Clips From TBTL #2708

Andrew: “Again, someone’s got the case of the used-tos!”

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Andrew: “And, that’s kinda what you’re doing over there, Jughead”

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Andrew: Drawn out “Grimli in space!”

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Andrew: “I’m a hook monster”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew and Luke: “Drum roll please… I’m trying to find it. In bed!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Your version of sparing… (Yeah) is just mind-boggling”

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Luke: “Go eat a Mariner. Go bagels”

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Luke: “I feel like if I can meet Andrew Bird… like, I wanna be friends with him. He seems like he’s an interesting, creative, artistic guy… He would hate me”

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Luke: “I just didn’t wanna get out of bed today!!”

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Luke: “It’s time for the set list!!”

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Luke: “Spiritually, I’m a wreck; but, physically, everything’s a-okay”

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Luke: “Trader Giardo’s”

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Luke: “Wait a second!”

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Luke: “Would you say the listeners were having Nunavut (none of it)?”

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Luke, Andrew and David Burbank: Luke’s secret of the day is that he is doing his end of the show in bed, fully clothed

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Luke, David Burbank and Andrew: The Bonecasting Center or the Magic Castle

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Clips From TBTL #2707

Andrew: “At the end, The Browns get the girl!”

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Andrew: “Eew, get away from me! You… stink!”

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Andrew: “Hey, man… I am fired up!”

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Andrew: “Hey! Billy Joel’s the worst! Oh my God. If you like Billy Joel, you’re an idiot!”

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Andrew: “Hypodermics on the shores, China’s under martial law. Rock and roller cola wars, I can’t take it anymore!!!”

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Andrew: “I might be out there on the market again”

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Andrew: “I, I, I love that story. I think it’s a beautiful story”

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Andrew: “It was the asshole factor”

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Andrew: Making disgusted sounds and saying “No!”

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Andrew: “Ooh my God!”

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Andrew: Saying “It is ripe!” in a nose pinched closed manner

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Andrew: “That’s fucking great”

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Andrew: “Well, you know I’m on the record for loving song where you go low and I go high!”

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Andrew: “Wow. It’s very Trumpy”

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Andrew: “You play with me? You play with fire! And, you just got burned!”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew talking as if his nose were pinched closed with a clothespin

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Andrew and Luke: Getting mentioned by way of the “Phamdemort” nickname and Andrew adds the “Yahweh” nickname

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Andrew and Luke: “It looks like this will… kinda… scratch that Monk itch for you… By the way… No!”

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Andrew and Luke: South Park creators Trey and Whatever McFaces

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Andrew and Luke: “Yahweh… or the highway! (No, you are not)”

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Luke: “BYOS”

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Luke: Cute laugh

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Luke: Cute laugh #2

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Luke: “Go bagels. Go eat a Mariner”

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Luke: “Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray, South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio… Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe”

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Luke: “I was fartin’ through silk”

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Luke: “If, if, if… I go quiet on the microphone and then there’s a thump… that’s me passing out due to heat exhaustion”

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Luke: “Judge, jury and Cornholio?”

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Luke: “Leonard Bernstein!”

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Luke: Making an angry, disapproving sound

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Luke: “Mama mia! I’m good at this”

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Luke: “Mighty warrior, dressed for battle… Holy Lord of All is thee”

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Luke: Saying “Angela!” as Tony Danza

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Luke: Saying “Fire! Fire! Yeah! Yeah!” as Beavis

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Luke: Singing “Yah Mo B There”

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Luke: “This is going way back. This is like a Luke Burbank age twenty-two move”

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Luke: “You, you, you mess with the bull, you e-mail the bull sound effects, you get the horns… Phamdemort”

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Luke and Andrew: “Come on! You’re taking ten percent of my lawn mowing money (Right) for some spaghetti monster?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Did I? Am I… (Were you?) crazy? Did I… I forgot to do Donors of the Day yesterday, didn’t I? You did, yes”

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Luke and Andrew: Getting mentioned for sending the Sound Machine sound effect audio files over to Luke (and Andrew)

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Luke and Andrew: “If you can tell that a Burbank’s been there; you get (Oh, man) those sheets changed, my friend”

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Luke and Andrew: “Taargüs? Taargüs, Taargüs!”

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Clips From TBTL #2706

A listener sung “Old Dan Tucker” as a message on the TBTL voicemail line and finished it with a nice “Power out”.

