Category: Audio Clips

Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #2274

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Andrew played some tape of Tony Rizzo ranting about the Cleveland Browns putting on a parade after not winning any games so far in the season. The following are a couple of the great bits that were in the clear. Additional clips from Tony Rizzo can be found on the “Grab Bag of Drops” page.

Tony Rizzo: “I don’t want you on my team!”

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Tony Rizzo: “I want winners! And, I want people that wanna win! I don’t want people that celebrate losing!”

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Tony Rizzo: “That is the loserist of all loser moves I’ve ever heard in my life. My God, man!”

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Andrew: “Alright, you guys. I am not exaggerating when I say, this is the closest I’ve come to not delivering a TBTL into your podcast inbox.”

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Andrew: “But, I certainly not be dow–in downtown Cleveland marching in this sad-ass parade”

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Andrew: Chuckling

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Andrew: “Come here, I need to play you some Rizzo tape.”

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Andrew: “Come smell my pee!”

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Andrew: “Everything is falling apart!”

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Andrew: “Hey-yeow!”

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Andrew: “I also have some regrets over singing that into this microphone; so, we both have some regrets.”

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Andrew: “I follow the Browns. I get frustrated by the Browns. I yell at the Browns. Sometimes I hit things and hurt my hand during Browns games.”

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Andrew: “I know that you guys, you can’t handle a lot of Rizzo. I’ve read the emails”

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Andrew: “I’m getting a note from my boss here, that says we’ve gone over our limit of times we’re allowed to say ‘stinky pee’ on TBTL”

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Andrew: “It’s at 4 PM!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing to Tony Rizzo ranting

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Andrew: “Need to finish writing the newsletter, boom. Record some spots, boom. Finish writing TBTL for today, boom.”

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Andrew: “Oh, God. Yeah.”

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Andrew: “Quote, unquote talent”

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Andrew: Singing “Summer, summer, summertime!”

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Andrew: “Stupid… Idiot!”

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Andrew: “That sounded real jerky”

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Andrew: “There were some technical ins… some technical outs”

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Andrew: “This has really gone off the rails”

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Andrew: “Ugh!”

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Andrew: “Uh, it’s so good!”

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Andrew: “Well… Cleveland Browns fans are so damn frustrated with this team”

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Andrew: “What does ‘Does not compute’ mean?”

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Andrew: “When you talk less, there’s less to regret. Right?”

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Andrew: “Whoa! Whoa!”

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Andrew: “Whoa! Whoa! Is this a Libby Denkmann original theory?”

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Andrew: “Yes!”

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Andrew: “You actually heard the live show?”

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Andrew: “You know what? I don’t know a lot about sex.”

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Andrew and Libby Denkmann: “Do you know what I’m gonna do? That was a, a laugh from the depths of hell that you just gave.”

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Andrew and Libby Denkmann: “That’s too painful for even me to listen to (Oh, Jesus) any more than that.”

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Andrew and Libby Denkmann: “We’re killing it. (Yeah) I’m killing it. (Uh-huh)”

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Libby Denkmann: “Andrew, I thought that was one of our better ones. That in my, in my memory was really good, and like some sort of Juilliard level performance.”

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Libby Denkmann: “God, I need those words. I need those words so badly, Andrew.”

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Libby Denkmann: “How dare you, sir. How dare you.”

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Libby Denkmann: “I, I drop the ‘F’ bomb… I’m, I’m saying fuck all the time.”

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Libby Denkmann: “Oh God, I know where this is going now”

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Libby Denkmann: “Oh, hell no. I do not miss it.”

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Libby Denkmann: Reciting lyrics from The Beach Boys’ “Little Saint Nick”

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Libby Denkmann: “This was a real, ‘Yes, and’ moment”

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Libby Denkmann: “You’re welcome”

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Libby Denkmann and Andrew: “And, I barely even miss you. Oh well, thanks. I’m glad that’s how you ended that thought.”

