Tag: Luke Burbank

Andrew: “And, now, apparently when Luke Burbank says, ‘Morning’… I flinch”

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Andrew: “And, now, apparently when Luke Burbank says, ‘Morning’… I flinch. That doesn’t seem healthy to me”

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Andrew: “And, the… and, the… and… and… and… never mind”

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Andrew: “Another couple of guys trying to be Car Talk; and… you’re not Car Talk, guys. Go home”

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Andrew: “Beep!”

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Andrew: “Beep!” #2

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Andrew: “Beep! Now, that’s the end of your voicemail, Steve. Thank you so much for donating… to TBTL”

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Andrew: “Everything’s back to normal. We’re back, baby!”

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Andrew: Growling

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Andrew: “Ha-haaa!”

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Andrew: “I spent, probably… two hours, do you think? Well… why would you know?”

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Andrew: “I was just getting sick of the bell”

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Andrew: “I’m good at the buzzers and the bells”

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Andrew: “I’m having some… effed up computer issues”

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Andrew: “I’m just feel like my brain is so bad”

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Andrew: “I’m sorry, my computer is doing all kinds of weird stuff right now”

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Andrew: “It solved that weird-ass problem I was having”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Making funny sounds

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Andrew: “My God! This is the best idea I’ve ever had”

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Andrew: “Oh, just one more thing! Just kidding”

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Andrew: “Oh, you thought my pacing sucked!?”

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Andrew: “Okay, this is so much better than being racist… I knew there must be something better”

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Andrew: Saying “Got there” in a sing-songy manner

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Andrew: “Scoop diddy boop”

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Andrew: Singing a wee bit of doo-wop

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Andrew: “That story, by the way… is… the… most Burbanky story possible”

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Andrew: “This is a weird thing to say, I tried saying it on the actual radio the other day; and, it was… well.. they looked at me like I was saying something weird. So, I’m gonna say it again here”

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Andrew: “Trying to listen to it through the eyes of the child and the spirit of a gypsy warrior… Got there”

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Andrew: “Unlimited”

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Andrew: “We’re back, baby!”

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Andrew: “When will my suntan lotion return from sea?”

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Andrew: “Who knows if I’ll ever get back online again”

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Andrew: “You bastard”

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Andrew: “Ha!!”

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Andrew: “He’s a good boy”

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Andrew: “Hello, Luke! Guess what I just discovered”

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Andrew: “Here, you were just saying that Justin wanted to thank his TBTL daddy, Dennis”

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Andrew: “I told you, ‘If you got nothing to say, then sing it'”

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Andrew: “I’m giving it all she’s got, Captain!”

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Andrew: “Just invite everyone and just sit in the window in your wedding dress… I’ve done that”

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Andrew: “Let’s call Dennis… Justin’s TBTL daddy”

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Andrew: Making a microphone crackling sound

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Andrew: Saying “The shark is working… the shark is working” as if it were over a loudspeaker system

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Andrew: “There are a million… articles and listicles online about the best way to cut an onion if you don’t want the gasses to float up into your face and make you cry”

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Andrew: “Why do I feel like this telephone conversation is, someday, gonna be used in court?”

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Andrew and Luke: “Let’s call Dennis… Justin’s TBTL daddy… and, that way, everybody can, like, (Oh, God!) just keep thinking, thanking their TBTL mommies and daddies. And, I think it’ll take off; cuz, it’s gonna make everybody feel really good”

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Andrew and Luke: “Lurnk, (Yeah!) we can restart of you want”

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Andrew and Luke: “TV sends a lot of weird messages to children (Yeah)”

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Luke: “And, as we move into hot dogging season”

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Luke: “And, so far, I’d give it a solid medium… to medium minus”

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Luke: “And, we’ll be right back here with more imaginary radio tomorrow morning… or afternoon, or whenever it is we rap at ya”

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Luke: “But, let me just tell you quickly… because, nobody asked”

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Luke: “From whence… my part of the show… is emanating”

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Luke: “I don’t know why this turned into Pool Talk”

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Luke: “I just realized something, everybody”

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Luke: “I’m so, I’m such an old!”

