Category: Audio Clips

Luke: “And, I was like, ‘We live in the future, man!'”

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Luke: “Bro… do not come at me”

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Luke: “By the way… complete and totally unrelated. Don’t bring it up, Luke. Okay, I will”

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Luke: “Does that sound mean? I don’t mean it to”

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Luke: “Dog is out in the hallway right now, just making quick work… of… the remnants of a Healthy Choice… Broccoli and Chicken Steamer… God, that sounds disgusting when I say it out loud”

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Luke: “Double-A… M-C-O”

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Luke: “God, that sounds disgusting when I say it out loud”

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Luke: “Guys… there’s a Tesla… in… space right now”

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Luke: “Hold… still… Terry!”

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Luke: “Holler!”

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Luke: “Holy shit, man!”

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Luke: “Holy shit!”

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Luke: “I am, and I was, so basic”

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Luke: “I’ll pay the iron price”

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Luke: “Is this real life?”

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Luke: “It’s still got chemicals on it!”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Oh, Nelly”

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Luke: “Oh, Nelly!”

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Luke: “Rudy, get in here!”

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Luke: Saying “Well, that was how it was gonna be good… Now, it’s gonna suck” in a whiny manner

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Luke: Singing “I will always be with you”

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Luke: Singing his own version of “Ken Lee”

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Luke: “Still can’t believe that wasn’t taken!”

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Luke: “That was a weird one”

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Luke: “When we let go… and let Diana”

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Luke: “You’re just hanging by a moment”

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Luke and Andrew: A marble in Luke’s Rube Goldberg machine-like brain

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Luke and Andrew: “Arakaki, heal thyself. Yeah… right?”

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Luke and Andrew: “In Soviet Russia… toilet seat cleans you!”

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Luke and Andrew: “It’s ol’ Pope-a-rope-a-dopey with Luke McCartney… Oh my God”

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Luke and Andrew: “Let’s shoot the moon… I’ll pay two-fifty. I’ll pay three dollars to not be holding Rudy’s feces in my bare hands (Yeah)”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke’s idea for an anti-GEICO ad

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Luke and Andrew: “Today’s episode is ‘CrankyAndy.com‘… (Mmm-kay) featuring a show picture called, ‘CrankyAndy.com’… Brought to you by new sponsor, CrankyAndy.com. Oh, shit!”

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Luke and Andrew: “We grabbed the brass ring. (Eh…) Eh… Dot-com… that’s like your dad’s Internet… you know?”

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Luke and Andrew: “You just wanna let sleeping rents lie. Yeah. Yeah”

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Andrew: “All Binding, No Pages”

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Andrew: “And, and, just the neatnik in me”

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Andrew: “Buy the ticket, take the finasteride”

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Andrew: Cute Chuckle

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Andrew: “Do we wanna… get into Cranky Andy?”

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Andrew: “Dude, screw the book… do this!”

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Andrew: Funny throw-up sound

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Andrew: “I don’t have to go full Cranky Andy”

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Andrew: “I don’t know why”

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Andrew: “I don’t know! I don’t know!”

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Andrew: “I… I… I like… the Cranky Andy of the future”

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Andrew: “It’s a whole situation”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Oh my God”

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “Oh, God”

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Andrew: “Little Cranky Lukie?”

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Andrew: Making funny sounds

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Andrew: “Mmmmm. Silicone”

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Andrew: “Now it’s cleaning you!!”

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Andrew: “Now, that’s surprising”

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Andrew: “Oh-ho. I love, I love flavor-blasted… Los Ranchitos”

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Andrew: “Oh, God!”

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Andrew: “Oh, I’m blanking on his name because it’s Elon Musk”

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Andrew: “Oh, that’s right!”

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Andrew: “Oh, yeah. Right”

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Andrew: “Ohh!”

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Andrew: Saying “I was feeling listless and dull; and, then, I thought, ‘Maybe my own treatment would help'” in a funny manner

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Andrew: “Shit. We may actually be in some copyright infringement”

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Andrew: “Shut up, little mouse!!”

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Andrew: Singing “Day after day”

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Andrew: Singing “If you want it, here I am. Come and get it”

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Andrew: Singing “No matter what you do”

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Andrew: “Space is big”

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Andrew: “That’s right, Luke!”

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Andrew: “That’s right!”

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Andrew: “The Girl with the Government Tattoo”

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Andrew: “This was popping up in a lotta places”

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Andrew: “Why are there bald mice?”

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Andrew: “Would I have to use it on my head!?”

