Author: Linh Pham

Luke: “Andrew ‘Drosselmeyer’ Walsh”

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Luke: “Counter-what? Counter-who?”

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Luke: Cute Chuckle

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Luke: “Don’t do this, kids.”

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Luke: “Get rid of the ink blots, start showing me some shit blots from a raven, and you’ll learn, it’s a window into my soul.”

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Luke: “I shit you not.”

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Luke: “I’ll throw some of this other great content at you.”

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Luke: “I’m a schvitzer.”

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Luke: “I’m BYOB, I bring my own belly.”

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Luke: “If you play your cards right, I might give you a chocolate factory outfit.”

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Luke: “It was a regrettable, yet mutually sarcastic event.”

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Luke: “It’s Larry before Gary”

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Luke: “It’s Larry before Gary, and things will get hairy.”

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Luke: “Larry skies at night, sailor’s delights. I don’t know. Alright.”

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Luke: “Let me, let me lay this knowledge on you.”

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Luke: “Listen buddy! I staked out this as pod-town long ago.”

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Luke: “Not cool.”

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Luke: “Our supporters of the day, the Catherine T. MacAuthur Foundation. Wait, that’s really NPR.”

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Luke: “Please stop admonishing the listeners, Andrew.”

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Luke: “Turn on your Zantac!”

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Luke: “We are recording this on, let’s see, it’s December 15th, in the year of our Lord, Twenty Fifteen.”

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Luke: “We’ve got this special sauce called our navels, and we’re gonna gaze at them.”

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Luke: “What’s up, dude!”

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Luke and Andrew: “A raven just landed in front of me and dropped a steaming deuce! Oh, God!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Beautiful! Finally (Great.) getting our Christmas on.”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke’s childhood friend hasn’t changed one iota

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Luke and Andrew: Saying “Oh, hey Carey. Oh, hey Carey. Wanna to play football?” a la Tommy Wiseau in “The Room”

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Luke and Andrew: “She pays your salary! (That’s right!)”

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Luke and Andrew: “They do what they want to do, say what they want to say, live how they want to live, play how they want to play, Addams Family. (Ohh!) Too legit. (Yeah.) Too legit.”

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Andrew: “Dancers are like fancy poodles.”

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Andrew: “Don’t, don’t pull it out! Like, you have to stay in there the whole time.”

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Andrew: Explaining what to do when using a Chip and PIN credit card

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Andrew: “God made Sherry and Larry, not Barry…”

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Andrew: “Have you hugged a Gary today?”

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Andrew: “Hey, I live there.”

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Andrew: “Hug a Larry Day isn’t until the summer!”

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Andrew: “I like my rituals.”

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Andrew: “I’m dazzled, I’m dazzled!”

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Andrew: “I’m not violent!!!”

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Andrew: “I’m proud of you, though, for when she said, ‘You should get that checked out.’ I’m proud that you didn’t shout ‘You should get your’s checked out!'”

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Andrew: “I’m, I’m done. I’m out. Can we roll closing music?”

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Andrew: “It’s now this ripped open carcass of ugliness that you have to deal with.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “My takeaway from is that you think the better part of being a bird is that you can shit anywhere; whereas, most people, the better part of being a bird is that you can fly.”

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Andrew: “No.”

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Andrew: “No, I wouldn’t prefer that. I like my rituals. I like knowing that there’s a modicum of privacy.”

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Andrew: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is what you do.”

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Andrew: “No! No! Wait. What? Are you joking?”

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Andrew: “Oh, God damn.”

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Andrew: “Ohh, I like it! Like, real NPR style!”

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Andrew: Sound effect of someone shoplifting

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Andrew: “This is what you do; and, if you can get this on tape, all the better.”

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Andrew: “What’cha doin’ here!?!”

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Andrew: “Yes! Why, why did this suddenly happen to our world? Everything was fine until, like, one day in 2002, I woke up and I couldn’t open anything anymore.”

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Andrew: “You still talking? Huh? Sorry, I’m Googling.”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew made a sound effect of someone shoplifting and Luke thought it was a glitch in the phone connection

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew’s boisterous laughter and Luke saying “He waxes it just to the right point.”

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Andrew and Luke: Attempting to find ways to remember if it’s Gary or Larry

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Andrew and Luke: “Well, it’s easy to remember. It’s always, Spring Gary, Fall Larry. No, wait. Hold on. It’s, wait, no that’s not entirely right. It is, it’s Autumn Barrys… No, wait.”

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Andrew and Luke: “You know what? We use every part of the joke. Yes, we do. Including, the joke about using every part of the joke.”

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At the beginning of the podcart, Andrew recorded a warning to the listeners regarding Santa Claus talk that #2010 contained and that it might not be something children would want to hear. Below is that warning:

Andrew: Pre-show warning about Santa Claus talk

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Andrew: Chuckling

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Andrew: “Cleveland, Luke!”

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Andrew: “I don’t wanna ruin anybody’s thing!”

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Andrew: “I dunno!”

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Andrew: “I even effed that up!!! Jesus, Christmas!”

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Andrew: “I’m taking it one game at a time, Burbank!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Santa brought a nail gun”

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Andrew: “The beauty of being me.”

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Andrew: “We make mistakes… sometimes.”

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Andrew: “You seem so fragile, Luke. It’s rare that I see you so fragile.”