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Luke: “Knock, knock! Who’s there? A Monday morning edition of TBTL… The show that just might be Too Beautiful to Live”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Laughing #2

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Luke: Making a disgusted sound

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Luke: “Now, into the phone booth… to change… into our… super… broadcaster… costumes. See ya in a moment”

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Luke: Saying “I’m… too scared to do that accent, too scared” a la Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy”

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Luke: “That’s maximum smoosh”

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Luke: “This is the sound of me… pushing it back there… and, there it is! Okay… Why it sounds like me going number two, I don’t… fully know… but, that’s what it sounds like”

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Luke: “We’ll call that one… Plan G… It’s like south of Plan A, but north of Plan Q”

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Luke and Andrew: “Alright, everybody, enjoy the rest of your Tuesday; or, as I call it, Monday… Couldn’t let it go… couldn’t let, still had to bring it up… (I, I’d forgotten about it) Yeah, everyone had forgotten about it… except me, Andrew. I cannot forget about it”

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Luke and Andrew: “As we, as we move into summer; and, as we move into hot dogging season… I know is a subject that is near and dear to your heart (Is that what they call it?)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Couple things: One, your mama taught you right. Ha!!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I popp diddy whooped… No… it was, it was good; cuz, it set up (scooped)”

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Luke and Andrew: “It’s ‘Hey Dummies’… it’s the advice show… where we are improving the world one… lifehack at a time… I’m Luke Burbank. Right over there, that’s… Andrew Walsh. Hello”

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Luke and Andrew: “Lurnk… Lurnk! Lurnk, we’ve gotta problem”

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Luke and Andrew: “Push it back… Make that poop sound again. Push it back. Why’s it sound like that? It’s upsetting. Push it back to the back of my brain! (Poop diddy whoop scoop, poop!) Alright, it’s gone. It’s gone. It never happened”

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Luke and Andrew: “Wow, Andrew… time flies when you’re changing lives. Is that what your new tattoo says?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Yeah, I’ll absolutely try it. Will you? Uh, no… I have a certain amount of pride (Really!?)”

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Andrew: “Abort! Abort!”

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Andrew: “And, again… this is… privilege talking here”

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Andrew: “And, I flipped my shit”

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Andrew: “‘And, listening to poor Andrew’ I’m very rich”

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Andrew: “Awww… scratch-and-stick sni… I keep saying it wrong. Scratch-and-sniff stickers for dessert, again? Awww!”

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Andrew: “‘Big fan, but please get some therapy'”

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Andrew: “But, that doesn’t mean I’m trying to throw you under the bus either, Luke… And, I, we, we will ta–… wait, hold on. We will talk about this on yesterday’s show. Hunh?”

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Andrew: “Hmm”

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Andrew: “Holy, shit. I got that Tumblr”

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Andrew: “I almost lost my brain again”

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Andrew: “I don’t send a lot of angry e-mails to individuals. I might say shit on the show in the… you know… in the course of our… job”

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Andrew: “I don’t, I have so many thoughts… (Jokes are difficult, I must say) coming through my head. I just want to break down… Okay, I know what the word, ‘Why’ means… I know what the word, ‘Did’ means… And, that’s, that’s all I… the rest is lost on me”

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Andrew: “I opened the door to Twitter beef in my life again”

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Andrew: “I was a kid. Obviously, I had scratch-and-stiff Snickers… I’m sorry, scratch-and-sniff stickers”

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Andrew: “I Zouted it out”

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Andrew: “It’s fun and funky”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Like, if I’m… having pizza, especially any kind of celebratory pizza; which, is one of my favorite kinds of pizza”

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Andrew: “Oh, shit. This is from a listener?”

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Andrew: “Oh!”

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Andrew: “What the hell is this?”

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Andrew: “You know what? No, let’s not read it. No, just kidding”

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Andrew: “Zout out! Zout out to my homie Peter at APM!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I clicked on that quasi-randomly… the track below it… is called… ‘Hey Paul’… It would have tied in perfectly to our bible talk… (By… by The Pains of Being Pure at Heart?) Yes. Literally the next track (Just play it. Just play it) Okay, here we go. (Just play it) So, we’ll just start this over. Three… two… one”

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Andrew and Luke: “I do not like stickers on my hand. I don’t like stickers (Really!?) on my fruit and produce. I think that’s gross. I don’t like taking it off of a… cucumber; and, then, it leaves stickiness behind; and, I gotta scrub it in the sink… to get the sin out… for like, twenty minutes”

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Andrew and Luke: “Like, as an adult, I have a very weird… relationship with stickers. It’s not a weird relationship… I don’t like them! I think stickers are gross… (What!?!) I don’t like people putting stickers on my skin (Ohh)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Wait, I got one for you. Luke… (‘kay) what is… what is a Death Eater? This is actually just (I don’t know) a question… Oh… Are you familiar with jokes? I wasn’t… it was a joke or a question; but, for real, what is a Death Eater? Does anybody know? Okay”

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Andrew and Luke: “With every passing day, I have less hair… and, I’m trying to figure out if my chutzpah’s going up or down… (But, more chutzpah!) I don’t know! I don’t know, man”

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Luke: “And, I failed… miserably”

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Luke: “Buckle up, bubbie!”

