Category: Audio Clips

Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #1939

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Andrew: Chuckling

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Andrew: “Keep walking, bro!”

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Andrew: “Listen to what you want to listen to. Listen to your Throbbing Gristle or your 1940s swing music, or whatever it is.”

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Andrew: “Yeah.”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew’s research showed that Kanye West did not die

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Andrew and Luke: “Dark Wings, Dark Words. Indeed.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Do you ever stare into windows? I… Heh-heh… I don’t mind a good outside looking in situation.”

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Andrew and Luke: “See, I listen sometimes. I appreciate, I appreciate your careful attention.”

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Luke: “And I was kind of walking around this community, just trying to find the right place to masturbate… No.”

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Luke: “Coming to you today, from Burbank Springs, Washington”

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Luke: “Heh-heh.”

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Luke: “How much asbestos is too much asbestos? There can’t be too much asbestos. That’s right, it was a trick question.”

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Luke: “I will say this, when it comes to staring out windows, I wrote the fucking book on staring out windows, Walsh. It’s probably 90 percent of what I do.”

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Luke: “I’m no Bob Vila, but… Although, I’m gonna start hosting a show called ‘This Old Hut’, which I think has a lot of promise.”

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Luke: “I’m not the Cruise Director!”

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Luke: “Listen to the kids, bro!!!”

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Luke: Luke will start greeting Andrew with “Listen to the kids, bro!!!”

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Luke: “Oh!”

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Luke: “Probably not going to catch me building an old Nintendo controller or whatever, on a new computer… program… game.”

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Luke: “Really?”

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Luke: “So, I’m a big window starer-outer”

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Luke: “Talking like bolts. I’m watching some straight up lightning bolts in this mug right now.”

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Luke: “That, you know, whole thing where if you are flying the jet and you go through a flock of seagulls. Well, you’ve got a dead 80s band on your hands.”

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Luke: “We’re about to Friendr your ear-balls everybody”

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Luke: “What you don’t understand, Andrew, is I am a god.”

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Luke and Andrew: Andrew’s fractured and splintered personalities and psyches

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Luke and Andrew: Rule Number 5: Urinate in every corner

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Luke and Andrew: “Things are looking up here at Burbank Springs, my friend. How’s Carey feeling? Haven’t talked to her in days. She’s been locked in the bathroom. Yep.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Wait a minute. You can get a bird to land on your arm, and then you can get to go off, and do shit, and come back to you. And, it wears a little leather helmet? Yes, please. Dark Wings, Dark Words. Indeed.”

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #1938

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Andrew: “A little bit”

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Andrew: “Ah!”

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Andrew: “Alright, I get it. Just call Stu. I’m done.”

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Andrew: “As a fellow person who has constant pain in his chest, I think we can get through this together.”

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Andrew: “I am woefully under-caffeinated”

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Andrew: “I just heard about you guys for a while, now I want to talk about me for a second.”

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Andrew: “I mean, I don’t know a lot about geology or weather, so I’ll just leave it there.”

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Andrew: “I wanted him to be my friend!”

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Andrew: “I would have been flipping my ‘S'”

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Andrew: “I’m in a weird place, by the way. I’m in a really weird place.”

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Andrew: “If I’m getting at anything, which is doubtful!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “My name is Barney Rubble and I’m here to say, I love Fruity Pebbles, in a major way.”

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Andrew: Sighing and saying “Oh-la-la” like Ed Hume

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “That is, in-fucking-furiating to me. Sorry, sorry. Excuse the language.”

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Andrew: “That’s, that’s the way it be.”

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Andrew: Whispering “Snohomie”

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Andrew: “You know me well, and you also know how to run a talk show.”

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Andrew and Carey Burbank: Andrew wants to in Luke and Carey’s pool house

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Andrew and Luke: Luke laughing at Andrew saying “Oh-la-la”

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Luke: “And I was just all day, like living in a Mervyn’s commercial. Where I was like ‘open, open, open, open’.”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: Chuckling #2

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Luke: Describing a crazy, flashing disco light

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Luke: “Ha-whaaaaaaaat?!?!”

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Luke: “I’m on your… I’m on your host!”

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Luke: “I like big stories and I cannot lie.”

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Luke: “I like… I like big cups and I cannot lie, Andrew.”

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Luke: “I’m also on a lot of coffee.”

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Luke: “One of these random dudes is trying to bust into the bathroom to find whatever freebies are in there. And, all he’s going to find is a nose full of something bad.”

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Luke and Andrew: “This new house, man, Burbank Springs (Right). Like, attitudes and latitudes, bruh. No shoes, no shirts, no problems. Right, right, right.”