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Andrew and Luke: Saying “I think it’s Camarillo” almost in unison

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Luke: “And I’m not going to guess, Andrew. I’m not going to guess anymore on this show.”

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Luke: “Crimenetly, that was bad.”

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Luke: “Exactly what America wants is a guy named Luke Burbank, that’s me.”

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Luke: “Get it together!”

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Luke: “Hey, Rudy! Put down the blood-soaked bone.”

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Luke: “Hold on, I gotta let her out. Sorry. Yeah, it was me. I let the dog out.”

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Luke: “I dare somebody correct me on that!”

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Luke: “I guess”

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Luke: “I will be God-damned if some diabetic, bearded fantasy gets the credit for this Powerpuff Girl-related merchandise that I used my student loan money to pay for. I will be God damn [sic].”

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Luke: “I’m not one to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong”

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Luke: “It is such a bummer!”

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Luke: “It really out Roundball Rocks Roundball Rock, Andrew.”

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Luke: “O as in Olestra. Why would he use a thing that makes you have chip diarrhea, I don’t know.”

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Luke: “Santa’s not coming for you.”

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Luke: “So, that was a real… That was a real Texas three-step. Criminetly, that was bad.”

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Luke: “Tony C… made it out again.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Even at this point… Oh shit, the dog just found out there’s no Santa. Oh, this is… This is sad.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Everything seems normal here! (Oh, God!)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Holy… (What? What?) Holy coincidence, Walsh! (What?)”

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Luke and Andrew: “I don’t know. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. I dunno!”

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Luke and Andrew: “It’s growing, Andrew, like a fungus. Like a disease, spreading out from the core!”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke forgot that he needed to say “No mountain too tall”

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Luke and Andrew: “No mountain too tall and good luck to all!”

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Luke and Andrew: “So Andrew, I’m a good person. Yeah, no. You sound, you sound. Boy, it must be great working with you.”

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Andrew: “Again, I’ll be reliving this episode of TBTL for a long, long time.”

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Andrew: “He’s definitely got some problems. Problems up in his brain grapes.”

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Andrew: “I think we live in some exciting days of language, Luke.”

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Andrew: “I’m just gonna keep Googling every word coming out of your mouth.”

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Andrew: “I’m on fire!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Let me try to spin this back into control.”

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Andrew: “Thank you. I’m on fire!”

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Andrew: “Uttering words all over the place that you couldn’t even edit out.”

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Andrew: “Who is this man?!?”

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Andrew: “Worst. Period. Uber ride. Period. Ever. Period.”

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Andrew: “Yay, Molly!”

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Andrew and Luke: “(That’s my power out) Okay, quickly (That’s my power out) ver… then, that was a, that was quality (Thank you) power outing.”

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Andrew and Luke: “There is really something called pickleball? Yes! You don’t know about pickleball? No, I don’t know about pickleball!”

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Andrew and Luke: “You and I are sarcassing each other (Uh-oh) too much lately.”

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Luke: “Boy, oh boy, oh boy!”

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Luke: “But, you know, I’m 39 going on 40, so, that’s gonna happen. You know, my voice is going to crack, I am going through puberty.”

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Luke: “By the way, I’ve got to get my prostrate checked.”

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Luke: “Consider myself more of an Eleven. I’m your Eleven. I’m glad, I’m glad I’m amusing you today. None of the listeners, but you, are amused and that warms my heart.”

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Luke: Deflated “No. No.”

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Luke: “I look like I’m about to give a chocolate factory away.”

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Luke: “I look like I’m about to give a chocolate factory away.” (Edited)

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Saying “Oh, fuck you.” while Andrew is ranting

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Luke: “We need to steer into the slide.”

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Luke and Andrew: “It’s a murder of ellipses. It’s a mur… It’s a pickleball of ellipses. That’s your show title, my friend.”

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Luke: “A recursive mirror of Starbuckses that go infinitely into each other.”

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Luke: “And there was just a bunch of stinky beach exposed of self-doubt.”

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Luke: “Andrew ‘Snohomie’ Walsh”

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Luke: “Breaking news: Luke denied it”

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Luke: “Could possibly muster even one half of a fuck of caring about”

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Luke: “I’m embarrassed at how I used embarrassed-ly.”

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Luke: “It’s fine. Like, it’s always fine.”

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Luke: “Look at this brisket!”

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Luke: “Shmorgan Shmanly is making shmecord shmofits year over year.”

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Luke: “The Man, The Myth, The Papa”

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Luke: Trying to replicate Andrew’s Thinking Quack

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Luke: “Well, this might hurt your feelings, since, I guess, we’re just hurting feelings now.”

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Luke and Andrew: “And then it’s time for, as I say, somebody else to come stick their hands in the river of news. (Right)”

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Luke and Andrew: “But, but what I’m about so say is disrespectful. Oh, good! (No)”

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Luke and Andrew: “I was like, where’s that guy when we do TBTL? I was wondering where was the, where was the hurtful part. There it is (There it is)”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke is utilizing his hotel desk

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Luke and Andrew: “One steak please. Overcook the meats! (God!)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Since we’ve agreed to spin this out of control (Yeah), up until we spin it back into control (Yeah)”

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Luke and Andrew: “You snatched Walsh from the jaws of triumph. (Exactly!)”

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