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Libby Denkmann and Andrew: “It takes a village to record this podcast… (Oh my gosh!)”

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Libby Denkmann and Andrew: “The Tens really kick ass, (Yeah) I gotta say. (They really do) You guys have the best listeners.”

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Libby Denkmann and Andrew: “Yeah, well, because, people have lives without you, Andrew (I know)”

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #2273

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Andrew started off the show’s intro with a voicemail message from Steve, the Stu-bot, Neuman; in which, Steve would have hoped that Andrew would have studied it out when it comes to choosing Aaron Mason as a guest co-host.

Steve Neuman: Voicemail Message

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Aaron Mason: “Hello, Andrew, and Heil Stu-bot!”

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Aaron Mason: “Hey, buddy!”

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Aaron Mason: “Holy Shanghai!”

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Aaron Mason: “Recipes are a springboard for interpretation. It gives you your baseline, something to work from, and then substitute and embellish as you see fit.”

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Aaron Mason and Andrew: “I’m so sad; and, like (Right) ba-ba-ba-ba!”

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Aaron Mason, Tom Wassell and Andrew: “Spree was like the rich man’s Sweet Tart. Yeah, absolutely! You’re right!”

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Andrew: “Amaze-balls”

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Andrew: “As the–those words came out of my mouth, I realized it’s twenty-sixteen. We’re gonna start a new weblog…”

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Andrew: “Do some people not get the stinky pee; or, do they just not have the ability to smell the stinky pee?”

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Andrew: “Goddamn it!”

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Andrew: “How embarrassing would it be if he, likes, gets back on shore, and is just bombarded by the hundreds of topless selfies that I’ve been sending him all week?”

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Andrew: “I don’t know how to host a… G-d talk show!”

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Andrew: “I dunno. Whatever”

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Andrew: “I’d say you’ve come to the right place, friendos”

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Andrew: “It was goddamn Jobian!”

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Andrew: “Oh, man”

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Andrew: “Oh, man!”

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Andrew: “Oh, oh! We need to turn you on.”

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Andrew: “Oh, shit! I did screw him over”

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Andrew: “Peop–people, people are gross”

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Andrew: “She’s been doing a lot of photos of things that happen inside our kitchen, like when I’m asleep, and then posting them out to the world”

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Andrew: “The good news is we never get into the weeds on anything on this show”

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Andrew: “Welcome to TBTL, this is the show that is most dolphinately Too Beautiful To Live”

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Andrew: “What was my endgame? God knows what my endgame was.”

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Andrew: “When we are all at our lowest low, we gotta remember this story or other stories from our own life”

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Andrew: “Which is almost as disturbing as that image I just put in your head. Sorry about that.”

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Andrew and Aaron Mason: “I will say thought, I felt there’s an overriding… vibe? It was the illest. Oh, ho-ho-ho!”

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Andrew and Tom Wassell: Dropping the “S” bomb on air

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Andrew and Tom Wassell: “Luke’s not here today, so maybe, right now, they’re being like, (The Luke fans are out) ‘Hey, I, I, I, I paid for Luke, I didn’t pay for this!'”

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Andrew and Tom Wassell: “You just are looking at me, like… (I was) You are befuddled, my friend (No)”

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Andrew, Aaron Mason and Tom Wassell: Riffing on Weird Al’s “I Want A New Duck”

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Andrew, Aaron Mason and Tom Wassell: Singing to Weird Al’s “Theme from Rocky XIII (The Rye of the Kaiser)”

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Andrew, Tom Wassell and Aaron Mason: Andrew and Aaron cracked up when Tom found out how long a TBTL show normally runs

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Tom Wassell: Singing a portion of an Eric Clapton song

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Tom Wassell and Andrew: “Lay down Sally… Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t…! Get outta here, Tom Wassell! (See ya later)”

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???: Saying “You’re a loser!” as Don Pardo on “I Lost On Jeopardy!”

