Clips From TBTL #2688: Part Two

Luke: “And, he joins us… from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington, for as long… as his tongue… will allow it”

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Luke: “And, I don’t wanna get weird”

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Luke: “And, in, in just over twenty-four hours from now, you’re gonna try to be on KIRO Radio… ringing everybody’s Belle… with your tongue injured”

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Luke: “Are you serious, my friend?”

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Luke: “But, guess what it is… bruh”

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Luke: “Dang it!”

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Luke: “Don’t come at me for a Raitt-off, okay? Unless, if you wanna get schooled”

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Luke: “Don’t get cocky, Tuff Shed!”

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Luke: “How did nobody die… when a… lava rock… that could’ve been palmed by Michael Jordan… dropped through the… the, the, the canopy of the boat, into the middle of where the people were sitting on the boat. How does that not kill people? That’s insane!”

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Luke: “I don’t have much to say on this, other than, ‘Holy shit!'”

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Luke: “I don’t know… This is one of those days. We may get to Top Stories, we may not”

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Luke: “I feel like I never want to talk about your tongue… this way… because, it’s starting to… starting to be oddly arousing”

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Luke: “I have refashioned him, in my mind, into this, just like… a real catty bitch”

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Luke: “I love having joints cracked”

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Luke: “I was a very sheltered kid”

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Luke: “I was so afraid of the witch!”

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Luke: “I was starting to tell Carey the story… and, then, I said, ‘You know what… just listen to TBTL.’ And, she said, ‘Nope!’ She goes, ‘I saw the title of the show when it came into my phone; and, I was just like, ‘Not today, Satan””

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Luke: “I’ve put their business out there. I’ve put their name in my Twitter mouth”

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Luke: “Is there something you’re not telling me!!?”

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Luke: “It’s not like my rib was hanging out… it was just… slightly… it was seated slightly incorrectly”

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Luke: “Lurnk wishes you a happy lursday”

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Luke: “My song is just apropos of… nada mucho”

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Luke: “No news; which is, good gnus”

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Luke: “Now you know what you sound like. You could submit this tape to Ron for his review… I mean, should we just call it? Should you, should you… should you… put that tongue back on the shelf? I feel like I never want to talk about your tongue… this way… because, it’s starting to… starting to be oddly arousing. But, I mean, should you just fold that tongue up and go home?”

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Luke: “Oooo, okay. Hold up there, buddy”

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Luke: “Please… can we keep these things firewalled? Can we keep them siloed? (Who is my daddy? And, what does he do?) Can we not have Peter Sagal know that there’s something called, ‘TBTL Daddies’?”

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Luke: Saying “She can’t take much more!” as Scotty from Star Trek

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Luke: Saying “She’s about to surrender like a monkey!” as Scotty from Star Trek

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Luke: “Should you just fold that tongue up and go home?”

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Luke: “Should you… put that tongue back on the shelf?”

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Luke: Singing “On the Great Space Coaster… Get on board!”

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Luke: “That’s… dark!”

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Luke: “This is a plan that only somebody as… as, as unrealistic as… me… would hatch. Like, this sounds like my move, not your move”

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Luke: “What are you, Luke Burbank!?”

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Luke: “When I got to the chiropractor… I was like, ‘Oh, yeah. I’m Rich’s neighbor.’ And, he said, ‘There’s no, we don’t know anyone named Rich. Did you imagine this person?’ I’m like, ‘No. He’s real!!!'”

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Luke: “Ya bit!”

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Luke: “You get a podcast! You get a tongue surgery! You get a dislocated rib! That would be, like, the weirdest episode of Oprah ever”

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Clips From TBTL #2688: Part One

Andrew: “Because, I don’t like to be hollered at”

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Andrew: “Between my druggy brain and my broken tongue, I feel like I didn’t really bring it”

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Andrew: “Blood makes the tongue grow”

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Andrew: “How bad do I sound, man?”

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Andrew: “I am, I am butchered in there right now, man. Not to be gross about it”

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Andrew: “I think I sound really jacked up and I’m nervous; because, I agreed, a long time ago, to do Ring My Belle tomorrow”

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Andrew: “I’m a little disappointed in you… I would say”

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Andrew: “I’m feeling kinda, I’m feeling pretty loopy… I wish it made me a better host. I think it’s just actually making me a worse host though”

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Andrew: “I’ve come a long way, baby”

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Andrew: “In fact, I was like kind of a… like kind of a conservative little shit”

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Andrew: “It was just like the bullshit of flying these days”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Oh, yeah!”