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Luke and Andrew: Women Can Be Inspectors Too

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Luke and Carey Burbank: Luke asks Carey how her stomach feels

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #1937

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Andrew: Andrew thinks “FOMO” stands for “Why The Face”

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Andrew: Awesome Laugh

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Andrew: Awesome Laugh #2

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Andrew: “Be chill, bro.”

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Andrew: “But I’ll betcha there are a lot of rollercoasters, that I… I’m sorry. My guess is that there are a lot of rolly-coasters that I have gone on in the past that I no longer have the gumption to go on.”

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Andrew: “Come on man, I have some dignity. I’m not sitting in a rental car in a parking lot. I’m sitting in my step-mom’s car in a parking lot.”

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Andrew: “I listen to your blog!”

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Andrew: “If you told that whole story, building up to that punchline, worth it.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: Laughing #3

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Andrew: Laughing “Oh my God”

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Andrew: Pretzels and Beef Jerky Equals Shame

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Andrew: “We’re school and chums!!! [sic]“

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew wants “I listen to your blog!” on his tombstone

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Andrew and Luke: “I don’t know what kind of car it is. It’s got a little ‘H’ symbol on the steering wheel, so I think it might be a Hyundai, or a Honda. Yeah, it’s probably a Hyundai. Yeah, so that’s it. Alright, well, good show. That’s all I got.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I said ‘We’re school and chums!!! [sic]‘ Ooh, you know what? That’s on fleek. I told you!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I want that on my tombstone (Yes).”

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Andrew and Luke: “Thank you. (Sure.) I appreciate it.”

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Andrew and Luke: “That’s why we need designated tweeters. (I know.) You know what, friends don’t let friends tweet drunk.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Yeah, so that’s it. Alright, well, good show. That’s all I got.”

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Luke: “As they say ‘elevator pitch’ or at least ‘elevator description’ of how an elevator works. So…”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: Cuyahoga Clam

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Luke: “Good luck with your living hell tomorrow.”

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Luke: “What kind of whip are you in right now?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Because, I was like, I gotta be somewhere where there’s shiny things happening on a flat screen and other humans.”

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Luke and Andrew: Boulders: Brick and Mortar vs Amazon Prime

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Luke and Andrew: Millennium vs Millennial Force Rollercoaster

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Luke and Andrew: “This is being recorded on Sunday, because tomorrow you’re gonna be crapping your Depends at Cedar Point. Right.”

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Luke and Andrew: “You don’t have to tweet every single thing you observe, Burbank. That’s what the podcast is for. If you told that whole story, building up to that punchline, worth it.”

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #1936

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Luke: “And we’re going to bring you all the news that’s fit to podcast”

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Luke: “Anyone who I believe to be an actual human being, with hopes and dreams. The hopes, apparently, and dreams being to be Facebook friends with me.”

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Luke: “But it’s definitely zigging when everything else is zigging.”

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Luke: “Ernest Borgnine is somewhere, pleasuring himself”

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Luke: “I made like a small curtain of hair that was hanging below a bobby pin. And then, I had my girlfriend at that time and my daughter carefully bobby pin it into the base of my head, and it was flawless.”

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Luke: “I’m like a kid who’s not cool, but who’s trying to pretend they’re cool. Like, I go like, ‘Oh no man, swear all you want. We use F word all the time, it’s pretty much the only thing we say.'”

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Luke: “If I wasn’t using up so much money on my cocaine habit, it would’ve been money for him to keep being the Infinite Guest blogger.”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Luke recalling how his boss, back when he was a teen, said good bye on a good day

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Luke: “Stu-bot. Hey man!”

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Luke: “That was my adult film name when I dabbled in my early 20s. They called me Chestnut Thunder…”

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Luke: “That’s one more hour. Why don’t you make five louder? Umm, this one goes to six.”

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Luke and Steve Neuman: Hip to be Square

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Luke and Steve Neuman: “It was the same summer that I had gotten somebody pregnant but nobody knew about it. Except the other person who was the person that was pregnant. She was fairly up to speed on the situation, it turned out (Yes)”

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Luke and Steve Neuman: “Like shave an American flag into the nape of my neck hair. Oh my God.”

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Luke and Steve Neuman: Singing the “Segram’s Golden Wine Cooler” song from the ad with Bruce Willis

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Luke and Steve Neuman: “You know, I always think Andrew is being a baby when he says he can’t write stuff down. But now, I’m trying to write something down and talk, and it’s harder than I thought. It’s really hard to do!”

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Steve Neuman: “Might make some tacos later”

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Steve Neuman: “Oh my God”

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Steve Neuman: “Ooh, Charlie Sheen is in it!”

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Steve Neuman: “Well you know, when you’re unemployed, Luke, every day is your weekend.”