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #2272

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Andrew: “But, no, this one is the worst. Like, capital letters, worst!”

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Andrew: “Eh… it’s probably bullshit”

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Andrew: “Got through another intro”

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Andrew: “I think this is episode two-thousand, two-hundred, seventy-two?”

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Andrew: “I’ll just tap dance here”

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Andrew: “I’m a member of it. I’m also the President! That is not true. I am not the President of Sock Club; but, I am a member”

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Andrew: “If that noise came out of my face”

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Andrew: “Oh, now, what are the details, you dummies?”

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Andrew: Saying “Parmesan!” in a falsetto voice

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Andrew: Saying “You got me!” in a falsetto voice

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Andrew: “Science will just never have an answer to that question”

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Andrew: “She puts the, the ‘rad’ in ‘public rad-io'”

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Andrew: “Sue me? Sue me for wha?”

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Andrew: “Was that a little Woody Allen-y that I did there?”

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Andrew: “Wonderful, wonderful, slightly odd man, who hosts a wonderful, wonderful, very odd radio show called ‘Bookworm’ on KCRW”

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Andrew: “You guys know that I, I kind of scoff at, roll my eyes at these big, elaborate marriage proposal stories. I never really like them; but, I’m gonna bring you one today. We’re gonna talk about it, because it is the worst. I know that I always say they are the worst; but, no, this one is the worst. Like, capital letters, worst, marriage proposal of all time.”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “Bruh, no! (Yeah, totally!)”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “Citizens arrest! (Yeah) Citizens arrest! Citizens arrest.”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “I just threw cancer out there; because, why not? (Oh) And now, I’m just like, everybody in the listening audience should be, by the way, parsing my every word to throw back at my face, and be like (Yeah), ‘You Christmas story hater’. Right, right.”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “It just happened. Officially, these now are our Merle Haggard, Winter Wonderland donors (Oh…) of the day (Yay!)”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “It’s called the Little Red Bandwagon. It’s a, it’s a great show for anybody who doesn’t host this show”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “No, I think you need to go big or go home. Dude!”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “Okay, you didn’t put that in your e-mail. I did! (You said) Re-read it! I am Presid–I’m looking at it, it says, ‘I’m President of the Seattle Association of Black Journalists.’ I do not see the word (Oh!) interim in there. My bad.”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “This is live, right? I’ll write it and we’ll do it live.”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “Walsh, Walsh and Archives (Yeah)”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “Yeah, well then hire me, ya (Yeah) dingus! (Yeah) Like, what the…”

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Phyllis Fletcher: Drawn out “Bruh!”

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Phyllis Fletcher: Groaning

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Phyllis Fletcher: “I’ve become the wacky t-shirt aunt”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “If your girl loves you, she’ll marry you anyway.”

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Phyllis Fletcher: Laughing

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Phyllis Fletcher: Laughing #2

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Phyllis Fletcher: Laughing #3

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Phyllis Fletcher: Laughing #4

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Phyllis Fletcher: Laughing #5

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Phyllis Fletcher: Laughing “No!”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “Like, if they fell for that, they are stupid, man!”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “Oh yay, he got one!”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “Oh, you!”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “Show-off”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “This is such awesome listening”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “You know, all high-horsey or whatever. But, come on! That’s just stupid!”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: “Do it! Alright”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: “Hi, I’m calling from Minnesota… Ha-ha-ha, long-time listener, first-time caller Phyllis ‘The Fletch’ Fletcher here (Yes!)”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: “I went to the National Archives today and got his court record. Oh my God! Are you serious? Yeah!”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: Laughing

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: “Oh my God! Oh my God. Dude, what the… (So apparently, there has been backlash)”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: Painful marriage proposal story is painful

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: Phyllis is an Interim President not an Interim Person

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #2271

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Nick Jarin’s “Keys to the Show” Intro

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Andrew: “Amazing!”

