrew: “Se Va, Se Va, Se Va”

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Andrew: “Team of the Whatevers and the Hoo-has”

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Andrew: “The Denny’s of my youth is gone”

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Andrew: “You could just hiss and swipe at them”

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Andrew: “You know what? First order of business while Genevieve is out of town: Get me some Denny’s.”

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Andrew: “You would be the John Clayton Show hosted by fill-in host Gee Scott level donors of the day.”

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Andrew: “You’re cool”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew being a foamer

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Andrew and Luke: “But, like, going into somebody’s place and seeing their, like, wooden ball massager… don’t mis-interpret what I just said. Now, I’m starting to understand why the windows are fogged up in the Scion.”

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Andrew and Luke: “How do you like my driving? That was a, that was a pretty sick move you pulled there.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I think that it would be a little posery for–You know me. What’s my biggest fear, Luke? What’s my biggest fear? Breakfast. I thought you meant of the things we eat.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I, also, am not exactly what you’d call a fashionista. Are you a Maxxinista? I am not a Maxxinista or a fashionista. I’m a barista. That wasn’t good. Don’t laugh at that… Don’t reward that.”

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Andrew and Luke: “It’s not the same. Everything’s healthier. Your sausage doesn’t perform the same way.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Keep your eyes on me. Make sure I don’t make a mistake. Number two, be prepared for me to make a mistake, and (Alright) don’t holler. I won’t. This is a holler-free zone my friend.”

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Andrew and Luke: Which side of a skateboard has wheels

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Andrew: “And, that is almost exactly what effing happened”

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Andrew: “But, Luke”

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Andrew: “But, man… The Browns had no, they just have no coverage… at all!”

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Andrew: Chuckling

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Andrew: “Eww, eww, eww”

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Andrew: “Flipping his shit out”

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Andrew: “Goddamn!”

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Andrew: “I got what I need out of a storm. Just enough to scare me.”

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Andrew: “I’m not just trying to be gross here”

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Andrew: “I’m sorry. Once again, my microphone was muted; because, I’m a professional.”

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Andrew: “It is nasty out there!”

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Andrew: “Just flipped me the shit out”

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Andrew: “Late at night, as I was smoking my health cigarette on the back porch”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Let go and let jank”

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Andrew: “Let me ask you a quick question about clock management, while we’re just keeping things interesting. Cuz, nothing’s more interesting than clock management.”

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Andrew: “Look at how goddamn fat my face is”

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Andrew: “No way!”

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Andrew: “Oh my God. I know”

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Andrew: “Oh, good. You wanna talk about the Browns? It is nasty out there!”

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Andrew: “Rawr”

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Andrew: Saying “Sue me? She me for wha’?” as Sylvester Stallone

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Andrew: Sighing

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “Speaking of out routes, I’m trying… Now I’m confused. I can’t remember which game this was! I’m pretty sure it was the Seahawks game.”

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Andrew: “That is the worst! That is the worst Stallone.”

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Andrew: “They are… hideous”

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Andrew: “This is the worst. Can I just not say this?”

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Andrew: “Well, I don’t know, the red light’s on! Isn’t it working?”

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Andrew: “Well… God, it’s cyclical.”

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Andrew: “Yeah!”

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Andrew: “You mother-effer!”

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Andrew and Luke: Crystal Pepsi Cleanse

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Andrew and Luke: “I guess this is obvious and maybe I’m parroting what you say all the time? Somebody I listen to says this all the time… Then it’s not me.”

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Andrew and Luke: “That’s funny; cuz, I think you look good but no interesting. So… God… Son of a bitch!”

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Luke: “Hey, Rock! You can do it!”

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Luke: “If you go to my Twitter page. Do you have a Twitter page? If you go to where the tweets radiate from my personality.”

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Luke: “It’s exactly what I thought it was!”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Lemme try to get into the headspace of Sly Stallone”

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Luke: “Mark my words. Mark my words.”

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Luke: “My hair is cuckoo bananas”

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Luke: “Oh, man.”

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Luke: Re-enacting a local news traffic reporter having problems with a computer

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Luke: “Rudy is just licking the living S out of the side of my face”

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Luke: Saying “You’re the disease and I’m the cure” as Sylvester Stallone

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Luke: “Storm Tracker Seven!”

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Luke: “Umm… Wow, it’s a great call… I guess… I guess I like it?”

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Luke: “Unleash the Kraken”

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Luke: “What!!?”

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Luke: “You can McDonald Super-Mo in 4K”

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Luke and Andrew: “Can I tell you about my fantasy this week? Which is, (Ohhhh) I mean, very bad.”

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Luke and Andrew: Saying “I’m gonna make this my problem. I, I just made this podcast my problem. Now it’s personal.” as Sylvester Stallone

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Luke and Andrew: “They still ended up scoring a ka-billion points (Uhh)”

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Luke and Andrew: “We could sit here talking about how much we hate ourselves. But, instead, we can talk about how much we hate this song.”

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Luke and Andrew: “We don’t win. We don’t win anymore, Andrew. (I know) We don’t win anymore.”

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Andrew: “Amazon, you’re the best!”

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Andrew: “Congrats. You won. It wasn’t supposed to be a contest, Luke.”

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Andrew: “Ho-ohh, wow!”

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Andrew: “I don’t know what word you’re thinking of; but, I don’t wanna know”

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Andrew: “I think there might be something broken in the re-telling of that though.”

