Clips From TBTL #2388

Andrew: “After These Messages: After the Fact”

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Andrew: “Give me them cards! I need some cases, I need some closes; and, damn it, I need some listener comments, stat!”

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Andrew: “Hello… Luke… Burbank”

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Andrew: “It was grody”

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Andrew: “It’s so reasonable!”

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Andrew: “Like, and, sorta, you know, just”

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Andrew: “Like, you know, just sorta”

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Andrew: “Like… just, you know, sorta, he’s just like sorta, you know, like… I’m just sorta, know you, like”

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Andrew: “My dogs are Diet Barq’s-ing”

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Andrew: Saying “I won’t, be able, to talk, because, I’ve run…” as if he’s catching his breath and is wheezing

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Andrew: Saying “Yeah!” and laughing

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Andrew: “Suck it, Gallagher One! You’re not even Gallagher anymore.”

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Andrew: “That’s like straight out of a Reader’s Digest, on to our podcast!”

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Andrew: “Uh-huh. Uh-huh.”

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Andrew: “‘Uh, Mr. Radke…’ I, I don’t know why you’re calling your best friend, ‘Mr. Radke’ either. You really are a weirdo. We have to talk about that.”

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Andrew and Luke: “Because, I shouldn’t say this. Cuz, this is gonna make you feel bad and it’s gonna get in your head, and I don’t want it (Oh, no) to; but, I want to be honest (Oh, no) with you. What do you think I’m gonna say?”

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Andrew and Luke: “But, I used to sit at home and watch so much stand-up comedy, starting, I think, my sophomore year; because… that’s the year my parents got a divorce. (Aww) Aww. Uh, and, no. It was great for me, actually. Cuz, then I got to move to the city and I lived with my dad, and we had cable television! All Carrot Top, all the time. Yes.”

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Andrew and Luke: “I’ll cut this out. Don’t cut this out.”

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Andrew and Luke: “My diet dogs are Barq-ing”

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Andrew and Luke: Radio version of Luke Burbank, aka Burbank One, and Normal Burbank

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Luke: “I tend to take the Corky St. Clair approach: You record it, you record it, you record it, and then you forget it”

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Luke: “I’m gonna need eyes on your screen at all times”

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Luke: “Professor Banana Pants?”

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Luke: “Sorry, Christy. Just give me a minute on this”

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Luke: “Woah! I’m amped!”

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Luke and Andrew: “All Carrot Top, all the time. Yes.”

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Luke and Andrew: “And then, she says, ‘Chris Hayes, please follow me on Twitter’. (Oh, no!) Which is, which is, TBTL’s version of ‘Baba Booey’. Yeah!”

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Luke and Andrew: Card Reader not ATM “Machine”

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Luke and Andrew: “Everyone’s touched your fidget spinner, Andrew. It’s the town fidget spinner at this point.”

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Luke and Andrew: “Everything I thought I knew about OCD is off. Keep the fidget spinner.”

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Luke and Andrew: Fidget Spinner, OCD and Sexual Arousal

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Luke and Andrew: “I gave the fidget spinner to Sherman Alexie. Yours. Oh, no, no, during the show, (yours) he borrowed it. (Yours) Goddamn it. Everyone’s touched your fidget spinner, Andrew. It’s the town fidget spinner at this point.”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke took Andrew’s yellow fidget spinner and used it on stage

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Luke and Andrew: Singing “Pajamagram” in the manner of “Mahna Mahna”

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Luke and Andrew: “This is where the hot-air balloon comes in; (Yeah) because, it’s silent, but deadly… like me, in the RV. Oh, no.”

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Clips From TBTL #2387

On Friday, I got a shout out by Paula Poundstone on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert; and, that was mentioned on TBTL #2387. Below are longer clips from that mention and the discussion that was born from something that Paula said about panelists cheating and an e-mail I sent to Luke asking for his take on the comment.

Luke and Andrew: Discussing my shout out by Paula Poundstone on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

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Luke and Andrew: Luke answering question about “cheating” on Wait Wait

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Luke and Andrew: Discussion about Bill Kurtis

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Andrew and Luke: Potential issue with the suggestion for Wait Wait to give out points like Whose Line would be note keeping for the Wait Wait Stats Page

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Andrew: Andrew wants a new rule put in place where a sound is made when Andrew starts going too fast and uses filler words

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Andrew: Andrew’s “Slow The S Down” Warning Sound

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Andrew: “Baking soda!! I got baking soda!”

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Andrew: “I need to slow my S down”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: “Like, I’m sorta, you know, like, sorta, you know, like, like, like, sorta, you know”

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Andrew: “Oh… shoot!”

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Andrew: Quietly saying “Soft Talk: After Dark”

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Andrew: “Soft Talk: After Dark. Why was everything sexual?”