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Andrew: Saying “Tea, Earl Grey, Hot” as Captain Jean Luc Picard

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Andrew: “That’s like a Blursday Blowout like we’ve never seen… I don’t know if she can handle it, Captain”

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Andrew: “Ugh! I can’t stand the sound of my voice”

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Andrew: “Yeah, these cells are actually leaning in kind of the wrong direction, as far as that’s concerned. I don’t know exactly what that means… Still not cancerous, but a little bit more worrisome”

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Andrew: “You got dirty knobs”

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Andrew and Luke: “But, I think that must be cuz he heard… heard me over the phone. Like, I can hear myself in the headphones right now. I sound like a different person… I have a speech impediment. I don’t think… I don’t think it’s as pronounced… as… you think it is”

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Andrew and Luke: “By… Friday afternoon, I gotta sound somewhat normal again. And, by the way, I’m also on the books to do full Ron and Don shows on Monday and Tuesday… And, I figured, well… What are you, Luke Burbank!?”

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Andrew and Luke: “I am working on some poetry, though, while I am high (Right)”

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Andrew and Luke: “Was that you in the closet? That’s me in the spotlight (Is that you in the spot…light?) Yeah. That’s right”

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Andrew and Luke: “Well, what’s going on with your tongue? Let’s talk about that. How’s your tongue doing? My tongue!?”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke goes in the wrong direction again by calling Andrew’s tongue “supple”

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Luke and Andrew: “Oh, and we gotta do Blursdays; which, I will read… (Yeah) to rest, your, your beautiful tongue”

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Clips From TBTL #2687

David Burbank: “Hell, yeah! You know it”

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David Burbank: “I like to go to… Planet Zebulon and, and… and get into the movie theater”

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David Burbank: “Oh, what the heck!?”

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David Burbank: “One foot in the podcart”

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David Burbank: “Screw that. I hate social movie goers”

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David Burbank: Singing “There’s a right way to rock; and, a right way to roll” in a funny manner

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David Burbank: Singing a portion of a Diplo song

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David Burbank and Luke: “And, when you’re me and you get… really stoned before it, you get absorbed by the film… (Oh. We’ve gone from not talking about it to just a regular Cheech and Chong movie. What the heck!?)”

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David Burbank and Luke: David singing “Something to lean on” and Luke saying “Oh, yeah, yeah… yeah”

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Luke: “Andrew’s tongue is still under construction”

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Luke: “Easy, bullshit artist”

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Luke: “God bless”

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Luke: “He is gonna give it a go… we’re just gonna see how long that tongue holds out… Sounds dirty when I say it that way”

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Luke: “Is this just… some heated basketball shit?”

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Luke: Luke doing his own take on the DFTB drop

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Luke: “Nah”

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Luke: “Oh, you… you wanna do this? I’m calling the cops, mother-effer!”

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Luke: Saying “Hotel… Transylvania” with a Vlad the Impaler spin

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Luke: Singing a portion of a Diplo song in a funny manner

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Luke: “To be dynamic, you have to be specific”

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Luke: “Walsh just came out as being high as balls”

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Luke: “What!?”

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Luke: “What the heck!?”

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Luke: “Who got the Red Vines wet!?”

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Luke and David Burbank: “Forget–adult movies are done… Adult movies are over… (Mmm-hmm) And, I don’t mean adult films”

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Luke and David Burbank: “No, you’re supposed to do the Quip ad right now. Oh, shoot. Okay. Well, I need a Quip toothbrush first. I need to stop borrowing yours… That explains a lot!”

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Clips From TBTL #2686

Kristina Lopez: Saying “Thank you. I’m so excited to be here!” and making air horn sounds

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Kristina Lopez: “Well, are you a precious sleeper, Luke?”

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Kristina Lopez: “Yes, I’ve listened to your show; and, I’ve listened to the end of the show”

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Luke: “And, Beck is just such a crazy person”

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Luke: “And… because… Andrew ‘Wassup’ Walsh… is still out… for… for… tongue remodeling”

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Luke: “Aw, bummer, dude. You’re… you’re Little Joey on the team of guys who all have these… thunderously phallic nicknames”

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Luke: “Don’t try to fool these people, Wiehebrink!”

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Luke: “Hey, Rudy. Are you coming in here or what, dude?”

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Luke: “I know the listeners are like, ‘Oh, please… let’s have a long show about Major League Baseball. That is why we turn to TBTL'”

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Luke: “I know your game!”

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Luke: “I mean, it’s bananas”

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Luke: Insantity

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Luke: “It is… the most… abso-ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard”

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Luke: “Jean, Jean the Hitting Machine”

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Luke: “Jean, Jean… the MVP Machine”

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Luke: “Nailed it!”

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Luke: Saying “America’s toughest prisons where… you know… where all of the… you know, where… if you turn your back, someone will… stab a shiv in you!” as a TV voice-over guy

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Luke: Saying “How sweet it is!” as Rick Rizzs

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Luke: Singing “I wouldn’t do you like that… Zankou Chicken”

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Luke: “The Mariners used to have the most phallicly nicknamed team”

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Luke: “Uhhh!!”