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Andrew and Luke: “But, I would have no problem taking a wad of toilet paper and just… wiping that moistness away; knowing that, it’s the cleanest, moistness possible. Yes… I just said that sentence… The cleanest… moistness… possible”

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Andrew and Luke: Heavy Doody

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Andrew and Luke: “Hello, Luke. Yes, what you’re gonna hear is… just the usual… dulcet tones of my voice… blabbering on; (Ah, it’s beautiful) and, then, punctuated… piercingly, every now and then… with the sound of hammering… as if, they were hammering directly into my skull. Now, actually, the listener experience may not be that bad”

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Andrew and Luke: “You’re never gonna let that go. I threw one goddamn semi-truck in the ocean. I didn’t know what to do with it… We were on our road trip… And, now, everything, you’re just gonna bring that up forever. Well, I’m saying, it’s fine that you did it. I consider you the Elon Musk… (Uh-huh) of semi-trucks in the ocean”

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Andrew: “Because, you’re not a cheap man”

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Andrew: “Hard hat, lunch pail, hard hat, lunch pailing it”

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Andrew: “I do talk to the cats”

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Andrew: “I don’t think I knew that”

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Andrew: “I must next level shit with my cat”

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Andrew: “MEH-mo”

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Andrew: Saying “Because, she’s always looking up at you with the big eyes” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Saying “The last time I saw him, he was at the Red Lodge” and some backwards-talking gibberish

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Andrew: Saying “The last time I saw him, he was at the Red Lodge” and some backwards-talking gibberish (Backmasked)

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Andrew: “Shit, you call it Live Wire sometimes”

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Andrew: “Somebody flashed me”

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Andrew: “We just mix things live, man. I love it!”

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Andrew: “When you have a K, R and Z in a row, I do think you gotta love one of them; but, I can’t remember which one you lose”

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Andrew: “Who was the Mariner who had… a last name?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Actually, no. I can make it work! Dude, I can make it work! (Okay)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Can I take this to a dangerous place? Absolutely! (I’m gonna ask you a question…) This is one that… we might want to edit out, if I’m asking you (Ha!) a question that this gonna open up some… is gonna force you to have a conversation that shouldn’t be public”

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Andrew and Luke: “I don’t make the mistake I made with stuffed animals… as a young man. That’s a mistake you only make once. Yeah”

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Andrew and Luke: “Is ‘Kid Rock’ one word or two? N–… Well played. No”

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Andrew and Luke: “It’s the new Nermal. This is not Nermal”

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Andrew and Luke: “Well, welcome to the show, Luke. It’s always (Thank you!) a pleasure to have you here. (It’s really fun to be here) You’re… one of my favorite guests… How many… how many shows have you been on now?”

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Luke: “And, so, now… news… that has me in a real pickle”

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Luke: “But, let’s do some jive talkin'”

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Luke: “Feel the Byrne; but, don’t question the Byrne”

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Luke: “How… cool would it be if I won; and, then, we just did the show from my house?”

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Luke: “I know we jive talked, and rambled on, and made nothing from nothing, talk-talked, and ended up on a road to nowhere”

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Luke: “I walked into the TV room… where the dog is… just… chilling on the couch. By the way, yeah, we’ve become that family… where the dog is now allowed on… the couch”

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Luke: “I’m a… I’m a two computer man, Andrew; like, my father and his father before him”

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Luke: “I’m basically a youth!”

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Luke: “I’m earning, I’m earning my pod-bucks today”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Live Wire, sposher, [ph] sponsored by Bishop Transportation”

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Luke: “Sick!”

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Luke: “That’s Professor Bananas”

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Luke: “Without realizing that she doesn’t know what the fuck I’m talking about”

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Luke: “You up?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Don’t… tempt… the listeners. Wait, are they gonna sneak in here and tattoo me in my sleep?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Hey, I can Facebook Like things, even though I’m not Facebook. Is that, how, that’s weird. I dunno where the Likes are going. That’s weird. I dunno! I hit the bones!”

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A listener write a song about TBTL and American Pie and sung it on the TBTL voicemail line. It was played as the first clip in the intro of TBTL #2569.

Listener: Singing a song about TBTL and American Pie

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Luke: “And now, I know exactly the delay”

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Luke: “And, I feel like our flarps… both my flarps jokes and your flarps jokes, they… they flarped of deaf ears”

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Luke: “Carey, God bless her”

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Luke: “Eff you, Goodell. You are just like… you’re a terrible human”

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Luke: “Holding the door… Hodoring it”

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Luke: “I don’t know why I have to be… such a… ‘No thank you’ instead of a ‘Yes, and'”

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Luke: “I mean, it’s not, like, full crack”

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Luke: “I regret nothing”

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Luke: “I’m a little bit proud of a lot of things today, Andrew”

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Luke: “I’m not a corndog head”

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Luke: “Ive been there”

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Luke: “It was more butt crack than I would like to have on national television”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Laughing #2

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Luke: “Like, don’t eat bad shit that’s not the bad shit you want”

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Luke: “Oh my God, Rudy! You know what time it is? It’s time for one of these… a Monday afternoon edition of TBTL”

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Luke: “Oh, man. See? That’s, that’s what people come to this show for, Andrew. We haven’t lost a step!”