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Andrew: “That’s perfect!!!”

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Andrew: “This is ‘merica”

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Andrew: “This is me not being able to take a compliment”

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Andrew: “Whoa-ha!!”

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Andrew: “Why was everything sexual?”

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Andrew: “Ya do care, Lukles. Ya care.”

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Andrew: “Yeee-uck!!”

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Luke: “And that’s an unfortunate metaphor. Is, um… or, it is an idiom? Or, am I just an idiot. I’m not sure.”

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Luke: “Bong!”

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Luke: “Da fuq”

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Luke: “I shit you not”

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Luke: “Linh… Pham… or, ‘Fom’ if you’re Paula Poundstone, is officially… the most… famous, or you could say, Pham-ous, TBTL listener in history.”

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Luke: “Our Top Story today comes to us… by way of The Paris Review, NBD!”

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Luke: Sleep Mode vs Flip Mode

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Luke: “There’s some… not just some dazzling deets; but, frightening deets that we will lay on you… when we get to that story.”

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Luke: “This is… bullshit, man! I can’t do anything fun here, man!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I had one and it’s somewhere in this house. The problem with the iPod Nano, Andrew, is that they’ve made it (So small) so small that you can now lose it… very easily.”

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Luke and Andrew: “What are you laughing at? All of this. I’m answering Linh’s question! I, no, no, I know… I know, I’m sorry… just… But… but, you care… ya do care, Lukles. Ya care.”

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Luke and Andrew: WTF: What The Fam [ph]

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Luke and Andrew: “You smell me dog? I smell ya dog. I smell your sour dogs.”

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Clips From TBTL #2386

Andrew: “Because, I can’t like just deputize myself. You know what happened when I tried deputizing myself, I left a… This is a whole drama. I left a note on my neighbor’s car”

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Andrew: “Cuz Luke… controls the butthole flap”

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Andrew: “Cuz Luke… controls the butthole flap drop”

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Andrew: “Damn, I wish I had a hot mic today!!”

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Andrew: “Guys being guys!”

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Andrew: “Happy World Turtle Day, everybody”

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Andrew: “Hey, Fletch”

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Andrew: “I am the stupidest, luckiest person in the world, I’m not joking”

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Andrew: “I said no monkey business; and, now, I’m like knee deep in monkey business right here”

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Andrew: “No monkey business”

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Andrew: “Oh, shit!”

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Andrew: Pounding the Table

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Andrew: “Really!?”

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Andrew: Sheepish “Oh, that’s right”

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Andrew: “What was the damage to your bo-ody?”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: Editors just cut, cut, cut reporter’s stories and ruin everything

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “Fall River’s motto is, ‘We’ll Try’. And, they are not meeting their own expectations. Oh, dear!”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “Stop cutting the circles! (Yes!) Do it right, guys! (Yes, of course)”

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Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “Today, Twitter is just abuzz with the fact that it’s World Turtle Day (Really!!?)”

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Andrew and Steve Scher: Laughing

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Phyllis Fletcher: “#NotAllCars”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “Ha-ha!”

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Phyllis Fletcher: Laughing

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Phyllis Fletcher: “Married, sucka!”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “Oh my God!!! What!!!?”

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Phyllis Fletcher: “Oh, Andrew”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: “It’s either a prediction or a request… (Okay) that… that, ‘Luke controls the butthole flap’ will be on MarsupialGurgle.com within 24 hours”

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Phyllis Fletcher and Andrew: “Ohhhhhh”

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Phyllis Fletcher, Andrew and Steve Scher: Reacting to what happened to Steve and Steve saying “Yeah, gross. Very gross”

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Steve Neuman: “Hey Andrew, it’s Stu. Just a reminder to… be your best self, that’s good enough for anybody; and, that, this is episode 2386 in a collector’s series”

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Steve Scher: “I’m Steve Scher”

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Steve Scher: “This, this.. this a big guy!”

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Steve Scher and Andrew: “How polite was it? It used pink ink. Pink ink? Pink ink. And, did you say please and thank you… Please and thank you. No exclamation point.”

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Steve Scher and Andrew: “I do listen, you know. No, you don’t. Yeah, every, I do. What’s your, what’s your favorite part? I don’t have one. No, I listen, I listen to myself, I listen to Luke”

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Steve Scher, Andrew and Phyllis Fletcher: “And, there’s even some snapping turtles. Really? How do you tell a snapping turtle? Flat… Cuz, it’s going like this, ‘Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo…’ Okay, I’m just gonna cut Phyllis’s mic”

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Clips From TBTL #2385

Andrew: “Alright, you see that sign over there? It says, ‘Applesauce’. Nah, it says, ‘Applause’.”

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Andrew: “Bottom line: People are awful”

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Andrew: “Did you poop!?”