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Luke: “Yeah!!!”

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Luke and Kristina Lopez: Kristina forgot to say “And, good luck to all” after Luke said “No mountain too tall” to close out the show

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Luke and Kristina Lopez: “Which makes… no… (No sense) effing… sense”

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Clips From TBTL #2685

Luke: “Alright, that’s gonna be it… for the show today. Again, thank you, everyone. I know it was a little weird, I know it was overly confessional… it was rambly… it was… Well, you know… when I, when I describe it that way, it just sounds like it’s a, basically, a normal episode of the show. So, maybe it was”

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Luke: “And, I laughed… my… ass off”

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Luke: “And, I told you all this. This is gonna be a weird show. This is me… sitting in the offices of Burbank Springs… just talking… for however long I have words in me”

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Luke: “And, it’s amazing!!”

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Luke: “But, I’ve also just been in a weird… funk… all day. I can’t really explain it”

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Luke: “Emo Tuesday”

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Luke: “Forty-two year old man sitting here… shirtless… trying to tell you that… I love you”

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Luke: “I got the other half of the box of crackers out… we were out of normal cheese… I ate it with Kraft Singles… That… I just want you to understand, that is the state of my life right now, everybody”

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Luke: “I just said it, I’m going there… So, buckle up, everybody. It’s happening”

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Luke: “I’m a… forty-two year old man… sitting here shirtless… By the way… you’re welcome for that visual. I told you, it’s a million degrees here”

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Luke: “Oh my God, this is taking so long!!”

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Luke: Quietly saying “Oh, no”

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Luke: Saying “More? Sir, could we have more?” as Oliver Twist

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Luke: “So, so much… for the paleo diet”

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Luke: “Something’s going on with me. I mean, I dunno if… it’s changing of season. Do, do we have… do we have man-o-pause?”

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Luke: “That’s good!”

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Luke: “When… I’m in the bathroom here at Burbank Springs… I… we are a… well, I can’t speak for, can’t speak for my wife… As far as I know, she’s never gone number two… our entire marriage”

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Luke: “Where are you going with that, dude?”

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Luke: “You shoulda gotten your S together… at this point… if you meant to listen to S-Town”

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Clips From TBTL #2684: Part Two

Luke: “Are you my new dad?”

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Luke: “Are you shitting me?”

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Luke: “Because… I’m an idiot”

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Luke: “Buckle up, America”

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Luke: “But… this is… honestly… this is the tow of shame”

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Luke: Describing how he ended up hanging from a dock

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Luke: “Don’t… frick with someone who has nothing to lose!!!”

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Luke: “Everything in… go out, crash it… run out of gas, drag it back, everything out”

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Luke: “Fuck it”

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Luke: “I am hanging from the fucking dock!”

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Luke: “I don’t know what the frick I’m doing. Now, why I decided to say ‘frick’ there… is… is… is confusing”

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Luke: “I got a thing!”

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Luke: “I just wanted to Judy Garland it so hard this whole time… just click my heels together and just be not… not… captain… of the… SS… Disaster Voyage”

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Luke: “I’d rather be in jail right now than on this boat trying to manage this situation”

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Luke: “I’m having fun!”

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Luke: “It was one of the most humiliating afternoons of my entire life; so much so, that when it was happening… I made a promise to myself… which was… do not talk about this on TBTL… And, here we are… twenty-four hours later, I’m about to talk about it on TBTL”

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Luke: “It was the Shackleton Expedition… meets… Tom… Hanks in Cast Away… meets… Gilligan’s Island”

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Luke: “It’s just… bananas”

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Luke: Laughing

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Luke: “Mr. Officer, are you my new dad?”

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Luke: “Never use them!! They burned down my house!!”

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Luke: “Not now, Toby. Not now”

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Luke: “Oh, shit. I’ve mostly forgotten how to do this”

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Luke: Saying “Look at that! The Arctic Explorer!” in a funny manner

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Luke: “So, she just, like, got all of her boating ya-yas out”

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Luke: “The boat had been dead the entire movie!”

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Luke: “We toss them, they’re awesome?”

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Luke: “We’ve got podcast to… to broadcast to you”

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Luke: “Well… this is how this ends”

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Luke: “What even is my life?”

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Luke: “What the hell, dude!?”

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Luke: “What’s going on here?”

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Luke: “Whatever happened out there in the water, I couldn’t handle that shit either!”

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Luke: “Who’s in charge of this? And, then, I realized… I am!”

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Luke: “Whoa!”

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Luke: “Whoomp, there it remains”

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Luke: “Yeah, it’d be a real shame if there were bad reviews of your pizza restaurant”

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