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Andrew: “I was saying, ‘Boo-urns'”

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Andrew: “I’m a little on the fence here”

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Andrew: “I’m not trying to be ‘Not, but,’ by the way”

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Andrew: “Lord, do I wish I had some better ideas”

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Andrew: “Maybe you want to wait until we till my soil of my, of my humor”

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Andrew: “Oh, no!”

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Andrew: “Oh, yeah!”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: Snorting #2

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Andrew: “Strong start?”

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Andrew: “The business of show”

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Andrew: “Why are you sending ‘Sleep Easy, Hutch Rimes’ to my parent’s house in Ohio!?”

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Andrew: “You slam your thumbnail in a car door. At first, it hurts; but then, the pressure builds and builds and builds. And then, finally, on Thursday, you heat up a paperclip and you push it through your thumbnail, and pressure is relieved on Thursday.”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew ordered a DVD through Amazon and accidentally had it shipped to his parents address

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Andrew and Luke: “I dunno. Maybe, maybe a hard rain is gonna come on Monday (Oh, wow) and wash this, wash this music away.”

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Luke: “Andrew ‘Lone Laugh’ Walsh”

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Luke: “Anything to take my mind off of the fact that that door is about to open, and I’m about to be exposed for the podcaster that I am.”

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Luke: “Help me”

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Luke: “Hey, speaking of good radio, I’ve, I’ve fully submersed myself in, in the dark.”

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Luke: “I can get down with that”

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Luke: “I don’t really follow new music, cuz I’m a kid. She didn’t say that. I added that.”

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Luke: “I need this! I need my powder!”

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Luke: “I need to put on my big boy podcasting pants”

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Luke: “I really am. I have deep shame today, Andrew.”

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Luke: “I, I landed at JFK in New York. That’s not true.”

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Luke: “In Portland, Oregon… The Bay City”

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Luke: “It was, it was drama that didn’t pay off. What else is new for this show?”

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Luke: “Oh my God, you’re so woke!”

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Luke: “One is not enough. Two is the right amount; and, three is not enough?”

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Luke: “One is not enough. Two is too many. And, three is not enough.”

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Luke: “Our long national nightmare is over”

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Luke: “Robyn ‘Tindr’baum”

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Luke: “There’s, there’s some useful info in this for the listeners, for once.”

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Luke: “This is gonna be the last part of our broadcast week”

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Luke: “Well, hey there folks… furries and non-furries alike. You’re all welcome to enjoy this Friday afternoon edition of TBTL, the show that just might be Too Beautiful To Live.”

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Luke: “You’re like the most woke white guy”

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Luke and Andrew: “Also, it doesn’t help that I’m about three piña coladas in. Oh, really? Seriously? Piña coladas?”

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Luke and Andrew: “If we average the amount of (Yeah) broadcast we did this week, it would be about an hour a day.”

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Luke and Andrew: “It’s, it’s as-if I did this show completely nude, (Right) you know, holding a salmon in one hand, and bagging it against a, a picture of Cheryl Tiegs.”

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Luke and Andrew: “The salmon we’re fine with. The fact that you’re naked, no problemo. Karaoke version of Fabulous Thunderbirds? I would kill to see Robyn’s face if she ever heard this.”

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Luke and Andrew: “There’s everybody’s buddy. Also, Joseph. (That was) Joseph… That was so demeaning.”

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Luke and Andrew: “You know, it’s like Oprah says, ‘Living your least bald life.’ Bald like everybody’s watching.”

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Andrew: “Bob Dylan fans are about to get a lot more annoying”

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Andrew: “Did you know that I missed the Wallingford Sausagefest this year?”

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Andrew: “Don’t put me on that list”

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Andrew: Drawn out “I don’t know”

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Andrew: “Err-erk”

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Andrew: “I don’t do Dylan, dude!”

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Andrew: “I wish I had said that”

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Andrew: “It’s so janky!”

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Andrew: “Oh yeah, this gets kind of dirty!”

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Andrew: “Oh, shit!”

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Andrew: “Power out!”

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Andrew: Saying “I don’t care!” as Harrison Ford

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Andrew: “This is just, it’s just, sit back Luke. This is just story time.”

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Andrew: “Well, obviously, no.”

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Andrew and Luke: “It is… (No mountain too) nasty out there! It is… nasty out there.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Well, that’s the thing about your pool is I heard it’s strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman. pH balanced by a woman. I wish I had said that.”

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Luke: “Breath edit is our love language”

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Luke: David Burbank, aka The Tallest Burbank

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Luke: “Does a meth-head love The Loud Ass Crackers?”

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Luke: “Hell, yeah!”

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Luke: “I’ll be gall-darned”

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Luke: “Long meandering story, longer”

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Luke: Luke bought an umbrella

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Luke: “My bruv”

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Luke: Reciting lyrics from Digital Underground’s “The Humpty Dance”

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Luke: Saying “I thought they smelled bad… on the outside!” as Harrison Ford

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Luke: “Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet”

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Luke: “What does, what do any of those words mean?”

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Luke: “You’re messing it up! You’re messing it up! Why are you doing this!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Actually, now they are sticks, (Oh, that’s not a…) and I’ll tell you this. That’s how you find out if your pool’s pregnant. That’s right. Ah, I gotta wear a condom when I’m in that pool; cuz, I don’t know how I’m gonna pay for those pool babies.”

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Luke and Andrew: Attempting Harrison Ford Impressions

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Luke and Andrew: “But, anytime you have a, a Loud Ass Cracker talking about ‘Storm’ anything, I get a little uncomfortable (Right)”

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Luke and Andrew: Laughing

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