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Luke: “Drew… Lurnk… Hello”

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Luke: “Each episode of TBTL can either go nuclear or it can go biblical”

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Luke: “Go eat a bagel… it’s not the water”

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Luke: “I’ll Tumblr for ya”

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Luke: “Never look at the e-mails before the show!!”

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Luke: “Oh, God! I’m just, like, I was just such a scam artist as a kid”

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Luke: “Oh, man… Andrew, I’m gonna, I, I, I’ve got… I’ve got so much stuff… swimming through my head right now… that is threatening to make this a particularly terrible recording of the show… and, I’ve gotta just, I’ve gotta… block out… the haters… and, also… just the stresses of, of my life… and my job life”

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Luke: “Oh!!”

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Luke: Saying “This is a serious message for all my” as Ringo Starr

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Luke: “Stop trying to make… Potter jokes, Dad!”

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Luke: “Stop Zouting at me!”

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Luke: “What are we… chopped liver?”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m too blessed to be stressed. That’s the decision that I just made in the last eight seconds; so, I’m not even mad anymore… I’m too stressed to be… Never mind, I’m gonna, can I abort, abort?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Oh, man! Aw, man! (Ohh)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Why do I know this? Who is this? I’m so mad at myself right now; you have no idea”

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Luke and Andrew: “You don’t even know that Thursday’s show involves me talking about this; and, you don’t even know that Friday’s show involves me talking you! As Dan Savage would say, ‘It gets worse'”

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Andrew: “And, I, seriously, I don’t feel like explaining this either; because, it’s just dumb”

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Andrew: “Are you a friend of The Bone?”

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Andrew: “But, I said that yesterday!”

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Andrew: “Does this effectively hide my… beef castle?”

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Andrew: “God, I did it!”

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Andrew: “I can’t let my family hear that”

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Andrew: “I could just see what… comes up on my mind and… talk ’em to the people”

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Andrew: “I don’t think so; because, it’s a gray area! I mean, nobody can define a meme… like, y–yes you can; but, I… Oh, goddamnit! Why are you dragging me into this shit again, man? I… I’m not even kidding”

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Andrew: “I hate you. I’ve always hated you… and, your commentaries suck”

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Andrew: “My… small, little, bearded head”

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Andrew: “Oh, goddamnit! Why are you dragging me into this shit again, man?”

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Andrew: “Ooh, yeah. Love that sax”

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Andrew: Quietly saying “You should go to hell”

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Andrew: “She just looks like a monster!”

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Andrew: “The definition of even what is funny or what is the joke on Twitter these days… or on Tumblr, or wherever these… weird-ass… modern comedy conversations are having. See, I can really bring the fun to this conversation”

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Andrew: Whispering “Damnit!”

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Andrew: “Why would I say that? Why would I even say that? (Cannot believe you just told that joke)”

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Andrew: “You don’t drive like that, asshole”

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Andrew: “You know what? My mom’s right. You’re the worst”

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Andrew and Luke: “I never thought I’d say this; but, I’ll take slabjacking, Luke… What!!? Well… really learned something about you”

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Andrew and Luke: “Ooh… ooh, swell that bass! Ooh, yeah. Love that sax. (Ah… yeah) That’s hot sax (That is good)… It’s a… hot sax on a platter (Mmm-hmm)”

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Andrew and Luke: “That’s hot sax (That is good)”

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Andrew and Luke: “That’s what burns my buttons! (See?)”

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Luke: “¡Ay, Dios mío!”

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Luke: “Howdy doody!”

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Luke: “I like cake!”

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Luke: “I’m your host, Han Seago”

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Luke: Saying “It’s package grabbing time!” in a sing-songy manner

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Luke: “The Bastard of Bellingham”

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Luke: “Well, hello there, everyone… Howdy doody! Remind me to not start the show by saying, ‘Howdy doody’… I tried something; it didn’t work. That’s fine… But, the important thing is to learn from the experience… Saying ‘Howdy doody’ at the top of the show sounds kinda dumb”

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Luke: “You there, fat boy?”