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Andrew: “Apparently, one of us is an asshole”

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Andrew: “Because, what we’re gonna find out is that you’re a good friend, and I’m awful.”

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Andrew: “Boom!”

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Andrew: “Boom!” #2

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Andrew: “Boom! Big Henry!”

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Andrew: “But, I, I don’t live with a lot of FOMO”

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Andrew: “Cat fight!”

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Andrew: Deflated “No”

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Andrew: “Don’t you worry about my undergarments”

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Andrew: Drawn out “I’ll take it”

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Andrew: “Emma Watson is just an idea to me. I don’t think I’ve even seen her in a movie.”

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Andrew: “Gurl!”

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Andrew: “Have you and I ever talked on the phone… ever?!!”

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Andrew: “He’s so… G-d talented, man!”

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Andrew: “I can’t remember what we’ve talked about on this show”

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Andrew: “I didn’t like the end”

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Andrew: “I don’t know what’s going on!”

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Andrew: “I guess”

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Andrew: “I like that action!”

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Andrew: “I love what a disaster this intro already is”

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Andrew: “I now have adult onset hangovers”

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Andrew: “I’ll allow it!”

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Andrew: “I’m more, we’ve tried to hash it on the show, I’m more like: Fear of Missing ‘Murder, She Wrote'”

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Andrew: “It’s so good, Nick! It’s so good!”

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Andrew: “Just filling a slanket with my farts”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: Laughing #3

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Andrew: Laughing #4

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Andrew: Laughing #5

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Andrew: Laughing #6

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Andrew: Laughing and saying “No, no! I didn’t mean it that way.”

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Andrew: “Never!!”

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Andrew: “No! It’s so crazy!”

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Andrew: “Okily dokily here”

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Andrew: “Really?”

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Andrew: Saying “Ford” in “Wallingford” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Saying “You’d be prettier if you smiled a little bit” in a funny manner

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Andrew: Singing “Friends forever”

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Andrew: “That’s Big Henry”

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Andrew: “The photo is… amazing!”

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Andrew: “Welcome to day two of Lukeless in Seattle”

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Andrew: “What!?!”

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Andrew: “What!!? Really!?”

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Andrew: “Why talk to my therapist about it, that’s why I got you guys for. Hey, everybody!”

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Andrew: “You gotta open up a bit, gurl!”

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: “And, I assumed that you… I assumed that you assumed that Hillary Clinton would win the election… Yeah.”

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: “Listeners love it when I say the word, ‘colleague’ (Mmm)”

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: “People on this show know that I have the cultural literacy of an ant. Mmm-hmm. An ant, that lived… I don’t know.”

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: “She may or may not be in this–Schrödinger’s Watson, is what it is. Can we write that as a show title, Schrödinger’s Watson? (Schrödinger’s Watson? I love that)”

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: The Greatest Generation is a great name for a good podcast

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: “Would you say that he rules the school? He rules the school with his bestie”

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Nick Jarin: “I am the professional in the room, in this case”

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Nick Jarin: “I feel like we would do decent on ‘The Newlywed Show,’ except we’ve never made whoopie.”

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Nick Jarin: “Just look at this fucking guy”

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Nick Jarin: Laughing

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Nick Jarin: “So, really, that was ‘E’? Answer E: Filling a slanket with farts?”

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Nick Jarin: “What was I thinking? I can’t wait to get out of here!”

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Nick Jarin and Andrew: Andrew cracking up while Nick is spoofing about the Seahawks

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Nick Jarin and Andrew: “Are doing okay? (I, I…) Do you need to see a therapist? No! It’s so crazy!”

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Nick Jarin and Andrew: “I’m just going ahead and break the fourth wall: why do you guys let him do this? They don’t have a choice… Luke’s gone.”

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #2270

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Andrew: “Ah, you don’t even know the half of it. We’re just getting started!”

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Andrew: “Anders with a hard ‘awn’ [ph]“

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Andrew: “But, I am to that point in the intro where I am sick of my own voice”

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Andrew: “Don’t look! Don’t look!”