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Steve Neuman and Luke: “Did it have a funky name? Oh, I’m sure. Like Chestnut Thunder. Right, right.”

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Steve Neuman and Luke: “I’m just going to start reading off the list of all of the actors and actresses in it… Oh, I see, I see you’ve heard this show before. Yes… Ooh, Charlie Sheen is in it!”

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Steve Neuman and Luke: Possible show title: Timescape

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Steve Neuman and Luke: “Twins.com, which is owned by these two Barney Rubble looking motherfuckers. Oh my God!”

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #1935

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With Andrew making his trek to Ohio, Luke brought Jesse Case of the Jesse vs Cancer podcast to be a guest on the show.

Jesse Case: And kind of danger makes people horny

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Jesse Case: “I want it to be legitimate. I don’t want any pity hand jobs, I don’t want any pity laughter.”

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Jesse Case: Philosophically, everything about cancer is fucking awesome

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Jesse Case: “Pity laughter scares the show out of me”

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Jesse Case and Luke: Pro-tip about bringing lube to a prostate exam

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Jesse Case and Luke: “What they do, the way they get rid of colon tumors is they actually tie a string around it and the other end to a door knob. And then… Just like how my granddad used to pull my mom’s teeth out when they were loose.”

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Luke: “And his name is… I have it right here, wait for it… don’t go anywhere. His name is…”

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Luke: “And then she writes, ‘Soli Deo Gloria’, which, I think, means ‘I still love the show, even though a lot of what you say is offensive to me’… in Latin.”

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Luke: “Andrew is out today and tomorrow. He is traveling to the Walsh ancestral estate in the Frisbee belt of Cleveland, Ohio.”

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Luke: “Gassing up in Bismarck, North Dakota, a surprising hip town filled with surprisingly attractive people. No offense to Bismarck, I just didn’t know going in that you were going to have such attractive men and women working at your local Starbucks.”

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Luke: “I wish I could have told my, my pores on my face during high school to relax about the small amount of bacteria that’s building up in my sebum glands. I mean, that was, pretty much ruled my life, my terrible skin.”

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Luke: Luke describes using egg whites as a home remedy for curing bad acne

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #1934

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Andrew: “And then my phone rang and it was another kind of rando number, and I’m like ‘Oh, please be the scammer. I’m so bored!’ Like, this will be fun.”

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Andrew: “Boy… Buckle up for some inarticulateness here.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Luke seems to be providing advice to the Windows support scammers

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Andrew: “Number one, he’s talking out of his butt.”

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Andrew: “Ohh!”

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Andrew: “Sorry… I’m just… it’s hard to talk about religion.”

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Andrew: “Talk about selling the sizzle.”

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Andrew: “Tell the story again, Luke.”

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Andrew: “Wah-wah, bom bom bom bom”

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Andrew and Luke: “Credibility Gap” is the nickname for Luke’s tooth gap

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew makes Luke tell his speaking gig story every year

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Andrew and Luke: Being reasonable in unreasonable times

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Andrew and Luke: “Boy… Buckle up for some inarticulateness here, because I have something (Possible show title) that’s bouncing around my head.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Just kind of grunt a hello. [Grunts]”

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Andrew and Luke: Laughing and saying “I know. I know.” while Luke was talking

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Andrew and Luke: Luke role playing as a Windows support scam supervisor

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Andrew and Luke: Possible Danish Price Is Right Sad Horns

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Luke: “Aww, man.”

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Luke: Grunting

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Luke: “I gotta give it up to that guy. I think that is some funny ass shit he’s saying.”

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Luke: “It’s one thing for them to want to funk with McDonald’s.”

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Luke: “Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.”

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Luke: Stifled Laugh

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Luke and Andrew: Andrew laughing to Luke saying “Good luck!”

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Luke and Andrew: “Hustlerstil. That was me that part. Really?!? Yeah.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I dunna. I dunna.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m just fascinated with the term ‘senpai’. (Yeah…) Notice me senpai, notice me.”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke chose to use “funk” instead of the F word

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Luke and Andrew: Luke reminiscing about the McDLT

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Luke and Andrew: Luke tried to make a Kardashian reference that didn’t work out

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Luke and Andrew: Pronouncing “Tomato, tomato.”

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Luke and Andrew: Pronunciation of the last name “Rohm”

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Luke and Andrew: “Satan is also referred to as the ‘prince of the power of the air’. Which is, like, a fantastic DJ name. It’s so wasted on the devil.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m fine. You’re the one who had a heart attack during the show a couple weeks ago and didn’t say anything about it. I said something about it, it was after I survived the heart attack; which is, exactly when a real man, no I’m just joking…”

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