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Andrew: “Dingus”

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Andrew: “Don’t hack me… bro”

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Andrew: “God, you guys are butt-in-skis”

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Andrew: “Hey now!”

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Andrew: “I can associate with this story so much!”

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Andrew: “I sit in the cemetery… Nobody bothers you in the cemetery”

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Andrew: “In Second Life, nobody can hear you pee”

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Andrew: “It’s good shit”

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Andrew: “Just Tonawanda eat my sandwich”

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Andrew: Laughing

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Andrew: Laughing #2

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Andrew: Laughing #3

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Andrew: “Mo’ Second Life Money, Mo’ Second Life Problems”

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Andrew: “My voice gets really high like this, for some reason”

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Andrew: “Nope… I’m good.”

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Andrew: “Oh my God. You’re seriously doing this Hannity/Colmes thing right now?”

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Andrew: “Okay, crazy asshole”

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Andrew: “She didn’t even say, ‘Butt'”

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Andrew: “Stop the show!”

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Andrew: “TBT-Ello from the other side”

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Andrew: “They’re onto us!!!”

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Andrew: “What’s the problem!?!”

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Andrew: “When someone said I was pwned on Twitter, and I was like, ‘What does that mean?'”

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Andrew: “Yes, please!!!”

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: “Are you doing this just to get, just to get my blood up!? (No!) Are you doing this for podcast reasons? No, I’m not.”

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: “Oh, what’cha eating? Oh, looks like a good sandwich. Hey, let’s talk about those chips. Bugles? Haven’t seen Bugles in forever. Fuck off! I’m trying eat my lunch! I like to put them on my fingers!”

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: “Stop banging the table. I’m sorry.”

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Andrew and Nick Jarin: “Uh, okay, so here’s my bad experiment I wanna try on this show… right now, with you. Does it also involve Kayne? Um, no. It involves whoopie.”

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Nick Jarin: “Actually, guns do kill people”

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Nick Jarin: Chuckling

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Nick Jarin: Laughing

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Nick Jarin: Laughing #2

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Nick Jarin: Laughing #3

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Nick Jarin: “Tauntaun-owanda”

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Nick Jarin: “That’s what I do!”

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Nick Jarin and Andrew: “But, I recently left the, the, the mainstream media, the MSM as the Twit-bots call it. I call it the ‘Lamestream Media'”

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Nick Jarin and Andrew: Making Whoopie

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Steve Neuman: “Hey, Andrew. It’s Stu. This is episode 2385… in a collector’s series”

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Clips From TBTL #2384

Luke and Andrew have been thanking and reading and/or playing special messages for Dazzling Donors from last year’s TBTL-a-thon for a couple of weeks; and, TBTL #2384, in a collector’s series, it was my turn to be thanked. The last two times, Luke and Andrew ad-libbed my Dazzling Donor messages and I opted for the same this time around. It was even better with Steve Neuman on the show and jumping into the fun as well.

Luke, Andrew and Steve Neuman: TBTL Dazzling Donor Message

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Andrew: “Because, basically, we will be canned heat… inside that thing”

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Andrew: “Is the man of the house home?”

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Andrew: “Like to squeeze the soul out of the show”

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Andrew: “Luke, are you getting a little, getting a little whiff of the RV on that one?”

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Andrew: Making a laser sharp shooting sound

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Andrew: Making a sharp shooting sound

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Andrew: Making a sharp shooting sound #2

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Andrew: “No!!”

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Andrew: “No!!! Shut it down, America!”

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Andrew: “That’s gonna come back to, to haunt me”

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Andrew: “Umm, I don’t know why… I cared”

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Andrew and Luke: “You know what? I’ll let Linh tell me what it sounds like. I’m not taking it from you today. Fair enough.”

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Andrew and Luke: “You were drankgry? I was… maybe mostly drangry”

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Andrew and Steve Neuman: “Have you ever done this sober? No. No! No!! God, no! That’s just wrong.”

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Carey Burbank and Luke: “Burbank residence. Is that how we answer the phone now?”

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Carey Burbank and Luke: Carey usually laughs when she’s on a carnival ride and will laugh at Luke if he’s on it as well

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Carey Burbank, Andrew and Luke: “What a way to go, right!? No!! You’re having fun, right? (No) No, you’re not having fun when your body is, is breaking into a million pieces on top of the ticket hut.”

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Luke: “A five dollar Friday edition… of the program that might just be Too Beautiful To Live!”

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Luke: “He’s the Pham, he’s the Pham-nary in the coal mine”

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Luke: “Hey, Linh! There’s a new thing you like less than Super Pham!”