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Andrew: Drawn out “Oh, man!”

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Andrew: “Eh, sounds reasonable. You know, can’t trust the Stu-bot”

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Andrew: “For better or for worse. For better or for worse.”

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Andrew: Hesitation Sound

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Andrew: “Hey, how about those Seahawks? Who would-a guessed a blow out, or something like that.”

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Andrew: “His name is Stu, the Stu-bot, Neuman. I am gonna warn you, he’s coming in hot today, guys.”

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Andrew: “I am becoming the biggest, like, Live Wire groupie”

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Andrew: “I can’t talk to you right now! I’m taping the game!”

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Andrew: “I often get butt-dials from Luke Burbank”

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Andrew: “I shouldn’t make too light of this; but, I probably will”

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Andrew: “I was up all, all last night, working on that, that dumbass mixtape that I keep on saying that I’m gonna post on SoundCloud”

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Andrew: “I’m gonna say that you were Stu-bot on the spot there”

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Andrew: “‘I’m mixing fat beats, Genevieve.’ And she’s like, ‘No really, what are you doing?’ I’m like, ‘I’m mixing fat beats, Genevieve.’ There’s no, there’s no better way to put it.”

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Andrew: “It’s gonna be an interesting No Point Conversion, folks. It’s gonna be a lot different, I think.”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Love that man!”

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Andrew: “Luke Burbank does not take no for an answer”

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Andrew: Luke made it on to his cruise and Andrew gets to wear the hero’s cape

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Andrew: “My name is Andrew Walsh; and, I’m hosting the dang podcast this week”

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Andrew: “Oh, God, I can’t remember”

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Andrew: “Oh, God. I already hate this song.”

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Andrew: Quiet “Oh, no!”

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Andrew: Singing “Anyone can see”

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Andrew: “Tell me everything about this Pod-dog”

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Andrew: “That was my power out on that story”

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Andrew: “This is the time where we thank our Merle Haggard, If We Make It Through December level donors of the day”

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Andrew: “What the hyuuuuh!”

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Andrew: “‘You don’t work on the show.’ And, I’m like, ‘Yeah, I know. But, you guys are fun.'”

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Andrew and Piper Neuman: “Piper! I wanna start by saying, I’m, I’m the one who likes you. I’m not (Yes) mortal enemy. Okay, do we have that established? Yes.”

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Andrew and Steve Neuman: Andrew is always threatening Genevieve with palimony

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Andrew and Steve Neuman: Andrew plays a Chopped and Screwed version of “It’s Your Birthday”

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Andrew and Steve Neuman: “I dunno, it’s a pretty thin show today; but… Thanks, man! Sure, no problem.”

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Andrew and Steve Neuman: Luke and Carey are indebted to Andrew for helping with Luke forgetting his passport

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Andrew and Steve Neuman: “Remember: No mountain too tall, and good luck to Walsh”

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Andrew and Steve Neuman: “Simmer down, Stu! Jesus God!”

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Steve Neuman: Chuckling

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Steve Neuman: “I pick up your poop!”

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Steve Neuman: “I think the name of the boat is Norovirus II”

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Steve Neuman: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Piper. I’m trying to delete it.”

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Steve Neuman: “Just, you know, check in with the people and the Andrew”

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Steve Neuman: “Let’s do this”

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Steve Neuman: “My God!”

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Steve Neuman: “No, God no!”

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Steve Neuman: “Nothing, nothing matters, Andrew. Nothing ever matters.”

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Steve Neuman and Andrew: Andrew saying “Awwwww!” while Steve is saying “I am now sc–I’m scratching the back of her back here to get her to quit whining”

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Steve Neuman and Andrew: “From go bag to no bag… There you go. (Thank you. Thank you) The Luke Burbank Story”

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Steve Neuman and Andrew: “His backup quarterback just got knocked the fuck out during a game, and… We don’t swear on this podcast anymore. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Piper. I’m trying to delete it.”