Listener: Singing “Old Dan Tucker”

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Andrew: “Ahhh, scratch that itch!”

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Andrew: “But, trigger warning for the phrase… ‘dick autographs'”

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Andrew: “Guys, guys, guys!”

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Andrew: “Hey, Spike. What do you like?”

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Andrew: “I got the ‘stick it up your ass’ part”

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Andrew: “It’s Starfucker!”

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Andrew: “Lemme, lemme start with these two shorties”

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Andrew: “Luke, are you a bio-diesel human?”

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Andrew: “Oh, dang”

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Andrew: “Oh, dang… my GPS is off again”

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Andrew: “Oh, whatever you say… just try not to hurt me”

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Andrew: “Okay… enough ridiculousness. I am now fully closed… clothed”

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Andrew: “Quick update: I am now undressed again”

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Andrew: “Sounds like someone’s got a case of the used-tos”

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Andrew: “This is a very Andrew take on this”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew has a filthy secret at the top of the show

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Andrew and Luke: “Hey, Luke… You wanna know a secret? Yes. A, a filthy secret that’s gonna make the listeners feel uncomfortable?”

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Luke: “Be there, or be beheaded”

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Luke: “Can I just order from you?”

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Luke: Cute laugh

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Luke: “Give me a brark”

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Luke: “I think… there’s something beautiful about me just sitting in a… Hilton Garden Inn towel… on a shitty office chair, talking to you, for one or two hours”

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Luke: “I’ll see you in Hell!”

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Luke: “It… is a catastro-fuck”

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Luke: “It’s just… it’s a disaster”

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Luke: Saying “If you like an unbeeped version… you can… visit our website” as Ira Glass

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Luke: Singing “Here-a-dear-a-dear-a [ph] about an hour ago”

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Clips From TBTL #2705

Andrew: “A lot of those texts that you and I were sending back and forth, or e-mails and TBTL planning stuff… That was all sent from my phone… from my boudoir”

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Andrew: “At the time, I had been doing a lot of thinking about… sex robots. Don’t… don’t… take that out of context”

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Andrew: “But, then, if I stay in bed and lollygag”

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Andrew: “But, you’re right. I should just remember Crocodile Dundee. It’s not Alligator Dundee”

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Andrew: “Can we talk about why I just called you Sean, by the way?”

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Andrew: “Don’t stop lollygagging’! Ge–Get up! Get over here!”

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Andrew: “God! What a long, dumb story”

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Andrew: “I did not look at the sky!”

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Andrew: “I mean, it’s dark. I don’t mean to laugh at this shit”

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Andrew: “I’ll just say it; so, you don’t think I’m… hiding something weird”

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Andrew: “If I can get through one week without fighting a homeless guy, man. That’s all I’m just trying to do. That’s what the doctor says… for my own mental health”

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Andrew: “Impenetrable shrubbery”

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Andrew: “In the Dark, Season Three: TBTL Edition”

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Andrew: “Just do this online, ya dinguses!”

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Andrew: Making rabbling sounds

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Andrew: “Meow”

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Andrew: “Not the mama!”

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Andrew: “Quote me on that, lady!!”

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Andrew: Singing “Let’s go Outback tonight… Let’s pretend we’re in Antarctica”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: Snorting #2

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Andrew: “Spoiler”

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Andrew: “That’s Kate Winslet, you idiot”

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Andrew and Luke: “Our job is to get drunk (Our job is get drunk and dare each other, dare each other to sit on the Nutcracker seat)”

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Andrew and Luke: Publican and Republican

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Andrew and Luke: “Then, I… scurried quickly to the grocery store, where I got some take out food from Whole Foods. And, brought it back here and shoved it in my face (What did you go with?)”

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Luke: Annoyed “Yes!”

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Luke: “Conor… Mulcahy!”

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Luke: “Conor… Mulcahy!” #2

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Luke: Cute laugh

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Luke: “If it’s yellow, let it mellow”

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Luke: “It’s a mummy!!”

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Luke: Singing the “In The Dark” theme

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Luke: “Uhh, how about… like… uh, a quickie?”

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Luke: “We’ll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. Until then… go bagels, go eat a Mariners”

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Luke: “What the hell?”

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Luke and Andrew: “The second time I got Bilbo’d by a cat, I’d be like, ‘Fuck these animals!’ (Right)”

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Luke and Andrew: “This is from New York City. New York City!? Get the cat gloves… Meow”

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Clips From TBTL #2704

Andrew: “Andrew told me to watch this show and it sucks!”

