Luke and Andrew: “I want you to know that that whole conversation between me and Billy Bush… that was just locker room burps. It was just locker room burps”
Andrew: “But, you’ve got to get all that sticky off. Otherwise, it’s gonna collect… years, or in this case, decades, of dust; and, you’re gonna have this gross thing on the front of your album”
Andrew: “Hello! I gotta be careful today… gotta be careful. I just drank two cups of coffee… it’s a lot more than I usually drink. I’ve been on a tea kick for a while. So, I am feeling… well, I’m feeling like I’m gonna talk way too fast; unless, I think to myself, every moment… ‘Don’t talk too fast'”
Andrew: “I was very proud of this joke, which was… ‘The music ranged from folk… to folk-rock… to neo-folk…’ In other words, it wasn’t that big of a range. Andrew… you dry… catty B”
Andrew: “Just… throw it away! Just go to Best Buy and buy another copy of The Postal Service CD. It’s good for Ben, it’s good for Jimmy… and, it’s good for your mental health”
Andrew and Luke: “Ooh, did I just hear the rumble bugs? What do you call them? You did. You heard the bumpuses. The bumpuses. You… you heard the bumpuses”
Andrew and Lindy West: “Actually, I’m not a big Heath guy. Remind me (Whoa) what’s on the inside of it. It’s not the crackly stuff, right? I hate that… (What does that mean?)”
Andrew and Lindy West: “And, you would rent it and still beat the game? It’s not that hard. Okay. I don’t think I’ve ever beat a video game; and, those were the ones I owned and played for years”
Andrew, Lindy West and Luke: “I can’t weigh in on that… I’m not a big Taco Time guy. What!? Not from around here. He’s not… he’s not… he’s not from here. (Not from here…) Clearly (clearly)”
Lindy West and Luke: “But, people seem very… concerned. Like, how, how am I gonna get through the day without touching anyone’s… butthole. You know, like… (Yeah)”
Lindy West and Luke: “Yeah, we don’t have a word for the inside of a Butterfinger… I mean, it’s… it’s peanut butter… insulation? It’s the, it’s the one dollar Chinese food of… candy bar filling as far as I’m concerned”
Lindy West, Luke and Andrew: “This is so boring! I don’t know if you’ve heard TBTL before… (Yeah, this is scintillating) this is… extremely on-brand for us”
Luke and Andrew: “Do you know where Carol Stream, Illinois is? I don’t. (…sounded familiar to you) No, I just think that it’s a great name for a town, Carol Stream. Yeah. Hold my calls”
Luke and Andrew: “That’s alright, Andrew. I already handled it with the inside of my t-shirt. I don’t think our guest noticed. I got a little… a little seasonal allergies coming on; and… decided to… deal with a runny nose situation the way I know how… using the inside of my Everlane Pique t-shirt, by the way. Quick shout out to our sponsor, Everlane”
Listener Ariel left a voicemail message which included her singing a song from her childhood; and, Senior Janitorial Correspondent, Listener Kevin, left a voicemail message describe a pretty darn gross mess he encountered while doing his cleaning at Perdue. The Kevin’s voicemail was played after the closing song finished; but, Luke and Andrew stuck around to have their reactions on tape.
Andrew: “Can I, and I don’t wanna spoil that segment… and, I probably should just wait to tell you about this, but I can’t wait… What in the world is going on with hotels… and… meat?”
Andrew: “What if I reached out to our pal Linh, who runs Marsupial Gurgle… would you be comfortable with him hosting it? Cuz, he’s–Cuz, I’ll tell you what, I’m not loading this to my YouTube site. Like, I got some stuff up there. I’m… I would need to create a burner YouTube site for this thing”
Andrew and Luke: “I don’t know if this is interesting or not; but, in TBTL fashion, I’ll plow ahead. And, if it’s not interesting, (Like it) I’ll only talk about it for about fifty of those sixty hours”
Andrew and Luke: “She’ll do it all again, right up to the blursting! She’ll… (Yes!) she’ll eat it and then she’ll blurst it again; and, then, she’ll… start right over”
Andrew and Luke: “The only reason I’m your co-host, still, is because everybody hated me… when I first started. And, you’re like, ‘Fine! I’m hiring him full time’ Double down! Hope you’re happy! Hope you’re happy”
Luke and Andrew: “Also, I guess, if you have, somebody already went to the bathroom in the toilet and someone throws up into that… (Oh, God) I think that you have what we have to describe as a turducken. (You’re a gross person) Is this where we say, ‘Power out’? Yep! (Power out!)”
Luke and Andrew: “And we thought, ‘Ooh, that was gross’… and then… she shot… a larger volume of hot ham water… (Mmm, God… just don’t finish, don’t, don’t finish this sentence…) out the other end. (We knew) You, I mean, you knew where it was going… that was diplomatic. No, it was… it could’ve been… certainly, could’ve been worse”
Andrew: “I don’t, I don’t wanna… well, I guess I don’t really care if I call… cause any strife between you guys; cuz, I don’t have to deal with the fallout. But…”
Luke: “How are you gonna fill… your tum-tum? And also, how are you gonna remind me to never use the word ‘tum-tum’ again; cuz, it’s… really troubling. Here’s my point”
Mari Nelsen: “And, I brush him… and brush him; and, then, all of a sudden… I just… and then, all of a sudden, his, his tail locked up, and I saw… worm, little worms crawling on his butt”