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Steve Neuman and Andrew: “Is it about robots? It’s about robutts [ph]“

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Steve Neuman and Andrew: “Often times worse, but sometimes better. Thank you. Thank you.”

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Steve Neuman and Andrew: Steve Neuman was wrong about Al Franken had something to do with a movie and wanted it stricken from the record

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Steve Neuman and Andrew: “You kick a ball into a net and then you pretend that you’re hurt. I think that’s the general… Wait, who’s Annette? Hey-oh! Classic soccer joke. I love that one.”

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Audio Clips

Clips From TBTL #2269

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Andrew: “Fart”

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Andrew: “His tone is awful! His tone is awful.”

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Andrew: “I didn’t ask!”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: “Oh, no”

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Andrew: “Oh, no!”

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Andrew: “Right, right, right”

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Andrew: “Sorry, I just gotta scratch this itch”

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Andrew: “Whatever every other goddamn celebrity in the world has done since the beginning of time”

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Andrew: “You know what, this is the Chopped and Screwed version”

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Andrew and Luke: “Boom! (Yeah…) We got (Got it) there!”

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Andrew and Luke: “I love living in this day and age. That makes one of us”

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Andrew and Luke: Imitation of a Lavalier Microphone

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Andrew and Luke: Really Hot Mic

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Andrew and Luke: “Smokey the Bear hat, target on your back”

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Andrew and Luke: “That sounds like a bad microphone idea. New show segment! That sounds like a bad microphone idea.”

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Andrew and Luke: “They will be Luke-less, unfortunately. Lukels-less… Lukeless in Seattle”

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Luke: “Again, I’m not a star-head”

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Luke: “As opposed to drinking the blood of people who’ve committed crimes”

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Luke: “Damn, hell and fart”

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Luke: Drawn out “Wow”

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Luke: “Have we met before?”

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Luke: “I weep for you”

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Luke: “Like, the fact that I don’t know how deep the bottom of our swimming pool is”

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Luke: “Lukie B!”

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Luke: “Music Court”

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Luke: “My name is Luke Burbank. I’m your slightly froggy host”

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Luke: “Oh, God. Please, no.”

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Luke: Saying “Oh yeah, your cousin Kel, she’s a good lawyer. A real good lawyer” in a funny accent

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Luke: “That’s how you let the beat build… bitch”

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Luke: “Today, we want to honor our Ringo Starr, I’m The Greatest, level donors of the day”

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Luke: “You look like a Music Court came to life!”

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Luke: “You ready for a third, third not interesting thing, Andrew? But, wait, there’s more! If you call right now, you’ll get a third uninteresting observation from me.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Andrew, I have so many thoughts in my head right now, none of them are interesting. Which one do you want me to start with? I guess the, like, whatever one is like completely in the middle of interestingness. Like, the median.”

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Luke and Andrew: “I would describe his stuff as nar’redic [ph]. I was gonna say, what are the vibes? Illest. Yeah”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’ll allow it! Okay”

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Luke and Andrew: “Like a mocker. Like a mocker. That’s how I spent my time: being a mocker and being a nodder.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Like, I think ‘shit’ exists at the absolutely lowest level of swearing; like… No, ‘damn’ does. Okay, fine, good point, but, but… Hell. I don’t think of ‘hell’ as a swear word. Fart.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Mousy brown-haired girl (Really)”

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Luke and Andrew: Thank yooz

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Luke and Andrew: “Walshki, I’m making an executive decision, I hope that’s alright. Yeah, what is it?”

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Luke and Andrew: “You couldn’t say ‘shit’ on the CBS Evening News, I’ve tried. And… But, CBS Sunday Morning… Those damn, hell, farts at the network won’t let me. Sorry, that’s a pretty good spoof. Thanks, bud. I like that I can still, still make you laugh all these years later. Those damn, hell farts at the network”

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