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Luke: “I don’t like to use this word; I was even hangry”

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Luke: “If this breaks loose, we are dead. D-E-D”

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Luke: “Linh… Pham, our Super Pham! I think it hates it when I say that; but… that’s not gonna stop me. Hasn’t stopped me yet.”

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Luke: “Maria Bamford is one of, one of y’all. Is ‘Y’all’ the wrong term?”

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Luke: “MSNBC and Chill”

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Luke: “Save it. Save it for the show. Share it with the Tens of listeners.”

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Luke: “So, Andrew, ad-lib something funny about Linh Pham and his Marsupial Gurgle site”

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Luke: “The crazy part is: What. I’m. Saying. Right. Now. Will. Be. A drop on Marsupial Gurgle.”

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Luke: “Wait a second!”

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Luke: “Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second”

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Luke: “We’d like to… welcome new sponsor, Surly Brewing Company”

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Luke: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… whoa. Whoa. Whoa.”

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Luke: “Will you do me a kindness?”

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Luke: “‘Woo’ Tang, baby. She rocks the world”

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Luke: “You never go full y’all”

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Luke: “You’ve all heard about it. You all know about it. All the kids are talking about it.”

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Luke, Andrew and Steve Neuman: “Can you imagine a festival for roadies, put together (by roadies) by carnies”

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Luke, Carey Burbank and Steve Neuman: “But now that people are… falling out of the ferris wheel in Port Townsend, I think you see my point, right? No, I don’t. I don’t see it at all, actually. That was not the answer that Luke wanted. Oh, by the way, hi Carey, it’s Stu from Internet. Oh, hi, Stu-bot.”

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Luke, Steve Neuman and Andrew: Doo-oh vs Dye-oh

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Steve Neuman: “Yeah, there’s not a lot of metaphor in Toby Keith songs”

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Steve Neuman: “Your honky-tonk ba-donk-a-donk”

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Steve Neuman, Andrew and Luke: “I think you muted me. I’m sorry, what were you saying? Get the hint, Stu.”

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Steve Neuman, Luke and Andrew: Andrew threw shade on Black Sabbath by saying it wasn’t Rock ‘n’ Roll

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Clips From TBTL #2383: Luke Burbank Edition

Luke: “All roads lead to something extremely horrible”

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Luke: “America, fuck yeah”

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Luke: “Aw, shit”

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Luke: Chuckling

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Luke: Cute Chuckle

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Luke: Doing the airplane pilot spiel with an accent that sounds like Bill Clinton

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Luke: “First, though, we must say hello to this guy. He came here to Minnesota… to chew bubble gum… and raise money for public radio. And, he is all out of bubble gum.”

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Luke: “I know you were worried about the ‘Fart Locker’, but do not underestimate the power of the ‘Crock Locker’!”

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Luke: “I logged in as Dr. Burbank”

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Luke: “I’ve been feeling a little funny since yesterday, a little shortness of breath. Everybody relax.”

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Luke: Saying “Power bye!” in an Australian accent

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Luke: “Stop the show!!”

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Luke: “Take… the cannoli!!”

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Luke: “The Dingus Crown Affair”

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Luke: “This is stopping me in my tracks… my stinky, stinky tracks.”

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Luke: “Well, let’s start building it back up… with a Thursday afternoon edition of TBTL… the show that might just be Too Beautiful To Live (This is special! This is special!!)”

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Luke: “Who are you?”

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Luke: “You haven’t met my vinegar dogs”

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Luke: “You may have ACME Roller Skate Bomb Syndrome”

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Luke and Andrew: “Alright, thanks everybody for listening! Sorry… we’ll do better (For everything) tomorrow. Yeah. Maybe. Can we redo the show?”

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Luke and Andrew: “By the way, do you go with The Netherlands, do you go with Holland, (I say) the Dutch? I say The Ukraine. The Ukraine. Good spoof.”

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Luke and Andrew: “How dare you. Not without the harp!”

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Luke and Andrew: “I’m not sure what the Australian money looks like at this point. I assume it’s a picture of Paul Hogan… Oh my God. How do we have any Australian listeners left? After… after imitations of the Australian accent… Power bye!”

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Luke and Andrew: Luke stopped himself, and had a pained look on his face, when talking about the use of the Doctor honorific

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Luke and Andrew: “That became even more insulting than I thought it was going to. Well, I got a cruel streak in me, don’t I?”

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Luke and Andrew: “This would be the most downloaded episode of TBTL (It would be pretty big) if I expired (Gonna keep on scaring you now) during the recording. Wait… (Bah!) I, I don’t have a the hiccups… I dunno. I have allergies (Oh, shoot)”

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Luke and Andrew: “Well, I’m trying to think of the upside, I guess it’s just… I become, I become just king of TBTL. But, who becomes Nu-Andrew? If I die from Nu-monia, who becomes Nu-Andrew?”

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