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Luke: “Oh, of course, the hipster bar has, like, got Christmas decorations up in June”

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Luke: “Ooo-kay”

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Luke: Singing “Luke a bird… on a window”

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Luke: “Sixty-nine!!!”

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Luke: “So, that’s my scorched take on that”

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Luke: “That is… dirty!”

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Luke: “That’s how good I am”

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Luke: “This is special… this is special”

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Luke: “Well, we couldn’t do it without you; and, I render a verdict of… four flarps up”

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Luke: “Yes!!!”

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Luke and Andrew: “But, (Oh…) they’re all part of that chest hair mafia, (Sure. Yeah) in my mind”

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Luke and Andrew: “He didn’t get into the waterbed game because he wanted to sex all the ladies (Hmm)”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m not saying you’re a gold-digger; but, you ain’t messing with no broke Vieves. Right!”

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Luke and Andrew: Mole in mouth talk makes Andrew all grossed out

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Andrew: “‘But, where will we store all the footage?’ …says the police union”

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Andrew: “Can I tell you, before we take a break here, I gotta tell you something that’s gonna blow your mind; and, I hope it’s not gonna bum you out”

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Andrew: “Dilly-dilly”

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Andrew: “Dilly-dilly and fuck you”

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Andrew: “Dilly-dilly and up yours”

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Andrew: “How… how you doing, dude?”

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Andrew: “I am fine, fine, fine”

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Andrew: “I am great!”

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Andrew: “I am such a… I don’t wanna go down that road; but, I’m not… I’m not proud of me”

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Andrew: “I blow a lotta smoke”

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Andrew: “I don’t know if I’m ready for this jelly”

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Andrew: “I got a few moles”

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Andrew: “I think my brain said… corn dog… That’s all I remember”

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Andrew: “I think we ask a lot of our listeners. We ask… a lot of our listeners”

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Andrew: “I think you think that’s funnier than it is”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna be the Browns”

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Andrew: “It was just all over the place! And, it was bullshit”

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Andrew: “It was… umm… not the best”

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Andrew: “It’s gonna be really weird, man”

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Andrew: “Just blew through nap time, didn’t we? Hooo!”

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Andrew: “Just, kind of kick it… Andrew-style”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Mistimed saying “Super Bowl Edition” over the “Top Story” drop

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Andrew: “Not to break my arm to pat myself on the back, or us on the back”

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Andrew: “Oops… a little behind-the-scenes talk here”

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Andrew: Saying “God, I hate myself for loving this so much” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Saying “How’s it going?” in a funny manner over the “Top Story” drop

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Andrew: Saying “Oh my God!” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Saying “Waterbeds!” in a funny manner over the “Top Story” drop

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Andrew: Saying “What’s up… dude?” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Singing “I can’t remember… what they”

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Andrew: Singing “Like a rock!”

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Andrew: Stank of Drank

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Andrew: “Tell me everything”

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Andrew: “That was an embarrassing moment for me”

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Andrew: “That was easy”

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Andrew: “The jägers and the flarps were on the other side of that glass, man”

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Andrew: “The NFL is brought to you by so-and-so, and so-and-so… and Tide… and Tide… and Tide”

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Andrew: “This is a real turd in the punchbowl situation”

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Andrew: “Vaniversary 2: Back in the Van, Fuckers!”

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Andrew: “Wasn’t trying to be a nofunik snowflake”

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Andrew: “Waterbed Coverage Twenty-Eighteen!”

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Andrew: “What is going on? What are they gonna say when they come back? What’s is happening? Is this an ad!?”

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Andrew: “Why am I even bringing this up if I don’t know the details”

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Andrew: “You know, I’ve… I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more disgusted look on somebody’s face than Jen before we walked out on stage”

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Andrew and Luke: “I just don’t wanna choke. I will say this, I was looking back… just a moment ago… (You don’t wanna miss your chance to blow?) I don’t wanna miss my chance to… Oh, man… I think anybody who listens to this show knows that I blow most days. That was coarse”

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Andrew and Luke: “My drink of choice is usually a whisky and a beer; and, I can’t remember a time… Wait, is that a song? I can’t remember… what they… Everything starts to sound like ‘American Pie’ at some point (That’s it)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Should we even do this? Should we even do this? Should I… Yes… absolutely. We can’t–Alright, this will, this is the last, last, last time… last time”

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