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Luke and Andrew: “I gotta get outta here. Goodbye”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m actually kind of excited. I’m, we’re staying… me and the crew are staying in this… kinda cool hotel in Scottsdale called the Valley Ho… it’s kind of a mid-century… Oh, that’s my grandma’s nickname! Why would I say that? Why would I even say that? (Cannot believe you just told that joke)”

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Luke and Andrew: “See, I’m interested in your beefs! I find (Right) your beefs interesting… Andrew”

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Luke and Andrew: “This is why your mom thinks we don’t like each other; because, we don’t!!! I hate you. I’ve always hated you… and, your commentaries suck”

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Luke and Andrew: “Who brings you your motivation? Mr. Impossible… Wait, what’s his name? I think my alter ego is Mr. Impossible… Are you sure it’s not Mr. Slabjacking?”

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Andrew: “A lotta couple… Cup, cup, [ph] couple”

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Andrew: “Come on, Linh!”

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Andrew: “Convivium”

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Andrew: “Duh!”

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Andrew: “Hey! Buddy! Make with the penis!”

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Andrew: “I feel like I’m trying so hard… Relax, Walsh. You’ve done this before. Don’t get in your head. Don’t get the yips. Don’t get the joke yips, man!”

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Andrew: “I’m a sausage guy”

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Andrew: “I’m a sausage guy… as you well know”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna get corny here for a second”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Linh ‘The Phamster’ Pham”

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Andrew: “Maui me”

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Andrew: “My favorite kinds of pork, by the way”

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Andrew: “Nope… I’m drunk”

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Andrew: “Oh, this shit gets nasty. I’m getting, my blood’s getting up”

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Andrew: “Oh, wow!”

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Andrew: “Oh! I’m sorry, then. What are you high from?”

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Andrew: Saying “Hello, friendos” in an ominous manner 

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Andrew: Singing “Ernie”

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Andrew: Snorting

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Andrew: “Whenever you and I go to public radio joke town”

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Andrew: “Why am I not putting this on my salad all the time?”

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Andrew and Luke: Andrew is going over the gist of the story about a pig following a man home and Luke jumps in and tries to sharpshoot Andrew

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Andrew and Luke: “Did you hear the special… mashup that our friend… Linh ‘The Phamster’ Pham sent us? Our number one Pham? …I’m your number one Pham. Take a listen to this magic. (Poop diddy whoop scoop, poop! Unlimited diarrhea… Unlimited) Come on, Linh! I don’t know why that one bothers me more. I mean, I guess I do know; cuz, it references diarrhea (Yeah)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Hey, I thought you were gonna zig; but you zagged. I appreciate it. Yep!”

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Andrew and Luke: “Oh! I’m kind of surprised (Explicit)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Ooh! Ooh! (Ooh! Explicit)”

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Luke: “Bring me the head of Mitch Hurwitz!”

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Luke: “I, I keep a pretty… beef-free Twitter feed”

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Luke: “I’m an efficient… soup dumpling… destroying machine”

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Luke: “I’ve never wanted to see a penis more in my life!”

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Luke: “It… it’s… really grinding my gears for some reason”

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Luke: “It’s package grabbing time!”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: Laughing #2

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Luke: Laughing “No”

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Luke: “Not to brag”

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Luke: “Ooh-la-la”

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Luke: “Toot-toot!”

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Luke: “Toot-toot! Earnest train coming through”

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Luke: “When will my wife return from the pressure washing?”

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Luke and Andrew: “I just keep bringing it right back to Negative Town (I know)”

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Luke and Andrew: “I saw The Thunder Down From Under, by the way. You were disappointed… Very disappointed. I’ve never, speaking of penises, I’ve never wanted to see a penis more in my life! Hey! Buddy! Make with the penis!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I wanna, I wanna chomp down on this Impossible Burger thing… Yeah!!”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke is high on gas fumes and Andrew is “high” on marijuana

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Luke and Andrew: “Not to sharpshoot you… not to sharpshoot you; but… Alright, I’m never trying to tell a story again… I’m sorry”

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Luke and Andrew: “Or, actually, maybe we can go ‘Lady and the Tramp’. We each start eating from the opposite side of an Impossible Burger; (Oh, wow!) and, then, we meet in the middle… Did that take a more erotic turn than you were expecting?”

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Luke and Andrew: “Our number one Pham? …I’m your number one Pham”

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Luke and Andrew: “Please update that joke, Burbank (Mmm-hmm)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Show some love… to your… to your library and your local librarians; but, not in a creep way… Andrew… You were the one whose letting out endorphins in the library!”

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Luke and Andrew: “That… was… really weird side of you that I don’t ever want to see again. Explore, Luke. Explore it… No”

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Luke and Andrew: “You know this is a meme, right? (Yeah)”

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