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Andrew: “Beep”

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Andrew: “But, I’m… mostly… enamored by the way they got in front of my eyeballs”

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Andrew: “Don’t worry, dear listener”

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Andrew: “First, they win, then they lose. Then, they win, then they lose”

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Andrew: “Grand Poobah of the Lynx Club”

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Andrew: “I’m just gonna show them. I’m just gonna show them I have a place on this team. That’s all I can do. All I can do is go out there and play my hardest”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Let’s do this. We never do this on the show; but, let’s just, for a second, forget about the listeners”

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Andrew: “Nope!”

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Andrew: “Not to be nerdy about it”

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Andrew: “Okay… I’ve done my job for the day. Now, let me open up my Promotions tab and just go through a bunch of spam”

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Andrew: “One duck ducked under the water, never came back up. I’m still thinking about that duck”

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Andrew: Saying “We rent the boats here, sir” in a funny manner

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Andrew: “Simmer down, Stu!”

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Andrew: “Six years I’ve been able to keep my… mouth shut while you’re doing your intro”

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Andrew and Luke: Luke’s Australian accent caused Andrew to say something during the intro before he was introduced

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Luke: “A-ha!”

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Luke: Cute laugh

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Luke: “How #content is forced into our eye-holes these days”

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Luke: “I also… Googled, ‘Am I a psychopath?’ today… Which, I don’t think I am”

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Luke: “I’m bring–bringing down the house!!”

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Luke: “I’m, I’m just kinda saying the same thing over and over again”

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Luke: “Inhaling anything… scares me”

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Luke: “Let’s get a guy trying to pull his junk out; and, now, things are getting interesting”

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Luke: “Let’s… do this!”

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Luke: “Please… my father was Surrealism. Just call me, Realism”

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Luke: Saying “Here I go, once again, with decisions” as Strong Bad

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Luke: Saying “I made a video on Snapchat about it, you can watch” in a funny manner

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Luke: Saying “Oh my God, we’re out on this island” in a sing-songy manner

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Luke: Saying “You call that… a missing person’s case? This is a missing person’s case” in a faux Australian accent

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Luke: Singing “Let’s go Outback tonight”

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Luke: Singing “Take… these broken mugs”

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Luke: “TBTL!”

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Luke: The informal, not explicitly stated, but understood, rules of when Andrew can start speaking

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Luke and Andrew: Luke saying “You call that… a missing person’s case? This is a missing person’s case” in a faux Australian accent and Andrew saying “Nope!”

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Luke and Andrew: Making a series of funny thinking sounds

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Steve Neuman and Andrew: Voicemail message and Andrew saying “Beep” at the end

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Sound Machine Sound Effects

A while back, David Burbank (also known as David from the Basement, DFTB and The Last Burbank) gave Luke a little sound effects toy called the Sound Machine (link points to Amazon). It’s a small red device that includes 16 different sound effects, each with their own button. Luke has played a number of the sound effects on recent shows; but, the audio quality left a lot to be desired. Thus, I had to procure the device for my own and record each of the sound effects myself.

Since the device doesn’t have a headphone jack or a line out, I had to record all of the audio from the device’s built-in speaker using the built-in microphone on my laptop. To reduce the amount of noise around me, I draped a blanket over myself, the laptop and the device on the laptop. I used Audacity to record all of the sound effects; then, I sliced and diced the sound effects up after tweaking the audio levels and passed it through an equalizer filter to lift the lower frequencies and trim the higher ones. The equalization was done to correct the thin audio quality coming from the built-in microphone.

I have labeled the sound effects by the row number (Rx), button number (By, from left to right) and my own description of the sound effect.

Row 1, Button 1: Applause

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Row 1, Button 2: Laughter

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Row 1, Button 3: Embarrassed or Fail

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Row 1, Button 4: Thumbs Down or Wrong (also known as “Uh-Oh Robot”)

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Row 2, Button 1: Falling Bomb

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Row 2, Button 2: Shotgun

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Row 2, Button 3: Breaking Glass

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Row 2, Button 4: Cash Register

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Row 3, Button 1: Drum roll and Fanfare

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Row 3, Button 2: Ditty

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Row 3, Button 3: Spring

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Row 3, Button 4: Ding

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Row 4, Button 1: Wolf Whistle

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Row 4, Button 2: Scream

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Row 4, Button 3: Fart

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Row 4, Button 4: Burping

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